


even as a dream

by zadonis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Blow Jobs, Eventual Smut, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Smut, i tried and its awful don't judge me for it, kinda smutty later so, ps the eventual smut is probably terrible because i'm not a smut writer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-04-29 17:16:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 112,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5136050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zadonis/pseuds/zadonis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Life was stable, and that's all that they could ask for, but both of them knew that the time would come with the University ran out of food, when there would be nothing else for them to feed to the fire other than themselves, and Zayn feared that day would come a lot sooner than either of them could hope for.</i><br/>The world has been frozen over for 15 years. Very few people are surviving through the struggle of hypothermia and hunger, but somehow Zayn is. He found a way, he found a love, and he'll stick with it to the end.<br/>(a ziam au where there's a lot of snow, a handful of cats and dogs, and a miracle or two in the middle of all of it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. when the day met the night

**Part I: as certain dark things are to be loved**

**\---**

In the beginning they told everyone that the safest place to be was underground. People were scared the world was ending; the weather was changing – there were ice storms and constant rain in places that used to be dry and hot. They began building underground bunkers to escape it all, to pretend that life was normal in their metal tin cans with electric windows pretending to show sunlight.

Those on the surface had to sit and suffer, deal with the cold and the lack of food. When the sky clouded over in a near-permanent snowstorm, food grew scarce, and all of the stores were ransacked – canned food, frozen food, molded over bread – everything was taken.

Below ground, the people developed pathways, tunnels between the shelters and new ones that led to farming rooms. It was there that they installed the false sunlight, planted seeds of food that had been brought down from the surface. Things were greater underneath. The belly of the earth was warm – the polar opposite of above.

But only the rich could live below. The materials to build and survive down there had been too expensive. Only the biologists, geniuses, and famous were given what and who they needed to survive.

The interesting parts of life were based in the world above – the fight for survival, need for warmth and food and water, a place where nothing was handed to you.

After four months of constant snow fall, freezing rain, and negative temperatures, the world was plunged into a second Ice Age. The meteorologists, climatologists, any scientist that had anything to do with weather finally gave up on trying to come up with a reason for all of these things happening.

* * *

 

The door slammed shut behind Zayn. His eyelashes were like fucking icicles, and his fingers had long since gone numb in his gloves. He dropped his bag to the ground, sending snow skittering across the floor. “Shit,” he mumbled, kicking his boots off and throwing the gloves over into a corner. “It’s getting colder out there.”

Heat whistled in through the crack in the next set of doors, just a light touch of air on Zayn’s frozen skin. “Zayn? That you?” A voice shouted, pulling his attention away from the scarf tangled around his throat.

“No, Ni, there’s someone else in this goddamn arctic tundra that would be trying to come in here.” Zayn snagged his bag from the floor and pushed in through the doors.

There was a fire blazing in the middle of the metal room, radiating heat that brought a bit of feeling back into the tips of Zayn’s fingers and toes. The smoke floated up through the vent directly over top, filtering the black exhaust to places unknown.

A blur of dark brown hair streaked towards him, pushing its warm nose into his icy throat, touching, pressing his palms and lips all over the colder man’s body. “You were gone for so long. I was getting worried. We all were.”

Zayn looked up over Niall’s shoulder, catching sight of the glowing eyes of the dozen animals that they’d taken in over the last few months. He pressed a grin into the material covering the other boy’s shoulder. “I’m sure they did, Ni.”

“No, really, we did. I promise.” He laughed, breath hitting Zayn’s cheek. “What’s in the bag? What’d you bring us back?” Calloused fingers ran down, scratching lightly over the newly bared skin of his hands to steal the bag away, spill out the collection across the floor. Sheets of music, crisp white and covered in ink, floated down to the floor. “Where’d you get all of these?” Niall dropped to his knees to sort through the pages, glancing back up over his shoulder to the half-frozen boy.

He shrugged, “Picked ‘em up in the middle of my run. The place was so weird empty; I could almost still hear the music echoing around the building.”

Niall laughed, pushing himself back up with the sheet music stacked in his hands. “You’re crazy, bro. The halls of this place’ve been empty for a decade. No music playing anywhere except for right here.” He padded over to the worn sofa where they slept every night. Niall’s guitar was leaned up against it; the wood brittled by age, strings ready to be played. “Wanna hear something I’ve been working on?”

A cat curled its way around Zayn’s ankle, and he reached down to scratch his fingertips down her back. “Sounds good, Ni. Maybe after I’ve had a bite?”

A city of canned food was stacked against the wall beside the door, glinting in the firelight, and calling Zayn’s name. Back before everything, he never would’ve thought he’d be so dependent on food like this, but now it was the only way to survive unless they wanted to eat one of their dogs or cats.

Niall nodded, “Yeah, get your strength up. Can’t have you getting lost out there. We’d be hopeless without you.” His thin smile wavered, passing over their accumulated pets before resting on his own warped knee.

The day that Zayn had met Niall had been just a few days after his home had caved in under the weight of snow and ice with his family still trapped inside. His parents, his little sisters, a few cousins had been sleeping, shivering, and starving. He’d been out on a run, searching through places nearby for food and medicine for his cousin who’d developed a fever after slicing his leg open on his own search a few days before.

He’d returned and found their home like that, and he called their names for hours until his voice was lost in the wind and he knew that there was no way that any of them had survived. He left and went wandering, frozen to the bone, and starving. The wind had kicked up, blowing walls of snow into him, blowing him around in so many directions that he might have just been heading back to his family’s tomb. But then he heard a wailing, deep cry that was different from that of the wind that squeezed into his hood and roared in his ears. The shouting that Zayn heard was definitely human, and it was nearby.

When he stumbled over Niall – literally, tripped over his middle and nearly landed on his face – he could barely tell where the boy started and the snow stopped. He was ice pale and colder than death. The only thing that set him apart from the snow was the dark roots of his hair that were showing through the bleached blonde.

His leg had given out on him while he’d been moving with friends, heading to a place that they’d heard of not too far away. “They just gave up on me when I told ‘em I couldn’t walk. Left me here to freeze.” Zayn helped him to his feet, pulled the boy’s hood up over his frozen hair. He couldn’t open his eyes; they were frozen shut from tears, the lashes clumped together in frozen lumps like snow globes.

They hobbled together through the blizzard, over the decimated, barren snow, until they found the old University. It had taken Zayn an hour or more to pry open the first entrance they could find: a window that opened up into the third floor of the English wing. He pushed Niall inside, climbed in himself, and then closed the blizzard out. That first night, they stayed curled together in a corner of a lavatory, old paper towels stuffed in their coats as insulation. Zayn breathed on Niall’s eyes until the ice had melted enough that he could open them.

Over the next few days, they explored the building, collecting food from vending machines. (Usually far expired, but there were some foods that were too artificial to have gone bad, and those tasted like Heaven compared to the garbage that they’d both been eating for the past few years.) After getting all that they could from the building, they were forced to move on.

The science building had all that they could possibly need. Bottles of water, blankets, canned foods, and a ratty sofa in the lobby that took Zayn four hours to push up to the second floor by himself.

Niall couldn’t do much with his bum knee that twinged too much if he was on it for too long, so he stayed in the lab that they chose, built a fire and stacked their supplies. Zayn would go out on runs to the other buildings on campus, collecting more foods, books, music, and animals.

Life was stable, and that’s all that they could ask for, but both of them knew that the time would come when the University ran out of food, when there would be nothing else for them to feed to the fire other than themselves, and Zayn feared that day would come a lot sooner than either of them could hope for.

“Bro?” Niall waved a hand in front of Zayn’s face. “Where’d you go?” His smile was crooked on his face as he poked at Zayn’s chest and belly. “It really freaks me out when you do that spacey thing. You weren’t thinking about your family again, were you?” His ice chip eyes bored into Zayn’s forest-colored ones.

Zayn blinked. “No, sorry. I was just thinking which building I should hit next. Pass me a can of beans will you?”

The brunette-once-blonde grabbed the first can he saw, tossing it back towards the other boy. “You could go to the Library. Been a while since you checked anything out from there.” He lifted his eyebrows. “Didn’t you say that there was a lower floor that you’d not been to?”

“Yeah.” Zayn peeled the top of the can back, digging a fork in to the congealed mass inside. The library was the building farthest away from the labs. It was five floors above ground of offices, computer labs, and shelves upon shelves upon shelves. The third floor’s elevator had broken doors, still open like they’d been frozen in this Ice Age too. The panel inside the doors had showed him that there were at least one level below the ground floor (which was now actually 40 feet below the snow surface); he had yet to figure out how to get down there. All of the stairwell doors had been electric, so there was no luck getting them open now that the electric locks were sealed for good. “I could go back to the Architecture building.”

For the next few minutes, the two boys shot ideas back and forth while Zayn stirred his can of beans and fed it to the pets as they came over. He ate a bit too, but it’s not like he really had much of an appetite anymore. When it was all gone, he threw it into the bin on the other side of the room. He curled up on the sofa with Niall while the other boy softly strummed his guitar and sang until he drifted off into a blank sleep.

/\/\

\/\/

Finding stray animals and bringing them back to live with him and Niall was just something that Zayn did. Of course, there were animals that he’d found curled in corners of the campus that he’d left alone because they hissed or charged at him. Sometimes he could tame those wild ones, gain their trust with bits of canned tuna or meatballs, and then take them back to join the pack.

Niall never seemed to care. If anything, Zayn thought that Niall enjoyed the companionship while he was out all day. Every day when he got home, Zayn was attacked by warm hugs, slobbery kisses, and purring – and that was just Niall. No, but really, the Irish lad seemed to have developed strong attachments with each of their adoptees. When one small rabbit fell ill and died, Zayn had been forced to pry it away from Niall who just curled up on the floor and cried. For days.

Maybe he should’ve made an effort to stay in the lab more. It’s not like they needed the things that he brought back anymore. Sheet music? Niall already had dozens of books and binders full of the stuff, not to mention the pieces that he’d created since Zayn brought back the guitar. And they practically had built a library in the lab next to theirs with all of the books that Zayn had carried back from all over the campus.

He’d not found real food for weeks, and they both knew that.

They both noticed as their wall of labeled cans dwindled down, row by row vanishing into their hungry stomachs. And their water bottles could only take so much of being filled with snow and held near the fire to create potable water.

Nevertheless, Zayn woke up each morning to the sound of at least one of the animals near his face, begging for breakfast. He would divvy out the contents of one can to their nine cats and dogs, check to make sure that the fire was still burning right; he’d dress in his extra layers, grab his bag from where he’d left it the previous day, and then press a dry kiss to Niall’s forehead.

“I’ll be back soon,” was just a mumbled promise to the only other person in his world, and then he would walk out of the heat, slip back into his boots and coat and everything else, and then he was gone.

Depending on which building he was heading towards, the walk across campus was long, cold and arduous. Some buildings were down icy hills, others felt like he was climbing a fucking mountain to get to the top (the only good thing that came from that was that Niall would offer him a massage when he finally got home). He was sure that there were some buildings that were buried entirely under snow because even though he’d found a map of the campus in the library, he’d not been able to find a few of the buildings. Like the cooking college, which probably would’ve been a very, very helpful building. The only hint he had as to where that actually was, was a field of chimneys that stuck up out of the snow.

The morning after Niall had played him the lullaby, Zayn woke up to find that the other boy was already up and moving. Well, he wasn’t really moving, but he was covered in cats, laughing as a tiny black and white kitten licked his face.

“Morning.” He laughed as Zayn sat up and rubbed at his bedraggled hair. “Rufus woke me up barking. Don’t know how you didn’t hear him.”

Zayn looked down at the floor beside him. The brown mop of a dog that he’d once dragged back from where he wandered into the Arts building looked back up at Zayn. “What was he barking at?” Zayn reached down to scratch his fingers against the dog’s head.

Niall shrugged. “Dunno. I think it must’ve been one of the cats trying to eat his tail again.” He pushed at the cats until the shifted off of him. “Are you gonna go out today? I was just in the other lab and I looked out the window. Looks like another storm might be coming in.”

“Well, if that’s true then I should probably go do one last sweep of the place.” He watched as Niall frowned. “I’ll check the library again, make sure that there’s no food or books to burn. I think I got the last of the Tax Law books two weeks ago.” Zayn grinned and finally pushed himself off the couch, stumbling over to where Niall was still standing, a cat around each ankle. “I’ll hurry. Don’t worry too much about me, yeah? You know how careful I am, Niall.”

Blue eyes narrowed in denial, “I don’t worry.”

Zayn laughed and smoothed a hand over Niall’s cheek, “Sure you don’t, babe. I’ll be fast.” Stepping back, Zayn watched Niall’s cheeks go pink, his bright lips parting as if he wanted to warn him against going out. The older boy turned his back before the younger could get a word out. He struggled into the three layers of pants, four shirts, and three socks before turning back around. “I look well-fed don’t I?” He tried to pull the laugh out of Niall, but the younger boy was having none of it.

“Just go. Be back before it starts snowing bad, okay?” Niall stepped away from the cats, pushing closer to Zayn so that he could crush him into a hug. “Imagine if you got stuck on the other side of this place. Who knows how long the storm will last.”

Huffing out a breath against the smaller, paler boy’s cheek, Zayn said, “Even if I did, I’d fight my way back here to you. I’m not gonna leave you alone, Niall. I’m not like them.” Those bastards Niall had once called friends were nothing like Zayn.

The boy shoved his face into Zayn’s neck then, breathing heavy and leaving a wet feeling on his skin. His next words were muffled, “I know you’re not, Z. You should go if you’re going.” He jerked backwards, wheeling around to walk for the other side of the room, lifting his palms to his face to rub at the tears he didn’t want anyone else to see.

Without another word, Zayn pushed out of the room, back into the cold hallway where his coat and boots waited for him. Swallowing past the lump in his throat and the tears – since when had his mornings been this emotional? – he stepped through the outer set of doors, hoping that he’d find something good today.

It took twenty minutes longer than normal to cross the long stretch between the labs and the library. With the frigid blast coming at him from the front, it took most of his energy to push through it. The window that he normally slipped in through was already cracked open an inch, letting snow and broken pieces of ice inside, crunched to bits and pieces under his feet where they’d not shattered already.

This half of the second floor was above snow level, letting in some dim light as he hurried down through the shelves (F-J of the European History section) and past Lab E (holding a lot of useless computers with broken monitors). The librarian’s office behind the desk was one that he’d been to many times already; practically everything in the room had been overturned at one point or another, her mini-fridge raided, and the CDs she’d had stacked on the shelf beside her desk along with a battery-powered radio now had their home back with Niall.

Zayn rushed past that room, down the few steps that separated History from English Literature and study rooms. All of the bare tables and empty chairs sat around him like a ghostly classroom; he didn’t spend much time walking through them, his focus was on the staircase that climbed from the ground floor to the second, and wound all the way up to the top floor.

The front windows of the library had long been busted out, filling the balconies that surrounded the entry hall and also a large section of the ground floor with snow and ice and any animals that had wandered in. Zayn was too busy pulling himself up the stairs two at a time to notice the fresh prints in the snow down on the level below.

When he reached the fifth floor, he was out of breath, his layers too warm for once in this godforsaken eternal winter. The fifth floor was always his favorite to visit. It still seemed perfectly intact and when he looked out the east-facing windows, he could see all the rest of the campus laid out in front of him. He could see the Science building and the English building, the oddly shaped Architecture building, the field of chimneys, and more.

Today, all of that was different. Niall had been right about the storm blowing in because the windows on the fifth floor were already obscured by the low-hanging freezing clouds. They were just like fog, but walking through them could cause anything to freeze solid. It was crazy and just the thought of it made Zayn shake his head in wonder; it sounded like it was something straight out of those shitty old sci-fi books he used to read before. He no longer had the need to clear those shelves in the library when he was living through it.

The café in the back corner of the level was where Zayn aimed for. With any luck there would still be _something_ salvageable there to eat. Or coffee so that they could drink something warm instead of water. He wasn’t surprised to see the newspaper’s pages, still scattered across the floor from where some patron had left them on the day that all hell broke loose. _March 9, 2000,_ the top of the newspaper displayed the date in bold letters and numbers, smeared and faded from exposure to the snow and dim sunlight that made it in through the broken windows.

“Fifteen years,” Zayn murmured to himself, picking through the chaos of broken tables and chairs, spilled coffee cups and books. Most of what he’d known had taken place in this Ice Age. He could barely remember the feel of summer sun on his skin, a time when cool air had been something people were actually grateful for, or back when food could be deliciously more than from a can.

Slipping behind the service counter, Zayn began pulling open the doors and drawers, peeking inside to see what had been left behind. One, two, five bags of coffee, a jar of honey, a large container of peanut butter, but that was really it. Zayn stuffed all of those into his bag, kicked the cabinets shut and turned around to leave the café.

Outside the windows, he saw the sky was growing darker, thicker with snow and clouds, and the sound of ice pellets hitting the window was something that he wasn’t looking forward to feeling when he would be heading back to Niall.

Giving up on finding anything else useful in the café, he passed back down the winding staircase until he was on the second floor again, turning for the exit window.  

Something shifted in the air, setting off the alarms that had grown as Zayn’s instinct to survive developed. He couldn’t tell what it was, but crouching down and holding his breath, staying as silent as possible, he hoped to hear a hint of what it was. Maybe it was just the weather outside, or a stray breeze catching on a shelf or table or something inside. Whatever it was, Zayn froze and listened.

Without catching the sound of any other movement, only the cruel laughter of the wind as it froze the world over, Zayn rose from his crouched position. Casting one last glance around, he headed for the window.

Nothing set his alarm bells off again. He slid carefully through the window, leaving it cracked open just enough that he’d be able to slip in again if he came back. As he started back towards the Science building, bullets of ice bounced off his back as the wind helped him along his way. The ice fog hovered dangerously just a dozen feet overhead like that ominous black cloud to rain on his parade. Zayn folded his hands into his jacket’s pockets, tried to burrow deeper into himself where the cold couldn’t bite as hard, and he stumbled and tripped his way back home.

“Niall!” He called when he pushed through the first set of doors. “I’m back just in time! Weather’s getting nasty!” Zayn pushed his hair back out of his face as he unlaced his boots with one hand and pushed them off against the wall. With no answer from the boy on the other side of the doors, he rolled his eyes, hanging the coat up on the line of hooks along the wall. “Man, you’re not still mad at me for earlier, are you? I found some stuff, I –“

Zayn pushed open the second set of doors, swinging his bag in front of him, ready to pass it off to the other boy to show off the treasures he’d brought home.

He was silhouetted black against the orange burst of fire. A tall, black shape, and thin (but who wasn’t in times like these?). He turned when the doors banged shut behind Zayn, the boy left speechless at the appearance of this guy who certainly wasn’t the blond-gone-brunet Irishman he’d been sharing his quarters with for months now.

“Where’s Niall?” Zayn asked, dropping the bag and his smile, replacing them both with a sharp cold look and fists, a menacing tone flooding into his voice when he glanced around the lab and found his best friend still absent, “Where is he?”

“Zayn!” Niall croaked from behind him, a cool breeze sweeping in through the doors as the other boy pushed in. He ignored the other random boy, wrapping his arms around Zayn from behind, clinging on tightly like a monkey. “I was getting worried about you. And when I heard the door open, I thought for sure it was you, but it was this guy.” He pointed an arm out in front of Zayn, shaking a finger at the mysterious boy who had turned fully around at Niall’s arrival.

Somehow, he looked taller from the front, Zayn noticed. And he wasn’t nearly as much of a terrifying dark shadow either. No, this boy was probably younger than Niall and it still showed in his bright, mossy eyes and pale cheeks, rosebud lips that he nervously licked while Zayn eyed him up.

“He came in through the door and I was sitting here with Rufus who was fussing, probably because of the storm, and then I was expecting you, but it was this man. Obviously I was shocked and a bit scared and ….” Niall began babbling as he sometimes did, so Zayn tuned him out just to focus on this stranger who stood in front of him, using his fire to get warm.

His hair was down to his shoulders, a curly mane that was tangled and damp from the weather outside; it was obvious it had seen better days, but a few minutes with Niall’s beloved hair comb could fix that. There were deep shadows under his eyes like he’d not been able to catch a full night’s rest, and his cheeks were pale with cold.

He didn’t seem to be a threat. Yeah, he was taller than both Niall and Zayn, he probably weighed more too, and those baggy sleeves weren’t fooling anybody; he clearly had some muscles under there. His toes were curled under his wool-socked feet, although that seemed to be a nervous thing more than an actual problem, and it was then that Zayn noticed that Zayn’s cat - the traitor – had curled up around this guy’s ankle.

“… So I invited him to stay as long as he didn’t touch our food or water or our pets until you got back. He said that all he wanted was the fire, so I let him sit and when Tiger came over and started rubbing all over him, I thought, what the hell, he can’t be that bad of a guy if Tiger likes him.” Niall shrugged, pressing his nose against the back of Zayn’s neck. “Can we keep him?”

As if this boy was a stray. And wasn’t it Zayn’s job to bring Niall strays, not the other way around?

Niall’s hand slid down to squeeze at Zayn’s hip as he moved around to stand in front of him, finally breaking Zayn’s gaze. “Please, Z? Look at him. Poor boy’s frozen to the bone, says that it’s been weeks since he settled anywhere warm, but those people threw him out. C’mon, please?”

Zayn frowned, zeroing in on Niall’s pout and his soft blue, pleading eyes. He sighed, glancing away to the stranger. “Why’d your last group throw you out?”

The boy started, scared by the harsh tone of Zayn’s voice. Niall stepped in, “They didn’t have room for him anymore. It was a family that had taken him in. When they started to run out of food and stuff, they told him to get lost.” He shrugged. “He didn’t want to be a burden, so he left.” Obviously they’d been gossiping and braiding each other’s hair while Zayn had been gone.

“Now can we keep him?” Niall whispered, and the older boy watched as the new stranger tried to hide a smile.

“What’s your name?”

The curly brunette boy opened his mouth and a deep, rumbling voice came out. “I’m Harry.”

Niall jumped around, sticking his hand out to Harry, “Nice to meet ya. I’m Niall, that grump is Zayn. I think you’re our new stray, but don’t worry. I won’t make you sleep with all o’ them.” He nodded over towards the pile of blankets where the cats and dogs were laying (mostly on top of Rufus who seemed to be the pack leader).

The new boy grinned and shook Niall’s hand, leaning around him to Zayn. “So I can stay, right? Promise I’ll do whatever you tell me to do since it seems you’re the man in charge.”

“Hey,” Niall groaned, indignant at that statement. “I’ll have you know, Harry, that Zayn and I share everything. Leadership of our tiny camp is included in that.” He winked back at the older boy who couldn’t help but smile. Niall laughed and dropped Harry’s hand. “So, how old are you? Can’t be more than, what, nineteen?”

He shook his head. “Nah, ‘m twenty one, I think. It’s a bit hard to keep track when I’m on the move all the time.”

“Me too! Zayn’s an old man. Twenty-two or some unheard of age like that.” Niall bounced around back and forth between his old roommate and his new one, trying to form a conversation between the three of them, but Zayn wasn’t paying attention anymore. He bent down to scoop Tiger up into his arms, and then he moved over to the sofa, kicking off his extra layers of pants as he went. The cat purred and rubbed its face on his chest, covering him with its scent.

Zayn stretched out on the sofa, keeping his eyes on his cat even as it curled up on his chest, not even looking away when Niall called over that he was going to give Harry a tour of the place. He just replied, “Careful with your knee, bro!” and returned to petting the cat, soothing him back to tranquil dozing.

He’d almost drifted off to sleep, the heat and the crackling sound of the fire calming him down to the point where he didn’t hear Niall come back in the room. He didn’t notice him tip-toeing over to the sofa, not until the other boy was lowering himself down to press up against Zayn’s side on the wide sofa. He curled a leg and an arm over Zayn’s lower body, brushing his lips against the older boy’s shoulder.

“You’re not angry, are you?” Niall whispered. “I don’t want you to be mad about him or at him.”

Zayn shook his head. “Not mad, Ni. It’s just that we’ve barely enough food for ourselves. How are we gonna feed him too? And the animals?”

Niall sighed and pushed his forehead against Zayn’s shoulder. “I don’t know, but we can’t just leave him out there to starve and freeze to death. We’ll make do. He’s got two working legs, so you won’t have to go out on your own, he can go to one part of the campus, and you to the other, Zayn. We’ll be fine. Who knows, Harry might even find something that you couldn’t.” He spoke the last part softly, as if he was afraid to offend Zayn’s exploratory skills.

“You’re right. Where’d you leave him at?” Looking around the room, the curly haired new boy was nowhere to be seen.

A chuckle at his side brought Zayn’s attention back to his best friend. “Left him to stare at the toilet. He looked amazed that we’d found a plumbing thing. He said that his last place they had to shit in a bucket, and then the Mum would use it to fertilize the vegetables that she tried to grow.” Niall began laughing, burying his face completely in his shoulder. “Told me it never worked and the whole place smelled of feces. Even we don’t have that problem with all of these beasties.” He poked a finger at Tiger’s bum, waking the cat just enough to draw a hiss from him.

“When I was with – I, uh, before I met you, before this place, we did the same, but we’d take it out and bury it in the snow.” Zayn laughed, “Everyone on lav duty always complained, but I never had to do it.” His smile suddenly vanished when he thought back to Waliyha pulling on two extra layers of gloves and wearing her scarf like a facemask as she carried the bucket at arm’s length out of the room they kept it in. Tucking his chin, Zayn looked away from Niall, hoping to push back the tears before the other boy would see them.

“Hey,” Niall whispered again, sitting up a bit and leaning over where he was laying, “Do you want to talk about it?” Zayn looked up through his lashes, blinking once, twice, before the tears went away completely. “It’s alright if you do. I’m here for you just like you’ve been here for me all of the times that I need a good long cry. We’re all each other’s got, right?” Zayn closed his eyes as Niall’s forehead touched against his.

“What about Harry?” Zayn replied, keeping his eyes closed as a hysterical bubble of laughter rose in his throat. “Did you already forget about him?”

The Irishman over top of him hummed, “Nope, but he’s not really a part of our official _us_ yet. Don’t tell him that though.” Niall whispered, brushing his lips over the tip of Zayn’s nose, bringing a curl to the darker boy’s lips again. “There we go. That’s my favorite smile.”

“Shut up, idiot.” Zayn giggled, curling a hand around the back of Niall’s neck, dragging his nails lightly over his skin until the boy hummed happily.

Harry returned a moment later, clearing his throat at the display of affection that he walked in on. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to, uh, intrude. Are you two, like, uh, together?” He rubbed a hand back through his hair, pulling a band from his wrist to twist his hair up into a bun. “I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to –“

Niall burst into laughter, breaking away from Zayn and startling the cat on his chest. “Nah, mate. Zayn and I? No, I love him, but he’s not my boyfriend. We’re best mates.” He bent down to smother kisses across the older boy’s forehead. “Why? Are you into him or something?” Niall winked at Zayn before glancing up at Harry to see the boy blushing.

“No. I, uh. That’s not it. Sorry.” His palm was big enough to cover his face. “Can you introduce me to your animals? Teach me their names and stuff, Niall?” Bashfully, he reached down to pull the small black and white kitten up to his chest, its tiny mewls reaching across the room to Zayn and Niall’s ears.

The brunet beside Zayn grinned, “Yeah, mate. This furball here,” He lifted a screeching Tiger from Zayn’s chest, careful to avoid the claws. “This is Tiger, he’s Zayn’s because they’ve got identical personalities.” Zayn frowned at that, reaching his hands up to carefully take his cat back. Niall moved away from the couch, over to the kitten Harry had chosen. “This one’s not got a name yet. Jesse and Caesar made her rather recently, the only one in the litter that survived, and I’ve not got around to naming it.” He pointed to the grey cat and the orange one to show the kitten’s parents.

After that, he showed him Rufus, Zayn’s brown Komondor. There were three more cats, all in varying shades of brown, and each of them was named after a type of candy. And then there was Frieda, the fluffy brown and white Shih Tzu. “She came with the name,” Niall told Harry, running his fingers through the pup’s fluffy fur to her collar with the nametag.

“I’m gonna sleep,” Zayn told the two of them. “Wake me up when the Ice Age ends.” He rolled over with Tiger still in his arms, his back facing the two other boys. He dozed off to the sound of them talking, laughing about the animals.

/\/\

\/\/

“Harry,” Zayn whispered, his voice echoing through the halls of the building. “Where the hell did you go?”

It had been weeks since Harry had arrived, integrating himself into their lives like just another stray animal. Only this one did more than whine for food; he talked all the time, flirted with Niall at night when they curled up together to read books by firelight. More and more Zayn had felt pushed away, unneeded by the boy who’d once owed him his life. But Harry was good for more than just stealing Niall’s affection. He could make runs with Zayn, searching buildings twice as fast as Zayn usually could.

“Harry!” Zayn called, slightly louder this time.

Another good thing about having Harry around. He’d found the student dorms. Not too far away from the campus, but just far enough that Zayn hadn’t noticed them before. “I passed them by on my way over.” He’d mentioned offhand one day as he and Zayn passed by an open space between two buildings. “I didn’t look inside because I saw all of this up here.”

So that’s where they were. Searching inside the mostly empty dorm rooms for any Twinkies, water, or blankets. Anything useful really. All Zayn had found so far was a homemade blanket (which he was sure had been abandoned on purpose) and a couple magazines, showing celebrities and fashion tips from all those years ago. Nothing really useful.

He called Harry’s name one last time, causing his voice to echo off the walls.

“Here!” The boy finally answered, and it sounded like he was on the floor above Zayn, which was odd because when he’d last left him, Harry had been digging around on the first level. “I found a treasure trove, mate. Niall’ll love this stuff.”

Zayn climbed the stairs two at a time, ending up on the landing with a hall on either side. “Harry?”

“I’m here, bro. Stop shouting my name.” Harry’s curly head peered around the edge of a doorframe two to Zayn’s left. “Come take a look at everything this guy had before he disappeared. You’ll probably like it too.” He ducked back inside and Zayn heard rustling noises as he walked closer.

The younger boy was leaning over a cabinet beside a mattress that was hanging half off of the bed’s wooden frame. Faded posters were still hanging on the walls – half-naked women that Zayn didn’t recognize.

“Look at these,” A handful of glossy magazines were shoved into Zayn’s hand. One glance down had his mouth dry and his eyes wide, the magazines were dumped to the floor, and he stumbled back a step or two. Harry frowned, “What you’ve never seen porn before? C’mon, Zayn. Or are the ladies not your preference?” He cocked an eyebrow that had Zayn’s face flushing with heat. “I won’t tell Niall if that’s what you’re scared of.”

Zayn shook his head, turning quickly on his heel to dive into searching the closet. He focused solely on ripping apart the hangers, examining each piece of clothing before moving on to the next. “I’m not scared of telling Niall. He knows that I fancy boys more than girls; it’s just I’ve never really been exposed to all that, you know? I was seven when everything went to shit and I was with my family for fourteen years – only my family, so it’s not like I was given any time to experience anything really.”

Harry made a sound behind him that brought the older boy back to facing him. He was sitting on the bed on the other side of the room, a half smile on his face. “Are you telling me that you’re a virgin? Wait, no, you’ve never even been properly kissed have you?” Zayn averted his eyes, gnawing lightly at his lip.

Harry began to laugh, his face going pink as he curled in on himself in an attempt to control his laughter.

Zayn picked up a tshirt from the floor and lobbed it at Harry’s head. “No, you knob. But porn mags aren’t for me, Harry. You and Niall can keep ‘em. What else does this guy have?”

As Harry moved off the bed to gather up the magazines, Zayn started searching the rest of the cabinet beside the bed. And then he hit the jackpot. “You didn’t see past the porn, did you?” He threw a grin over his shoulder at the younger boy as he pulled out what he’d found. “Two bottles of vodka, and some weed.” He wiggled the prizes, finally drawing Harry’s attention away from the naked women.

“Think this is enough of a haul for the day?” The younger boy cocked his head to the side. “Sounds like we’ve got a party.”

“No, we should keep looking. Just through the rest of this building.” The older of the two carefully fit the bottles and the weed into his bag, standing up to leave the room.

The “rest of the building” was only a few more rooms on this floor, so they didn’t find much at all. Just a couple comic books and a board game. They stowed their new possessions carefully in their bags before setting back out towards campus, towards the warmth of the Science building.

Niall was waiting, his nose buried in a book and his back to the fire. Frieda was sitting in his lap, leaving a small puddle of drool on his thigh. “Finally, I was starting to get worried.” He jumped up as soon as they were in sight, but he headed straight for Harry, entangling his limbs with the taller boy as he pushed his face into the front of his chest.

His original cuddle partner cleared his throat to draw his attention back. “We’ve brought you some surprises. Harry should probably show you his first.” As was suspected, Niall’s eyes went wide and his jaw hit the floor when Harry pulled the magazines from his bag. Before the Irishman could get his hands on them and excuse himself to the bathroom, Zayn pulled out his half of the surprise.

“Let’s get drunk!” Niall cheered, reaching for the already half-empty bottle before Zayn could stop him.

Getting drunk wasn’t such a bad idea, not when he was in a warm, safe place, surrounded by the only two people that he knew for certain were in the world.

/\/\

\/\/

Zayn woke up with a throbbing headache, a growling stomach, and a small mewling kitten perched on his chest. He felt cold, and it took him a moment to notice that it was because Niall and Harry were curled together on the opposite end of the sofa, hogging the blanket that was normally big enough to cover all three of them.

Slowly making the journey to standing upright, Zayn removed the kitten from his body, and rubbed at his forehead. From what he could remember of the night before, they’d drained the first bottle and contemplated starting in on the second, but Niall had decided that they should smoke a joint instead. So he rolled one in the paper that the considerate student had left with his stash, and they’d lit it using their lovely firepit.

Come to think of it, Zayn’s mouth was still sticky with the taste of the drug, and his mind was lagging. He stumbled over to the stock of water bottles, draining one in ten seconds flat. The wall of canned goods was his next stop, and he ended up with chicken noodle soup, which wasn’t the worst food on the wall, but time had not been a good help for the contents of the can. Nevertheless, Zayn cracked it open and heated it by the fire.

As he sipped at the warmed broth, he examined the remaining food stock. After finding a couple packets of Ramen noodles in the dorms, that had pushed their supply back up to twenty food items. They could last maybe four more days if they cut down on how much they eat. Or if they stop feeding the animals.

“Fuck,” Zayn swore, running his fingers through his hair. The end was near for them; they would have to move on or die in this room from starvation. “Fuck.” He repeated.

That’s how Niall found him half an hour later. After detangling himself from Harry, he crawled into Zayn’s lap, pushing his back against Zayn’s chest like he actually fit that well in the cage of Zayn’s arms. “What’s wrong with you?” He wrapped a hand around the older boy’s wrist, forcing him to lift a spoonful of chilled soup to Niall’s mouth.

“We have to leave, babe.” Zayn whispered the words. “We’re running out of food, and we’ve exhausted the campus. I’ve hit every vending machine and food place. Harry and I searched a good portion of the dorms yesterday.” He tucked his chin over the younger boy’s shoulder. “If we don’t leave soon, within the next day or two, we’ll run out.”

“You can’t be serious?” Niall twisted around to face the darker boy. “We can’t leave here, Zayn. We’ve got shelter and fire and pets. We can’t leave. _I_ can’t leave. I can barely walk around these two rooms without my knee giving out, and we’d be leaving our cats and dogs and I can’t do that, Zayn.” Tears were blooming in Niall’s eyes. “Don’t make me leave them.”

Harry appeared then, suddenly beside the two of them as he wrapped his arms around Niall and drew him back into his chest, letting him fit into Harry’s lap. “Shh, why are you crying, Nialler.” He swiped his thumb over the smaller boy’s cheeks. “You don’t have to go anywhere. You don’t have to leave anyone.” He shot a glare at Zayn who stared back, stony-faced.

“We do have to leave, Harry. We’re nearly out of food, and unless you fancy starving here, we have to move on to somewhere that there’ll be food.” Zayn sat his now-empty can down on the floor. “I can’t just sit here and watch Niall and you and the animals starve.” He shook his head, “I won’t watch it happen.”

“How do you expect to transport nine cats and dogs, a boy with a hurt knee, and all of the things you’ve collected, hmm?” Harry brushed his thumbs against Niall’s throat, gently over the boy’s pulse point. “And where do you plan on going? Because in case you haven’t noticed, there’s not much left in the world. Nothing survives out there.” He pointed out the double set of doors.

“I don’t know, Harry, okay? Is that what you want to hear?” He stood up, feeling a flush of anger through his veins. “I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know what I’m doing. All I’ve known for the past fifteen years is taking care of myself first and taking care of others second whether that was my family or if it’s Niall, and now if it’s you. I’m scared, okay? I don’t want to die, but from where I’m standing we only have two choices left. Die in here, or die out there.”

Harry frowned up at Zayn. “I like the sound of dying in here. Where it’s warm.”

Niall made a gurgling sound from where his face was hidden in Harry’s shoulder. He pulled his face back to repeat whatever he’d said. “I agree with Zayn, Haz. We should leave. We should find another place that can support us for a little while. We’ve grown too comfortable living here, thinking that the universe would just keep on dropping parcels in hidden locations around campus.

“I’ll go out there. You know I’ll go anywhere with you, Z. Just find me a way to be able to make the journey, and a way to take our beasts, and I’m all yours.” His cheeks were pink and his eyes wet, but the determination in them struck a chord in Zayn. “I can’t leave them behind.”

The oldest of the three nodded, reaching out a tender hand to clasp onto Niall’s. “I’ll figure it out, Ni.”

Zayn left the two younger boys there on the floor beside the fire, grabbing his bag and pushing out through the doors into the hallway. Rufus followed him out, his long dark fur sweeping over the floor as he walked behind his master. Neither one of them knew where they were going. Zayn was just wandering through the building, hoping to find a place where he could concentrate on a way to do all of this: where to go, how to take the animals, and how to get Niall to walk.

Rufus was the one to decide where that spot of deep thinking would be. He must’ve gotten tired of waiting for Zayn to stop, because he dropped down to the floor, laying with his head on his paws and whining until his master turned to acknowledge that he’d stopped. It was nowhere important, just the middle of a blank stretch of a hallway with intact windows on either side.

“Guess this is as good a place as any.” Zayn agreed and lowered himself down to the floor with his dog.

His easiest problem to solve was the one of getting Niall’s knee to cooperate. The solution wasn’t one hundred percent effective, but it would be a hell of a lot better than how it currently was working. All Zayn would have to do is trek over to the Nursing building, find the supplies, and get Niall a knee brace. Easy said, probably nearly as easy done.

The next issue was where would they go?

When they’d first stumbled across the University, he and Niall had come from the east. Harry claimed that he’d come from the south. To the North there was absolutely nothing. The maps in the library had shown that it was just forests and there had once been a city, but it was nearly seventy miles away. There’s no way that they could make it that far in a reasonable amount of time, especially not if they were dragging nine animals along with them through a forest.

That brought him to the third issue. The animals. Zayn loved each and every one of their strays. Even now he scrubbed a hand over Rufus’s head, listening to the dog do his dog version of purring. But how would it even be possible to take them with them? There were seven cats and only three humans to carry them. It was too cold for them; after being inside for so long, the cold would probably be a shock to their systems. Rufus would probably be okay for a little while, not if they walked for too long, but his thick fur would definitely serve as insulation against the cold. Little Frieda, she would have to be carried too. As tough as she is – a little fighter, a little shit – Zayn honestly didn’t think that she could make it very long.

With a resigned sigh, he dropped his head back against the wall, groaning as the vibrations brought his headache back to the forefront of his mind.

What they really needed was a vehicle, something that still had gas and wasn’t buried in forty feet of snow. Something big enough to keep the cats and dogs in the back of it, it would be able to store a few of the things that would probably help them survive (or at least stay comfortable for the time that they had), and they’d be able to fit inside so Niall wouldn’t have to walk with his bum knee.

“That’s it.” Zayn smiled, pulling out a notepad and a pencil from his bag. Rufus huffed at the loss of contact between the two of them. “Sorry, Rufus, I’ve got to make these plans.”

There were a certain number of buildings that had been dug out by the wind. The entrance to this part of the building had been one of them. That’s why they didn’t have to use a window every time that they came in and went out. The Fitness Center was one of those dugout buildings. Zayn had only been there once or twice, because after those original sweeps all he’d come up with was old bottles of Gatorade (now long-since drained) and deflated sports balls. Neither he nor Niall nor Harry really worked out, so the three-level gym was a bit pointless for any of them to visit.

The one thing he had noticed about it though was that the snow around the building had been blown around enough to create a large dip in the snow around it. A dip that (by some miracle) revealed the a lot of the ground level of the building and fashioned a smooth incline up to the level of snow that was maintained across most of the campus and surrounding area.

“I’ve got an idea!” Zayn burst back into the room, kicking the door open wider for Rufus to chase his shadow into the room.

Niall barely looked up from what he was doing. Which was Harry. And in this case “doing” is a euphemism for having his mouth on the boy’s crotch area. Harry had his long fingers buried in Niall’s dark hair, his lips a bright pink from where his teeth were digging into them, and his head was thrown back against the sofa. Neither one of them seemed to care that they had an audience of more than just the cats now.

“You know what, my plan can wait. I think I’ll just go outside and hope the snow and wind blind me to erase the memory of seeing that.” Zayn turned on his heel and pushed back out the door, slumping down against the wall directly outside the room.

That had been unexpected; not entirely unexpected, but not something Zayn had consciously thought would happen. Of course, there had been the near-constant flirting, and he vaguely remembered the ghost of a memory from the night before where the two boys had started snogging. But when he’d first left the room, Niall had been crying, and Harry had thought the best way to go about comforting the older boy was to receive a blowjob from him?

Zayn shivered at the thought of what was going on inside. It only got worse when, a few minutes later, he heard Harry’s low voice moan Niall’s name, the pitch of his voice tweaking up at the end. It wasn’t the first time Zayn had heard someone get off. Niall wasn’t exactly quiet these past few months, even when he thought he was. This situation though, it was a bit strange knowing that he was the only person in a fifty mile radius (at least) that wasn’t engaged in some sort of sexual contact.

“You can come back in Zayn. We’re fully dressed and everything. No dicks out.” Harry announced.

It was a tentative push on the door and a peek inside that preceded Zayn’s full entrance into the room. Harry was pulling his hair up into a bun, away from his sweaty skin, and Niall was sitting on the edge of the sofa and rubbing at his discolored lips, hair ruffled from Harry’s fingers, and he sent a bashful smile over at Zayn.

“Sorry you had to walk in on that. We thought you’d be longer with your plan making.” Niall apologized.

“It’s whatever.” Zayn shrugged, “I’ll get over it as long as I don’t see it happen again. Do you want to hear my plan?”

Both of the boys sat up straighter at the mention of it. “Yeah, go for it.” Harry pushed over to sit beside Niall, their shoulders brushing lightly.

“So I was thinking that the only way to really transport Niall with his knee and all of the animals without them freezing or falling behind or both, is to get a vehicle.” Both of the other boys frowned at that. Zayn ignored their facial expressions, and continued, “It would have to be something big enough to carry the three of us, the nine of them, and a couple other things. At first I was ready to scrap that idea because every vehicle is either buried under the snow and ice, or it’s probably not got fuel, right?”

“Exactly, Z. That’s a problem.” Niall input.

The older boy shook his head, knocking a few strands of his hair down into his face, but he quickly swept them back behind his ear. “That’s where you’re wrong. Do you remember the Fitness Center? I only went there a few times, but the way that the wind’s blown around the building has created a dip around it. They’ve got a garage where they kept maintenance and sports vehicles. They might have one that we could use, and it’s not cold enough out that the gas will have frozen. What do you think?”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t see why not. We should go over and check it out. If there is a vehicle we can use, when are you thinking we should leave?” At that, Zayn lifted his shoulders in a gesture of uncertainty. “And where are you thinking we’ll go? How far will we get on the one tank of gasoline?”

“I don’t know, Harry.” Zayn sighed in exasperation. “Our first step should be to find the vehicle, don’t you think?” The younger boy agreed a moment later. Zayn nodded, and smirked as he said, “Should we go now, or are you going to return the favor for Niall?”

Both of the younger boys blushed, Harry kicked out a foot in Zayn’s direction, but he never made contact. “Let’s go now. The sooner the better, yeah?”

Quickly, Zayn and Harry dressed in their exploring gear, strapping on their boots and coats and gloves. Zayn instructed Niall to start packing up things that he thought they’d need. “We’ll be right back.” He pressed a kiss to the boy’s cheek and then started for the door, scratching quickly behind Tiger’s ears when the cat pressed its face against his boots, rubbing his scent all over. Behind him, he heard a quick, wet smacking noise, followed by Niall’s laughter and a giggle from Harry. Zayn turned around to see that they had tangled their hands together, “Let’s go, love dove.”

Harry followed him out of the room and out of the building. The day was bright and fucking cold, but what was new. The wind blew at their hoods as picked their way through the shadows of the buildings, past empty buildings that held no importance for them, and then they crossed the quad, before finally coming to the giant pit that was the Fitness Center.

“Wow,” the taller boy whistled. “This is strange. Nature’s weird, not that I’m complaining, but this is sort of just our luck. Can we get down there?” He nodded at the steep plunge in front of them, a drop of nearly sixty feet in this spot.

“Yeah,” Zayn’s voice was muffled through his scarf. “Over there. It’s an easier slope over there. If we went here, we’d probably fall and break our necks.”

It took them fifteen more minutes just to arrive at and descend at the spot that Zayn had designated as safe. Four more minutes were spent trying to open the door of the place before they both realized rather idiotically that it was a push door instead of a pull door. (“What an idiot mistake.” “Don’t tell Niall about this, deal?” “Why would I? So then we both look like idiots and he holds that over us for the rest of our lives?”)

The stairwell that led to the garage was dark; the only light came in from the postage stamp-sized square on the roof far above them. When they got into the garage, Zayn was left to fumble around in the dark until he found the manual crank that opened the heavy metal garage door. Finally, his fingers closed around the frigid metal circle and after turning it to the point that his muscles were burning, the garage door finally opened enough to let in the barest of blue-grey light.

Harry cheered at the sight of it and came over to help him. Before long, the door was fully open, locked into position so that it wouldn’t fall down and submerge them in blinding darkness once again, and they could see everything that had been left here before the Ice Age apocalypse had struck the planet.

There were the basic golf buggies, sports equipment carriers, bicycles, and then there was an Ambulance.

“What the hell?” Harry laughed, walking over to it, running his fingers over the paint. “Is this a real ambulance? Why would they have it here?” And then his face paled. “You – You don’t think there was someone inside of there, do you?”

Zayn rolled his eyes. “No, I doubt it. Do you want to open it up and see?” He nodded towards the door on the passenger side of the back portion. “This might be our only choice of a vehicle. Nothing else can really fit all of us.” He glanced around at all of the open-air, small vehicles, then turned back to where Harry was inching his hand towards the door handle, looking like he was about to faint. “Stop being a wuss, Harry. See, I’ll do it. There’s not gonna be a dead person in here.”

Throwing the door open quickly, Zayn took a quick peek inside, his heart jumping in his chest for half a second when he saw the gurney. It wasn’t until he registered that it was empty as was the floor that his heartbeat returned to normal. Harry pressed himself against Zayn’s back, peeking inside from the safety of outside, his breath hitting hotly against the older boy’s skin.

“See, all clear. Go check the front, Harry.” When he moved to duck around to the front driver’s side, Zayn swore. “We’ll need to find the keys unless you know how to hotwire an ambulance.”

Harry shook his head. “Can’t say I ever learned that. Must’ve skipped that lesson in school.”

“Fuck off, go check the front. See if the keys are in there. If not we’ll go on a hunt for ‘em. They’ve got to be around here somewhere.” Zayn pushed lightly at his back, watching him slip around the front of the truck. He himself climbed into the back portion, pushing open the back doors to let in a little bit of light. The back was actually pretty spacious. There were shelves and cabinets full of medical things that Zayn didn’t really understand, there was the gurney, a bench was built into the shelving, and a window joined the driver’s section to the part he was in.

Through that window, he watched Harry looking around, ducking down to look under the center console that was decorated with a lot of buttons. Finally, Harry looked back up, grinning back at Zayn as he dangled the shiny keys up to show him.

Zayn closed the back doors of the ambulance and the side door on his way up to slide into the passenger seat. “So we’ve got the car, we’ve got the keys. Do we have gas?”

“Let’s see.” Harry twisted the key into the ignition and it all came to life. Harry cheered and even Zayn couldn’t hold back a whoop. Harry grinned and fit his fingers around the steering wheel, turning to Zayn, he said, “Great, now our next thing we should discuss.” Harry swallowed, “I don’t know how to drive an ambulance. Do you?”

They both burst into laughter when Zayn admitted he couldn’t drive either.

“What better time to learn than now, though.” Zayn leaned over, glancing at all of the controls. “How full does it say the gas tank is?”

Harry checked the gage, “Completely full. Why, are you gonna siphon gas from something else? Where would we even store it?”

Zayn shook his head. “Nah, if the tank’s full then I’ll optimistically say that we’ll be fine with what we’ve got. What do you say we try to get this baby out of here?” Getting it out of the garage would be the easy part. Now, driving it up to the top of the snow; that part would be a bit harder, but he didn’t tell Harry that as the boy put it into drive, and they both buckled their seat belts.

Harry pulled out of the garage easily – slowly, but easily. When faced with the hill, they were both a bit skeptical, but with Harry driving as slowly as he did, it only took them five whole minutes to drive what had taken them eight minutes to pick their way down.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Harry glanced back over at Zayn once they were up on the level top, pulling away from the cleft in the ground around the Fitness Center. Zayn shrugged. “Alright, now back to Niall, and then what? Are we just gonna go? Pack everything in and then head off to God knows where?”

The elder boy nodded. “I don’t see why not. Really, Harry, how am I supposed to plan where we should go? I don’t know anything about this area. I don’t know if there are people alive other than the three of us. You and Ni can’t expect me to do everything. I’m not actually the leader.” With that confession off his chest, he sighed, folded his arms over his middle, and looked out the window. “I can’t believe this worked though. Do you think we’ll be able to fit everything back there?”

With his mossy green eyes focused on the iciness in front of them, Harry shrugged. “Knowing what I know about Niall, he’ll probably try to squeeze everything you guys’ve collected. Your sofa, library, and everything.”

Zayn laughed, “We’ll probably have to stop him at some point.”

Back at the Science building, Zayn left Harry with the ambulance, although he had him shut it off so that they wouldn’t be wasting the gas that they did have. Niall was still moving around the lab, pushing things into boxes and bags. The cats were all gathered around one box, sniffing it and hitting it with their paws, and the dogs were both napping.

“Did you get it?” Niall asked, pushing what looked like all of their clothes into one box. “Do we have a vehicle?”

Zayn nodded. “Yeah, they had an ambulance, so we got that. There’s plenty of room in the back for all of the animals and for someone else, and a few boxes. Niall, you know we can’t take everything, right?” He glanced around the room, at the bits and pieces of himself that he’d fed into this room over the past few months. “I wish we could take everything, but there’s limited space in the back of an ambulance, you know?”

Niall nodded sadly, peeking up at Zayn through his eyelashes. “I get it. Is Harry out with the ambulance then?”

“Yeah. You nearly done packing up? I was thinking we could leave soon.” Zayn grabbed the magazines and comics and books that were scattered around the sofa, the ones that the three of them had all been reading recently. He stuffed them in his bag, and then turned back for some of the sheet music that Niall had read and all of the music that he’d written.

The blue-eyed brunet boy pouted at him, “I’m gonna miss this place. It feels like home.” He stuffed a few blankets into the same box as he’d been shoving clothes in. “I’ve only left it less than a handful of times. I don’t want to go.” He sounded and looked close to tears, so Zayn dropped his bag against the sofa in favor of shuffling over to the younger boy and wrapping him in a hug.

“We’ll be alright, Ni. We have to leave here; it’s not safe or healthy for us to stay anymore.” His rough lips – dried and cracked from constantly going back and forth from inside to outside – brushed over Niall’s forehead. “And we’ve got Harry now. He’ll help you through all this change just as well as I will. Probably more than me, actually, because I’m not about to get down on my knees for you.”

After spluttering and turning bright red, Niall punched Zayn’s arm, both of them laughing. “You’re right, Zayn. I know you are, I just don’t like the idea of leaving after so long.” He pushed their pillows into the box with the other blankets and clothes, and then he folded the flaps shut. “Who knows where we’ll end up?”

Zayn took the box for Niall, nudging him with his hip. “That’s the fun part isn’t it? Not knowing where everything will end?”

/\/\

\/\/

Riding in a small ambulance over a bumpy terrain with two grumpy humans and nine grumpy animals doesn’t sound like a fun experience, does it? Well, it’s not as Zayn could attest to. He was trying to sleep on the gurney in the back, which was difficult even with the thing fastened to the floor as it was. With each bump in the path Harry was driving on, the gurney would jump and squeak, sending Zayn a few inches into the air, but he’d fastened himself in, so he never went flying.

Apparently a few of the animals did not like being in a moving vehicle because they were especially clumsy and whiny and one of the cats had vomited in the corner, but Zayn wasn’t about to go clean that up if he could help it. Rufus was sleeping directly beside the gurney and the tiny kitten was curled up on top of him. Frieda was one of the creatures that were pacing around through the spaces between the boxes, as was Caesar. The candy bar cats were all asleep in the box Niall had set aside for the animals, and Jesse was the menace of the group. She was probably the one that had puked in the corner.

They hit another bump, and this time the strap across Zayn’s chest dug in particularly painfully. “Damn it.” He swore, scrambling to undo the fastening, so that he could breathe properly again.

Maybe sleep was useless.

Zayn gave up and climbed over to the bench built into the cabinets; he pulled Frieda into his lap to calm her down, ignoring when she nipped at his fingers with a light growl and when Caesar splayed himself over Zayn’s feet.

He considered digging through the boxes to find the books that he was sure Niall had packed, or he could knock on the window and ask them to pass back his bag that had his comics in them, but from the sound of muffled voices, they were talking and he didn’t want to interrupt that. So he sat in the back of an ambulance, bumping along the path, and he kept scratching his fingers through the fur of a dog that wanted to be almost anywhere but there; and he stared out the window opposite him, watching the blank white landscape wash by like a wall of painted colors had been erased, only the barest canvas left behind.

Somehow, in all of that staring, he fell asleep.

Zayn dreamed of several things. He dreamed of his life before this arctic winter had appeared: the warm summer heat and brilliant blue sky in the daytime, the rainbow of pinks and oranges and midnight blues that would sweep through the evening sky. He dreamed of his life before it had gone to hell: his mum cooking for the whole family, using the last of her spices to make the best meal she could, and when she was distracted by Safaa, she’d burned the whole thing, but their shelter had smelled like the delicious spices for days afterwards. He dreamed of Harry and Niall and himself: sitting on a beach, in the warmth where the only existence of cold was a drink that rinsed away all his worries. He dreamed of a boy whose skin dripped gold and whose caramel eyes radiated sweetness; his sinful lips whispered promises of eventual summertime.

Zayn started awake at the feel of a wet, slobbery kiss on his cheek. The uncomfortable rumbling underneath him had stopped as well.

Blearily, he opened his eyes, pushing at Frieda’s face to get her to stop licking him, and then he took a look through the window separating him from the cabin. Niall was in Harry’s seat, running his fingers over the steering wheel and some other controls that Zayn didn’t understand, and when Zayn stretched forward to knock on the window, the poor Irishman jumped.

“Fuck, Zayn!” Niall pushed the window between them open. “I thought you were asleep. Everything okay?”

“I should be asking you that. Why’ve we stopped? Where’s Harry?” His questions bounced off the boy who sat in front of him, nibbling on his bottom lip. “Ni?”

The blue-eyed boy sighed in defeat. “There was something big and bulky lying in the middle of our path. He got out to see what it was. He thought it might be a person.”

“What? And you just let him go? Where is he?” Zayn pushed up onto his feet, forced to crouch a tiny bit so that he didn’t hit his head on the ceiling. “Niall, it could be a trap.”

He laughed and reached through the window, settling a hand on Zayn’s arm. “A trap? Bro, who would be trying to trap us all the way out here? Why would they be trying to trap us?” He shook his head at his best mate’s stupidity, locking his eyes with Zayn’s as he assured him, “And anyway he’s right out the front window, I can see him from this seat right here.”

Zayn glanced out the front window into the place where the yellow headlights beamed. “Really? Because I don’t see anything. It’s a fucking –“

The door beside Zayn flew open, something big and heavy flew inside, colliding with him and knocking all of the air out of his lungs. His head hit the wall on the other side of the vehicle and he may have blacked out for a second, but when he came back to, there was something covering his face, something binding his hands, and the muffled sounds of Niall’s panicked screams.

Zayn wanted to shout, to call for Niall or to tell whoever it was to get off of him, to leave him and Niall and Harry alone because they’d not done anything wrong! Before he could speak another word, he saw a shadow coming towards him, and he barely had enough time to close his eyes before whatever it was pinched his neck and everything disintegrated.

/\/\

&

\/\/

The first thing he registered was a mechanical beeping sound off to his left. The second thing he noticed was that he was warm. Genuinely, truly warm all over and it wasn’t due to a small fire in a tin can room. The third thing that came to his awareness was the disgusting smell that stung his nostrils and seared his brain, causing him to cough violently at the wretched smell of it. But that was the thing actually. It didn’t have a smell, it was just plain, cleared of all scents, and before he’d even opened his eyes, Zayn knew something was wrong.

_Am I dead? Because if this is what the afterlife is like, I can already tell I’m not going to like spending eternity here._

The beeping sound continued as he lay there, keeping his eyes shut because he didn’t want to open them and regret seeing whatever it was that would be waiting on the other side of his eyelids. Already he could see a silvery glow through them, and another sound was starting to bleed in, to mix with the unpleasant beeps. Someone was humming. Someone not too far away. He wanted to say that it was Niall, but the pitch was off, so if it wasn’t Ni –

_Trap!_ The word came back to him like a flash of lightning through a black sky, and Zayn sat bolt upright in bed, eyes flying open with black spots dancing in front of them at the sudden head rush.

The humming stopped, the beeping grew louder and more rapid.

He was staring at a pale blue wall, plain with nothing on it other than a slight dent that he probably never would’ve noticed if he’d not been staring straight at the spot with so much adrenaline coursing through his veins. Then he felt it, bile rising hot and acidic in his throat. Before Zayn had the chance to look around for something to vomit into, a bucket was shoved into his lap and a hand pushed his head down so that his sick would go into the bucket.

“Yeah, there you go,” Someone patted his back – a male someone if the voice was anything to go by. “Get it all out. Last time you nearly spit it all over me.” He thumped Zayn once, hard in the middle of his back and he nearly choked as another wave of nausea rolled through him, leaving him heaving into the bucket once more. “There you go, good lad. Are you done?”

Zayn felt disgusting with sick dripping from his mouth, but he managed an affirmative nod. The bucket was moved away and not a second later a wet rag was being wiped over his mouth, cleaning him up like a mother does a child.

Who the hell was this person to think that they could touch him like this? He jerked away from their touch, finally twisting around to see the person who was sitting at his bedside humming. Was he one of the kidnappers? Murderers? Why’d they set a trap for Niall, Harry, and himself? The lines of the boy’s face were blurry at first. The shift in focus from the wall to this guy’s face was quite a change in distance.

Zayn blinked, once, twice, and slowly this stranger’s face came into focus. He had shaggy brown hair and crystal blue eyes, a sharp jawline covered with dark stubble and a glint in those eyes that had Zayn leaning back from him. “Who the hell are you?”

The boy grinned as if that was just the question he’d been waiting for. “I’m Louis, nice of you to finally acknowledge me, Zayn. I’ve only been taking care of you for the past four days whilst you’ve been unconscious.” He propped his hands on his hips, cocking his head slightly to the side.

“Well, Louis, maybe if someone hadn’t knocked me unconscious, you wouldn’t have had to take care of me for – for _four days?_ I was out for four days?” The boy nodded. “Shit. Where’s Niall? Where’s Harry?” Zayn pushed at the thin white blankets that covered his legs, and that’s when he noticed the clear tubing stretching from his arms to something beside the bed. He reached for one of the tubes on his right arm, ready to pull it out, when Louis grabbed his left wrist.

“Wouldn’t do that if I were you, buddy. That’ll hurt like hell and you’ll regret it.” He moved Zayn’s left hand back over to the proper side of his body, “Now, if you’ll listen for the answers to the questions that you ask, then perhaps this’ll go a lot smoother, okay?”

Zayn frowned at the guy, but nodded anyway.

“Good.” He smiled brightly and that was something that Zayn already was finding extremely annoying. “Okay, so I’ll start at the beginning. Well, it’s more of the middle, but for all you need to know right now, it’s the beginning. So our search and rescue team came to rescue you and your friend Niall, and you both fought back, so they had to knock you out. They must’ve dosed you pretty good because, like I said, you’ve been out for days and vomiting, so yeah, that’s not been fun.

“Your friend Niall’s fine. He got the normal dosage that knocked him out for just long enough to get him here and then go through all the normal entry procedures. He’s fine now. Don’t worry, Zayn.” Louis smiled again and Zayn all but growled at him, pushing at the hand that the boy reached out to console him with. He withdrew, hands held up in surrender. “Okay, I get it. I won’t touch you. Anyway, as for Harry, he’s fine too. He’s probably with Niall. They seem quite cozy, don’t they?”

Zayn frowned. “How do you know my name? Twice now you’ve called me by it.”

“Well, you realize that while you’ve been unconscious, you’ve had two very helpful friends. They told us your name. Oh, and they brought you this.” The annoying boy leaned down and picked something up off the floor, a brown lump that Zayn took a moment to recognize.

“My bag!” He snatched it away, dropping it in his lap to inspect. He smoothed his fingers over all the buttons, zips, and snaps. Everything was still in there, except for the sheet music and the porn, but he suspected Niall had reclaimed both of those things. Or they’d been confiscated by this Louis fellow. “When can I leave? I feel better now, so can’t I go see Niall and Harry?”

Louis sighed, “Patience, Zayn. They’ll be here in due time. Anything else you’d like to ask while you wait?”

Zayn thought back over what this boy had told him. Niall and Harry were okay. The search and rescue team had come to rescue them – from what? – and why had they been dosed? Where was he? There, that was probably the question he should ask first. “Where am I?”

The blue-eyed boy grinned brightly and sat back down in the chair he’d been in before Zayn woke up. “I’m glad you asked that. You, my dear friend Zayn, you’re in Holdon.” Zayn opened his mouth, but the other boy held his finger up. “No, let me finish. Holdon is a safe haven from that apocalypse out there,” He waved his hand in the general direction that Zayn assumed was outside. “Ten years ago, after many scientists gave up and disappeared underground to the bunkers, a few scientists remained, and together they created Holdon because they wanted to hold on – see what they did there? – to the surface world and to the hope that this Ice Age is reversible. Ever since then, they’ve been located here in this top-secret science facility with the highest tech possible, and they’ve been taking people in. People like you and Niall and Harry and me.

“Does that answer your question?” Louis smiled and folded his hands under his chin, resting his elbows on the edge of this thin hospital bed that Zayn was laying in.

“Yeah, I guess. When are Niall and Harry getting here?” Zayn leaned back into the pillows, folding his arms and adopting a cross expression that he aimed up at the ceiling.

All Louis told him was “soon.” And then even he got up and left the room, leaving Zayn completely alone for the first time in days.

It wasn’t long after Louis left, though, that Niall came running in, pale but smiling. He gripped Zayn in a bone-crushing hug while pressing laughing kisses into any and all of his exposed skin. “When they told me that you’d not woken up, I was so fucking scared, bro. Thought I’d lost you and I was an absolute mess. And then they just came to fetch me and said you were up and I came as fast as I could. Fuck!” He pressed one last kiss to the corner of Zayn’s mouth.

“I missed you too, Ni. I was worried about you, but when I woke up there was this guy here –“

“Louis,” Niall filled in.

“Yeah, uh, how’d you know that?” Zayn stumbled to a stop with his words.

Niall smiled and squeezed onto the bed beside Zayn, curling himself around the darker boy. “Lou’s the welcoming committee, basically. He’s the one that’s supposed to show all the newbies like us the ropes of the place. Harry says that Louis knows everything about this place. Hey, speaking of Harry, I should tell you –“

Before he could say another word, the door to the room opened and a woman stepped in. She had to be young, early- to mid-twenties, pin-straight long blonde hair and striking blue eyes; she was dressed in a black suit, fitted tight to her body in a way that demanded all attention to her when she stepped into a room. The smile on her face though, that spread like venom, sickeningly sweet. “You must be Zayn. Good thing you’re finally awake, huh?”

“Yeah, for me it is, I guess.” He was a bit confused as to who she was and what she wanted with him, but he was more interested in the way that Niall seemed to stare at her like she was a goddess that was allowing him to see her in her true form. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but who are you?”

She laughed and the sound rang through the room like a bell. “I’m the Warden. Don’t worry, not like a prison warden, more of a guardian over everyone that comes to reside here in Holdon. Mostly I just assign people to their rooms, and enforce the basic rules. Don’t break the rules, and we’ll be fine with each other, okay, Zayn?”

“Okay, sure. Am I allowed to leave the hospital yet?” Zayn asked, already sitting up and tugging Niall closer.

The Warden nodded, “Sure thing, I’ll just go sign your release papers. Niall can help you change into your clothes if you need help.” She gestured to a pile of clothes in a chair next to the door. “I’ll be outside to show you to your room.” Once again the venomous smile returned and Zayn did his best to return a sincere one.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind her, he pushed out of bed, ignoring Niall when he offered to help. “I’m fully capable of dressing myself, babe. I just got knocked over the head and drugged so much that I slept for four days. I’m fine.” He said even as he stumbled on his way around the bed to the chair. Niall scoffed at that poor attempt at feigning health, and he retrieved the clothes, bringing them over for Zayn to slip into.

He was sort of pleased with the clothing Niall was handing him. It wasn’t anything he’d worn before, but as he put each piece on, he saw the way they looked together on him. A white button down shirt, dark skinny jeans, and a pair of solid maroon boots. Looking at his reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of the door, he smiled. “What do you think, Ni?”

“Hot, Z. If I were into you, I’d be all over you right now.” Niall smirked and Zayn reached over to push at his shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you to your assigned room, hopefully you’ve got a better roommate than mine. Absolutely awful, mine is; this tall oaf with curly hair and green eyes. Idiot if you ask me; named Harry.” Zayn cooed at the boy as he twisted the door handle, but before it was all the way open, Niall whispered a quick, “but great at giving blowies” into Zayn’s ear.

The room the Warden put him in was painted a boring white, the carpet was a soft, pale cream, and the furniture was dark mahogany, the bed had four posters with pale green curtains and a matching duvet.

When she pushed the door open to the room, he half expected his roommate to be sitting there, waiting to meet him, but the guy clearly wasn’t there. The curtains of his bed were twisted open and the sheets were all a mess. Other than that, the room was immaculately clean and empty. Niall trailed him into the room, complaining that it wasn’t fair that his room looked like this.

“You should come see mine and Harry’s. Absolute dump, but that’s probably cause we’re both slobs, you know.” He cast a look back over his shoulder at where the Warden was still standing, her sky eyes watching both of them. “Nothin’ to do with you at all. Promise.” He threw her a smile and she returned one.

“Well, if you need anything else, don’t be afraid to ask me or your friends, your roommate, or Louis. Anyone can tell you how to contact him. I’ve got some business to get to, so I’ll just leave you two to catch up.” She knocked her fist against the doorframe as she quietly closed the door.

Niall waited until it was fully shut to turn back to Zayn, his eyes wide, and his mouth hanging open. “Is she hot or what? If I wasn’t doing whatever I’m doing with Harry, I’d be trying it with her.” He wagged his eyebrows at the older boy who just rolled his eyes and fell backwards onto the unused bed. “Speaking of Haz, I should tell you what I was gonna tell you earlier, yeah?”

Zayn nodded; already tired again despite the nearly 96-hour slumber he’d just woken up from. “Go ahead.”

“He knew.” Niall crawled onto the bed with Zayn, shifting his body around until he fit against Zayn’s side. “He didn’t come from where we thought he did. That thing about a family throwing him out, that was sort of a lie. Well, it did happen, it’s just not how he found us.”

“What do you mean?” Zayn sat up a bit, squinting down at Niall.

Niall sighed, tugged at the front of the crisp, new white shirt that the other boy was wearing until he submitted to lying flat again. “I mean that Harry got kicked out of that family and then the people here found him, brought him in. Then they saw us. Well, they saw you, Z, walking around campus. Apparently the scientists have a satellite locked in on a one hundred mile radius of this place, and our University was in there. They saw you walking around, so they sent someone to come rescue you. Harry said I was just a bonus gift for him.

“Once he saw what we’d built, he didn’t want to break it up by bringing us here, so he stayed with us until he saw that we needed Holdon. And since they’re a super secret facility or whatever, he couldn’t just tell us about them. That fucker had a satellite phone the whole time. Called ‘em while you were in helping me pack and deal with my mental breakdown. Set us up back at the ambulance.” He shook his head, nuzzling his nose into Zayn’s chest. “Course, I was pissed with him when he told me on the first day here. Couldn’t believe this guy who’d kept such big secrets had had his dick in my mouth.”

Zayn gagged and Niall laughed, “C’mon, it’s not that gross to talk about. You walked in on it; you know what happened. Anyway, so I was proper pissed off at him. Didn’t talk to him for two whole days, which was tough since, you know, we kind of sleep right next to each other. I gave up on it, of course, missed his stupid face too much.”

“So he lied to us the whole time he was with us?” Zayn asked, nudging his knee against Niall’s, who then hummed. “But it was because he wasn’t really allowed to tell us about this place? Why’s it not allowed?”

Niall shrugged. “Dunno. They probably don’t want the place flooded with refugees. Didn’t you ever hear about that place a few years back? They let word get out, opened the gates, everything went to hell in a week. They were only equipped for a few hundred, and several thousand showed up. Absolute disaster. But forget about all that stuff, where’s your roommate at? I wanna meet him.”

“Who cares? The longer I get the place to myself, the happier I’ll be. I’ve not had a room to call my own since before everything started.” Zayn shut his eyes and thought back to his room in his parents’ home. The walls had been painted a dull blue, and his bed had been Superman sheets; drawings and posters of superheroes had lined the walls. “My bedroom as a kid was so sick. I wonder if that house is even still standing?” He reached up to rake his fingers through his hair. “Sometimes I think about going back there, just to see if it’s fallen apart yet. I wanna see if I remember things the way that they were or as the way I wanted them to be.”

“You don’t wanna do that, bro. It’ll just dredge up bad memories.” Niall lightly kissed Zayn’s cheek. “I hate to leave you when you’re all nostalgic of the sad, old days, but I promised Harry I’d meet him in like two minutes on the other side of the complex. I’m glad you’re awake, mate. I’m really happy,” He pressed another quick kiss to Zayn’s cheek before rolling off the bed and onto his feet. “I love you, and I’ll see you at dinner. Hopefully your roommate will be back by then to show you the way. If not, trust me, your nose and stomach’ll lead you.” He continued to speak as he backed out of Zayn’s room, but the older boy wasn’t listening, he was focusing on the back of his eyelids, letting himself sink back into the comfort of a warm, soft mattress.

/\/\

\/\/

Zayn jolted awake when something heavy landed on his chest. Ready to push Niall off or chastise one of the animals, Zayn was surprised when he opened his eyes to see a stranger throwing things at him. Everything came back all at once. Leaving the university, the kidnapping that wasn’t a kidnapping, the hospital, and his room assignment. _This asshole must be my roommate_ , he thought.

Blinking the sleep out of his eyes and batting at a t-shirt that was lobbed at his face, Zayn pushed away the pile of clothes that had accumulated as the guy continued to throw things at him. “Get up,” the man spoke, sending a shoe over this time, and it narrowly avoiding smacking Zayn in the side of his head. “We’ve got to get to dinner. Come on.”

It was then he looked up from the mess of clothes around him.

Zayn was struck breathless; the man’s skin glowed golden, his lips a plump pink as he opened his mouth again, “If we’re late, we won’t get dinner.” But Zayn just stared, entranced at the sight of his dream come to life. This was the guy who he’d created in a dream, the man whose skin he’d tasted in his sleep, whose moans he’d heard and caused.

That was impossible, of course it was. There was no possible way that the man could have crawled out of his mind, to be standing, breathing, and moving on the other side of the room. All he’d ever glimpsed of him in the dreams had been the long stretches of his rich skin and the thin smattering of hair from his chest down to his waistband, but this was undeniably him.

Heat flooded into Zayn’s cheeks, and he was thankful for his darker complexion because it hid the blush more or less.

Zayn blinked again, praying that he wasn’t a mirage. He wasn’t. The guy on the other side of the room looked to be about the same age as Zayn. He was a bit taller and a fair bit broader; the muscles in his arms flexed as he wadded up a jumper to fling over. His hair was a light brown color, soft and curly, stopping just above his dark, bushy eyebrows.

“I’m getting up! Stop throwing shit at me, bro.” Zayn groaned as the man made ready to send the jumper over. The darker boy lifted his hands in surrender, heaving everything off of him so that he could pull himself out of the bed. “I’m Zayn, by the way.” He extended a hand to his (quite literally) dreamy roommate.

“Liam.” The boy ignored the hand extended to him. “Let’s go.”

He was only given a second to run his fingers through his hair and slip back into his boots before Liam was walking out the door.

When the Warden and Niall had been escorting him over from the hospital, he’d not had much of a chance to look around at anything interesting. The walls were all a pale shade of green, white ceramic tiles mapped out sections of the floor, and the path from the hospital wing to the dormitory wing had only had a few thick wooden doors – all closed, of course.

Now, the way that Liam was leading him – stalking ahead of him was a better description – Zayn was able to see much more as they headed for the open staircase. The hallway where their room was located was a short one holding doors to three other rooms, and then off to the right it opened up into the main corridor with several other branches off to other rooms. Back down the other end of the main corridor was the hospital and what Zayn was thinking were offices of the Warden and her associates.

“So where’s dinner at?” Zayn asked, hurrying to catch up with Liam, following him as they started up the stairs, entirely ignoring the set that led down to another level where a few people were coming up. “And how many people are there here?”

“You ask a lot of questions.” Liam glanced back over his shoulder, slowing a bit to let the newbie catch up. “There’s at least five hundred people in the dorms, but some of the scientists live on the surface level. Oh, in case you’ve not noticed, we’re below ground.” He climbed the last few steps to the next level. “This is the school level; younger kids have classes down on this floor, and the teens and older students have classes up on the next one.”

“You’ve still got school?” Zayn looked around as his roommate walked the few feet over to the next flight of stairs.

They were in a giant two-story hall, the walls lined with thousands and thousands of books. It stretched the width of Holdon, and the bookshelves were broken every few feet by doorways that Zayn could only assume led into classrooms. Small sitting areas were scattered around as well, clusters of couches or chairs around tables.

Maybe he was staring because Liam cleared his throat, “You coming, mate? You can stare at the books some other time.” He was half-turned on the stairs, letting a few people pass him by. “I know you’re new, but the workers in the cafeteria won’t accept that as a reason for us being late. Come on.”

That flight of stairs brought them up to a landing that branched off to the right and left where more classrooms were, and another set of stairs led up to another hall although this one wasn’t as big or interesting. More pale walls and ceramic tile flooring. To the right, the wall was solid metal with a door set inside about a quarter of the way down the corridor, but to the left, the wall opened up to reveal a large, populated room.

“This is the caf.” Liam sighed, grabbing Zayn’s arm to pull him into the enormous room and past the tables towards where there was a line of people grabbing trays and holding them out to the bored looking workers. “You only get what you’re given, and you better not complain.” Liam picked up two trays, passing one back to the other boy. “And you eat what you’re given. We don’t waste food here, yeah?”

Zayn nodded, accepting the tray and looking around the room. There were so many faces. Men and women, old and young. And a towering Harry weaving his way through the crowd with a bouncy Niall at his side, both of them aiming for the two boys in line.

“Zayn, you made it! I was getting worried.” Niall draped his arms around the older boy’s shoulders. “Harry was just trying to convince me not to go looking for you, so it’s a good thing you showed up. Is this your roommate? I’m Niall.” He turned his gaze to Liam who was already staring at him, but ignored him when Niall stuck his hand out.

The darker boy grabbed at Niall’s wrist, pulling it down and away from the boy. “Yeah, this is Liam. We just met like two minutes ago. Have you two already eaten?” He noticed that they didn’t have trays, but they’d just come from a table, so he wasn’t sure what to think.

“Yeah, we’re sitting at the table with Louis and his sisters. We’re right there, see.” Harry pointed over at a table and a little girl sat up, waving back at him with a wide, toothy grin. “That’s his little sister Daisy. We’ll be over there when you get through the line.” He rubbed his knuckles over Zayn’s arm and then reached for Niall’s hand to pull him back to their seats.

Things fell silent again for a few seconds, and then Liam spoke up. “You’ve already made friends?”

Zayn looked over at the boy. “No, Niall was with me before we got here. Harry was the one who came to find us. I’m still a bit confused on all of that, but yeah. Niall and I’ve been together for months. He just wasn’t in the hospital when we got here like I was.” Zayn passed his tray over to a frowning man who dropped a ladleful of something warm and soupy with bits of meat and vegetables in it before passing it off to the next woman and then the next and the next until the end. Zayn cleared his throat and glanced back over his shoulder to the table he was going to be sitting at, and then to Liam he said, “They’re my best mates.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’ve got them. Now you won’t have to sit at my table.” Liam grabbed his tray from the older woman behind the cafeteria bar, and he turned on his heel, disappearing into the crowd of tables.

“You’re a new face,” the woman smiled as she sat a glass of water on his tray and passed it over. “Welcome to Holdon.”

Zayn accepted his tray and murmured his thanks. Picking his way over to the crowded table where he’d be sitting, he saw Liam taking his own place at a table with three pretty girls and a man with golden hair down to his ears.

“Who’s he?” He heard a small voice say rather loudly, and it drew him back to his spot, to the table in front of him with the one chair open between Niall and a girl with bleached blonde hair. Louis was laughing at the comment, shushing one of the two girls at his side who appeared to be identical twins. “What? He’s pretty.” The twin smiled over at Zayn as he settled down into the chair and took hold of his fork.

He smiled over at the little girl. “I’m Zayn. What’s your name?”

She blushed and Louis was laughing again, nudging his little sister in the side. He answered for her, “This is Phoebe, her look-alike is Daisy. Fizzy is the one beside Harry, and Lottie is –“ The girl beside Zayn turned and smiled. “Yeah, she’s her. Welcome to our table, newbie.”

“Thanks, it’s nice to know I’m welcome somewhere.” He stabbed at the green trees that had been placed on his tray – he was pretty sure that they were called something like brococo, but he wasn’t sure - and he took a bite out of it. “Louis, do you know my roommate Liam?”

Phoebe giggled and blushed again, casting a look over her shoulder at Liam’s table. The girl was, like, ten (Safaa’s age, a voice in the back of Zayn’s mind supplied, but he didn’t want to go there) and she seemed to have crushes on every guy here so far. She twirled the spoon in her hand around, eyes glowing when she turned back to Zayn. “Liam Payne, is the son of Geoff Payne, the head botanist here. His mum’s the librarian and she’s super nice. He’s super nice.” She sighed and leaned against her twin who was giggling.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Yeah, what she said’s true. Why? Payno causing you problems already? His last roommate petitioned the Warden to let him move to a new room because Liam was ‘rude.’ Pheebs is just blinded by his insanely good looks; he’s not ‘super nice,’ but he has got his moments.” He lifted an eyebrow at Zayn, and repeated, “Why?”

“Nothing, he just seems like he doesn’t like me much.” Zayn speared another piece of brococo and popped it into his mouth. It was delicious, the savory burst of flavor as his teeth broke through the trunk of the tree-shaped vegetable. “He woke me up from my nap by throwing things at me, and he seemed thrilled when he found out I wouldn’t be trying to sit with him and his friends.”

Niall huffed out a sound, pulling his attention away from where Harry was currently sucking at a straw. “Sounds like a dick, if you ask me. At least you aren’t stuck with him all the time though.” He reached over for Harry’s hand, winding their fingers together. “Liam won’t follow you everywhere you go or try to sleep in your bed probably.”

“Hey!” Zayn felt Louis kick out at Niall, his foot brushing against Zayn’s. “There are little ears here, mate.” He tilted his head towards the twins.

The Irishman laughed, “Didn’t even mean it that way. But, really, Zayn, he’ll be at work all day and you won’t have to see him. And if he gets to be too awful, you can come live with Haz and I. Nothing we’ve not done before.”

Zayn shrugged, “We’ll see. Right now, I’m just focused on getting through dinner. What is this?” He poked a spoon at whatever the worker man had ladled onto his tray, and at the green tree veggies. “And what are these called?”

Fizzy, who had been silent up to this point, giggled, “That’s rabbit stew, and those are broccoli.” _Broccoli,_ Zayn mentally slapped himself, _that sounds a lot better than brococo._ “Have you never had them before? Broccoli is nasty.”

“No, I’ve been living off expired canned food for the past eight or nine years. Broccoli is probably the best tasting thing ever.” Zayn smiled down at his tray. “Don’t think I’ve ever had rabbit though.” He scooped a spoonful into his mouth, closing his eyes in pleasure at the burst of flavors in his mouth. He could’ve moaned if that would’ve been even somewhat appropriate.

Niall laughed to his left, “It’s good, innit?” He had already cleared his tray of the stew and the broccoli, the mashed up applesauce, and all he had left was one of two slices of bread.

The older boy grinned over at his best friend, drinking in the stew like he’d never eaten before. And as good as this food tasted, maybe he never had.

/\/\

\/\/

Niall and Harry let him come back to their room after dinner. Theirs was on the floor below his, which was absolutely packed with people moving around the halls, chatting with neighbors and the sheer amount of people amazed Zayn.

“I’m pretty sure that the rooms are smaller down here.” Niall explained as they descended down the stairs. “Haz, you have to see how big Z’s room is. Massive I swear it’s as big as a family-size room.” He squeezed between a group of giggling girls, winking when one of them said hello. “Oh, mate, all of our stuff’s in our room, so if you want any of it, you’ll have to carry it up.” He swung around a corner, reaching back to snag Zayn’s hand, fitting his fingers into the spots of Zayn’s where he knew they’d fit.

Harry was bumbling around somewhere behind them, but Zayn was too busy thinking about everything he knew Niall had brought from the University, trying to decide what he’d want to fill his and Liam’s dorm. And then he began to wonder, “Hey, what about the beasties? Where’re they at?” His heart hung in his throat, almost scared for the answer – hoping for the best, but sort of expecting to be told that Holdon had released them.

“Mate, this place is so cool. You don’t even know the half of it. The pets are fine.” Niall threw a grin over his shoulder and stopped in front of the first door in the hallway, fiddling with the doorknob for a second before shoving his shoulder into the wood, and it flew open. “Welcome to mi casa.” He threw his arms open wide as he stepped in, Zayn following close behind.

He was right; Zayn’s room was loads better.

The walls were painted a dingy yellow, the carpet floor had stains on it, and the two canopy beds (with curtains and sheets of a hideous shade of pink) were squeezed so close together that only one small side table could fit between them. At least in Zayn’s room there were two bedside tables and at least a foot of space between them. And more space around the room, although the enormous wardrobe and the boxes stacked against the wall opposite the door took up most of the space. And the bathroom that jutted out of the wall to the left.

“It’s nice, Ni.” Zayn lied through his teeth, stepping in further so Harry could step inside and close the door behind them.

“Don’t lie, Z. It’s a piece of shit, and we know it.” Niall flopped down on the bed closest to the door, wiggling his way to the head of the bed, making room for Harry to clamber on. “The boxes are right there if you want to look through ‘em.”

Zayn did walk over to the boxes, a dozen of them stacked in a pyramid shape with two more on the side. “So where are the cats and dogs?” He asked again, carefully pulling the top box down from the pyramid and opening it to see their blankets, pillows, and clothes.

“Right,” Niall sat up, the springs in the mattress squeaking loudly as he did. “So, this is a sciency place, you know? And they somehow figured out a way to get this weather shield thing up, so on the top level there’s the middle part of the building that’s just like open to the sky, and it’s a field man. That’s why the food here’s so fresh. They actually grow it! The weather thingy keeps out the cold and if it’s snowing outside, then it rains over the fields and sometimes there’s sunlight, you know? It’s sick.” Niall grinned, tangling his legs with Harry’s as he talked and Zayn sorted through their clothes.

Most of his clothing was torn and had holes, it smelled awfully of sweat and dog fur, and it just looked old. He glanced down at what he was wearing and then back at his old clothes. _Maybe I should get rid of these old ones,_ he thought and began to create a pile.

“Up there in the fields, they’ve also got this building, Louis says.” Niall continued on. “They’ve got cows and pigs, chickens, rabbits, and almost any animal that people eat. And they’ve got a section dedicated to cats and another for dogs. It’s awesome, bro. I hope when the Warden assigns me a job, I get to work there.”

Zayn glanced up. “What?”

Harry laughed, “You didn’t think that Holdon just lets people come stay here for free did you? We have to work, mate. Lou’s the welcoming committee/info guy; I’m a rescuer and a runner. Everyone has to pull their own weight.” He explained, carding his fingers through Niall’s hair. “If Ni does get that job up with the animals then he’ll be classified as a farmer. He’ll be one of the few people here that get to go up on level one.”

“Really? Why’s that?” Zayn shifted his attention to another box, this one full of books.

“Level one’s where the scientists live. It’s where they do a lot of their research, so it’s sort of classified. They also do some of their experiments for like reversing this Ice Age across from the Caf and the Kitchens. I’m sure you noticed that wall?” Zayn nodded along to Harry’s words. “That wall’s rumored to be ten feet thick of solid steel. They do their intense sciency stuff on the other side, so that wall’s there to prevent all of their shit from leaking out to the rest of Holdon.”

Zayn stacked the books he wanted beside him, next to the clothes that he was probably going to pitch in the garbage at first chance. “So they don’t want people up on level one in case someone gets hit by an experimental weather ray or something?”

Harry caught Zayn’s gaze and laughed for a moment. “Yeah, something like that.”

“So, we’re not allowed to go see Rufus and Tiger and all of them?” The older boy’s quiet question sounded loud in the otherwise silent room. “That’s a bit unfair.”

Niall shrugged, “I asked Lou and he said we just have to get clearance from the Warden before going up. And even then we’ve only got half an hour up there. It’s weird, mate, but I’ll take it.”

They all three lapsed into silence; the two love birds were tangled around each other and watching Zayn, while he was busy dismantling their pyramid to find his books, his CDs, his knick knacks. After he found them all, he sorted them into two boxes that he’d take back up the stairs to his and Liam’s room.

“I’ll help you,” Harry said in a hushed tone as Zayn tried to lift the heavier of the two boxes. It was then that Zayn noticed Niall had fallen asleep, curled towards the spot where Harry had been laying. “I need to see your massive room anyway.”

The far more muscled of the two carried the heavy box, while Zayn allowed Harry to bully him into taking the lighter one. “Your arms are like twigs, mate. If you try and carry this one all the way there, you’ll break in half.” He was right of course; they weren’t even halfway there before his arms began aching from the box of clothes.

When they finally did reach the first room in the third branch of the corridor, Zayn nudged the door open with his hip, half-hoping that Liam wasn’t in there. But he was.

The curly-haired boy was lying on his stomach in his bed, reading something, but he jerked into an upright position as soon as Zayn stepped inside. “You’re back.” He frowned, and pushed the thing he’d been reading behind him on the bed. “Where’ve you been?”

“I was getting my things from before.” Zayn explained, shaking the box in his hands (and nearly dropping it in the process). Harry had moved over to the other side of the room silently, watching the interactions of the two roommates with interest while he placed the box down on the other side of Zayn’s bed. “What are you reading?”

Liam cringed as if Zayn had taken a swing at him. “Nothing. It’s none of your business.” Harry stifled a laugh on the other side of the room and both of the older boys turned to look at him. “What are you laughing at, Styles? Don’t you have to get back to your dorm before curfew?”

“There’s a curfew?” Zayn asked.

“Yeah,” The youngest boy in the room dropped his head, shuffling back over to Zayn. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He wrapped his arms around Zayn and squeezed him tightly for a brief moment before he was gone and the door was swinging closed again, leaving Zayn to stare at Liam who was nearly glaring at him.

Zayn fidgeted around under the intensity of the other boy’s gaze. “Do you hate me or something?” He asked, crouching down to place the box on the floor. “All you’ve done since you met me is be rude or stare.” He stood up to his full height again and crossed his arms on his chest. “I know I’m not from here, but it’s not like I’m that different from you.”

The other boy shoved off of the bed, stepping over the space that existed between the two of them. He was taller than Zayn; that much he was sure of. Zayn licked his lips nervously as Liam’s shadow enveloped him, their bodies so close that he could feel the heat coming off of the other boy. He’d have liked to think that he wasn’t easily intimidated, but when he lifted his gaze from Liam’s throat to his lips (god, they were nice lips) to his eyes, Zayn froze.

It wasn’t that Liam’s eyes were terrifyingly dark or that his eyebrows were crunched up in a frown that reminded Zayn a bit of his older cousin that had liked to beat him up when he was younger. It wasn’t that Liam’s pupils were dilated with emotion, or that Zayn heard the sound of cracking knuckles. The thing that made his blood run cold in his veins was that he’d noticed a birthmark on Liam’s throat. Just a small dark stain on his skin, but it had haunted Zayn’s dreams for months.

“Fuck,” Zayn whispered, stumbling back a few steps until his back collided with the door of their bathroom. This was like some weird sort of déjà vu.

The bushy-eyebrowed boy seemed satisfied with that reaction, and he turned back to his bed, kicking Zayn’s box of clothes in the process. When he climbed back on his bed, that’s when Zayn saw what the other man had been reading.

“Is that one of my comics?” He stepped forward again, the shock of the birthmark wearing off just that easily. “Did you go through my things?” Zayn spat, rushing over to his roommate’s bed to grab the comic book off the sheets.

“As your roommate, I have every right to see what you’ve got hiding in your bag.” Liam folded his arms, pressing himself back against the headboard as Zayn snatched the comic book back.

Zayn sneered, tossing the pages back over to his own bed. “You have no right to do that! I don’t care who the fuck you think you are, that’s all my stuff. You keep your shit over here, I’ll keep mine over there, and we don’t touch each other’s. Deal?” He turned back to his box, giving it a kick across the room, and then he ducked into their bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

This guy was an asshole. No wonder his last roommate had requested a new place.

Zayn flipped on the light switch and was immediately shocked by his reflection in the mirror. It’s not that he and Niall hadn’t had mirrors at the university. They had, but Zayn had generally avoided them. He didn’t want to see his own face anymore, not now that it reminded him of his parents or his sisters. He looked too much like his Baba, and every time he looked in the mirror it was like a punch in the gut, like staring down at the photo albums his mum used to keep beside their bed. Even earlier that day in the hospital room when Zayn had looked at his reflection, he’d avoided his face.

Now, though, there was no avoiding it. He was looking dead ahead at the mirror. And he looked different.

Months had passed since he’d last really seen his reflection. His hair had grown out, dark and thick, ending just below his ears. He had dark shadows under his eyes and the ill pallor of his face only enhanced them. His jaw was covered in thick stubble (despite having shaved not that long ago when Harry’d complained at him) and his lips looked pale and cracked. He looked like death warmed over. No wonder Liam wasn’t too happy to look at him. Why hadn’t Niall or Harry pointed out to him just how awful he looked?

Zayn lifted a hand to rub at his jaw; the sharp prickle of his facial hair against his fingers was like a gear that started him moving. He stepped into the shower. With a sigh of relief he felt warm water cascade down his back, loosening the muscles that were rigid with stress and unfamiliarity with this place. There was shampoo and a bar of soap sitting on the small shelf inside the black tiled shower, and Zayn let himself enjoy the feeling of soapsuds running in warm rivers down his body as steam clouded the glass door of the shower.

He was probably in there for eight minutes, but it felt like forever. Back at the Science Building, he and Niall hadn’t really had a shower, but they did have an emergency chemical wash station in a lab room down the hall. It didn’t really work, but there was a drain, so they would use melted snow and a cloth to wash off every now then.

That water had never been warm, so this burning water that Zayn let scald his skin was wonderful.

He stepped out of the shower and dripped onto the floor for a moment or two before looking around in search of a towel. Of course, there wasn’t one. He could always air dry for a little while and then pull his pants back on, or he could open the door an inch and nicely ask Liam for a towel. Something told him the second idea wouldn’t work as well as the first, but what the hell, he’d try it.

The air that rushed in as soon as he cracked the door open bit into Zayn’s skin like he’d stepped straight out into the arctic outside. Liam was lying on his back, staring up at the canopy with his hands behind his head. Zayn cleared his throat.

“What?” His roommate grumbled, turning over on his side so that he could better see the bathroom door.

“There’s no towels in here.”

He smirked and rolled back to face the canopy. “Nice observation. What do you want me to do about it?”

“You could find me one? Please?” Zayn suppressed a shiver and decreased the gap that he was speaking through.

Liam shrugged. “I could, but you said that you wouldn’t touch my stuff as long as I didn’t touch yours. So, the towel’s mine, and you can’t touch it.”

That was truly a dick move to use his own words against him in a time like this. Zayn shivered again, “What do you want, Liam? You want to read the comic book? Fine, just please bring me a towel. I’m freezing my balls off.”

The other boy was quiet for a moment, staring up at the ceiling while the sound of the lights buzzing overhead filled their ears. And then, “Alright,” he rolled into a sitting up position. “but it’s not just this one comic book. I want to read all of the ones you’ve got whenever I want to read them.” He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at Zayn until the older boy whined out his agreement.

A smile broke across those sinful lips, and he stood up, vanishing for a second while Zayn heard him rummaging around in that wardrobe on his side of the room. “Here,” Liam mumbled, pushing a fluffy purple towel in through the crack in the door. “Can I have the comic book now?”

“Sure.” Zayn pulled the towel in, quickly running it over his dripping body, thankful to have something wrapped around him. He gathered his clothes into his arms, and finally pushed the bathroom door open all the way.

Liam had moved back over to his bed and was once again on his stomach, flipping through the pages of the comic book. He didn’t even let his eye flicker over to Zayn as he slipped out of the bathroom door and over to the far side of his bed where his box of clothes was.

With one hand holding the towel in place, Zayn found a pair of pants to slip on under the towel, which he then dropped and ran over his hair. He should really look into getting it cut, and also finding a razor so he could shave again.

Even though he was sure it wasn’t really very late at all, and despite the nap he’d taken earlier, Zayn felt sleep tugging heavily at his eyelids. He only had enough energy to begin sorting his clothes into the wardrobe on his half of the room before he gave in to sleep’s call, and crawled under his sheets, not even bothering with a “goodnight” to Liam.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world has been over for 15 years. To survive is no longer to live, it's to push through each day and make it to the next, find the things that hold you together - whether they be people or possessions - because things don't just break apart in this weather. They shatter.  
> (aka a ziam au where there's a lot of snow, a handful of cats and dogs, and a miracle or two in the middle of it all)

The lights buzzed to life overhead, the sound invading Zayn’s sleep in the form of a swarm of bumblebees. He jerked awake after the first one stung him; his heart throbbed in his chest, and he was gasping for breath. Liam was still asleep in his bed across the room, or at least that’s what Zayn was assuming since the boy had his curtains drawn and there were snores leaking out through the gap in the green fabric.

He had no clue what time it was, but something told him that it was too early, he rolled over, burying his face in the pillow that he’d brought from the University. It smelled awful, but in a comforting way. He smiled against the material, inhaling the smell of Rufus and Tiger and all of the other little beasts, he could smell the fire, and a hint of Niall and Harry.

Sleep wasn’t going to come back to him. Zayn pulled himself out of bed, heading straight for what was left to unpack from his boxes. There were still a few clothes to put away and he needed to find a place to stack all of his books, CDs, and the radio. He left his bag alone on the floor at the foot of his bed.

Liam woke up a bit later, groaning and making a lot of noise as he moved the curtains and crawled out of bed. “So you weren’t just a dream then?” He muttered, pushing a hand through his nest of curls. He blinked at Zayn.

“Nope, sorry.” The darker boy looked back over his shoulder, glimpsing Liam bent over, stretching his muscles as he reached for his toes. Zayn cleared his throat. “Do you know what time it is?”

“Half seven.” Liam replied easily, standing up tall again and lifting his arms overhead. “Thanks for letting me read the comic book last night. Thor’s one of my favorites.” He grabbed the pages off his bed and tossed it over to Zayn who caught it. “Named my dog after Loki. He’s a little menace.”

Zayn’s ears perked up at that. “You’ve got a dog?”

“Yeah. He stays up with all the other dogs though. I wish he could be down here, but pets aren’t allowed for some reason.” Liam frowned, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Well, I’m going to go shower. Breakfast after.” They nodded at each other and the younger of the two vanished into the bathroom.

So Liam had a dog. A dog named after a comic book character. Zayn smiled and looked down at the comic in his hands. Maybe he and Liam did have a few things in common after all.

They walked up to the Cafeteria together again, and once again, they parted ways as soon as they were handed their trays full of food. Liam went over to his table where a pretty girl with caramel skin and navy hair sat – where did she get the hair dye, Zayn wondered briefly – and the boy with the golden hair down to his ears. Harry was the only familiar face that Zayn could spot, and he was sitting alone, picking at his breakfast of various fruits and a brown mush that was oatmeal. A glass of fresh orange juice sat on the edge of his tray.

“Hey,” Zayn dropped down into the seat beside him, startling the sleepy younger boy. “Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Harry shrugged. “You’re fine, I’m just tired. They’re making me go out on a run today. I’ve only been back for a few days.” He whined, pushing around the fruit with his fork. “Niall’s not too happy about that because he’s not had a job assigned yet. Maybe you should keep him company today.” Harry glanced up through his lashes, pleading with Zayn.

“Yeah, of course. I was probably going to do that anyway.” He stirred the bland oatmeal around. “I need to have a look around here anyway. All I’ve seen is the dorms, the library, and here. What else is there?”

“Loads. Niall’ll show you if he ever gets his arse out of the shower.” Harry smiled, “He takes forever, lets the water run cold after a while.” He pushed his tray back away from him. “I’ve told him, he’ll get all pruney, but he doesn’t listen.”

“Oi.” Harry ducked as a hand swatted at the back of his head, and the boy they’d just been speaking about appeared. “You’re the one who takes forever, Mr. I-Have-So-Much-Hair.” Niall fit himself into the small space between his two best friends. “What’s Barbara fixed for us today.” He practically squeezed himself onto Harry’s lap, stealing his spoon to get a taste of oatmeal and berries. “Not bad. Z, you wait ‘til you get to taste the rest of this woman’s stuff. Barb’s amazing.”

Harry rolled his eyes, pinching at the Irishman’s hip. “That’s a sixty-seven year old woman that you’re moaning about in front of me.”

They began flirting back and forth, feeding each other and giggling, and Zayn was so disgusted that he tuned them out and glanced around the room for something to distract him.

After sweeping his gaze over the tables that were slowly being filled, past the girl with the pale purple hair – how did they have hair dye? – and the bearded man who stood at a table with his heavily tattooed arms folded across his chest. Zayn’s gaze fell on a boy with thick eyebrows who was already watching him.

Liam’s arm was extended over the back of the girl’s chair. She was babbling, pushing her glasses up her nose and waving her other hand around as she spoke. Their trays were all abandoned in front of them, food gone already; Liam was still sipping at his orange juice, and his eyes were glued to the spot where Zayn was sitting. As soon as he noticed he’d been caught out, he glanced away, curving towards the navy-haired girl who grinned at him, reaching over to poke a finger into Liam’s belly.

Were they together then? The way that they fit together, and how she looked at him with that snow-bright smile.

She said something that caused Liam to throw back his head and laugh, squeezing her shoulders in a one armed hug. The other boy at their table was rolling his eyes, saying something to them before making kissy faces that caused Liam to pull away from the girl and blush, shaking his head.

“You’re staring.” Niall wrapped a hand around the back of Zayn’s neck with his thumb brushing over the bone. “He’s pretty, isn’t he? If I wasn’t with Harry or whatever, I’d be very interested in that. Those lips.” Niall hummed, his lips pressed against Zayn’s ear.

Zayn shrugged the other boy off, bringing his attention back around to his best mate. Harry had vanished, probably off to work, so now all of the younger boy’s attention was on Zayn. “Shut up. I don’t think he’s even into guys, Ni. He was just hanging all over that girl he’s sitting with. And even if he is into guys, I’m not into him like that. I admit he’s good-looking, but –“

 “He’s more than good looking, mate.” Niall scoffed. “Are you finished eating? Haz told me that you wanna see more of this place.”

“Yeah,” He pulled his tray closer, draining the glass of juice in a second and then he stood up, carrying his tray over to the window into the kitchen where a collection of trays had already accumulated. “Where are we going to start?”

The younger boy grinned, grasping Zayn’s shoulder tightly. “I think we should hit up the stores. They’ve got a whole complex down below the dorms. There’s a few pools, a few sports fields, a gym. And stores, an auditorium.” He dropped his hand down to Zayn’s, lacing their fingers together and pulling him out of the cafeteria.

The E-Level as Niall called it (“short for Entertainment level”) was six flights of stairs down from the caf. To the right of where they stood at the base of the stairs were two doorways. “Those are showers and stuff.” Niall pointed as they passed them by. “We don’t care about all of this stuff. I want to get to the stores. You’ve seen how some people have like green or bright red hair, yeah? They’ve got hair dye here! I’m itching to bleach mine blond again. It’s been too long.”

Stepping in through the double-doors that separated the sections of the level, Zayn was surprised to find that it looked a lot like that mall that he’d raided forever ago with his cousins. The floors were all pseudo-marble tiles, the walls were a hideous mixture of dark brown and beige, and there were five or six shops.

“Clothes, hair, or more clothes?” Niall asked, pointing out the stores.

Zayn was just amazed that in this post-apocalyptic Ice Age there was a mini-mall hundreds of feet below ground. “Whatever you want, Ni.” He blinked over at the other boy, taking in his ragged appearance of shaggy brown hair, the tips barely blond. He knew that he wasn’t much better: ratty, inky, matted hair grown down past his ears.

They could both do with a trim. He never mentioned that, but Niall decided for him. His calloused fingers tangled in Zayn’s hair, twisting it, “You’ll look better with it shorter, mate. C’mon.”

That’s how Zayn ended up sat in a chair in front of a mirror with a chirpy blonde woman turning his head from side to side, babbling on about her daughter whilst she waved a pair of scissors in front of his face. Niall was somewhere off to his right, laughing along with the black woman who was picking out some clothes for him.

“I like the boots, Caroline,” Niall told the woman, combing his fingers through his newly blond hair, trimmed short with the sides still brunet. “My roommate wears boots all the time. I fancy getting a pair myself. And that tshirt.” He plucked one off the rack of clothes, holding it up to his chest.

The older of the two boys watched in the mirror as the chunks of his hair floated down to the ground. Zayn watched the woman run an electric razor over the side of his head, shearing the hair off, but leaving the top an inch or so long.

“This is sick,” He leaned toward the mirror, trying to get a clearer view of the new style of his hair. “Can you deal with all of this too?” He ran a hand over the thick beard on his jaw. “I don’t really need it anymore.” The woman agreed and began to trim his beard down.

Louis found them there just as Zayn was finishing up, slipping into some new clothes courtesy of Caroline, and running his fingers through his newly short hair, courtesy of Louise.

“Woah,” Louis grinned, walking into the room with his hands buried in his pockets, a pair of square-framed glasses perched on his nose. “You clean up nice, Zayn. Who would’ve thought you were this gorgeous under all that hair.” He knocked his shoulder against Niall’s, “You too, mate? You’re a blondie now; Pheebs is gonna love that.”

Niall and Louis knocked about with each other while Caroline finished stuffing clothes for Zayn into his arms. She’d explained the rules of clothing to him earlier. Each person is allowed two jackets, ten shirts, two pairs of jeans, one pair of sweatpants, three pairs of shoes, and four accessories (only one could be jewelry) to start out with. What they did with their earned money was wholly up to them.

Before the oldest boy could grab Zayn and pull him away from the stylist, Zayn caught another glimpse of his reflection in a mirror. After being here for only a day really, he already looked so much healthier. Especially with this haircut, being clean-shaven, and wearing clean clothes for the first time in a long time.

/\/\

\/\/

Zayn quickly found that the weirdest thing about Holdon was how absurdly quiet it was. Even as he passed down the halls of the dorms, just nosing around to see what there was, he couldn’t hear anything other than his footsteps and the lights buzzing overhead. Given that it was the time of morning when most people here were already at work and the kids were in school, but he sort of expected there to be _some_ noise.

From the dorms, he went up to the school levels, expecting that there’d be some noise there. He wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t right either.

A few men and women were dotted around the massive library hall. While Zayn walked over the layers of Persian carpets that covered floor, he found that the sound of his footsteps was absorbed. Off to his right a woman sneezed as he passed by, and the sound of fluttering pages seemed loud in the place. A chair creaked somewhere. No noise escaped the doors of the classrooms that Zayn passed by.

He could see the children inside, the teachers standing in front of their pupils, mouths moving as they taught or chastised the kids, but he couldn’t hear a single word leaving their lips.

“Hello,” Someone spoke from beside him, scaring the shit out him. “Sorry.”

A middle-aged woman with shoulder-length blonde hair was standing in front of him, smiling apologetically and pushing her glasses up higher in front of her crinkled eyes. She stretched a hand out, placing it on his arm, but Zayn jerked away from the touch.

“Sorry,” She repeated again. “You’re the new boy, yes?” She waited until Zayn nodded. “Oh, good. I’m Karen, the librarian here. The Warden was talking to me about you. She said she’s thinking of assigning you a position here. I’m afraid we don’t get much business through here other than kids looking for research books, so I told her that’d be fine, but it’s not necessary.”

Zayn perked up at the mention of a job. “I’d be fine with working here. I love books, me and my mate, back before we were here, we built our own library.”  He explained, “It wasn’t really organized though, so maybe that’s not the best example of my librarianship.” Karen laughed and told him that if he needed help finding anything to just come find her. “I will,” the boy promised.

Karen retreated, leaving him to find a comfy chair and a good book to settle into. Since Lou and Niall had abandoned him in favor of going to play football with some other guys, Zayn had to find his own entertainment. _The Great Gatsby_ was a novel that Zayn had once picked up, but he’d never really started it, so here in this library so far below ground, he curled up in an overstuffed armchair and fell back in time to the roaring 1920s in New York City.

Hours later, he was pulled out of the pool of words, dripping with amazement at the ending of the novel. Karen stood in front of him, still smiling brightly. “It’s dinner time. I just thought you might want to know.”

“Thank you.” He stood up, towering several inches over the woman. “Do I just leave the book, or?”

Karen nodded, “Yes, sweetheart. You can pick it up after dinner.” She pulled it from his hands and left it on the seat, smiling gently. “Rumor has it that Barbara has cooked up spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread. Nothing’s better than her spaghetti.”

So Zayn walked up to the cafeteria with Karen the librarian, chatting with her about _Great Gatsby_ and about the possibility of them becoming co-workers if the Warden decided so. Harry and Louis were already sitting at the table with the twins, calling over to Zayn as soon as he stepped into the room.

He waved over at them, causing one of the twins to blush, and then he fell into line behind Niall – it took him a second to remember that he was blond now. “Hey,” Zayn leaned forward, wrapping an arm around Niall’s waist. “How was the football stuff with Louis?”

“It was great craic,” Niall turned around, pushing a tray into Zayn’s arms. “We beat the other guys. Haz came down after he got back from the run today. Idiot nearly died when he tried to play a game with us.” The once-again-blond boy flicked a glance over his shoulder at the tall, curly-haired boy.

Harry was watching them, eyes glued to Niall, and a crooked grin on his face.

“You two are ridiculous.” Zayn laughed, passing his tray off to one of the workers behind the service counter. Then he caught sight of Niall’s googly heart-eyes. “You’re disgusting. Just fucking gross, Ni.” They bumped hips, Niall giggled, cheeks going pink.

“We’re not any grosser than the way your hot roommate is staring at you right now.” Niall nodded past Zayn, eyes focused on something further down the line. He turned to look, but the younger boy reached up to smack his cheek lightly. “Don’t look.”

“Why can’t I look?” Zayn frowned.

Niall rolled his eyes, accepting his tray from the man at the end of the line. “Trust me, Z. Don’t look.”

They walked over to the table. Louis slid his arm over the back of Zayn’s chair, pinching his shoulder. “Saw you trying to make good with the roomie via his mum.”

“What?” Zayn pierced a meatball with his fork. “Who?”

“Karen Payne, Liam’s mum.” Lou explained, reaching over a stealthy fork to steal a meatball from Zayn’s tray. “Or do you just like to flirt with older women?”

Zayn pinched the older boy’s hand when he tried to steal another meatball. “No. I didn’t know who she was. She told me that she was the librarian, but that’s it.” Zayn glanced around for the woman, but she was nowhere in sight. Liam, though, he was sitting at the same table as always, and his gaze was fixed on Zayn.

He looked away as his face flushed with heat, focusing all of his attention on the garlic bread and spaghetti. Harry whistled off to Zayn’s left, laughing into his cup of water. “He’s staring straight over here, mate.”

This time Zayn didn’t let Niall’s light slap on the wrist deter him from making eye contact with the boy across the room.

Liam’s eyes were dark, his pink lips twisted in a smirk as his arm was wrapped around the shoulders of that same navy-haired girl. A flare of heat deep bloomed in Zayn’s belly that he couldn’t explain, white hot _something_ boiling. If this were a cartoon, steam would have been billowing from his ears.

Inexplicably, he was angry at the other boy. No, furious.

Seething quietly, he turned back to his tray, scooping the spaghetti into his mouth in seconds, the garlic bread too, and then he pushed away from the table. “I’ll be in the library if anyone wants to find me.”

“Z!” Niall called after him, turning a few heads their way, but Zayn didn’t stop, he didn’t turn around. He let the spontaneous combustion of his insides carry him through the room and down the stairs.

The library was vacant and even quieter than it had been before. Everyone really was up at dinner. _I’ve probably got a good thirty minutes before anyone else’ll come bother me,_ he thought as he returned to the same seat as earlier.

Given that he’d finished _Great Gatsby,_ Zayn returned it to the shelf and was in the browsing process for a new one when he was interrupted.

“You look different.” The boy shuffling towards Zayn couldn’t seem to draw his eyes up from the carpet at his feet. “Edgier, cooler, not as much of a mountain man.” Liam sidled to a stop at Zayn’s side, finally pulling his gaze up from the rug they were standing on.

“Thanks, I guess.” Zayn leaned away from the slightly taller boy, returning to brushing his fingers over the dusty spines of the books. “Is that why you’ve been staring at me? Or have I got something on my face my friends wouldn’t tell me about?”

Liam let out a breathy laugh, leaning against the shelf that Zayn was perusing. “No, I was just wondering who the other new guy was. He looked a bit like you, but he was totally different. I didn’t know it actually was you until you sat down with your friends.”

“Mmm, and why’ve you followed me down from dinner?” Zayn pulled a book off the shelf, _The Hobbit._

The younger boy shook his head, “I wasn’t following you. Me mum works here, I’m waiting for her to come back from dinner.” He kicked the toe of his boot over the rug, creating a darker line across it. “I just saw you standing here and thought I’d tell you that I like the new haircut. Oh, and the Warden wants to see you. I think it’ll probably be about your job.”

“How does she decide that anyway?” Zayn pushed away from the shelf, carrying the book back with his towards a chair. A single chair. He didn’t want Liam getting any ideas about staying to chat too long.

“Couldn’t tell you.” Liam shrugged, following him over. “I think she probably just checks for the recently vacated positions, watches you, gets to know a bit about you, and then puts you where you’ll fit best.”

Zayn snorted, “You make it sound like we’re all pieces to a puzzle.”

“We are though, aren’t we?” Zayn watched as Liam picked up a chair a few feet away from a table, and he brought it over to sit by Zayn. _So that plan didn’t work,_ the darker boy thought. Liam continued where he’d left off, “We’re trying to find an end to the winter, so we’re all a piece of that puzzle. We’re all working towards the same end, you know?”

It made sense, but Zayn didn’t want to keep up this conversation. He wanted to read about little halflings in a magical land.

Liam, though, he didn’t seem to mind continuing the conversation. “The Warden gave me a job up on the first level just because that’s where my dad works and most of my friends too. She knew I’m not much of a reader, so she didn’t put me down here.” He looked around at the shelves, then back to Zayn.

The younger, golden boy licked his lips, sucking the bottom one into his mouth. Zayn watched closely as the spit-slick lip was pushed back out, glistening in the lights overhead. That burning in his belly picked back up, his heart pounded, and he forced himself to drag his gaze away to the book in his lap.

“She’ll probably give me a job here. Just shelving the books and being bored.” Zayn mumbled, tracing the letters of the book’s title.

Liam laughed. He actually laughed, “No, Mum’ll make sure that you’ve always got something to do. Right now it’s just her working here. She’s got to help everyone, restock the books, and babysit the school kids.” He fidgeted in his chair, fingers messing with the tear in his jeans, and Zayn could feel his gaze intent on the side of his face.

Before Zayn could reply to that, someone else spoke up.

“Liam!” Karen was walking towards them, smiling brightly with her arms thrown wide. “How are you, sweetheart?” Her son rose to greet her, welcoming her in his arms, her small frame overwhelmed by his. “Oh, and you know Zayn?”

She peered out from under Liam’s arm towards the other boy. “Yeah, I know ‘im. He’s my roommate.” Liam slid back down into his seat, staring up at his mother with wide, innocent brown eyes.

It was a moment later that Karen pulled her son up and herded him back towards the back of the room where the librarian’s desk was. Zayn was glad that at last he was alone with the book. Briefly.

“Zayn,” The Warden appeared, climbing up the stairs from the dorms, that plastic smile smeared on her face again. “Good thing that you’re already here.”

The library was in fact going to be his job assignment, the blonde woman told him. No surprise to him, although she told him that as if he’d been given a prize. The Warden – who he was beginning to wonder if she had an actual name – made sure to tell him the rules: report to work as soon as possible in the mornings (when the lights first come on is like an alarm and from there he has approximately forty-five minutes to get to the library), he does whatever Karen Payne tells him to do, and he’s paid on Tuesdays.

Easy enough to understand. Zayn thanked her, praying that that would make her leave so that he could read in peace. Of course not; he was in hell with all of these people trying to socialize with him.

“Do you have any questions? I can answer anything that Louis doesn’t.” She smiled, folding one leg over the other as she occupied the seat that Liam had abandoned.

“No, I’m good. Lou’s pretty good about knowing everything here. Is there anything I should know that he probably doesn’t?” Zayn cocked his head to the side, running his gaze over the woman across from him.

Not for the first time, he was amazed that she was sort of an enigma. She was nameless, and she was in charge despite her only being a year or two older than him at the most. She was always smiling that toxic smile that seeped into his pores and left him feeling like he should do whatever she wanted him to. She was quite beautiful.

“You should know that we don’t agree with laziness. If you miss work more than once without a valid excuse – illness, mostly – then you’ll be fired and sent to the psych ward of the hospital for an examination. If the psychologist decides that you’re unfit, we do send you away from Holdon. We can’t afford any parasites here.” Her blue eyes were steel daggers, piercing him and sending the first shivers down his spine in days.

“Thanks for the tip.” Zayn ducked his head, licking his bottom lip nervously.

When he cracked the book open and flipped to the first page, she got the message, and stood up. “Good luck, Zayn.” She vanished a second later, leaving only the soft scent of daisies in her wake.

Finally, he was good and alone with his book.

/\/\

\/\/

“He’s in here. C’mon, babe, you said you -” Zayn jolted awake when he heard the door open, the book he’d checked out of the library was still resting on his chest. Liam was inching into the room, holding the hand of a girl behind him. He was grinning at her, fingers laced with hers as he tried to pull her in behind him.

She giggled as Liam pulled her further into the room. It was the navy-haired girl, thick-rimmed black glasses sat on her nose.

Zayn pushed himself upright, rubbing at his eyes. He should probably leave. If Liam had brought his girlfriend back to their room, he didn’t want to be there for that.

She laughed again, “Liam, no. I don’t know. Just, let’s go back to Andy’s room. He and Jordan and Ruth were just pulling out the records.” Her eyes flickered over to the bed and she caught Zayn’s gaze, eyes going wide as soon as she knew that he was watching them. “C’mon, let’s just go back. Jordan’s there, and you know how much he likes you.” She nudged Liam’s hip.

The boy flushed, and glanced back towards Zayn’s bed, cheeks going an even deeper shade of pink when he saw that Zayn was watching.

“Yeah, Jade, um,” Liam released her hand, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck. “Why don’t you go back? I should stay here anyway. I’ve got a busy day tomorrow, and you know what I think of Roo’s taste in music.”

The girl nodded, her eyes flicking over toward Zayn and back to Liam. “Oh, alright. I’ll tell them you were feeling tired.” She stretched up on her toes, whispering something in his ear before pressing a kiss to Liam’s cheek and stepping quickly from the room.

Liam’s cheeks were still flaming when he pressed his back to the door, looking straight over towards his roommate. “Hi.”

“Hey?” Zayn bookmarked his page and sat the book over on the table beside the bed. “What was up with that? I would’ve left if you wanted me to.”

Even though it had seemed impossible, Liam’s cheeks got hotter. “No. No, that, um - that was Jade. She’s a chemist up on level one.” He pushed away from the door and launched himself onto his bed, hiding his fiery face in the pillows. His voice was muffled when he spoke next, “We’re not – We don’t sleep together, or whatever?”

Zayn laughed and pushed off his bed, pulling his shirt over his head. He’d meant to go take a shower, but somewhere between giant spiders and an elven king, he’d started to drift off to sleep. Liam shifted his head so that he was looking at the other boy. “Why’re you looking at me? That’s a bit weird.” Zayn pressed the shirt to his chest, backing towards the bathroom door.

The younger boy lifted a hand to flip him off, pushing his face back into the pillow as he did so.

Zayn hid his smile, dropping the shirt into the bottom of his wardrobe and grabbing his towel from where he’d left it the night before. Liam was still face-down on his bed when Zayn disappeared into the shower.

/\/\

\/\/

A few days passed while Zayn grew accustomed to his new routine.

He would wake up as soon as the lights buzzed on overhead. The next three minutes would be spent arguing with Liam over who would get the shower first, and usually Liam won those arguments because he had these eyes that melted Zayn’s heart – and he was usually shirtless which was a fair bit distracting if he’d starred in Zayn’s dreams that night.

After showering quickly and dressing in whichever button down shirt he thought would be most appropriate for the day, the new librarian-in-training would run up to the caf, clear his tray in two minutes flat, and spend the rest of the time chatting with his friends.

Niall had gotten a job as well. The Warden had stuck him with a rather decent job up in the Animal Care Center on the top level of Holdon. He was ecstatic, of course, because it meant that he could see his little beasties every day again.

“Rufus misses you, mate.” The blond had told Zayn after his first day. “He whined terribly when I walked into the room, and nearly tackled me and covered me with slobber. But he wouldn’t stop looking at the door like he was waiting for you. You should come up some time.”

The problem with that was that Zayn never had the time. He had to work all day and even though Karen did give him breaks when students were up eating lunch, it wasn’t ever enough time to get all the way up to the ACC, see Rufus, and come back down. And then straight from work, he went to dinner, and by that time, he wasn’t allowed to go up to the first level even with the exclusive clearance of The Warden.

So the days dragged by, and before Zayn knew it, his first week of work had gone by, and it was Tuesday. His first payday.

That was actually something he’d been looking forward to. There were very few things in Holdon that one actually had to pay for, but Zayn had discovered that coffee was one of those.

Brewed fresh every morning, sending delicious steam up into the air, the coffee machine sat in the corner of the cafeteria opposite the door. He’d noticed the line before, but it wasn’t until Louis showed up with the warm drink one morning that Zayn grew curious.

And now he could afford some.

“Look who woke up on the right side of the bed.” Karen laughed when Zayn arrived at the librarian’s desk at the far end of the library. His fingers were wrapped around a nice, steamy cup of coffee, and for once he didn’t actually look like a zombie. “Morning, darling.” She patted his shoulder with a soft smile that he’d noticed she reserved for him.

At this early hour, students were still getting ready to leave their rooms, so Zayn had a bit to get ready for the onslaught. Most mornings, he was left to restock the shelves with books that had been returned after dinner the evening before.

This morning, Karen had different plans for him.

“I need you to take this book up to level one for me.” She passed him a thick, leather-bound book that was actually covered in dust. “The Warden’s given you permission, so take this badge,” she pinned a badge to the collar of Zayn’s shirt. “That book goes to room 5505, to Dr. Fletcher. He was very explicit about needing it this morning.”

Zayn nodded, “Got it. Anything else?” He shifted the book around so that he could grab his coffee too. God, it was great.

“No, that should be all. Oh, if you see Liam while you’re up there, could you tell him that I’d like him to come visit for dinner tonight?” She smiled and pushed her glasses up her nose, “And you’ll need a jacket before you go up there. It’s quite chillier.”

“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” He promised, turning back towards the stairs.

The flight of stairs that connected the first and second level was guarded at the top by two men that honestly frightened Zayn. They melted into the shadows as soon as he flashed them the badge Karen had pinned to his collar.

Stepping through the secured door that separated the levels was totally different than he’d expected. A rush of cooler air washed over his skin as he took his first step onto the light wooden floor. The walls were a pale lilac and the lights stretched along the ceiling weren’t quite as bright as the ones in the rest of Holdon.

And Zayn had no clue where to go.

Pulling his jacket tighter around himself, and mentally thanking his boss for warning him of the temperature decrease, the boy started off to the left, hoping that it would lead him where he needed to go.

A moment later, he saw another person. That navy-haired girlfriend of Liam’s – what was her name again? Jane? Jade? That was it – had just walked out of one room and was walking towards him.

Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail today, her bright clothes covered by a long white lab coat, and her glasses were absent. “Oh, hello.” She smiled, stopping short when she noticed him. “Can I help you with something?”

“Uh, yeah. Please.” He shuffled his book and nearly empty coffee cup around in his hands. “I’m looking for Dr. Fletcher. He needs this book.” Zayn watched as the girl’s cheeks frosted pink and she blinked at him for a second. “Can you tell me which way he would be?”

She blinked again, before dropping her gaze to the book once more. “Right, yes. Um, if you keep walking down this corridor, you’ll find Fletch’s office on your left in a bit. Not far at all.” Jade smiled, running her fingers lightly over her cheek. “Sorry, um, what’s your name again? You’re Liam’s roommate, right?”

He nodded slowly, “I’m Zayn. Thanks for your help.”

Jade told him it was no problem, and as he started away, he was almost certain that he heard her whisper something like, “We should do this again,” which didn’t make much sense at the time.

She’d been right, though. He found Dr. Robert Fletcher’s office and the young, beautiful scientist who went along with the name. The man couldn’t be any older than Zayn, yet he was sitting up here in this office of whiteboard walls covered in lines of equations and maps and various other things that Zayn couldn’t comprehend.

“There you are,” the golden-haired, blue-eyed man rushed around his desk, accepting the book in exchange for another three. “Tell Mrs. Payne I said thank you for delivering it on such short notice. She’s a godsend, she is.” He moved back to the other side of his desk, pushing his curls back from his forehead.

Zayn was admittedly a bit in awe of the guy. He was pretty – all of the scientists Zayn had met yet in this place were gorgeous. And young. What the hell was in the water here? After a minute, he noticed he was sort of staring at the kid with a doctorate in meteorology and climatology, so he backed out of the room, letting the door swing shut behind him.

That’s when he was presented with the familiar sight of a boy with soft brown curls walking away from him.

“Oh, Leeyum!” Zayn crooned at the back of the boy who was treading a few feet ahead of him, his voice echoing through the empty hallway. “Leeyum, your mum’s given me a message for you.”

The younger boy whipped around, frowning at Zayn. “What’re you doing up here?” He wasn’t wearing a lab coat like the other two had been, but he did have a clipboard in his hands.

“I told you. Your mum had a message for you, and a book for Dr. Fletcher.” Zayn hurried to catch up to where his roommate stood. “What is it you do up here? I know your, um, Jade is a scientist, and my mate Niall works with animals – where are they at by the way, because this all seems like offices to me?”

“What’s the message?” Liam rolled his eyes, completely disregarding everything else Zayn had said.

Zayn frowned at Liam, and said, “She wants you to come for dinner tonight. Where’s the ACC?”

“My mum wants to know where the ACC is?”

“No, Leeyum, _I_ want to know where it is. She just wants dinner with you.” Zayn readjusted his hold on the library books. “C’mon, will you tell me where the animals are? Niall’s there and so’s my dog. I just wanna see him.”

The taller boy sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair as he scanned his dark eyes over Zayn’s face. “Yeah, alright. I’ll show you. You can’t tell anyone, though. I’m technically not supposed to let you out there.” He gave Zayn a once-over again before spinning on his heel and continuing on the way he’d been going. Zayn was quick to follow.

Their heels clicked over the floorboards, the only sound in the eerily silent level. After too long in the quietness (which was probably less than a minute, if Zayn was being honest), they came to a stop outside a heavy metal door. Liam fumbled with something in his pocket, and then withdrew a small silver card that he slid through a slot beside the door that Zayn hadn’t noticed before.

“Alright, go on.” The younger boy nodded, pushing the door open so that the older could pass through.

What was on the other side, Zayn realized, was something that he never thought he’d see in his lifetime.

“Fuck.”

Liam chuckled lowly; his warm, broad hand pushed against Zayn’s back so that he could step in through the doorway as well, and then he murmured, “Welcome to the Holdon Fields.”

Trees and lurid blue flowers lined the walls on either side of the door that Zayn and Liam had just passed through. But Zayn wasn't paying any attention to them because straight ahead, although partially obscured by a thicket of trees, he had caught a glimpse of fields stretching the length of the level, growing and healthy.

Far off to the right was a building that the darker boy suspected was the ACC. There were barks sounding from inside of it, and further inside the walls of this place that Liam had brought him were fields where cows and sheep grazed. 

Liam pushed lightly at Zayn’s back again. "Move. If you want to go see, then you have to walk over there." His breath was hot against the back of Zayn’s neck, and the boy moved around him, following the dirt path set at their feet. "Come on."

He did follow the other boy, gravel and dirt crunching underfoot as they tread over to the Animal Care Center. His gaze roved over everything he could see. Behind the trees and flowers and vines that climbed the walls, silver metal shone in the light that radiated down from above. And when Zayn finally did look up at the ceiling, he let out a sigh. 

It was like a real sky, the pale blue color that he'd witnessed on cloudless mornings. And the sun. There was sunshine creeping in through the massive (what appeared to be) glass dome, dripping like syrup over the fields. 

"It's always prettiest in the morning and at sunset." Liam turned back to face the boy that had paused in wonder as he could finally see fully the fields bathed in morning's gold. "Really, though, Zayn, if you want to see your dog, you've got to hurry up. You're not supposed to be here." 

"Right. I'm coming, Leeyum," Zayn drew out the vowels in the younger boy's name. "Don't have a meltdown." He hurried to catch up. 

The door to the building opened easily with just another swipe of Liam’s card. Immediately the two boys were assaulted by the sound of a bunch of animals baying for attention. There were a few people among the mess; one of them was a bright blond boy who was holding a shrieking cat at arm’s length.

“Zayner! You’ve made it at last!” He dropped the cat, which landed on all fours and then shot off to the other side of the room. He took a few quick steps and embraced the darker boy, entirely ignoring Liam.

“Yeah. I was up here, so I figured I’d come visit.” He pulled out of the hug, immediately dropping his gaze to the floor and scanning around for his cat. “Where is he?”

Niall laughed. “Where do you think he is, bro? Tiger’s tucked himself in a corner and hisses at anyone that comes near him. Rufus is in the other part of the building if you wanna see him?”

When Zayn started to trail behind the blond, Liam grabbed onto his arm. “You can’t stay for long, you know.” His dark eyes were wide, darting around as if he was terrified of being caught helping Zayn visit his pets.

“I know. I just want to see my dog. I’ll pet him, scratch his ears, and be back on my way.” Zayn’s words didn’t seem to bring any ease to the younger boy. “Come on, chill out. Let’s go see your dog too. Loki, right?”

Liam nodded and sighed.

Niall pushed open the door for the three of them to step through, and then he opened the gate so that they could get inside the pen where all of the dogs were running and playing.

“What the hell is that?” Zayn heard Liam ask. It took only a second for him to understand what that question was aimed at. A giant, dark mop of fur was barreling towards them, whining loud enough that they could all hear him.

“That’s Rufus.” He laughed, kneeling down just in time for Rufus to collide with him, drooling and climbing into Zayn’s lap, trying to express the true happiness that only dogs can. “Hey, buddy.” Zayn laughed, pressing his face into the dog’s fur, scratching his fingers over the back of the mop’s head.

While that was happening, another smaller dog trotted over. He was a black and white husky-looking dog, and his owner crouched down too, letting the pup lick at his palm excitedly. Liam grinned down at Loki, eyes crinkling at the corners.

Niall was laughing too as a tiny little furball zoomed over to Zayn. “Frieda,” he smiled, scratching behind her ears too. “Liam, meet my dogs.” He glanced over quickly, noticing the crinkles by Liam’s eyes that were identical to those his mother sported when she smiled. “This must be your Loki.”

“Yeah. How many pets did you two bring with you?” He scrubbed a hand over Rufus’s back.

“Nine. These two dogs and seven cats.” Niall quickly told him. “Rufus and Tiger are his. All the rest are mine,” he explained as he scooped the Shih Tzu up into his arms. “But now they’re all mine. All of these little beasts.” He waved an arm around at the other dogs in the pen.

As Zayn had promised, he only stuck around for another minute or so, allowing his dog to get his fill of him. Loki had run back off to his little pack of friends, and Frieda had as well, but Zayn’s mop dog couldn’t seem to get enough of him.

When at last he had to go, Rufus whimpered and barked, trying to follow them back through the gate. His apologies to the dog didn’t make any difference, and Niall confided in him that Rufus wasn’t making friends very well.

“He’s like a kid, you know? All he does is sit in the corner by himself and play with one toy or take a nap. He needs you, Z.” He said as he showed the other two boys out of his workplace.

Liam took a brisk walk along the path back to the exit door, not giving Zayn a chance to take another look around at everything. He just quickly slid his card through the slot and pushed Zayn back out into the corridor. “Get back to work. Don’t tell anyone I did that for you.”

“Just our little secret, Leeyum.” Zayn winked.

The walk back to the door down to the other levels was a quiet one on Liam’s part. Zayn asked questions, trying to figure out what his roommate’s job was up here. No answer was given, and he was sent back down to the library.

/\/\

\/\/

Jade was standing in front of him, her tanned hands twisting on the desk, blue hair plaited over her shoulder.

“What can I help you with?” Zayn asked, frowning slightly. He’d just had to remove a few students from the library and they’d thrown out every insult their eight-year-old brains could think of.

“I was wondering if you knew where there might be some books on, uh, romance?” She ducked her head as if embarrassed.

He blinked at her, “What kind? Like romance novels? Or instructions on romancing someone?”

“The… second one?” She quietly said, although he sensed a question mark tacked onto the end of it. “Not – uhm, not for me. It’s, you know, for a friend.”

Zayn nodded, wondering why Jade would need help winning over anyone when it was rather obvious what was going on between her and Liam. They sat so close together at mealtimes that Zayn was almost surprised that they weren’t actually attached.

He showed her over to the bookshelf tucked in the back corner: Self-Help Books, one of the most least-visited sections, he’d noticed. “Here, maybe this one?” Zayn slid one off the shelf, passing it off to the definitely blushing girl. “Is that one that your friend would want?”

She nodded, taking it from his hands with a squeaked, “Thanks, Zayn.” They were walking back over to the desk where Karen was now moving around, when Jade opened her mouth again, “So, uh, Zayn, I was wondering –“

“Hey!” He shouted, his voice echoing through the hall, turning the heads of other patrons. At least two kids from the group he’d just removed were trying to sneak back up the stairs, stifling their giggles in their hands. “Sorry, I need to go deal with them. Good luck with whoever.” He smiled, and set off across the room.

He didn’t notice her defeated shoulder slump as she continued on towards the librarian’s desk.

After leading the children back down to their parents, and explaining the issue to those parents, Zayn returned to the library, hoping that it would have cleared out some. He wanted to get to dinner early; Barbara in the kitchen had cooked up a feast for the night, and the scent of it had been drifting down to him all day.

Instead of Karen releasing him from work early, she was tapping her foot and staring angrily at her son. Liam was covered from head-to-toe in a fine layer of dirt, and there was a bleeding scrape on the back of his neck.

“What happened to you?” Zayn asked, coming to stand beside the other man. “You look like you’ve been rolling around with the pigs.”

Liam grimaced, “Not quite. Mum, I promise, I’m alright.” He shrugged off the hand that she put on his shoulder. “I’ve got bandages and stuff down in the dormitory. I can take care of myself.” He took a step back from the desk, glanced at Zayn and then his mother.

She looked after him as Liam marched away, descending the stairs down to their room. “He’s careless,” she sighed, rubbing a hand over the side of her face. “Zayn, I don’t mean to take advantage of you, but –“

“You want me to go make sure that he’s alright?” Zayn asked, leaning forward on the desk. “What happened to him?”

Karen shrugged, “That’s as much a mystery to me as it is to you. He doesn’t tell me what he gets up to up on level one. Whatever it is, the Warden doesn’t want me to know.” She stepped around the desk, eyes pleading with the young man in front of her. “Can you please just go check in on him?”

Moments later, Zayn was slipping in through the door of their room. The door of the bathroom was shut nearly all the way and the sound of running water spilled out.

Nudging the door open with his toe, the golden bare back of his roommate appeared. Blood dripped in a trail down his neck and he was attempting to dab at the injury with a wet cloth, but each time it made contact, he winced and withdrew his hand.

“Do you need help?” Zayn spoke softly, but that didn’t make Liam jump any less, swearing loudly.

“Get out.” Liam frowned, glancing back over his shoulder. “I don’t need help.” Once again he reached back to wipe at the bloody scrape, groaning as he did.

The elder boy stepped forward, grabbing the rag with one hand and Liam’s shoulder with the other. “Stay still and let me help you. Don’t be an idiot, Liam.” He froze under Zayn’s touch, allowing him to wipe away the blood, to reach around and find the bandages, carefully smoothing them over the wound.

Liam’s hands shook as he looked at the two of them reflected in the mirror. Zayn’s dark eyes peeking over his shoulder, bottom lip caught under his teeth, and his fingers working over the bandages. “Thank you. My mum sent you down here, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, but I came because I wanted to. I want to know what happened to you.” He withdrew his touch, taking a few steps back to lean against the doorway. Liam slowly turned around, lifting a hand to curl over the injury.

“Can’t do that.” Liam mumbled, grabbing his tshirt from where he’d dropped it, and slipping back out into the room.

“Why’s your job such a secret?”

“It’s not. I just, don’t want to tell anyone about it. That doesn’t make it a secret.” Liam pulled on a new shirt, feeling quickly to make sure that the bandages were still in place. “Want to go up to dinner?” He tangled his fingers in his hair, the long, curly locks stretching straight in his hold.

Zayn shrugged, crossing the space between them. “Sure, mate.” He ruffled his fingers through Liam’s hair.

“Hey.” Liam hissed, pushing at Zayn’s shoulder, leaving them both laughing and pushing out the door.

Jade was waiting for both of them at the entrance to the cafeteria. “There you are!” She grinned and reached for Liam, twisting her arm around his to pull him in tight. They began a whispered conversation, and Zayn left them to it. The line was already a long one, and he was stuck behind a mother and a daughter who were arguing over the young girl’s grades.

“- says that you’re daydreaming. Do you not want the Warden to give you a good job? You know how she feels about daydreamers, Sara.”

“Mum, it’s not like I’m the only one. And it’s art class! I was thinking of my art!” The girl protested, angrily pushing her tray over to the worker behind the serving counter.

When Zayn reached the usual table, he found only Louis’s three youngest sisters. “Where’s Lou at?” He asked the question, expecting one of the girls to know the answer, but all of them shrugged. “Do you know where Harry or Niall is?” Once again they didn’t know.

It was a few minutes later, dangerously near to the end of the mealtime, when Niall and Louis appeared. The elder of the two had his arm curled around the younger’s shoulders and he was speaking softly. From the look of it, he was comforting a distraught Niall.

Zayn was out of his seat before the two boys had reached the line.

“What’s wrong, mate?” Zayn bumped in on Niall’s other side, reaching for the boy’s hand and squeezing it.

“Harry’s gone out on a run.” Louis explained, passing a tray to Niall and sending him off through the food line. “He didn’t tell his boyfriend when he’d be back though.” A small frown appeared on the older boy’s brow. “I was just telling him that usually they’re not gone for more than two or three days. Except when Harry went to you two, but this probably isn’t like that.”

The curly brunet hadn’t been sent on a real run in the weeks that Niall and Zayn had been in Holdon, so the Irishman hadn’t had to deal with his withdrawals from him. Clearly, he wasn’t doing so well. His skin was tight and pale, filled with anxiety, and he was biting his bottom lip, fingers clenched in fists so tight that the skin of his hands had gone white.

Back at the table, Louis settled himself among his sisters while Niall quietly nibbled at his food beside Zayn. He wasn’t his usual chatty, boisterous, food-vacuum self, and that caused a dark pit to grow in Zayn’s belly. This wasn’t the cheerful lad that he’d come home to every day for four months out there in the cold.

“Mate, if you like you can come spend the night at mine.” Zayn offered in a whisper. “It’ll be like old times. We can cuddle in my bed and read comics.”

Niall looked up from his stew, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You mean it? What about Liam? Won’t he mind; I don’t think he likes me much.”

Zayn’s gaze flickered past his best friend to the table across the room where Liam was sitting, laughing at something that a blonde girl had said. His eyes were wrinkled around the edges, mouth opened wide to let out his laughter, and his right arm was extended over the back of Jade’s empty seat.

“Nah, it’ll be fine.” He decided, pulling his attention back to the blond in front of him. “He can screw off to someone else’s room if we’re bothering him.”

Liam was already down in their dorm, stretched out sideways on his bed, when Zayn and Niall arrived. He was flipping languidly through one of the comic books, resting his chin on one hand, dark carnelian eyes scanning over the artwork.

“You let him borrow them?” Niall hissed, offended. “You never let me even look in their direction.”

The room was silent when he spoke, so Liam had clearly heard him. “Guess he likes me better than you, Horan.” He retorted without looking up.

Snorting out a laugh, “Doubt that, Payne. We share a bond that can’t be broken. Right, Zayner?” Niall stepped closer to the darker boy, wrapping his arms around his neck to press his smile against the elder’s cheek.

“Shut up.” Zayn suddenly felt warm, pulled himself away from his friend, and moved towards the bathroom. “Go pick a comic, Ni. I’ll be right back.”

The door clicked shut behind him and he glanced at his reflection in the mirror. Luckily, his naturally darker complexion hid the heat that was rising through his cheeks, but his eyes betrayed him. Wide, hazel irises seemed to glow in the fluorescent lighting; he was panicking slightly for no reason more than Niall and Liam fighting over him as if Liam even liked him at all.

Zayn took the time to splash some water over his cheeks, slow his breathing, and take a quick piss before he went back out into the room.

His roommate was still lying in the same spot, biting his bright bottom lip as he read the page in front of him. Niall, on the other hand, was sitting on the floor, surrounded by the contents of Zayn’s bag – a few drawings, a stack of comics, and…

“What are those still doing there?” Zayn hissed, running over to where Niall was sitting, holding one of the porn magazines that Harry had found in the students dorms. He glanced over at Liam, found the boy watching them curiously now, and he slapped at Niall’s hands.

“What?” The Irishman laughed.

“Get rid of them.” He swatted at Niall’s hands again. “Harry found them, so they’re his. Take them back when you leave.”

The sound of squeaking springs and ruffling sheets drew Zayn’s attention back to his roommate. Liam was still watching them, and now he was climbing off his bed to come investigate what they were whispering about.

He ran a hand over his curls. “What’re you hiding now, Zayn?”

Luckily, Niall managed to slide the offending magazines under the edge of Zayn’s bedframe before Liam could see them. “He’s talking about the drawings.” Niall quickly explained, “Got a nude one or two of me in here. Haz found ‘em back at the school, so Zayner was kind enough to tell him they’re his.” He shuffled the artwork up so that Liam couldn’t see if there actually were any risqué drawings of Niall in the collection.

“Right.” Liam frowned, sitting down on the edge of Zayn’s bed and wrapping an arm around the post. “So when are you heading back to your dearly beloved?”

Niall dropped his gaze from the older boy. “He’s out on a job, or something. I expect I’ll go back when he’s back. Zee told me I can stay here with him for the night.”

The eldest boy suddenly found that he had two sets of eyes on him, the darker of which was still frowning. “We aren’t allowed sleep-overs here in Holdon, Zayn.”

“It’s not a sleep-over.” He replied.

“Sure seems like it.”

“Well, it’s not. It’s me taking care of my friend. If you don’t like it, then why don’t you go curl up with your mum, Leeyum. Or one of your mates, or you could just shuddup.” Zayn suggested, turning his back on the boy. “Ni, mate, just pick a comic, yeah.”

Liam returned to his bed, leaving Zayn and Niall to curl up together in Zayn’s.

/\/\

\/\/

Niall was gone from Zayn’s bed by the time that the lights flickered on the next morning. His side of the bed was messy and still warm enough that Zayn knew that he’d only left recently.

“He left ten minutes ago.” Liam muttered when Zayn stood up into the space between their beds. “Heard him mumbling in his sleep right before he woke up.” _Why hadn’t Liam been sleeping?,_ Zayn thought. “He left fairly quick.”

“He’s just sad about Harry being gone.” Zayn explained, stretching his arms up above his head.

“Are they like… together?” Liam whispered the last word as if it was a bad thing.

Zayn nodded. “Yeah, to my knowledge. Which is pretty extensive since I did live with them for a while. Why, is that not allowed here?”

“No, I was just wondering. Like, had to make sure you weren’t into him or anything.”

That statement made Zayn take a mental step back, and his heart leaped in his chest. “Wait, what?” What was Liam saying?

The younger of the two sat up, leaning closer to where Zayn was still standing. His lips curved into a smile as he said, “I happen to know someone who fancies you.”

“Who would that be?” Zayn spoke around the heart clogging his throat. This man in front of him, the gold-skinned god who he’d dreamed about, was saying things like this and it was certainly affecting Zayn.

Liam kicked his legs out over the edge of the bed, and he stood straight, towering over Zayn by an inch or two. Standing this close together, Zayn caught a whiff of the clean, cinnamon smell of the other man. Standing this close, he could see the pulse in Liam’s throat, the beat of his heart through his t-shirt, and the rise and fall of his chest.

Zayn’s mouth went dry as he felt the heat coming off the other’s body. Liam leaned in close, whispering the answer.

“Jade’s got a massive crush on you.” He breathed the words like a secret, letting them fade into the silence around the room.

Zayn felt like he’d been punched in the stomach, and the breath left him the same way. “Jade?”

“Yeah. She’s silly for you. She’d kill me if she knew I told you, but she’s had a thing for you since your first day here.” Liam explained, stepping away from the darker boy. “I’ll take the shower then. Let you contemplate this.”

“Wait,” Zayn snagged Liam’s wrist before he could slip away to the bathroom. “I thought Jade was with you?”

He laughed, throwing his head back to let the full force of the sound shake him. “No way, Jade’s like a sister to me. I love her, but she’s not my type.” His cheeks went pink and he stared at Zayn, that silly smile still on his face.

“I, uh, it does explain a few things, now that you’ve told me that she likes me.” Zayn rubbed a hand over the back of his head. “She’s not exactly my type either, though.”

“No?” Liam cocked his head to the side.

Zayn swallowed past the lump in his throat, his heart long since subsided back to its original position. “No.”

The other boy made a noise in his throat, “Right, well, I’m gonna go take that shower, then. I’ll see you later.” He turned and shut himself into the bathroom, leaving Zayn to dress and head up to the caf by himself.

Louis was sitting at the table, stabbing at his bowl of strawberries and cream. His sisters were scattered around the room too, but for once they seemed to be sitting with their friends.

“Hey, Lou.” Zayn’s breakfast tray clanked loudly against the surface of the table. “What’re you up to today?”

“Footie, maybe. There’s nothing to do here with my job. Now that you’re not really new anymore, I’ve barely got anything entertaining to do.” He sighed and dropped his spoon down into the empty bowl, picking up a cinnamon bun instead. “What about you?”

Zayn shrugged his shoulders, staring down at the table in front of him. “I expect I’ll spend the morning shelving books that were left out yesterday. I’ll probably have to throw out someone at some point. Karen’ll make me regale her with tales of the outside. You know, normal stuff. Oh, and I’ll probably be avoiding Jade.”

Louis laughed, “Jade? Why’re you gonna do that?”

So Zayn explained Liam’s little revelation and Zayn’s subsequent embarrassment, to which Louis responded:

“No, mate, Liam’s gay as hell. He’s been around with his fair share of the blokes here.” Louis explained, stuffing the entire cinnamon bun into his mouth.

“He _what_?” Zayn nearly choked on his orange juice. _Liam’s… but, he just said that Jade wasn’t his type, I didn’t think he meant that_ guys _were his type!_ Zayn’s mind was racing, trying to wrap around this new information.

Louis nodded. “Yeah, the man likes men. You know Jordan? My mate who plays football?” He waited for Zayn to confirm. “They were together for a bit last year.” He swirled his spoon around his bowl, glancing up just in time to see Zayn running a worried hand over his cheek. “You alright, Zee?”

He shakes his head. “Just a bit surprised.”

After that, he busied himself with eating, making sure that he could leave the caf as soon as possible, needing to distract himself with the library.

Even that was a bit of a bust.

The Warden was waiting for him at the base of the stairs, her heels sinking into the plush library carpeting. “Zayn, good, I was wondering if I could speak with you?” Her plastic smile stretched across her cheeks, letting him know that he really had no choice.

“Sure, sure.” He followed her lead into the shadow of the stairs, a small dark nook that no one ever sat in due to the shitty lighting. “Um, what d’you need?” Zayn rubbed at the back of his head, hair bristling under his fingers.

“Your job here in the library, does it keep you busy?” The woman asked.

Now, how was he supposed to answer that? Say no and either he or Karen might get in trouble. Say yes and he might miss out on whatever would come after. He settled on a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders.

She hummed and nodded, “Well, if there is enough free time in your busy schedule, I would like to know if you’d be interested in teaching an art course to some of the children? I’ve heard that you’re quite good at art, and there are a few minor issues with the current teacher. So if you’re interested.” Her smile flashed at him again.

Zayn didn’t know where she’d gotten that information. He hadn’t really done much artwork since arriving in Holdon. Sure, he had visited Andy the tattoo artist down on the E-level, and together they’d drawn up the new ink on Zayn’s forearm, and he had purchased a small sketchbook, but neither of those really qualified him as an artist.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” the young man answered her when he noticed her still expectantly watching him. “I’ll still work in the library though, yeah?”

“Oh, of course. You’ll just take an hour or two off two or three times a week to teach the kids.”

And that’s how Zayn slowly integrated himself even more into the life of Holdon.

/\/\

\/\/

Two days later, Harry and Niall teased him mercilessly when he walked into the caf dressed as a teacher. It was his first day on the job, right. He didn’t want to dress like a slob and not have the kids respect him. And it wasn’t all that much different from his normal look.

“But you’re wearing a _cardigan_ , Zee.” Niall laughed into his palm, leaning into Harry’s shoulder. “And did you nick those glasses off Lou?”

The square frames resting in front of Zayn’s eyes were thicker than Louis’ and these were entirely for stylistic purposes. Zayn shrugged off their comments, casually flipping his middle finger at them both.

A soft voice to his right reminded him that they weren’t alone at the table. “I think they look alright.” Little Daisy was looking up at him with a toothy grin, “Are you teaching art today, Zayn?” He nodded his head and that set the little girl to cheering.

When the caf began to clear – adults heading off to their jobs and the children descending to their classrooms – Zayn was left at the table with a gloomy Louis.

“I’m bored, Zayner. We haven’t had anyone new since you, and that’s been ages.” He sighed as they carried their trays over to the window connected to the kitchen. “I’ve taken to spending my days with me sister down in that hair salon. I can only take so much of her and Lou and Caroline.”

“Why don’t you help me with my art lesson today?” Zayn suggested. “You’re great with kids and I’m sure I could use an extra hand.”

That seemed to work in cheering him up, and he ran down to his room to find something appropriate to wear whilst Zayn headed off to his first job.

Karen was waiting for him, that warm, motherly smile on her face. “I’ve got some books for you to reshelve. It should keep you busy until time for your class.” She passed him a stack of books and gestured back at the desk where another few stacks remained.

Louis found him doing that, stretching on his toes on the second level of the library, pushing a book about ancient Egyptian myths and legends back between one about Celts and Greeks.

“You know, they had an interesting way of thinking, those ancient Greeks.” Louis commented as he leaned against the shelf beside Zayn. “They believed that dreams were sent by the gods and delivered by huge winged demons. They thought that every force in the universe was controlled by a god or goddess.”

He continued to educate Zayn on Greek, Roman, and Egyptian mythology until the time came for them to greet their art class. The classroom was loud, filled with a dozen hyperactive eight and nine year olds, and the teacher Zayn was replacing was rubbing her temples.

“Finally!” She jumped to her feet, brushing past them before Zayn could say a word to her. The door swung shut behind her, and silence fell like a blanket over the room, every little eye turned to check out the teacher.

In the back corner of the room, Louis’ two littlest sisters were huddled together with a few friends, and when Louis cleared his throat, they all split apart, returning to their seats. Louis nudged Zayn in the rib.

“Right, so, I’m Zayn, your new art teacher.” He rubbed a hand over his hair, aware of the kids following the movement. “I guess we’ll, um, start with you telling me your names.” He pointed at the kid closest to the door, a small boy with red-orange hair and large glasses.

As each kid told him their name, he checked it off the list on the teacher’s desk. It only took a minute or two for the whole room to be listed off, and then Zayn glanced around, taking in the sight of the classroom for the first time.

All of the walls were covered with posters of the world that used to exist outside. Pretty blue skies with fluffy clouds, rolling grassy plains, and bees and ponds and so many things that were now buried far under the cold snow. Against the back wall were two large gray cabinets and one wooden shelf. The shelf was stocked with the art supplies that Zayn was looking to use that day: paint, sheets of paper, brushes, and plastic cups. A sink with a step stool was tucked away in the corner.

“Now today, we’re going to paint,” He told them, pointing back at the shelf. “So each of you go back there, grab a paper, a brush and a cup of water. Then Louis and I will tell you what to do after that.” The sound of chairs scraping over the yellow and blue speckled white linoleum grated in his ears as the students followed his instructions.

“What are we going to tell them to do?” Louis asked.

Zayn shrugged, “I was just gonna have ‘em paint whatever they wanted. They should express their creativity.”

“Really?” Louis laughed, “What are they going to creatively paint, Zayner? Mountains? Trees? They’ve only ever seen the inside of Holdon.”

“There’s more to creativity than nature, Lou.” Zayn reminded the elder boy. “You can never see a wink of the outside world and still make something beautiful.” So that’s exactly what Zayn told them to do once the kids had sat back in their seats – create something beautiful out of their minds.

He moved around the room, observing and asking questions. Louis did the same for about five seconds before he sat down at the teacher’s desk and kicked his feet up on the surface. He told jokes to the kids, silly stories and the like, while Zayn taught someone how to properly hold a brush or helped mix colors.

There was only fifteen minutes left of the lesson when Louis decided to “help” again. That wonderful assistance was to encourage the kids to become even more creative. Finger-painting. Zayn was a huge fan of all art mediums, but when it was him versus a pack of eight year olds and an adult that acted like an eight year old, he wasn’t a huge fan of finger-painting.

In a matter of seconds, kids were smearing their purple fingertips over the sleeve of the kid next to them, dripping bright red over their neighbor’s painting. Louis was right there alongside of them, grinning like the menace he was; his fingertips were tie-dyed blue and orange and green and he was reaching for one of his sisters, tickling her sides and staining her shirt half of the rainbow.

Any time Zayn tried to put a stop to it, he’d get a handful of blue pressed to his sweater – so much for dressing up for the day – and after a couple moments even he couldn’t keep out of it. Louis flung paint-heavy brushes in Zayn’s direction, spraying the back of the cardigan every spectrum of the rainbow.

Clean up was the worst. Once Zayn reined in Louis, the other children fell in line soon enough. He did his best to rinse the colors off of their arms and faces, but it was hopeless to get it out of their hair and clothes, so Zayn scrubbed at their skin before sending them back to their seats. They were still washing out the brushes and cups when the next teacher came in, took one look at Zayn and Louis, and rolled her eyes before shooting into a speech about history to the kids.

“I think that went well.” Louis cheerfully told Zayn as they left the classroom. He had a stripe of yellow drying in his hair and extending down his cheek, but that didn’t seem to bother him so much. “Thanks for asking me to help out.”

Zayn frowned at the older boy. “You didn’t help much, honestly. You were the instigator of that whole mess.” He nudged Louis who grinned in return. “Why don’t you go shower off or something? You’re more of a painting than anything else in that classroom was.” So Louis left his side, laughing as he descended the stairs down to the dorm levels.

He’d barely got a chance to take a breath before Karen was on him, nibbling her lip and pushing a handful of books at him. “I need you to run these up to level one. Liam just sent down for them and he said he needed them immediately.”

Zayn glanced down at the books – glossy covers mixed with worn and bent ones – and one title stuck out to him. _The Hacker’s Handbook_.

“What’s Liam need a book about computer hacking for?” Zayn asked, flipping the book over to get a look at the back of it. Karen didn’t say a word, and when he looked up at her she was shaking her head.

“I don’t know. He won’t tell me what it is he does up there.” She bit her lip again. “Just, can you run them up there for me? He’s in room 2908.” Karen squeezed his arm and turned away, leaving him to run up the stairs to the top level of the building, slipping past the guards at the security checkpoint with only a flash of the badge.

Everything was the same as he remembered, pale purple walls, buzzing lights, cool air. He set off to the right, glancing at numbers on doors as he passed by. 1129. 2087. Briefly, he wondered how many rooms there actually were up on level one, how big the place actually was. Not every number was represented, he noticed. Sometimes the plaques outside the door jumped from 1492 all the way up to 1671 without any hint at the numbers in between.

Eventually, Zayn found the door labeled 2908. There was no window, no door handle, only a lock. He knocked.

It took a minute, but he heard the scraping sound of a key in a lock and then the door was sliding open and Liam was stepping out. He closed the door just as quickly behind him, making it impossible for Zayn to see what was inside.

Zayn was too busy thinking about that to notice at first that Liam was staring curiously at him, heavy brows furrowed together as he ran his gaze up and down Zayn’s body. When he did notice, he took a step back.

“What? Why’re you looking at me like that?”

A soft smile bloomed on Liam’s lips. “You’re covered in paint.” Before Zayn knew it, a soft thumb was stroking over his cheek, coming away with a hint of grey. Liam dropped his hand back down to his side. “Sorry. Um, why are you covered in paint? You’ve got some in your hair too.”

Zayn took that opportunity to glance down at himself, at the streaks of color up and down his arms where his sleeves were rolled up, the different shades buried under his fingernails from scrubbing clean the kids, and there was even maroon speckled on the toe of his boot.

“I was teaching art class. Louis started them finger painting. It didn’t go too well.” He admitted, licking his lips as he looked back up at the boy in front of him. Liam’s brown eyes were wide, settled on Zayn’s face hungrily. He blinked, and that look disappeared.

“That’s nice of you.” Liam coughed. “So these are mine?” He grabbed for the books, scooping them to his own chest. Neither of them made a move to leave. After another few seconds of the two of them silently staring at each other, Liam cracked a grin, “You really do look silly like this.”

Once again, he lifted a hand, and this time Zayn saw it coming, but he did nothing to move, nothing to stop it. Liam’s warm thumb touched Zayn’s cheek, wiping over a different part from before, and that left Zayn wondering if he had more than one stripe of paint or if Liam’s just stroking his cheek now. His heart thudded in his chest, his lips began to tingle, and his throat grew tight.

Liam’s thumb moved slowly, so terribly slowly over Zayn’s cheek. His eyes were following that motion, but Zayn couldn’t help but stare at Liam’s face, at the way the corners of his lips twitched, at how his eyes zeroed in on Zayn’s face. His cheeks grew hot under the attention of the taller man.

“Liam?” The door behind him slid open, a man Zayn had never seen before peered out through the small gap.

Zayn took a step back, pulling away and feeling cool paint smear over his cheek. A corresponding red was left on the pad of Liam’s thumb. His eyes didn’t leave Zayn’s face.

“Yeah, Jon?” Liam asked, still staring at the nervous boy in front of him, his gaze hooked like he was a fish, but he wasn’t even bothering to struggle free. The man who’d interrupted the moment quickly mumbled something about “a 214b” which quickly drew Liam out of his stupor. He spun around, slid inside the doorway, and then he was gone.

Zayn was left alone in the hallway, his cheek still burning from the feel of Liam’s skin on his.

/\/\

\/\/

“Are you done with these, mate?” Zayn felt awful for interrupting the man’s reading, but he had an entire stack of books on the table beside him, ones Zayn had seen the man flipping through earlier. The evening was drawing to a close, and he’d really prefer to replace the books on their shelves tonight instead of in the morning.

The man looked up from the book in his hand. He was older, probably in his fifties, with salt and pepper hair and crinkled skin around his eyes. His thumb caught in the book to mark his spot as he squinted at Zayn.

“Are you finished with these?” Zayn repeated.

“Oh, hmm. Guess I am.” The man nodded and Zayn didn’t waste another second in pulling the stack towards him, shuffling back towards the librarian desk.

He couldn’t blame anyone for throwing strange glances at him. He’d not yet had time to scrub the paint off of himself, so there was still some in his hair, all over his cardigan, and the red streak wouldn’t come off his cheek even though Karen had handed him a wet cloth as soon as he was back.

Speaking of Karen, Zayn glanced at the children’s corner of the room, taking in the pleasing sight of the daycare kids gathered in a puddle around her feet. They were all situated on multicolored pillows in a half-circle around Karen’s chair while she read them a book. It seemed like they hung off her every word, enticed by the cadence of her voice and the world painted between the pages.

He sat the books on the countertop, checking over the titles to figure which section of the library to put them in.

_The Art of War_ by Sun Tzu, _Inside the Third Reich_ by Albert Speer, _Coup d’etat: A Practical Handbook_ by Edward Luttwack.

Zayn frowned down at the titles, glancing back towards the seat the man was sat in. It was empty. Dropping his gaze back to the book covers, Zayn wondered if perhaps the man was one of the history teachers. It’s not like he knew much about the other teachers, so it was entirely possible that this was just one of them. Why else would anyone in Holdon need to know stuff about war and violence like this?

He didn’t mention it to anyone, just silently placed the books back on the shelves where they belonged before he headed up to dinner.

/\/\

\/\/

For the first time since arriving at Holdon, Zayn wasn’t awoken by the sound of lights buzzing to life overhead. It was a Saturday if Liam’s calendar on the wall was correct, the date reading as 25 December. Christmas to the old world. Everyone had the day off, almost all jobs were suspended, people could sleep in and spend time with family and friends, a play would be performed in the massive auditorium on the E-level by the young kids, and a fancy dinner would be held that evening.

Zayn rejoiced at the opportunities by sleeping in, wrapped in his warm bedsheets until a heavy body landed on top of him. A silly Irish laugh roared in his ear and no amount of pushing or shoving would get Niall to leave him alone.

“C’mon, Zee! It’s a holiday, get your lazy arse up!” Niall cheered, swatting at Zayn’s bum.

He groaned and buried his face further into his pillow. “That’s exactly why I should be allowed to stay in bed.” He kicked out at Niall. “Leave me alone. Go cuddle up to Harry or something.”

“No, I want to cuddle up to Harry and you. Me two best mates. Come on, Zee, we can even get you a pass to come up to the ACC today. See Rufus and Frieda and all.” Zayn shivered when Niall’s cold finger prodded at his bare shoulder. “Haz says that –“

“Just get up, Zayn.” A voice groaned from the other side of the room.

Zayn sat up then, blinking in the light as he caught a glimpse of Liam through the opened curtains of his bed. He was still buried beneath covers too, arm covering his eyes, hand resting low on his belly. Somewhere in front of him, he heard Niall chuckling. He aimed another kick out him.

By that point Zayn was already awake, and Niall was still babbling about visiting the beasties, so Zayn had no choice but to leave his wonderful bed behind. He dressed in a pair of sweats and a sweater (“No, Ni, I’m not gonna dress up for the pets. It’s my day off I’ll dress however the fuck I want.”) and tugged a beanie over his messy hair before following Niall out of the room. Liam was still asleep, his nest of curls hiding his face.

It was with a light heart, and Niall and Harry at his side, that Zayn stepped onto level one this time. Niall swiped his card through the slot beside the door that led into the center of the building, and for the second time since his arrival, Zayn was allowed to step out into the area.

Right away, the lovebirds moved off towards the ACC, hands tangled together, tripping over each other’s feet as they attempted to morph into a three-legged creature. After a moment of breathing in the smell of the flowers all around him, of taking in the beautiful sight of the fields, Zayn followed behind them.

The center was surprisingly devoid of human helpers. “Everyone’s got the day off. I volunteered to be the one to come up and feed and water the animals.” Niall told Zayn as he vanished into the back area of the place.

Zayn left him to it, deciding it’d be better if he went in search of Tiger; he’d not really seen the cat since that last day on the ambulance. Harry helped him look although somewhere along the way, he got distracted by an odd black tabby that wound it’s way around his ankles, tripping him up more than he normally would’ve been.

Zayn found his cat tucked in one of the dozens of little homes against a wall. When Zayn first peered into the shadowy hut, the cat cracked an eye open to halfheartedly hiss, but a split second passed and then Tiger was pushing to his feet, stretching out a paw to Zayn and waving his tail; that hiss quickly turned into a purr as he strode out to rub his face against his owner’s chest.

“Hey there,” Zayn cooed, gathering the cat into his arms, pressing him to his chest to bury his nose in his fur. Tiger seemed to return the same amount of affection, purring and rubbing his face all over Zayn, wiggling around in Zayn’s arms in a contented way. “Did you miss me?” Tiger’s warm, rough tongue lapped against Zayn’s fingers, drawing a soft laugh out of the man.

It was nice having Tiger in his arms again. As much as Zayn loved Rufus – the dog was too cute not to love wholeheartedly – Tiger would always hold a highly special place in his heart. He hadn’t realized how much he missed him until now.

Another ten minutes were spent just walking around the cat area with the purring ball of fur warming his chest. Sometimes he would meow, glancing up at Zayn with big eyes, and Zayn’s heart would ache with regret because he’d have to leave him again soon even though all he wanted was to smuggle the cat down to his dorm under his sweater.

When Tiger began to really squirm, he let him down, watching the cat slink away to his little cat box again. Then it was time to find Rufus.

The dog room was a lot more hectic. Several pups were chasing each other around, playing with a string of rope that had a ball at either end. Other dogs were play-fighting, and more were barking up at Niall, mindfully following his orders as he handed out treats.

Delightedly, Zayn noticed that Rufus was in the group of dogs play-fighting. Even better was that he recognized the dog Rufus was nipping at – Liam’s dog Loki.

As soon as Zayn whistled, Rufus’s ears perked up and he didn’t even try to stop it as Loki headbutted him in the side. He just stared straight at Zayn as if in disbelief for a moment, and then he shot to his feet and ran at the man.

He put on the brakes right before colliding with Zayn’s shins, slobbering all over the sweatpants, but that was alright as Zayn knelt down to hug his dog closer to him. He rubbed his fingers right behind the dog’s ears, listening to the joyful whines and the thump of his tail on the floor.

Niall had truly had the greatest idea and the kindest heart to bring Zayn up here for the day.

Although, all good things must come to an end.

Zayn was still playing with Rufus – rolling a ball over the floor for him to fetch – and petting Frieda, when his stomach began to rumble. He’d not yet had breakfast, and Harry had mentioned that for the holiday, there was an all-morning buffet style breakfast so that even the kitchen staff could get some time with their families.

He hated to leave the dogs and the cats, but his stomach wanted to be fed, so he pulled Rufus in for another hug, stopped by to stroke down Tiger’s back one last time, and then he and Harry and Niall descended back down to the caf.

And it was more packed than Zayn had ever seen it. Perhaps it was in part due to the massive buffet that had been set up in one part of the room, but he was also pretty sure that there’d never been so many people there at once. Normally he came to breakfast at the beginning and to dinner at the end, when the majority of Holdon’s residents weren’t present.

Off in the sea of people, Zayn caught a glimpse of Liam sitting at a table with an older man, a blonde girl he’d seen him with before, that golden haired boy, and Karen. They were laughing, picking at each other’s plates, and Zayn was fascinated by the crinkles around Liam’s eyes, the pink in his cheeks as he leaned against the arm of the golden-haired boy. Karen was wiping at her eyes with one hand while the other was tangled with the older man’s.

“Earth to Zayn.” Niall poked at his chest. “Come on, we’ve got to get some food before it’s all gone.” He tugged at his hand, drawing Zayn’s attention away from the happy family, and he murmured, “Yeah, right behind you.”

Maybe it was the atmosphere or maybe it was actually the food, but that breakfast was the best Zayn had had in ages. The three boys found themselves at a table with Liam’s friend Jade and a boy named Jordan who seemed to be frowning at his plate almost the whole time except when Jade accidentally sprayed tea from her nose because of whatever ridiculous thing Harry had said.

Once the meal was over, Harry challenged Niall to a game of footie, inviting Jordan to come along and meet Louis down on the E-level with them. Zayn passed, begging off for some sleep or at least a bit of private time to work on a charcoal sketch he’d started a few evenings before. Niall relented, pressing a light fist to Zayn’s shoulder as a sendoff.

Zayn had just been down in the room for a few minutes, barely had enough time to pull out his sketchpad and the small box of charcoals, when the door opened. He was ready to tell Niall off; he’d meant it when he said that he just wanted to be alone.

But it wasn’t the blond Irishman who came tumbling into the room. Of course, it was Liam. It was his dorm too, but Zayn figured he’d’ve stayed with his family for the day; he seemed like the family sort of guy.

Liam didn’t miss the way that Zayn was glaring at him as soon as he stepped inside, and he didn’t miss the quick way that the look melted away. “Why aren’t you playing football with Louis and Niall and them?” Liam asked, flopping down on his own bed, rolling over to look at Zayn.

“Wanted some time alone.” He grunted in reply, flipping through the pages of his work. A flicker of Niall’s face, Harry’s hands, and one of Louis’s eyes that he’d filled in with watercolor the other day in art class. There were also landscapes – imagined ones mostly – the ocean with waves crashing against rocky shorelines, hills and cliffs and patches of flowers.

“Sorry,” Liam sent a crooked smile over Zayn’s way just as he looked up. “I’ve got to admit though, I was hoping you wouldn’t be in here.”

Zayn frowned, his thumb jerking over the edge of one sketch, smearing a line or two. “Excuse me?”

Liam’s mouth dropped in an ‘O’. He shook his head, sitting up quickly. “No, I didn’t mean, like. I just was hoping that you’d be somewhere else so that I could sneak one of your comics. You’re always so stingy with them.” A teasing tone bled into his voice, mixed with a softened smile that crinkled his eyes. “Sorry, that came out wrong at first. So, what do you say, Malik? Can I borrow one?”

He contemplated saying no. They were his hard-earned comic books, scavenged from dorm rooms and random spots around campus; he didn’t give them up so easily. But then he saw Liam sitting there across from him. Liam with the soft curls and warm eyes, gentle smile, and heart and mind eager.

“Alright, yeah.” Zayn leaned over the side of his bed to snatch the satchel from where it rested half under the bedframe. Honestly, he’d barely touched it since coming to Holdon. Work and friends keeping him too busy to just lose himself in the comic books for hours. He tossed it over to Liam.

They fell silent except for the scratching of charcoal and the flipping of pages, occasionally a chuckle from Liam at a funny line or a sigh from Zayn at a mistake in the sketch.

Zayn got lost in the silence the same way some would in music or a story. He let his mind wander, mulling over what to work on in the next art class with the kids, maybe he could ask Karen if she knew of any art books in the library, or he could ask the Warden if they could take a special field trip up to level one, and the kids could sketch what they see. Zayn could find something to do while they were up there. He could sketch, he could bask in the faint heat and glow of the sunlight, he could pull Liam away from his mystery job, ask for a tour of the Holdon Fields.

Undoubtedly Liam would be wonderful at that job. He would be all smiles at the kids, laughing when they asked silly questions. His eyes would definitely be honey-colored if the sun shone just right over the walls, and his skin would glow like gold, his lips would be such a pale pink, and that birthmark on his throat…

It was some time in to that fantasizing when Zayn finally looked at what he’d been absentmindedly creating. An arch of a shoulder, a spiral of a golden-brown curl, the pout of some lips. He glanced up, checking to make sure that his apparent muse wasn’t looking. He smudged his hand over all of it, wishing that it would be enough to distort the work entirely past recognition. Still, a dark eye looked out at him from the page.

Liam glanced up when Zayn moved suddenly. He watched as Zayn swept his sketchbook off the bed, dropped his head into his hands, and rubbed at his temples.

“You alright?”

Zayn looked up, eyes wide as if he’d entirely forgotten Liam was there when in reality it was the complete opposite – he was all too aware of his presence. “I’m fine. The sketches just aren’t coming out the way I wanted.” He fibbed, sliding off onto the floor to gather the few pages that had slipped loose of the binding. He closed the book and slid it under the mattress.

Liam hummed something and turned back to the comic.

“Why aren’t you with your family?” Zayn asked, moving back up to sit on the bed. “I saw you with them this morning. Figured you’d probably go down to that thing on E-level. The gift exchange or what was it?”

The other boy shook his head, “No. My family exchanges our gifts in private. I think it’s silly that so many people do it publicly, to show off whatever they’ve gotten. Mum and Dad and the rest of my family is down at the bingo. I’m just not a huge fan of that.” He shrugged.

“You say the rest of your family,” Zayn cleared his throat, feeling like what he was asking was probably a bit invasive even as he continued to speak, “Who else is there?”

“Well, there’s mum and dad and me. Then there’s Ruth, you’ve probably seen her around. A blonde, she teaches math to the older kids. And her boyfriend Andy’s one of my best mates since we were little. You’ve probably seen him around, too.” Zayn recalled the golden haired guy from earlier that day and several other times. Liam sucked in a deep breath then, flipping the comic book in his lap closed and tossing it off to the side. “Then there was my oldest sister Nicola.”

Zayn immediately recognized that look on Liam’s face. The way that a shadow had fallen over it, his eyes had lowered, corners of his lips turned down. “Liam, you don’t have to –“

“No, it’s fine. It’s been a couple years now.” He coughed into his fist, dropping it back down to mess with the torn fabric at his knee. “Nic was a runner, sort of like Harry. One day, a storm blew up suddenly while she and a team were out on a search and rescue thing.” Zayn didn’t miss the minuscule twitching of Liam’s fingers, the way he was blinking more rapidly now, eyes growing wet. “Half of the team didn’t make it back on time. They’d all gotten separated in the storm, see. And over the next few days a few more of them came back, half frozen to death and starving. After two weeks, we had to give up hope that Nic would come back.”

Without hesitation, Zayn abandoned his bed in favor of tumbling over to Liam’s, wrapping an arm around the younger boy’s shoulders. Liam didn’t shrug him off, didn’t say a word or even make a sound, but he didn’t move closer, didn’t acknowledge that Zayn had even moved.

“Hey,” Zayn spoke softly after a moment, dipping his fingers under Liam’s chin, brushing them there before withdrawing. His fingers tingled so he buried them at the edge of his own sweater. “I understand how it feels to lose someone out there. You don’t have to hide that around me.” And then so low that there was the chance Liam didn’t hear him, Zayn added, “I don’t mind if you cry.”

Liam ducked his head, determinedly wiping his hands over his cheeks. “No, I’m fine. I’m fine.” He stood up, pacing across the room and turning around, retracing his footsteps back and forth. “Who’d you lose out there?” His brows were furrowed, gaze set on the floor right in front of his feet, so he didn’t see the way that Zayn’s face dropped.

“I, uh, I don’t-“ Zayn choked on his tongue, pulse racing. “I can’t.” He snapped his mouth shut, swallowing hard past the bile rising in his throat, the last images of his family rushing in front of his eyes.

“It’s alright. Nevermind.” Liam had frozen in his spot, staring at Zayn. “Hey, what do you say we go take our minds off of all this. Come on.” He grabbed onto Zayn’s wrist pulling him to his feet until they were eye to eye. “Come on.”

Then Liam was dragging him out of the room, through the corridors that were bustling with cheerful people celebrating the holiday. Liam didn’t stop until they were down on E-level, moving through the doors into the mall area.

/\/\

\/\/

“Looks cool, Liam.” Harry commented, one of his arms around Niall’s waist while the other was reaching out to touch Liam’s hair. Liam ducked away, swatting at Harry’s hand. “Sorry, just wanted to see what it feels like.”

Liam self-consciously ran a hand over his new hairstyle. It had taken a bit of convincing, but eventually he’d been able to talk Lou into giving him a trim. Zayn had sat by, arms folded over his chest, trying to forget the memories his conversation with Liam had dredged up.

Right in front of his eyes, Liam had transformed though, and that had been distracting enough. Most of his curls had been shorn off; on the sides the curls were gone entirely, shaved down to just bristles, but on the top it was still just long enough to have a bit of curl to it. It was such a different look for him that Zayn hadn’t been able to look away or think of anything else.

And now they’d run into the other boys, fresh off the field (and smelling like it).

“You and Zee almost match.” Louis laughed, rubbing his hand over Liam’s hair before the younger could jerk away. “Are you two staying down here for the play? Neil and Harold are ditching me to go lay about in bed.” He shook his head at the two boys tangled together. “Daisy and Pheebs are the stars of it. They want you there, Zee.”

“I don’t celebrate Christmas, mate.” Zayn shrugged. “Why would I go see a Christmas play?”

Louis jokingly shoved at Zayn’s arm, causing him to crash into Liam’s side. “You’d go because my little sisters want you there, you knob. They love you in case you’ve not noticed.”

So after a bit more prodding from Louis, Zayn reluctantly agreed to go sit through the two-hour program with him. Harry and Niall slunk away, suspiciously stopping by a table where there were cookies and cakes and eggnog (Zayn had suspicions that they’d smuggled a bottle or two of the potent beverage with them). Liam went searching for his parents and sister, leaving Zayn alone with the older menace who began wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Are you two friends now or something?” Louis asked, leading the other boy over to the table of snacks. ”Last I heard you were moaning and groaning that he hated you. When did that change?”

“We’re roommates, Lou. We’re bound to grow closer.” Zayn rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. Honestly, he wasn’t really sure when it had shifted from Liam hating him to them being somewhat friendly. Heat flooded into his face when he thought back to the first time he saw Liam, the first time that he recognized that he’d dreamt about Liam before he met him. Zayn had never felt anything less than friendly towards the other man.

Louis snorted. “Yeah, try telling that to his last roommate. Pretty sure that one might’ve been homophobic, though,” Louis rolled his eyes and picked up a cookie. “but also he said Liam was pretty insufferable. Talking in his sleep, staying up until odd hours, always watching him strangely.”

Now, Liam wasn’t anything like that. Most nights he fell asleep before Zayn. “Dunno about any of that, mate. Leeyum’s normal for the most part. A bit nerdy like myself, but other than that.” Zayn shrugged.

“Hmm, well, I think there’s probably something a bit odd about Liam.” Louis grabbed another handful of cookies and a bottle of eggnog. “Let’s go find some seats before the program starts. Pheebs and Daisy will murder us if we’re not in one of the first two rows.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, feedback would be wonderful! Love you if you've actually read this far.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world has been over for 15 years. To survive is no longer to live, it's to push through each day and make it to the next, find the things that hold you together - whether they be people or possessions - because things don't just break apart in this weather. They shatter.  
> (aka a ziam au where there's a lot of snow, a handful of cats and dogs, and a miracle or two in the middle of it all)

“Zayn.” Something thumped into his shoulder. “Zayn, mate.” Something was shaking his shoulder and therefore his whole body.

He blinked his eyes open, staring straight up at the canopy of his bed. There was still something shaking his shoulder, and for a brief terrifying moment Zayn remembered the earthquake from when he was ten, the one that had rocked the whole house his family had been at. He jolted upright, the names of his sisters on his tongue, first thought in his mind to get them to safety.

“Saf-!” His heart pounded in his chest, tongue twisted in his cheek.

Then he remembered.

He was in the underground bunker, a hundred miles from where he’d last seen his family, and they were all dead. Plus there was a warm hand on his shoulder, the fingers gripping tightly. Zayn twisted his head to the side to see who had a hold on him.

Liam. Thick, bushy eyebrows furrowed, brown eyes warmed with concern. “Zayn, are you alright?” His fingers left Zayn’s shoulder to slide up the side of Zayn’s neck and rub over the bristly hair at the back of his head. Zayn let himself lean into the touch.

Liam quickly pulled his hand back to himself.

“Fine. I’m fine. I just forgot where I was for a second.” Zayn ran a hand over his face as he fell back onto his pillows. “Why’d you wake me up?” He scrubbed his fingers into his longer hair. “Was having a good dream til I woke up and saw your mug.”

Liam made a disgruntled noise. “Oh, yeah? What was so good about it, Malik?”

A wary glance was sent in Liam’s direction, revealing that the boy was smirking. Zayn’s face flooded with heat and he clamped his mouth shut. He couldn’t even begin to tell Liam about the dream he’d just had – a dream where Liam had fit himself between Zayn’s thighs and was mouthing his way up his chest to Zayn’s lips.

“Nothing. It was just one of those nice dreams you wake up happy from.” Zayn rolled over in an attempt to hide his face. “Why’d you wake me up from it? Still waiting for your answer, Leeyum.”

“You were mumbling.” Liam brushed his knuckles down the bare length of Zayn’s spine, sending a shiver through the older boy’s body. “And I had a sneaky idea to go visit my dog at the ACC. Thought you might want to come too.” He traced another careful finger over Zayn’s skin just to incite another shiver. “What do you say?”

He rolled over again, pushing himself out of bed in one fluid motion. “Won’t we get caught?” Liam’s fingers brushed Zayn’s skin in a far too distracting manner. He took a step back, nearly tripping over his own discarded boots.

“Nah,” Liam’s eyes followed him. “I’ve got my security key. As long as we’re quiet, we should be good.”

Zayn pulled a tshirt on and slipped his feet into a pair of sneakers. “Alright, I’m game. Didn’t think you’d do a rebellious thing like this, Leeyum. I had you marked down as a good, rule-abider.” They pushed open the door of the dorm, ceasing all conversation in order to maintain the sneaky mission.

In the dark it was more difficult to maneuver the hallways and the staircases, but after stumbling over the lip of the stairs for the third time, Zayn found assistance. Liam’s hand fumbled through the darkness until he found purchase, fingers slipping through Zayn’s to lead him carefully up the rest of the stairs.

A quiet beep and a flicker of a green light were the first hint to Zayn that they’d reached the top level. The door swung open and Liam quickly hauled him inside, closing the door tightly and quietly.

Up there on the top-secret level some light did filter in through the narrow windows at the tops of the walls. It was pale moonlight, but after the pitch black of the lower levels it was like the midday sun. Even then, with the heightened visibility, neither of the men released the other’s hand, silently hoping that each other would think they needed help maneuvering still.

The next time Zayn heard a beep, he was greeted with the mechanical _whoosh_ of a door sliding open and the soft scent of the blue flowers he knew lined the walls of the Holdon Fields.

“Come on,” Liam whispered, pulling Zayn inside – or outside.

The open roof revealed to them a sky of velvet black, filled with thousands of stars. It was a sight Zayn hadn’t seen in years. The nights were normally far too cold to be outside, and he’d been ten the last time he saw the night sky – camping with his cousins and sisters in a tiny tent with enough bodies pressed together to generate quite a bit of heat. They’d laid out there gazing up at the stars for an hour before the cold grew to be too much and they’d run back into their family’s shelter.

Liam squeezed Zayn’s hand, tugging lightly in the direction of the ACC. Finally, he tore his gaze away from that miracle of an open sky, and he followed Liam, glancing around to make sure that there were no straggling farmers or guards on patrol.

As they moved past the trees, the fields came into sight. A thick fog lay over them, a thick blanket tucking the plants and animals in for the night. Zayn’s breaths sounded loud in his ears as he tiptoed quickly along the path behind Liam.

All of the dogs and most of the cats were asleep when Liam pushed the door of the building open. Soft dog snores and sleepy growls echoed around the empty space. While Liam ducked back through the doorway that led to the dog’s area, Zayn took a peek into the enclosed section where a few cats were stretching towards him, mewling like kittens.

Miraculously Tiger was one of them.

From the back of the shelter, Zayn could hear the sound of a whining dog and soft laughter. He couldn’t help the smile that curled the edges of his grin.

/\/\

\/\/

Over the next few weeks, the friendship between the two roommates developed further. It was almost hard to believe that Liam had disliked Zayn so much when he’d first arrived. Oftentimes, they would take trips up to level one, either with permission during the day or sneakily at night, to visit their animals.

Zayn found himself spending more and more time up there despite not really being allowed most of the time. Karen sent him up more and more with books for Liam or for Jade and again on the odd occasion to Dr. Fletch, who only ever seemed to rush Zayn out of the room.

As the weeks dragged by and the calendar drifted ever-nearer to his birthday, he found that it was easier to waste his days up on that top level with Liam or Niall or Louis or even Harry on the days when he had no runs scheduled.

There was a willow tree beside the only lake in the property, it’s leaves tickled the surface of the water, tempting the fish to come near the surface, and providing a secret shady place for the boys to tuck themselves away.

“It’s nice here. Quiet. None of that machine noise that’s constant down there.” Zayn murmured one day as he stretched out over the grass, hands cushioned behind his head. The sun shimmered through the branches, dappling soft gold over his face. Liam and Niall were sitting there with him, each of them on a brief break from their jobs, and they were both sitting cross-legged at his side. Niall was picking at blades of grass, tearing them apart and sprinkling them over the knee of Zayn’s jeans.

“Cause Tommo’s not up here.” Niall teased, blowing a handful of the scraps over Zayn’s face.

He flipped the blonde lad his middle finger and got to picking himself clean again. “No, that’s not it, there’s just far less people and not as many lights or machines or anything. It’s nice. Probably close to how things were before the world turned into a snowball.”

Niall changed the subject soon after that, turning it towards the comic book that Zayn and Liam had been discussing earlier. He didn’t read the comics, he preferred to hear the stories secondhand from Zayn, that’s how he’d always been, even back at the university – it had been sort of a bed time ritual.

As they spoke, Liam curled his hand around Zayn’s ankle, sneaking his thumb under the edge of the denim, rubbing light little absentminded circles against the bone there. A hint of a smile graced his lips, distracting Zayn temporarily from the conversation. His hazel gaze enamored by the movement of Liam’s lips, the plush pinkness curving from the smile even as they curled around words that Zayn couldn’t discern.

“Zee?” A tight squeeze around his ankle and a nudge against his shoulder brought him out of the reverie. Niall was staring down at him with a bemused half-smile. Liam staring at the ground where a tiny weed flower grew, a faint blush on his cheeks. “Where’d you go, bro?”

Zayn shook his head. “Nowhere. Was just thinking that it’s probably time you got back to work, yeah?”

Niall swore and jumped to his feet, spraying the other two lads with shreds of grass. “Yeah, I’ll see ya later. Liam, make sure that he’s not too much of a troublemaker. He’s gotta get back to work sometime, too.” He tapped the toe of his shoe against Zayn’s side, drawing a cheeky smile from the boy laying flat on the ground before he darted off towards the ACC.

And then it was just the two of them. Liam and Zayn.

After a few seconds of silence, Liam repositioned himself to lay beside Zayn, their heads just an inch apart, shoulders pressed together, fingers brushing. Another moment and their chests were rising and falling in sync.

“You were talking in your sleep again last night.” Liam finally broke the silence, his fingers twitching against the back of Zayn’s hand.

“Was I?” He moved his hand away, lifting it to rest on his belly. Suddenly he could feel his heartbeat there under his palm, and his skin felt flushed. Zayn knew what he’d dreamt about the night before. His family. His sisters and cousins and parents and aunts and uncles. While the dream had begun normal, just an old day of laughter, it had taken almost no time to transform into a far too realistic nightmare.

Liam cleared his throat. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

The gruff tone of voice didn’t seem to deter Liam who pushed on. “You were saying someone’s name. Saf – Safaa?” He stumbled over the pronunciation before correcting himself.

That name from his mouth felt like a punch to Zayn’s gut. He turned his head away from the sky, tilting it away so that Liam wouldn’t be able to see the sudden tears that welled up in his eyes.

“Zayn?” There was the sound of crunching grass, and then Zayn felt a hand curl around his arm, soft and gentle. “I’m – Nevermind, I’ll drop it. You wanna talk about Iron Man? The Joker?”

But Zayn’s mood had just been sent down the drain, churned to bits by the garbage disposal. He shook his head. “No, Liam. I should probably get back down to the library. Your mum’ll be wondering where I’ve gotten to.”

As he started to push up to his feet, slowly and carefully so as to keep his face hidden from Liam’s sight, he heard a soft sigh.

“No, Zayn, I’m sorry. Please?” The warm, rough hands that Zayn had come to know quite well over the past weeks wrapped around his wrist. “You know she knows where you are. Stay, please? I’m sorry. We can talk about anything you want.”

Much as Zayn wanted to say no, go back to work and just get the fuck away, he couldn’t deny that alluring tone of Liam’s. With a heavy sigh, he dropped back down onto the ground.

Still, his insides were churning, stirring like storm clouds do to the ocean, dredging up dark things from the deep. These dark things just so happened to be emotions he thought he’d buried months ago.

“Alright, what do you wanna talk about?” Liam asked calmly a breath and a half later.

Zayn sucked in a breath, mulling over topics of conversation or the possibility of no conversation at all. The latter of the two sounded more bearable, but there was one particular topic in the forefront of his mind that just wouldn’t be sent away.

“I want to talk about that dream last night.” He mumbled, dropping his head into his hands, resting elbows on folded knees. “It was my family, I mean, a nightmare about my family.” He explained, voice quavering. “Safaa was my baby sister, the youngest of the three of them.” He paused. “Do you know anything about me from before I got here?”

Liam shook his head, brows furrowing.

“I lost my whole family. All at once.” Zayn’s voice cracked on the last word. “It’s hell out there. One minute they were all alive and well. My baba, my mum, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles. Then I left for an hour, two at the most, searching on my own for this shop my cousins and I’d discovered a week before. A storm blew through while I was inside, layering the world with another foot of snow.

“That foot of snow was more than the roof of our shelter could take. By the time I got back to them the whole thing was collapsed, my family trapped inside. I shouted for hours until my voice was gone past hoarse, but no one answered. Just like that, they were all gone.”

Zayn continued on to detail how he’d found Niall, the time that they’d spent together for those few months, meeting Harry and suffering through the dwindling amount of supplies. Liam listened patiently, reaching over halfway through the story, to latch onto Zayn’s hand, rubbing comforting circles onto the back with his thumb.

“So that dream last night, it was just that. Me going through losing my family again. Sometimes I’m there with them in the dreams, but I still can’t do anything except watch them be crushed and suffocated. Other times I have to see them die in different ways, but it’s always so painful for me.”

A heavy bubble of heat rose in Zayn’s chest, pushing against his lungs and his heart until it was hard to breathe properly. Liam circled an arm around the older, smaller boy’s shoulders, tugging him in tight to nurse him through this bout of hurt. He rubbed his fingers over the soft buzz of Zayn’s hair, his fingers threading through the longer hair on top.

“I know it’s hard. I lost me sister and I know that is a pale comparison to losing your whole family, but I still have those nightmares about Nic sometimes. I think of her lost out there in the void of white, buried under snow, frozen and crawling towards home.” Liam shook his head, shivering against Zayn’s side. “Our two situations aren’t equal to each other, but you can talk to me any time, Zayn.”

Zayn closed his eyes tightly, dropping his head onto Liam’s shoulder. “Thanks, Leeyum.”

Later that night at dinner – creamy fettuccini alfredo with chicken – Liam sat at the table with them for the first time. Louis seemed the most shocked when Liam dropped down into the seat right beside Zayn, his arm draped over the seat back like it was the most normal thing in the world for him to be sitting there. Harry and Niall both managed to hide their surprise.

No one mentioned it, or made a bigger deal out of it; they barely batted an eyelash when Zayn only focused on Liam while he told them a story about his day at work, well, the part of the day when he’d actually been in the library. Louis only snorted into his glass when Liam giggled at Zayn’s description of the man who’d jumped in surprise when Zayn had walked near.

“He slammed his book shut so fast I’d’ve thought he was reading porn if I didn’t know better.” Zayn grinned, gaze almost melted into Liam, unable to look away from the shimmering bronze of the younger boy’s eyes. “Anyway, he left pretty fast after that, glaring at me like I’d personally offended him.”

“Well, that’s untrue. All the porn in this place is in our room.” Harry stated proudly, nudging Niall with his elbow. “Brought it all the way from that uni, didn’t we?”

While Niall’s face went bright red, Liam’s drained to a white sheet, and Louis burst into peals laughter. “You do not! Do you?” He slapped his hand down on the table. “Oh, the Warden would murder both of you if she found out. It’s strictly banned from the premises!”

Niall ducked his head, cheeks still flaming, hiding in the crook of Harry’s neck.

Harry raked his fingers through the blonde hair, babbling on as he did so. “Nah, she’ll never find out. And what’s the worst she’d really do? Throw ‘em away? The girls in the pages aren’t really my type. I’m more into blonde Irish lads, you know.” He didn’t hesitate to reach down and pull Niall into a disgusting kiss.

Everyone groaned, tossing bits of bread rolls or napkins to try and break them up. Harry finally pulled away a moment later, revealing the satisfied grins on both of the boys faces.

/\/\

\/\/

“Were they serious about the porn thing?” Liam asked in a muted tone once they were back in their dorm. “Because that’s a pretty serious violation, actually.”

Zayn shrugged, toeing his bag of comics out from under the bed. “I know they did have them back at the uni, but I assumed they were confiscated when we got here, or that they’d taken them. But I don’t know.” Which was mostly a lie. He’d had them in this very dorm, but he’d made Niall take them away.

When he looked up again at Liam, the younger boy was running his fingers through his hair. The curly Mohawk thing was still there, but now Liam had grown out the sides a bit more. (“I’m not such a fan of the Mohawk, I don’t think.” Liam had told him one morning a few weeks back. “I think it’s all or nothing. Maybe I should get a buzzcut.” Zayn had talked him down from that. The curls were too good to get rid of.)

“Do you want the shower? Or can I take it?” Liam asked, his bronze eyes flickering oddly under the fluorescent lights as his cheeks went a faded pink.

“You go ahead,” Zayn replied. “I think I’ve actually forgotten something up in the classroom, so I need to go get it.” Truthfully he _had_ left behind a book he meant to read before bed tonight, but honestly he just needed to leave the room while Liam showered so he didn’t focus on the sound of the other boy’s singing mixed with the pitter-patter of water on tiles. He couldn’t stay and let his mind get carried away to the place where a perpetually naked Liam lived, normally bathed in sunlight and dripping with water.

Zayn swallowed quickly, pressing a hand against his crotch, hoping Liam wouldn’t notice from where he was rummaging for a towel in his wardrobe. He quickly removed himself from the room, pacing out his breathing as he walked to the classroom for his book.

He’d just breached the top of the staircase opening up onto the library floor when he saw it.

The library was meant to be closed down, curfew was starting in a few minutes, so everyone should be tucked away in their dorms, and yet there was a shadowy figure sitting in one of the chairs, a single table lamp lit beside him. Zayn took a wary step out onto the rugs.

The figure was definitely a man, his face cast almost entirely in shadow by the orange glow of the lamp. His back was to the stairwell, so Zayn was hoping to just sneak by without being noticed, although at the same time he wanted to confront the man, ask him what he thought he was doing here so late.

As he drew closer to him, he noticed the array of books spread out and opened on the table in front of the man. He seemed to be intently studying them, scribbling notes down in a notebook every now and then, or flipping backwards through the pages.

Zayn ducked into his classroom quickly, grabbing the book he wanted and slipping back out before the door could shut again. The man glanced up then at the soft _‘click’_ of the classroom door shutting.

There was a brief moment of eye contact before Zayn broke it, twisting around and heading for the stairs. There was something intimidating in that gaze, something that felt like a noose wrapping around his throat, and he knew that he wasn’t going to go there with interrogating the man.

Maybe he’d just tell Karen about it in the morning.

/\/\

\/\/

A few days went by where the library was especially busy – several classes had reports due soon, so Zayn and Karen were swamped with kids asking for help finding the appropriate books – and Zayn rarely had the chance to see his friends or get sent on those fleeting trips up to Level One. Those days consisted of heavy doses of coffee and large amounts of patience that he’d previously not known he possessed.

The nights after those busy days consisted of dreamless sleep – a relief from the montage of nightmares he’d been having. Maybe that blank unconsciousness had lulled Zayn into a false sense of peace, thinking that the bad dreams were gone for a while because when they came back, they seemed even worse than before.

He woke himself shouting, thrashing and tangled in the bed sheets, sweat soaking his skin. Liam was by his side in half a second, probably having vaulted out of his own bed and directly onto Zayn’s. Soothing hands rushed to find any damage on Zayn, Liam spoke soft words of comfort to him, and all the while Zayn couldn’t do anything but blink at the blackness that still surrounded the two boys.

“Are you alright?” Liam whispered after a few long moments, his warm hands wrapped comfortingly around Zayn’s colder ones. “That’s a dumb question, of course you aren’t.” He slid his body down to lay beside the older boy, both of them unconsciously curling together. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Zayn’s eyes were closed, his fingers twisted through Liam’s, and already the dream was fading like shadows as if Liam’s presence had cast a light to ward them off. “No, Leeyum, I just want to sleep.”

Both of them had noticed over the past few days how there were growing shadows under Zayn’s eyes, how he jumped at the slightest of sounds, and he wasn’t quite the same boy as normal. Their friends had noticed, Karen had noticed, but no one said anything.

“Zayn,” Liam spoke softly, wiggling his fingers to tighten the knot of their hands. “You need to talk –“

Zayn rolled over, twisting his hand free so that he could face away from the boy who’d invaded his bed. “No, I actually don’t need to talk. I need sleep, so if you don’t mind, shut up.”

Just as Liam pushed his top half off the bed to go back to his own, Zayn rolled back over. His hand shot for Zayn’s wrist, encircling it tightly. “Where are you going? I didn’t say leave.”

In the silence that followed, Liam could hear the echoes of Zayn’s fear. He was scared of his dreams, scared of sleeping alone. And honestly, Liam was scared too. Waking up to the sound of the boy in the next bed screaming like he was being murdered was a terrifying experience, especially when –

“Stay.” Zayn insisted, tugging on Liam’s wrist until he slid back down onto the mattress, shuffling around until he was comfortable. With Zayn’s back to Liam, just a breath of space between them, the two boys fell easily into sleep, breaths quiet in the vast world.

/\/\

\/\/

It was a soft sound that woke Zayn in the morning. Overhead, the lights were already buzzing. His bed was warm, his mind fuzzy, and for one happy moment Zayn let himself imagine just staying there in bed, wrapped in the cocoon of peace.

And then he heard the noise again. A soft sigh.

That was the moment Zayn realized exactly what had woken him. There was a warm arm looped over his waist, a broad chest pressed to his back, and curls (he had the inkling that they were a perfect shade of honey brown) tickled the back of his neck. In other words, Liam was spooning him.

While it wasn’t exactly an uncomfortable position to be in, Zayn shifted away from Liam rather quickly, extracting himself from the warm spot. He glanced back over his shoulder at Liam.

The other boy was so beautiful in sleep. His slight curls were a messy halo on the top of his head, his rose lips pouted even as he dreamed, and until that moment Zayn had honestly never noticed the lovely patterns Liam’s eyelashes created in shadow on his cheekbones.

“Fuck me,” he swore quietly, swallowing past a lump in his throat and using all of his willpower to resist the urge to reach out and just trace a finger over Liam’s skin.

Liam’s eyelids fluttered then, creating new shadow shapes to enchant Zayn. Zayn didn’t move from his spot on the edge of the bed.

When Liam began to move, stretching out his sleep-drenched muscles, Zayn jumped into motion, slipping out of bed and stealing towards the bathroom. He was halfway there when Liam groaned, arms extended over his head, bare chest on display in the ugly fluorescent lights.

Zayn ducked in through the doorway, putting the door as a barrier between them. He figured a quick shower would give him time to take care of his thickening morning problem quietly and privately. The problem was, by the time he got out, Liam was still in bed, his arm thrown over his eyes, and his other hand resting low on his belly.

“You alright, Payne?” Zayn asked as he hid behind the door of his wardrobe to get dressed. Liam made a low grumbling sound; Zayn peeked his head around. “What was that?”

Liam had at least pushed himself upright, his back pressed against the headboard, and the blankets pooled around his waist, but his eyes were still closed. His fist was clenched on top of the blankets.

“Leeyum, if you don’t get up soon, you’ll be late for work.” Zayn tossed his shirt at the other boy. It hit him in the face, and Liam finally opened his eyes just to frown at Zayn.

He looked a bit pale, Zayn thought, so he took a seat on the edge of the bed, his hip bumped up against Liam’s thigh. Only in the interest of finding out if his roommate was feverish, Zayn lifted a hand to touch the back against Liam’s forehead.

The younger of the two watched with careful interest, but as soon as Zayn’s cool hand touched his forehead, Liam’s hand shot up to encircle Zayn’s wrist and pull it away.

He stared at him with eyes deep as the universe and just as dark.

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asked, yanking his arm free of the tight grasp. “You aren’t ill are you?”

Liam shook his head.

“Well, then what’s wrong with you?” Zayn asked, again reaching to feel the temperature of Liam’s face.

Liam seemed to mirror him in that moment, extending a hand to cup Zayn’s jaw.

Zayn dropped his hand back into his lap, choosing instead to intensely study the eyes of the man in front of him, and to soak in the sensation of Liam’s fingers burning against his cheek.

Slowly, so slowly, Liam moved to cup the back of Zayn’s neck, fingers just brushing the longer fuzz of hair at the base of his head. They gazed at each other, but Liam seemed to be looking deeper, scanning, searching for something. Unintentionally, they drew nearer to each other, sinking together like the space between them was an ocean and they were drowning.

Although he couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when something changed, Zayn noticed that there was a light in Liam’s eyes, a hotter heat to his touch, a new strength in his pulse that beat against Zayn’s throat like his own.

Liam stroked his fingers over the soft down of Zayn’s head, his fingers threaded through the inky hair at the back, and he nudged their noses together. Zayn sucked in a breath and held it, enamored by the feel of Liam’s soft breath against his lips, of thumbs rubbing with the grain of Zayn’s beard (just because Liam loved the way it felt against his skin.)

“Come on, then.” Zayn murmured, gaze tangling with Liam’s. There was something to that light in Liam’s eyes that Zayn couldn’t figure out. But he planned to.

Unbeknownst to him, it was Liam choking on involuntary words his heart was trying to pump out. The things he felt were crazy and impulsive, explosive and uncontainable. The night spent in bed beside Zayn, and waking up in the morning to him as well, had broken a dam inside of Liam. And now it was all filling him up.

Zayn nudged even closer to Liam, if that was at all possible without actually kissing, and dared, “Come on.” and that’s what pushed Liam over. He rushed through the centimeter of space that separated them, pressing their mouths together in a hot burst of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him, that promised the possibility of spontaneous combustion like the Human Torch.

(And if Liam wasn’t mistaken, the way Zayn’s fingers quickly moved to tangle at the back of Liam’s neck and the way his mile long lashes fluttered against Liam’s cheek spelled out the way that Zayn felt too.) (He wasn’t mistaken. He couldn’t have been more right.)

“What was that for?” Liam asked a moment later when he finally broke away. His face had gone soft – all squish and gentle angles - and colorful roses bloomed on his cheeks.

Zayn shrugged. “I didn’t –“ He wanted to point out to Liam that it was _him_ that had initiated the kiss, but then he saw the moment replaying in the other boy’s eyes. “I wanted to.” He admitted; his face felt hot under the pressure of Liam’s gaze. “Was that okay?”

With a secret smile pushing and pulling its way onto the place Zayn had just had his lips, Liam nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, it was.”

“Good.” A little secret smile of his own went hiding into Zayn’s shoulder as he turned to push off the bed. “You should go shower. Breakfast’ll be over soon, I expect.” Zayn pulled his shirt from where it had slipped off of Liam’s lap, tugged it on over his head, and peeked back over his shoulder to see Liam was still stretched out languidly in Zayn’s bed, a silly grin on his face to match the giddy feeling that buzzed over Zayn’s skin.

That was a sight he could get used to.

/\/\

\/\/

Zayn didn’t get to see Liam again for the rest of the day. There was a high demand for books, not only from the children, but people all over Holdon needed books delivered, so Karen had Zayn running all over the facility until he was out of breath and it was time for his art lessons.

The kids were monsters and Louis couldn’t help out, so Zayn had to take care of them all by himself. By the time the class was over, he had a rainbow of clay caked under his nails, a chunk of it was stuck in his hair (thanks to a tiny blond tormentor named Nathan), and he’d had to send a kid to the infirmary because he’d shoved a chunk of clay up his nose and couldn’t get it back out.

By the time dinner came around, a tantalizing turkey dinner, Zayn barely had an appetite for he was so exhausted. The morning seemed like years ago, and his heart fluttered at the thought of seeing Liam again, of getting the chance to feel the other boy’s warm lips on his.

When he’d gotten through the line and located his friends in the caf, Zayn realized that Liam was nowhere to be seen. Louis was sitting between the twins, across from Niall, who was hanging halfway off his seat to tangle himself with Harry. Liam wasn’t there; he wasn’t across the room with Andy or Jade or Jordan.

Zayn frowned and dropped down into the seat beside the twin he thought was Daisy. He ate quietly and quickly, barely listening to the conversations happening around him. When his roommate still wasn’t there by the time he’d finished eating, Zayn felt like his stomach was tied up in a knot of emotions. Anger, anxiety, curiosity swirled around inside of him.

The other lads didn’t seem to notice when Zayn excused himself, dumping his tray off at the collection as he exited the cafeteria. He didn’t immediately head back to the dorm, but descended further into Holdon, down to he E-Level.

It was lit dimly, nearly vacant, and Zayn wondered why he’d just come all the way down here. There wasn’t much to do down on the E-Level at the late dinner hour; everyone was either in the cafeteria or in their dorms. The people that remained down here were the troublemakers that Louis had told him caused the Warden so much grief. It’s not like he expected Liam to be down there. It’s not like he was even looking for Liam particularly.

But what do you know, that’s where he found him.

Liam was sitting outside the footie field, drenched in sweat, pulling his shoes off as he sat on the ground, and he was chatting up at some guy who was standing over top of him. As Zayn drew nearer, he recognized the other man as Fletch – Dr. Fletcher, that is – and Zayn took a few more curious steps towards the two men.

He’d never seen the young doctor off the first level, and to see him talking so casually with Liam was interesting. And somewhat angering. Not that there was a ball of jealousy forming in Zayn’s belly (except there was).

“Liam!” He called once he was within earshot of them. Both turned their heads to see who the newcomer was.

To Zayn’s great relief, Liam’s face broke out in a shimmering grin as soon as he saw that it was him. “Zayn, hey.” He shoved his shoes into the bag that was at his side, and then pushed up to stand on the surely cold tile floor. “You’ve met Fletch, haven’t you?” He asked as soon as Zayn was by his side.

It was the Doctor who answered Liam’s question. “Yes. He’s delivered books to me several times.” He offered his hand to Zayn and then turned his attention back to Liam. “Payne, remember what I was saying, though. I need that report before tomorrow is over.”

The two men exchanged nods. Fletch walked off leaving Liam and Zayn standing side by side and watching him go.

“What’re you doing down here?” Liam asked a moment later, stepping away to lift his bag up onto his shoulder. “Shouldn’t you be at dinner?”

“Shouldn’t you?” Zayn retorted, folding his arms over his chest. “I ate. Then I came looking for you.”

Liam stood up straight and sent a grin over at Zayn. “Thanks, mate.”

Zayn was glad that Liam looked away at that moment because the shadow of ‘what the hell?’ passed over Zayn’s face. They’d just kissed that morning, and now Liam was calling him mate? You don’t kiss your mates. Well, Zayn had kissed Niall once, but that was different; they’d both agreed afterwards that it had been awkward.

“You coming, Zayn?” Liam tossed the question back over his shoulder as he started for the stairs. “I’m starving and there’s only a few minutes left for dinner.”

Zayn jogged to catch up, falling in step beside the other boy, doing his best to keep his bruised feelings from showing.

/\/\

\/\/

A few days passed in which Zayn and Liam didn’t really talk at all, let alone about their kiss. As the hours passed, each one stretching out so that every day felt like two, Zayn began to stress about it.

What had happened so that Liam had decided they were only mates? Had the kiss not been good? It was Zayn’s first real kiss. He watched as Liam went back to sitting with Andy and Jade at mealtimes; he watched Liam come back to the room as late as possible and fall asleep moments later; he watched him leave early each morning, sometimes even before Zayn had woken up. It was very hard to believe that Liam wasn’t avoiding him.

The ever-observant Louis picked up on it after four days. He pulled Zayn aside after a breakfast that Zayn spent staring across the cafeteria, possibly spearing his cubed fruit a bit too harshly.

“Is everything okay with you and Liam?” Louis asked, curling his arm around Zayn’s shoulders, pulling him close enough to whisper in his ear.

Zayn shrugged him off. “Fine. Why?”

“Hmm, let’s see. You two were inseparable a few days ago, couldn’t pry you apart with that atom separator that’s rumored to exist in the Labs. And now he’s not coming anywhere near our table. I tried talking to him last night after I saw him playing football with a few of the lads. He disappeared into the locker rooms before I could catch him.” He paused. “Have I done something?”

Zayn shrugged again. “I don’t know, Lou. Maybe he’s busy with his job.”

He snorted a laugh. “Right. Okay. I’ve never known Liam to be too busy to spend time with friends. Ever.”

“He’s not too busy for Andy and Jade, though.” Zayn tried his best to keep the contempt out of his voice. It didn’t work.

Louis nodded. “Noticed that, actually. Hey, did you want me to try to talk to Andy? See if he knows anything about Liam’s odd behavior? I’ve been planning to get a new tattoo.” He twisted his arm around to point at a blank spot in the mishmash of ink.

“No. It’s fine, Lou. Like I said, Liam might just be really busy with work.” He bit his lip, knowing that what Louis had said was probably true. There wasn’t much that Liam could have to do for his job that would distract him from Zayn for a whole week. “If you think Andy might know, I’ll talk to him.”

With that said, Louis went on his way to torment a new girl that had just arrived in Holdon, and Zayn headed down to the Library with thoughts of Liam and questioning Andy buzzing around his head.

/\/\

\/\/

After a few more days of the bare minimum contact with Liam, Zayn was fed up. He took the time immediately after dinner to take the long descent to the E-Level and find Andy at the tattoo parlor.

He was the only one working, clearly bored, flipping through the pages of a magazine from what looked like the 1980’s. When Zayn walked in, he sat up straight, grinning widely.

“Hey! Been a long time since I’ve seen you.” Andy laughed, patting the seat beside him. “What can I do for you, Malik?”

Zayn settled down carefully, wondering if he should come right out and ask Andy what was up with Liam, or if he should go ahead and get a tattoo and ask his question somewhere in the process of it.

He decided on the second one.

“I want something new.”

“Alright, mate, what are you thinking?” Andy leaned over to pull the large book of tattoos towards himself and Zayn. “Something from here, or something from there?” He tapped the side of Zayn’s head and smiled.

It took a moment of deep contemplation, and then it came to him. “Let me see that sketchpad.” He was handed the notepad and the pen and got to sketching out his idea. It was small, it wasn’t detailed, but it was exactly what Zayn wanted.

“You know, man, it’s just – take off your shirt, please –“ Andy shook his head and sat the sketchpad aside. “It’s just a simply black heart, I think I could’ve imagined it without the drawing.” He chuckled and got his tattooing equipment ready while Zayn removed his shirt and pointed out where exactly he wanted this heart.

It wasn’t long into the tattooing when Zayn found his way to ease into asking about Liam. Andy brought him up actually, mentioning something about Liam’s last tattoo (which up to this point Zayn hadn’t really noticed any tattoos on his roommate, which was odd considering how much time he actually spent staring at the man).

“Speaking of Liam,” Zayn interjected, “has he seemed a bit, I don’t know, weird to you lately? Off, I mean?” He bit his lip and looked down to where Andy was concentrating on filling in the completed outline on his hip.

The buzzing of the gun on his skin paused for a moment as the older man looked at Zayn. “Liam weird lately? Nah, I mean, he’s always weird, isn’t he. Why?”

“No reason.” Zayn shrugged, falling silent for just a few seconds before: “It’s just that he’s not really spoken to me at all for over a week. We were fine, you know, I thought we were mates, but then he just almost entirely stopped talking to me. About anything.”

Andy frowned at that. “Maybe he’s busy with his job.”

Zayn sighed, “Yeah, that’s what I thought too.”

As soon as the tattoo was finished, Zayn paid Andy and ducked out of the shop, his new tattoo hidden away under his shirt.

If even Andy didn’t know what was with Liam, then who would?

/\/\

\/\/

On the two week mark of almost no communication, Zayn went to Louis. “I talk to Andy, and he said he didn’t know. I got this tattoo for nothing.” He hissed, yanking up the hem of his shirt to show off the dark blot of a heart on his hip. “He said that it’s probably Liam’s job, but we’re not all stupid enough to believe that, right?”

“Zayn, mate, I’m telling you this as a friend.” Louis gripped Zayn’s shoulder. “You need to calm down, because you’ve got crazy eyes going on right now, and I wouldn’t blame Liam for not talking to you when you look like this.”

He frowned at the other boy. “Not helping.”

Louis sighed, clearly tired of being in the middle of whatever sort of spat this was. “Why don’t you just talk to Liam. Corner him somewhere if you have to. I don’t know, Zee. I’ve got to go find Leigh, she wanted me to help her figure out something. Newbies, God. I swear you weren’t this difficult to welcome into the community.”

So Zayn watched as his not-so-helpful friend walked away, still hopelessly lost in what to do with the Liam situation.

/\/\

\/\/

In the end, the opportunity was presented to him like a perfectly wrapped present. The Warden herself approached Zayn before his class time began, and she presented him with a pass clearing his group of little monsters for access to the top level. “I want to see whatever they come up with,” she smiled, her twinkling blue eyes lingering on him just a little too long for his liking.

Of course, having such a large group of children up on the high-security level meant that they’d need more than just Zayn as a chaperone, so the Warden had assigned Liam to the role of Chaperone #2.

Liam  met the horde of children and Zayn at the top of the stairs, smiling and waving at all of the kids. He led them all along the single hallway, stopped in front of the door, and stood aside to hear the gasps of these children as they saw their first real glimpse of the world.

“Now you can’t go running once you get out there,” Zayn told them. “You have to stay close to me or Liam, okay?”

All the kids agreed, but only three or four really meant it and Zayn knew that, so when they first stepped out onto the grass, inhaling the sweet scent of those blue flowers on the walls, Zayn was ready. Half shot off in one direction, the others in the opposite one.

“Shit,” Zayn swore quietly, turning to Liam. “Should we go after them?”

Liam shook his head, “What’s the point? As soon as you got a few of them, they’d run off together again. Better to let them roam around a bit.” He buried his hands in his pockets and set off walking down the path towards the lake and the willow tree.

Far off in this vast open space, Zayn could hear the echoes of the kids. The crop tenders were laughing, calling out in reply and Zayn laughed as well. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like for his students. They’d spent their whole lives living in that tin can that is the rest of Holdon – metal and pipes and wires, no green plants, and no blue skies is not the way to raise children.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Liam looking at him.

“So what’s changed?” He asked suddenly, a slight pinch of anger in his voice. “Why can you look at me now, why can you talk to me now, but not for the past two weeks?” He kept his eyes ahead, checking for signs of his students.

Liam cleared his throat. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Two of the girls ran by – “Don’t forget to actually draw something!” Zayn called after them – and Zayn spat out “Bullshit” at Liam. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Liam. For the past two weeks, you’ve barely looked at me, and you’ve said only a handful of words. Have I done something?”

A group of boys were wrestling in the dirt off the side of the path, so the two adults stopped there to break them all up and get them started on painting the fields.

Liam stayed silent as they continued on, still on the path for the willow tree.

“Do you not like me?” Zayn timidly asked, hoping above all hopes that he was wrong. “Is this all about that morning, because, Liam, if that’s not something that you want then all you have to do is say so. I –“

Liam’s hand fisted in the front of Zayn’s shirt and jerked him around so that they were facing each other for the first time that day. He was staring at Zayn, fire embers glowing hotly in his eyes, and there were words on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t seem to let them go.

“It’s not that.” The words left Liam’s mouth gutturally, roughly like his voice had been rubbed over sandpaper. “I swear, Zayn, it’s not that I don’t like you.”

“Then what is it? It’s been killing me, Liam. Just tell me.” And now he was the one gripping the front of Liam’s shirt.

Liam shook his head. “Not here. Not now.” He took a step back, and carefully removed Zayn’s fists from his now-wrinkled shirt. “You’ve got to make sure your kids don’t get in trouble with the farmers. Come back here later. Meet me under the willow tree.”

It was brief, but Liam reached down and squeezed Zayn’s hand before walking off along the path, leaving Zayn alone again.

After he finally corralled all of the kids back down to the Library – he had to do three head counts before he everyone was accounted for – he walked over to the librarian’s desk where Karen was standing with a bemused smile.

“How was that then?” She asked.

“Exhausting. I’m never having kids.”

She laughed and shook her head. “Oh, Zayn, don’t say that. You just need to find the right person to change your mind.”

 _Yeah, that ‘right person’ is your son, Karen,_ he wanted to say. He bit his tongue and nodded, turning around to look at the library stretched out in front of him. There were a few people lingering at tables, poring over books, or scribbling notes down. For the most part, it looked like there was nothing for him to do here. Maybe…

“I’ve got a book for you to deliver.” Karen said as soon as he turned around again to ask her if he could have the rest of the afternoon off. “It’s to Dr. Fletcher again. You can take your time up there. And if you see Liam, can you tell him that I want a word with him.” Something stern flashed in her eyes, so Zayn nodded and accepted the book from her, hurrying on his way towards Level One again.

The security guards gave him a strange look as he approached them again, but one flash of the book delivery pass was all it took for them to open the door. He walked quickly to Fletch’s office at room 5505, which Liam had once pointed out to him was on a lonely stretch of hallway; all of the surrounding offices were unoccupied.

Fletch answered the door after one rap of Zayn’s knuckles, as if he’d been waiting just on the other side. “Ah, Zayn, thank you. How’ve you been the past few weeks?” He smiled and took the book offered to him, but not before looking Zayn once up and down. “You’re looking well.”

“I, uhm, thanks.” He stuttered out, stepping away from the door. “I’d better get back down to the Library. Anything you need me to return for you?”

The doctor shook his golden head and smiled. “No, I’m fine. See you around.”

As Zayn walked away, he heard the door click shut quietly, and he couldn’t quite shake the odd feeling of being hit on by the peculiar Doctor Fletcher.

“Zayn?” The voice came from behind him, and Zayn turned around slowly, cautiously, because for a moment he thought it was Fletch again, but it was only Jade. _How did I mistake their voices?_ “Oh, it is you!”

The young woman in front of him had honey brown hair, much different from the navy color he was used to on her, but her glasses and large smile were still the same. “Hi.”

“Are you alright?” She asked, a giggle trailing the question. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“I think – I think Fletch just hit on me? But I – I’m not entirely sure.” He shook his head and focused back on Jade. “Sorry, er, would you happen to know where Liam is? His mum wants me to tell him something.”

Coincidentally, Jade knew exactly where Liam was, so she led him on the way, and babbled to him the whole time, her cheeks going a pretty shade of pink each time she laughed. A part of Zayn wondered if she still fancied him, or if Liam had let her know that he wasn’t really interested.

When they reached the sliding metal door that led into the Holdon Fields, Zayn realized that he should’ve known all along that’s where Liam would be. Jade slid her small silver card through the slot at the side of the door, and wished Zayn a good rest of his day.

The day was already drawing to an end. There weren’t as many farmers in the field as there had been when he and the students had first arrived, and the domed sky overhead was a darker cloudy gray than normal daytime. Zayn wished he was wearing a watch.

In the time it took him to get to the willow tree, Zayn realized that he was rather chilly. It wasn’t unusual for Level One to be cold, but this time, Zayn’s hands felt cold enough that he tucked them under his arms as he crossed them over his chest.

And just as Liam had promised, he was sitting under the willow tree, his back against the trunk, and a small notebook open in his lap with a pen held between his teeth as he fanned through the pages. He looked up when Zayn pushed aside the curtain of leaves to step inside.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

They both laughed.

Liam stood up to meet Zayn halfway, hands reaching for his cheeks, until his palms were smushing Zayn’s cheeks together and they were still laughing. The terrible mood that had been haunting Zayn for the past two weeks had vanished into thin air.

“I’m sorry,” Liam murmured, releasing his hold on Zayn, and ducked his head as he continued apologizing. “I shouldn’t have ignored you, but there’s a reason why. I can’t tell you that reason, but it’s for my job. I hated ignoring you. You don’t know how much I did. You don’t know how many times I’ve had to stop myself from saying, ‘fuck it’ and climbing into your bed in the middle of the night to wake you up and kiss you until we can’t breathe. I’m sorry, Zayn. Really.” As he’d spoken his voice had grown quieter and quieter until his last words were barely audible, especially as he spoke them to his feet.

Zayn bumped a hand under Liam’s chin, nudging his gaze up to meet Zayn’s. “Honestly, the best way for you to apologize right now would be to kiss me again.”

Liam smiled, eyes going crinkly as his cheeks squished up. “I think I can do that.”

“Then do it.” Zayn teased, leaning in until he was so close, but not quite.

Liam closed the distance with a laugh, the sound getting lost as his mouth mingled with Zayn’s.

This kiss was just as good as their first. Liam’s mouth was warm on Zayn’s sending a fire down into Zayn’s belly, warming him from the inside out in this eternal winter world. Liam twisted his arms around Zayn’s waist, running his hands up and down his back as Zayn moved one hand around to the back of Liam’s neck, and the other over Liam’s chest.

Licking into Liam’s mouth, Zayn twisted his fingers in the bottom of Liam’s sweater, tugging it up so that he could bury his fingers underneath.

“Shit!” Liam yelped, jumping back and breaking the kiss. “Your fingers are freezing, Zayn.” He reached for Zayn’s hands, cupping them in his and bringing them up to his mouth, breathing warmth over them.

The leaves of the willow tree rustled slightly, disturbed by an artificial breeze. Liam’s eyes followed the movement, and Zayn’s followed Liam’s. Even after all this time he still couldn’t get over the beauty encompassed in them. A million shades of brown, hints of different emotions contained within every color. Or maybe that was the love inside himself talking, but he was almost certain that everyone in Holdon would agree with him that Liam Payne had beautiful eyes.

Zayn didn’t hesitate again as he curled his hand around the back of Liam’s neck, bringing the taller man’s mouth crashing down onto his. He tasted deeply of mint and chocolate, his lips soft and warm to counter that chilly taste.

Liam kissed back with equal fervor. Twisting them around, he pushed Zayn back against the trunk, muffling his groan with his lips, and burying his hands in the soft hair at the back of Zayn’s head.

“Ahem.” Someone cleared their throat just a few feet away.

Liam broke off from the kiss, stumbling backwards over his own feet, and raised a hand to wipe at his mouth as if he could hide what they’d just been doing. Zayn stayed where he was, back glued to the tree, and soul held in stasis from Liam’s drugging lips.

It was Louis.

“Well, this is interesting.” A sharp smirk tilted his lips and set Liam’s face ablaze. “Sorry to interrupt.”

“No, you’re not.” Zayn finally broke out of his silence, bringing his arms from limp at his sides to folded in front of his chest.

Louis shrugged and grinned wider. “Yeah. I’m not. C’mon, Payno, you can come closer, I won’t bite your head off.”

With eyes averted and cheeks a fiery pink still, Liam crossed the few steps it took to get him back to Zayn’s side. Zayn admired him; the pretty shade of blush painted over his skin, the way he was hiding his hands in his pockets, taking shuffling steps towards Zayn without looking up from his feet.

God, he wanted to kiss him again.

Fondly, he reached out, tapping Liam’s arm with one finger and bringing the other man’s attention up to his face. Zayn offered a comforting smile, softening his eyes in a way that put Liam at ease again. “Hey,” he whispered warmly.

Liam felt his inside turn to mush.

Zayn felt like there was a tsunami rushing through him.

Louis started making retching noises.

Both of the other boys turned to the eldest of them. He was sitting cross-legged on the ground now, stripping leaves off a fallen branch and pretending that he was being stabbed by said branch.

“Stop it, Tommo.” Liam mumbled, snaking his fingers through Zayn’s, and pulling him down to sit in the grass with him, across from Louis. “What are you doing here?”

“I just went to find Zayn, and Karen told me he was up here, then I saw Jade and she told me you were both in here, and I thought I wanted to see what you lot were doing since Niall and Harry were being too coupley now that Harry’s back from a run.” He shuddered. “Guess I’m going to have to find new friends who won’t be snogging each other ever time I turn around.” He threw a pointed glare at the two of them and their intertwined fingers that rested on top of Zayn’s knee. “How long’s this been going on? Were you just whining to throw me off the trail, Zayn?”

Zayn licked his lips, glancing over at Liam, and then he answered, “No, Louis, this only happened recently. Really recently. No one else knows.”

Lou’s grin grew even more wolfish at that news. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really.” Zayn replied, kicking out at the older lad. “And you’re not going to fucking tell anyone.”

“Not going to tell anyone what?” A deep voice drawled from outside the curtain of the willow tree. Zayn swore softly and untangled his hand from Liam’s to scrape it through his short hair.

Harry stepped through the leaves first, followed by Niall; both of them had their eyebrows raised in question. “What’s Louis not going to go blabber about with his big mouth?” Niall asked, coming over to sit beside the boy in question.

All eyes turned to Louis, either curious of his answer, or curious if he’d be a traitor.

“Zayn’s got a new tattoo in a private place.” Louis partially fibbed. “He doesn’t want me to tell you where or what it is.” He glanced up at Niall and Harry, his blue eyes shimmering mischievously as added, “Liam was just trying to get the answer from Zayn.”

Zayn did have that new tattoo he’d gotten from Andy when he’d been trying to get information on Liam, but it wasn’t in an embarrassing spot or anything. Whatever, Louis was the only one that knew about it. It could work as their pretend secret.

“Louis,” he hissed, pretending of course. Except then he cast a look over at Liam and saw that Liam was staring at him like he wished he had X-Ray vision.

Niall grinned, “Oh, really? I want to see, Zayn. Come on, there’s not much of you that I haven’t seen before, you can show me.”

The rest of Zayn’s evening was spent with Niall and Harry pestering him to see him tattoo, with Louis sending him devilish grins, and with Liam just _staring_ at him. All through dinner, through the two and a half hours they had before curfew, and then it was just him and Liam, alone again at last.

Their dorm room was quiet, just the fluttering of comic book pages and the hum of the lights overhead. The faintest sound of conversation bled through the walls from the next room over, but none of that was loud enough to be considered distracting.

No, the only truly distracting thing that happened was that _Liam was still staring at Zayn._

“What, Liam?” Zayn finally groaned after only thirty minutes of their being alone together.

The sound of the other man’s mattress creaking as he rolled over caused Zayn to look up from the pages of the Iron Man comic he was reading. Liam was laying on his belly now, facing Zayn’s bed and peering at him over the top of an old, frayed Avengers comic.

Zayn cocked an eyebrow at him. Even with most of his face hiding behind the comic, Zayn could tell when Liam began to smile.

“Did you really get a new tattoo, or was that a lie that Louis was telling them?” Liam asked, dropping the comic flat onto the bed.

“Yeah. I did.”

Liam nodded at that, seemingly content with that answer seeing as he went back to looking down at the pages, but then “Is it in a private spot like he said?” Zayn narrowed his eyes at the other boy. Liam laughed, “Can I see it?”

Zayn dropped his own comic off to the side, rolling to sit upright on the edge of his bed. “What exactly are you implying, Leeyum?”

Liam followed Zayn’s motions – moving the comic off to the side and sitting on the edge of his bed – “I think you know what I’m saying, Zayn.”

“Not even taken me on a date yet, and you’re already trying to get me out of my clothes.” Zayn tsked at Liam.

“Want me to take you on a date?” Liam asked, his brows furrowing, unable to tell if Zayn was making a joke or if he was dead serious about the whole wine and dine thing. “I can do that. Really.”

Zayn smiled at that, reaching over to tap Liam’s knee with his foot. “That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?” Liam picked up the tone in his voice that time – it was the type of tone that meant “what is there to do here in Holdon for a date, anyway?”

“It will be nice. You’ll see.” Liam promised. He rolled over onto his side, facing away from Zayn. “Goodnight, Zayn.”

Zayn smiled at Liam’s back. “Goodnight, Li.”

/\/\

\/\/

It wasn’t the next day or even the day after that when Liam finally pulled Zayn aside after breakfast. Niall and Louis were walking ahead of them, Harry was gone again on another run, and Liam’s shoulder was nudging against Zayn’s as they walked out of the caf.

“You ready for that date I promised?” Liam asked quietly, his gaze flickering around as if he was scared of the other Holdon citizens knowing about them, as if he’d not been seen with other guys around the facility for years now.

“You were serious?” Zayn frowned, fidgeting with the watch on his wrist. It was brand new and mighty uncomfortable at the moment; he looked up from it when he heard Liam cough.

Liam’s cheeks were that pink color that Zayn had come to realize only made an appearance when Liam was embarrassed that he’d done something wrong. “I – No, Zayn. It’s, I –“

Quickly Zayn began backpedaling, trying to fix this thing he’d already broken between them. “I mean, yes, Li, if you’ve got something planned. I just didn’t think there’d really be something to do datewise around here.” Liam’s face still looked embarrassed. “Hey,” reaching discreetly for the other boy’s hand, Zayn brushed his fingers over the back of it. “I’d love to go on a date with you, Leeyum. It _was_ my idea, you know.”

A smile pushed its way onto Liam’s lips. “Oh, okay. So you’re saying yes?”

“I’m saying yes.” Zayn nodded, a crooked smile involuntarily appearing at the sight of light in Liam’s eyes.

Liam’s eyes squinted then, shrunken to slivers by his smile. “Alright, meet me back up here before dinner.” He glanced back at the open doorway of the cafeteria. “Don’t go in without me. Promise?”

“Promise.”

As Zayn watched Liam walk away – enjoying the sight of his broad shoulders under his tshirt and the drape of it over his bum – he wondered what Liam could have possibly planned for their date that evening.

All day long, Zayn was kept busy by a large number of students asking him to climb up the flimsy ladder to the top of the shelves to retrieve books for reports, as they weren’t allowed on the ladder. All day, his mind was cursing at the teacher that had decided to assign book reports on only top-shelf books.

By the time that the lunch hour had come around, Zayn was thinking of telling the children that they could climb the ladder themselves if they really wanted, but when the next little girl – a tiny seven year old with curly black hair and deep brown eyes and a pearly smile – came over to him, he ascended the ladder again anyway.

Karen was all busy as well, so busy that she only had the time to run by Zayn and ask him if he’d do the after school reading to the children. He had no choice but to accept the new responsibility.

Zayn knew the basics of Story Time; he’d been working in the library long enough to have observed Karen doing it dozens of times. The children ten and under were allowed to gather in the children’s corner of the library, set up on pillows and blankets around the heavy cloth-draped wooden chair. Each child could bring a book of their choice, present it to Mrs. Karen, and she’d choose the book of the day from that selection.

What Zayn didn’t expect was the difficulty of the choice. When he was settled in the chair with two dozen kids gathered at his feet, all looking up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, Zayn wanted to choose all of the books. He wanted to read them Peter Pan, Charlotte’s Web, all of the old classics.

“Please! Read mine! Mrs. Karen has never picked mine!” cried one little boy, all but lobbing the novel at Zayn. It landed in his lap, and one glance down at the title had him decided.

“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” he spoke aloud to the kids, who immediately quieted down to hear him. “By Roald Dahl.” He flipped the book around so that the kids could see as he turned to the first page. “These two very old people are the father and mother of...”

/\/\

\/\/

Dinnertime came and dinnertime left. Zayn still stood outside the cafeteria, stomach rumbling and face almost probably stuck in a frown. He could smell the delicious dinner, he could hear the fun conversations, but he’d promised Liam that he’d wait outside for him.

 _It’s been fifteen minutes since the dinner line closed, Zayn,_ he told himself _, Face it. He’s stood you up._

But he couldn’t have stood him up; it was Liam’s date idea. Why would he do that? Zayn leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, picturing the images from that book he’d read to the kids earlier. All of the candy in it had left his mouth watering just as much as their mouths.

Zayn heard footsteps clattering down a set of metal stairs, and he forced his eyes open.

A frowning Liam was walking towards Zayn, finally descending the stairs from Level One.

“You’re late.” Zayn grumbled, tightening his arms over his stomach as his belly gave another growl.

“I know.” Liam’s voice was angry, and he didn’t slow his heavy steps when he reached Zayn. Instead, he grabbed Zayn’s hand tightly in his and continued walking towards the stairway that led down away from the cafeteria.

With another wail of his stomach, Zayn followed. “Where are we going? I’m starving?” He asked, trotting to keep up with Liam.

“Library.”

“The library? Why?” He laughed, tugging lightly on Liam’s hand. He wanted to stop for a second and figure out what was happening. “Liam.” The boy continued walking down the steps, not letting Zayn’s hand anchor him. “Liam,” Zayn spoke more forcefully this time, jerking backwards on their hands while simultaneously pushing Liam over to the bannister.

It was when Liam’s warm body was pinned between the bannister and Zayn that he finally met Zayn’s gaze, and his anger melted away.

“Are you going to explain why we’re going to the library when everyone else in Holdon is in the caf eating? Like we should be doing?” His stomach gave another roar to emphasize the point.

Liam’s lips twitched towards a smile. “I’m sorry. I’ve done a shit job with explaining this date, haven’t I?” Zayn nodded affirmatively. “Right, so I’ve got food for us. Don’t fret. And if you follow me, I’ll show you what we’re doing, Zayn. Patience is –“

“Let’s go.” Zayn pulled on Liam’s arm again (drawing a groan from Liam who was definitely beginning to feel like a rag doll caught in a game of tug-of-war) and nearly tripped down the stairs in his hurry.

“Mum lent me her office for the evening,” Liam confided once they’d both reached the library floor. “We’re going to have a private dinner.” He snatched Zayn’s hand up, lacing their fingers together and heading off for the wooden door at the far end of the library.

“I can’t believe you convinced your mum to lend us her office for the night.” Zayn laughed as he followed Liam through the door. He’d never actually been inside Karen’s office, but stepping foot in now he could immediately tell that she belonged to it.

The walls were a plain, dark blue, the floor covered in the same rugs as outside. A desk was hidden under stacks of books at the back of the room, an old TV on a cart was pushed against the wall to the boys’ left, and a map of the world was tacked to the wall on the right. Framed pictures of Liam and his sisters, his parents, a small house with the whole family standing outside hung on the wall beside the map. The air smelled faintly of her perfume, and the stack of blankets beside the door just seemed like such a Karen Payne thing to him.

“Well, believe it.” Liam shut the door behind them, drawing the shade down over the window. “She actually likes you a lot, and even though she didn’t say it, I can tell she’s glad that I like you too.”

A blush was barely visible on his cheeks, but he ducked his head to hide it anyway. Zayn chuckled, stepping closer to the other boy, dipping his fingers under Liam’s chin to bring his attention back up.

“She used to bring me in here all the time, let me curl up and fall asleep on the sofa.” He nodded at a ragged red sofa pushed up against the same wall as the door. “I’d put movies in the old TV and watch until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.” Liam smiled, eyes lost in the old memory.

Zayn could barely remember ever seeing a movie; he knew what they were and everything, but with the whole lack of electricity in the apocalypse, he’d not really had the chance to see a film since he was quite young.

“There should be a candle or two around here somewhere.” The room was dim, lit only by the orange light fanning in around the shade over the door’s window, so Zayn giggled as he heard Liam bumping into things in his search for the other sources of light. “There they are.” The soft _snick_ of a lighter and then a candle was lit on the surface of the desk. A moment later, another one burst to life.

In the end, there were a half dozen candles lit, spaced evenly around the room to provide the perfect amount of romantic lighting.

To Zayn’s delight, the candlelight revealed a picnic basket sitting in the middle of the desk.

“Mum just brought it down after you left to meet me.” Liam explained, grabbing it as he returned to where Zayn still stood just inside the door. “Sorry about that, by the way. Fletch needed my help with something; I couldn’t get away.”

He sat down on the floor with his back against the sofa, and gestured for Zayn to join him.

Under the fluctuating light of the candles, Liam looked more beautiful than ever. He looked so soft and warm, with gently curving angles in his face and shoulders and outstretched hand, with the heat in his eyes and the fire his tongue struck across his bottom lip and the bunching of the sweatshirt sleeves where he’d pushed them up above his elbows. Zayn was enchanted by him in the best way.

Once he was seated beside Liam, his knees drawn up to his chest, and their shoulders pressed together, Liam finally opened the picnic basket.

A gleaming bottle of wine was nestled in beside a miraculously steaming bowl of creamy pasta and a basket of bread rolls, and two mugs and a thermos of coffee topped a tin of popcorn. “Yes, this looks amazing.” Zayn sighed, pulling the food out. 

They sat side by side on the floor of Karen’s office, eating and laughing and talking, surrounded by the ethereal halo of candlelight and serene solitude. They drank wine like it was water, teased each other about the pasta sauce dripped on cheeks and lips, and when the meal was eventually ran out of food, Liam struggled to his feet.

“Where are you going?” Zayn frowned, sitting aside his wine glass.

Liam cast a glance back over his shoulder. “You didn’t think it was just dinner, did you?”

The TV was apparently on a cart for a reason, Zayn realized as Liam slowly wheeled the TV around to face them. On the shelf below the TV there was a box and a remote, but it was the shelf of movies below that one that interested him the most.

Dozens and dozens of VHS tapes were stacked as high as the shelf would allow; the titles were turned outwards, and Liam turned to Zayn. “Do you want to choose one for us to watch?”

A giddy excitement rose in Zayn as he scrambled forward, eagerly running his eyes over the titles. _Star Wars_ was beside _Cinderella,_ which was beside _Batman._ There were so many movies and Zayn knew almost nothing about most of them, but then one particular case caught his eye, the lettering on the side spelling out a name familiar to him.

Settled there on his haunches, Zayn looked up at Liam. “Can we watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?” He gently removed it from the stack, showing it to his date. The novel had piqued his interest enough that he wanted to see how the movie brought it to life.

“Yeah,” Liam nodded, grinning. “I love this one. Haven’t seen it in a while though.” While he put the tape into the player and turned the large, blocky TV on, Zayn began pulling blankets out of the pile beside the door to create a nest on the floor in front of the sofa, and he added pillows for a bit more comfort.

Zayn was finishing off his glass of wine when Liam rejoined him. He leaned back against the pillows and pulled Zayn closer with an arm around the shoulders.

At some point in the movie, Zayn poured each of them a mug of coffee and sat the popcorn in his lap. Even with his lack of history where films were concerned, Zayn knew that popcorn was just one of those things that went hand in hand with watching a movie.  

That movie ended and Liam pulled away from the knot that he and Zayn had managed to tie themselves into. Zayn didn’t know (and he honestly didn’t care) what movie Liam had put in because his mind had shifted to being somewhere else as soon as Liam had reached over towards the end of the movie and grabbed a handful of popcorn from Zayn’s lap.

The movie started. Zayn looked over at Liam. Liam looked over at Zayn. They smiled at each other.

Zayn leaned in, taking that smile as the go-ahead, and he clasped his hands around the back of Liam’s neck, pulling the boy in for a good, old-fashioned snog.

Before he knew it, Zayn was slipping onto Liam’s lap, sliding his hand down Liam’s pants where he could already feel him thick and hard against his thigh. The movie was long forgotten, just background white noise.

Liam’s breath faltered against Zayn’s lips at the touch of his palm against Liam’s clothed dick. “Zayn,” he whispered, pressing the lightest kiss to Zayn’s chin. “Zayn, please.”

“Please what, Liam?” Zayn teased, readjusting his position on Liam’s lap to be at a better angle in which to stroke Liam off.

“Fuck,” Liam whined, bucking his hips up against the pressure of Zayn’s hand. “Don’t do this. Don’t tease me.” His head dropped back against the sofa cushions, leaving his neck exposed. Zayn ducked down to press his lips against the coffee-stain of a birthmark, eliciting another breathy sound from Liam.

“What do you want me to do then, Li?” Zayn whispered, sucking a mark into the skin just above the birthmark. “You want me to touch you? You want my hand?” Liam whimpered. Zayn moved up so that his mouth hovered over Liam’s again, “Or do you want my mouth?”

The noise Liam made then sounded almost painful as he thrust up again, his dick twitching under Zayn’s touch. “Any – Just anything. Please.”

Zayn nodded and pulled his hand out from Liam’s waistband, much to his displeasure. “Budge up,” Zayn commanded, “On the sofa.” Liam sat on the edge, quickly stripping out of his jeans and his sweatshirt. Zayn knelt in front of him and licked his lips, taking in the marvelous sight in front of him.

If he’d thought Liam looked like a god earlier in the evening with candlelight painting over his clothed body, it was nothing compared to now. His lips were swollen from kissing, his bare chest gleamed with the slightest sheen of sweat, and the bulge in his boxers was weeping at the prospect of Zayn’s mouth around it.

Sensing the hesitation, Liam reached out to tilt Zayn’s chin up towards him. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Zayn.” He caught the hazel eyes with his amber ones. “I don’t want to push you into anything.”

“I want to.” Zayn assured him. He licked his lips again nervously.

He’d never done something like this before. He’d dreamt of it, sure; many night (especially since arriving in Holdon) he’d dreamt of getting on his knees for a man, but now that he was faced with it, a whole sea of fears began flooding in.

 _What if I’m no good? What if I choke and can’t breathe? Oh, God, do I have to swallow?_ All the questions lapped around the edges of his brain, but his blinked until all he could see was the halo of candlelight surrounding Liam, until the inferno inside him was roaring to be fed. Zayn slipped his fingertips under Liam’s waistband.

Liam puffed out a sigh when his cock was finally freed, slapping wet against his belly. The sight of Zayn between his knees - eyes eager and nervous, lips pink and plump – had him thickening up even more.

“Zayn,” he sighed, reaching up to comb his fingers through the longer hair at the top of Zayn’s head. “You’re so beautiful, babe. Beautiful.” Zayn licked his lips, face going warm at the compliment. He wondered if Liam knew he was a virgin, but he didn’t dwell on the thought as he reached forward and wrapped a hand around Liam.

When the god above closed his eyes, whining at the contact, Zayn leaned forward to place a tentative lick, to catch the briefest taste of the precum collecting at the tip. It wasn’t bitter, it wasn’t sweet, it was a taste that seemed as singular to Liam as everything else about him was.

Fitting his mouth around the rest of the head, Zayn licked around it like a lollipop, pulling off a second later with a _pop_. He wanked Liam with one hand, the other made its way down to his own pants to press against his erection; at last the fire inside him was offered a bit of relief.

“Liam,” Zayn whined, dipping his head to take Liam again into his mouth.

Finally he reopened his eyes just in time to look down and see Zayn’s lips stretched sinfully around Liam, his hand working what he couldn’t fit in his mouth. The sight was enough to drive Liam wild, and he had to work his hardest to not let out a moan that would carry through the thin wall of the office and out into the library.

Zayn let loose a moan of his own; the taste of Liam on his tongue partnered with the unquenchable desire burning like an inferno in his belly to create a very hard problem tenting Zayn’s pants. He rutted against his hand, deriving a devilish pleasure from that brief contact. He whimpered around Liam, closing his eyes as the lust burnt through his veins.

“Zayn, babe. Fuck, beautiful, you’re so good.” Liam swore as Zayn began pumping his hand along Liam’s length in time with his bobbing suction. Liam slipped a hand around the back of Zayn’s head, helping him maintain the rhythm.

When he did pull back with a gasp for air, his hand continued to pump Liam’s length, spreading the precum around the head with his thumb. Liam was getting closer with each stroke, the sounds he made getting deeper and more muffled with each downstroke, his face growing pinker with each upstroke. Zayn loved it.

He leaned in to place light kisses all over Liam’s thighs, keeping up the stroking rhythm, as he kissed and sucked tiny marks all over the other man’s thighs. When Liam let out a suckerpunched gasp, his cock twitching in Zayn’s hand, Zayn leaned forward to lick a stripe up the underside of his dick.

Watching Liam watching him was making Zayn desperate to touch himself, something he had yet to really do. The pressure of his hand outside his pants was barely enough, but as Liam looked down at him, Zayn saw there was a light shining deep within his eyes. His hips thrust forward of their own accord, against his hand as if that would be enough to provide him the pleasure he needed. Zayn worked his fist around the head of Liam’s dick, loving the way precum was pulsing out at a steady rate now, bleeding moans from Liam’s tongue like arias to the night.

“Zayn,” Liam whimpered in warning, his eyelids fluttering shut as his whole body tensed, cock twitching in Zayn’s grasp as he hit his orgasm.

The sight of Liam painting his own belly white with cum sent Zayn spiraling over the edge. He dropped his forehead against Liam’s thigh, one hand pressed against the front of his trousers, the other still coaxing Liam through the wave of his orgasm. His breaths came out in hot pants against Liam’s bare skin; he flooded the inside of his boxers with cum, whimpering out Liam’s name, feathering kisses against his inner thigh.

When his senses finally came back to him enough to lift his head, he met Liam’s stunned gaze. “Did you... You came just from sucking me?” Zayn nodded, batting his eyelashes against his cheekbones and wiggling up to slump on the sofa beside Liam. “Fuck, that was amazing.”

Liam gripped Zayn by the chin, dragging him in for a kiss.

Zayn easily could have spent the rest of the night there like that, just kissing Liam with his brain still feeling musky, but his mind was too filled with bliss, and Liam’s cum was all over his hand and Liam’s stomach. He pulled away, ducked back in for another kiss, and then got up to find a towel or something to wipe them both off with.

He blew out all but one candle, stripped out of his shirt and pants, cleaned himself off from the mess inside his boxers – (“these’ll have to be gotten rid of” he told Liam who just laughed and pulled him in for another lengthy kiss) – and then he climbed back onto the sofa with Liam, grabbing a few blankets from the floor to cover up with.

“You just sucked my brains out my dick on me mum’s sofa.” Liam giggled, drawing Zayn back against his chest to nuzzle into the back of his neck. “What bad people are we.” Zayn hummed a sound of contentment, wiped out from the force of his own orgasm, yet comfortable there in the warmth of Liam’s arms.

Liam dropped a kiss onto the nape of Zayn’s neck, squeezed him tighter in his arms. “Goodnight, Zayn.”

“Night, Liam.” Zayn barely managed to mumble before he tumbled headlong into dreamland.

/\/\

\/\/

The first thing Zayn noticed upon waking was that Liam was practically glued to his back, they were pressed so close together; hot skin stuck to hot skin. A mug of coffee was overturned on the floor, thankfully emptied before their fun had started the night before, but popcorn was scattered towards the TV from where Liam had knocked the bowl out of Zayn’s lap at some point.

Laying there in the dark, lit only by the one remaining candle, Zayn felt Liam’s heart pounding against his back. He felt these words, these _feelings_ bubbling inside his own heart, pumping them through his whole body until the only thing on his mind was the he was maybe sort of in love. He was in love with Liam. With the taste of him, with the sounds he made, with the way he looked while he was blissed out of his mind.

Zayn smiled at the memory of the few hours previously, wanting nothing more than to turn over in Liam’s arms and instigate a repeat.

But that’s when he heard it.

A clattering noise outside in the library as if someone was running on the stairs. A moment later, the sound of voices joined in – more than one voice, more than two; it sounded like a whole group of people were standing out there, each voice growing increasingly louder.

Behind him, Liam finally stirred with a groan and a mumbled “Wassapnin?”

“I don’t know,” Zayn whispered, loath to sit upright, leaving the heat of Liam behind, but he did, dragging one of the blankets with him like a cape. He tiptoed towards the door, and just as he reached it, one voice spoke out louder than all the rest.

Panic and fear and anger laid such a thick mask over the Irish voice that it took Zayn a moment to realize that he was quite familiar with the owner of that one. “What do you mean? You’re wrong!”

Zayn looked over at Liam, Liam looked back. Simultaneously they both flew into motion, grabbing their clothes and pulling them on, fixing their hair, and making sure that they’d not left any signs of their encounter of the sexual kind. Then they were tearing out the doorway, jogging along the length of the library to reach where a group had gathered at the top of the stairwell that led down to the dorms.

Niall was teetering on the top stair, clinging to the bannister with one hand and attempting to bite the fingertips off of the other. His big blue eyes were wider than normal, dilated with fear. Zayn made a beeline straight for him.

“Nialler, what’s wrong?” He drew an arm around the younger lad’s shoulders, tugging him closer as he heard the other boy’s breath hitch. Zayn glanced around at the rest of the group.

Not all of them were faces he knew. There was the Warden looking strict as always, a woman Zayn was fairly certain was called Rochelle, a guy named Jonny who was a regular at the library, but the rest were strangers. It took him a moment to put together what they all had in common, and even then it was Liam who put a voice to it.

“What’s happened to the runners?”

Much like had happened several years in the past, the Warden explained, a freak storm had popped up while the team was outside. Much like last time, they should’ve made it back before nightfall. And much like last time, none had yet returned.

Zayn felt Niall shivering at his side; whether it was pent up anger or the need to have a good cry, Zayn couldn’t tell. One look at Liam told him that he’d not be any help either; his eyes had gone hollow, his fists were clenched at his sides, shaking ever so slightly, and the color had drained from his face. This wasn’t an entirely foreign position for him, Zayn knew that, and he wanted to go over and bring Liam back to the present, but he couldn’t leave Niall to comfort Liam.

“Harry,” Niall hoarsely whispered, “Harry’s out there, Zee.” A fist clenched at Zayn’s shirtfront, and Niall tucked his head in Zayn’s shoulder. “What if – I can’t be without him. I can’t.” His volume shot up at the end, so Zayn curled his arms around his best friend, his brother, muffling his cries in his chest. Niall clung to him, soaking Zayn’s shirt with snot and tears.

The other people around them, others whose family members were stranded out there in the blizzard too, faded out of Zayn’s consciousness until it was only Niall, Liam, and himself. Those were the only people he could think about then.

“Why don’t you come down to the room with us?” Zayn asked softly.

Niall didn’t answer, but Zayn began to carefully lead him down the stairs anyway, Liam trailing just a few footsteps behind. The corridors of the dormitories were quiet and dark, Niall’s muffled sobs echoed eerily around until they reached Liam and Zayn’s door.

He pushed it open, leading Niall inside to lie down on his bed. Liam stepped in quietly behind them, closing the door and leaning heavily against it, staring at Niall and Zayn with haunted eyes.

“Shh, Niall,” Zayn murmured comfortingly, petting over the back of Niall’s hair as he sobbed into Zayn’s pillow. “Shh, go to sleep. Just sleep.”

Niall’s eyes were already closed, his breathing ragged and skipping with each new sob, but it surprised Zayn when he opened his mouth to voice one request. “Sing for me.”

“What?” Zayn was startled. He couldn’t remember the last time he sang for Niall, or if he ever had. “I – What do you want me to sing?”

“That one song. The one we wrote back at the school. Before.” Niall mumbled, his eyes still closed, his breathing slowly started to even out.

Zayn could barely remember the words to the song, but from what he remembered of the melody, he knew he’d be able to sing enough to get Niall to sleep. He sucked in a deep breath, and cast a glance back at where Liam still had his back pressed to the door, watching them with his hollow eyes. Then Zayn sang, “Don’t look around cause love is blind, and darling right now...”

Niall was asleep before he’d reached the end of what he remembered of the song.

“I didn’t know you could sing,” Liam spoke quietly, now seated on the edge of his own bed.

“Just one of my many hidden talents,” Zayn replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Are you alright?”

Liam offered a faint smile, “I will be. This just brought back a few of those memories.” He gnawed at his bottom lip. “Who knew that the bruises of losing my sister were still so sore.” He sighed, a hopelessly shaky sound in the dimness of the room.

Without a second’s hesitation, Zayn moved over to the other bed, sliding around to sit behind Liam. He wrapped his arms around the broad chest and shoulders he so dearly admired, and tucked his chin over one of Liam’s shoulders to brush a soft kiss over his cheek.

“Just sleep,” he whispered, repeating the advice he’d given to Niall. “We’ve still got a few hours until morning.” And who knew what morning would bring.

 

Of course, morning dawned just a dreary under the bled out color of the fluorescent lights. Niall looked paler than ever, the shadows under his eyes were so dark that Zayn wondered if he’d really slept at all. They each took turns in the shower that morning before heading up to breakfast together.

Zayn kept Niall tucked under his arm, trying to hold down the shivers that pinballed down the Irish boy’s spine. The caf was quiet when they walked in. Heads were ducked down, whispers swished through the air like ghostly breaths, and Louis quickly made his way over to them.

Niall let himself be passed over to the older lad, for once not caring to eat whatever Barbara and the kitchen crew had cooked up. Zayn followed Liam through the line while keeping a watching eye on the blond and brunet as they walked back to the table.

“He’ll be fine.” Liam said.

Zayn silently wondered if he meant Niall or Harry, but really the two hinged on each other. They had since the day Zayn walked back into the Science Center to find the curly haired shadow in front of the fire.

Breakfast was a silent affair.

Liam held Zayn’s hand under the cover of the table. Niall spent the entirety of it staring at the table with lightless eyes – a terrifying sight for the normally bubbly and sunny boy – or looking up with the most devastating form of hope every time that someone walked into the room.

All members of the missing runners’ families were pardoned from work for the day, so Niall split away from Zayn and Louis when the work day began, heading for the stairs at Liam’s side. While he would normally head that way to go to the ACC, Zayn had the inkling that most of his day would be spent as close to the entrance of Holdon as the guards would permit him.

His thoughts were so centered on Niall, that Zayn forgot to worry about the state Karen would be finding her office in the morning after her son’s date with Zayn.

“Zayn,” she smiled sweet as always when he shuffled up to the librarian’s desk. “I’m sorry about your friend.” She pressed a soft hand over his.

“I’m alright, I think.” He blinked up at her. “It’s my other mate Niall I’m most worried for. He and Harry, they’re, uhm, together. So he’s sorta... not alright.” He finished lamely dropped his gaze back down to his feet.

Karen hummed, “I understand what he’s feeling. When we lost Nic-“ her voice suddenly choked off. Tears filled her eyes, her bottom lip wobbled in a way that Zayn had seen on Liam before.

“You don’t have to say more. Liam’s talked with me about it, and I’ve lost my whole family out there,” his chest felt tight as a vacuum, but he pushed through it. “I know how much it hurts to talk about them.”

She sniffed, wiping at her eyes behind her glasses as she hurried around the corner of the desk to envelop Zayn in a warm hug that smelled like gingerbread and mint.

That hug continued for a few moments, Zayn awkwardly frozen there, patting at her back because in all honesty Zayn wasn’t one of those long huggers.

When she finally (gratefully) backed off, wiping her eyes again, she smiled up at Zayn. “I didn’t mean to get all weepy on you. I’m sorry. I should be asking how your date was last night. Did it all go as Liam had planned?”

Zayn nodded, his flaming cheeks hidden by his darker complexion. “Yeah, I think so. I mean, we just like, ate the meal and watched films until we passed out.” He laughed and caught a glimpse of Karen’s smile; he was too embarrassed by the events he wasn’t going to reveal to look her in the eyes. “Thanks for letting us borrow your office.”

“No problem, dear. Liam deserved a nice night with you.” She winked and Zayn’s face grew impossibly warmer, his mind plagued with thoughts like _Oh God, she knows. She knows what we did on that sofa. Fuck._ “Why don’t you go restock these books on the shelves for me.” She pushed a cart towards him, leaving Zayn no choice but to go do his job and hope to avoid more embarrassment.

/\/\

\/\/

He went to visit Niall before dinner. The area of Level One near the entrance doors was extremely cold compared to the rest of the facility, but still warmer than outside was. A group of the runners’ loved ones were huddled together just on this side of a line of guards.

Niall was sitting with his back to the wall, knees drawn up to his chest, and his blond hair stuck up at every angle as if he’d been running his fingers through it all day.

“Hey,” Zayn strode over to his friend and sank down in front of him. “Any news yet?”

“Nope.” Niall’s cheeks were pink and his eyes were still dark from lack of sound sleep. “The guards say that the storm’s still raging out there.” He swallowed hard, blinking at Zayn. “I can’t lose him; he has to come back for me.”

Gently, the elder of the two reached over to clasp onto the other’s hand. “He’ll be fine, Nialler. Harry’s strong and he loves you so much. He won’t give up or get lost out there.” Zayn’s reassurances didn’t seem to be making much of an impact.

Silence seemed to be what Niall needed most, so that’s what he provided for him.

Liam showed up half an hour later, warm coffee in each hand and a blanket tucked under his arm. He handed a coffee to both Niall and Zayn and then settled down beside Zayn, spreading the blanket over the three of them, and joining them in the silence.

/\/\

\/\/

They were there when it happened.

Shouts and lights and everyone in the group jumped to their feet as the line of guards surged towards the inner doors, prepared to stand in defense or in welcome. Niall lurched forward with sluggish limbs, racing with the others to discover what the disturbance was.

Zayn and Liam were a bit further behind, having gotten tangled in blankets and each other’s arms. They were just feet away from the group when cheer’s rose, breaking through the icy air that had filled their lungs since the news the night before.

A few people from the group rushed back towards where they’d been dozing, gathering blankets and half-heated coffee to warm up the returning runners.

Liam pushed through the crowd of loved ones, paving a path for Zayn just behind him, until they found Niall, frantic at the front of the crowd that was still held back by a line of guards.

The runners poured inside the building in a massive huddle, caked with gritty snow and ice, shivering and searching the gathered crowd with wild eyes, the same as they were being watched. Zayn slid his hand into Niall’s, both of their eyes roving through the runners, looking for that familiar mane of hair.

The line of the guard broke and family members poured through. The large doors of Holdon snapped shut, cutting out the colder parts of the world into this warm one where everyone was alive and returned to where they belonged.

“Harry!” Niall shouted, slipping free of Zayn and dashing into the snowball of runners. “Harry!”

His voice was easily lost in the echoing roar of others calling out their own people that they were searching for.

“Harry!” Niall’s voice was growing hoarse already as he looped back around the crowd to where Liam and Zayn still stood, observing all of the happy reunifications.

“Niall,” a voice called from in the middle of the group, and for a second Zayn felt his heart leap into his throat in delight, and Niall jumped around to face him with a grin on his face. But it was only Marvin, pushing through the crowd with Rochelle hanging off his shoulder in tears. “Niall, I – I’m sorry. Harry got lost in the storm. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

And he did look sorry for a moment, but then he was turning back around to curl into the warmth of his wife, leaving Niall to crumble behind him. Zayn moved forward faster than he thought he could to capture Niall before he could hit the floor.

“No,” he sobbed, curling in on himself. “No, no. Zayn, no, he can’t –“

The next sound Niall made was one that chilled Zayn to the bone. A wail that turned the heads of everyone and drove Zayn to crush Niall to his chest, pressing kisses to his forehead and cheeks, running healing hands over him, and shushing him.

He knew how it felt. To lose someone you loved more than anything else. He’d lost them all, too.

The wind rushed against the outer doors of Holdon, pummeling fists of wind that fought to break in, to suck the last warmth out of Zayn’s life and into the wild winter outside.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world has been over for 15 years. To survive is no longer to live, it's to push through each day and make it to the next, find the things that hold you together - whether they be people or possessions - because things don't just break apart in this weather. They shatter.  
> (a ziam au where there's a lot of snow, a handful of cats and dogs, and a miracle or two in the middle of all of it)

The beeping machines and sterile walls and floors were disturbingly calm for Niall’s true mental state.

It had been three days since the runners had returned sans Harry, and Niall had been admitted to the hospital after he collapsed the next morning due to mental stress and neglect of physical health.

“I feel goooood,” Niall laughed, his eyes closed and a dopey grin spread across his face. The IV dripped some drug into his veins, slowly de-stressing him and removing him from his pain. “Zee, you’ve got to try the stuff sometime.” His eyes flickered open, the blue eaten almost entirely by his dilated pupils.

“I think I’d rather not,” Zayn replied, patting Niall’s knee. “I was talking to Marvin and he said that they’ve not been able to leave yet. The blizzard’s still really bad.”

Niall was clearly high because he laughed at that news. “So Harry’s probably frozen to death out there. Fantastic.” He let out a hysterical laugh, squeezing his eyes shut and wiggling his hands around where they were strapped to the sides of his bed.

(“It’s just a precaution. We aren’t certain of Niall’s mental state; we don’t want him to hurt himself or anyone else.” A nurse had told Zayn.)

Before Zayn had the chance to say anything else, the door to the private room opened.

Louis came tumbling in with a loud laugh, dragging Liam in behind him. “Niall! What drugs have they given you today, lad?” He hurried over to the bedside to examine Niall’s chart.

Liam came directly to Zayn’s side, settling down onto the arm of the chair in what was surely not the most comfortable way. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Zayn smiled, knocking his elbow against Liam’s knee. “Where’ve you been all day?”

He shook his head, grunted “work”, and said nothing more on the topic. His warm hand curled around the back of Zayn’s neck, fingers tickling the soft fuzz at the bottom of Zayn’s head until he was laughing quietly.

“Gross.” Niall mumbled, eying them warily. “You’re both gross. Throwing that ridiculous new couple affection around in this room.” He wrinkled his nose and raised his eyebrows to create a grotesque face.

The thing was, they hadn’t told Niall yet about whatever this was between them, this thing that still didn’t have a name.

“What?” Zayn asked, inching away from Liam, turning his attention back to where Niall and Louis were watching them from the hospital bed.

“Please, I’m not blind, Zee.” Niall laughed that vaguely hysterical laugh. “You should see the stars I can see in your eyes when you look at each other. Liam’s bloody glowing.” He sniggered.

Liam ducked his head then, just barely catching Zayn’s eye.

Louis joined in the laughter with Niall, opening his fat mouth to spill that they’d been snogging behind their backs for weeks probably. “We thought our little Zaynie was so innocent, virginal even.”

With a loud, embarrassed sound, Zayn turned to hide his face against Liam, it just so happened, of course, that his head fell onto Liam’s thigh. The drugged up boy and the one who was purely high on life both found that hilarious and began making even more ridiculous sounds.

“Come on, Zayn.” Liam harrumphed, reaching for Zayn’s hand and pulling him to his feet, tugging him along on the way to the door.

“Oh!” Niall cried out behind them, his voice drenched in laughter, “Be safe!”

Liam’s face was fire engine red by the time that Niall’s door closed behind them, his hand sweaty in Zayn’s. “That was embarrassing.”

“More for me than for you.” Zayn grumbled, marching ahead.

“Aw, Zayn,” Liam swung their joined hands up into the air, looping that arm around Zayn so that their hands rested just over his shoulder. “If it makes you feel better, you’ve never seemed virginal around me.” He pressed a kiss to the side of Zayn’s head.

The boys continued from the hospital through the dorms, up the flight of stairs to the Library. Karen was immersed in Story Time, so they moved on up through the second level of the empty cafeteria and the mysterious laboratories. Liam paused at the top of the Level One stairs, showed his badge to the two guards (Patrick and Basil, because of course Liam knew their names), and they went on up to the ACC.

Zayn hadn’t been to see his animals in far too long. Rufus went mad as soon as Zayn walked through the door. He whined and went flying across the floor, slipping and sliding, only crashing into another dog once, before hurling himself into Zayn’s arms. He licked at Zayn’s cheeks and chin and forehead and fingers. In return, he got scratches behind the ears and at the back of his neck as he nuzzled his head into Zayn’s chest.

Liam called Loki over, the much calmer dog prancing over to sniff at Liam’s hand tentatively before licking at it.

“Did you miss me?” Zayn asked Rufus, unable to help the grin when the dog barked in reply. “I bet you did. I miss you all the time, boy.” And it wasn’t until he said it that Zayn realized it was so true. He’d taken Rufus for granted before they came to Holdon; he was loyal and warm and loved him unconditionally.

Liam laughed, drawing Zayn’s attention away to where he’d been pushed over onto his back. Loki was standing on Liam’s chest, looking down in curiosity, tail wagging furiously. Another few dogs were coming over to investigate what the person was doing.

Rufus licked Zayn’s cheek. “Hey,” Zayn grabbed his dogs face by the sides. “Don’t think I’m forgetting about you just because I’ve got him now too.” His hazel gaze flickered back over to where Liam was slowly being covered in dogs. An interesting rendition of a fur coat.

“I’m going to go visit my cat, Liam.” Zayn said, standing up and brushing the accumulated dog fur off himself. “You should meet Rufus,” he gently prodded his dog over towards the other man.

Liam extended his hand to Rufus, “Of course, I want to meet this pretty boy. C’mere, Rufus.” He whistled, perking up the ears of every dog in the room.

“I’ll be right –“

A strange sound echoed around outside in the fields, a sound Zayn had definitely never heard before, but one the dogs seemed to be used to as did the workers in the ACC. It was only Liam that jumped into action when he heard the sound. The dogs scattered away from him like he’d been the origin of the sound.

“Zayn,” Liam gasped, running straight past him for the door back to the fields.

Naturally, Zayn followed.

By the time he reached the door, Liam was already setting off at a run along the path that led straight through the middle of the Holdon Fields to the door at the other end that exited them.

“Liam!” Zayn hadn’t actually run since a while before he’d gotten to Holdon, so right away his muscles were almost begging him to stop, but he ignored that and attempted to catch up. “Liam, where are you going?”

While he didn’t slow down at all – which really, Zayn wished he would – Liam turned to speak over his shoulder, “That’s the doors to the outside opening. I know for a fact that they’re not letting anyone out because of the storm.”

Suddenly it made sense. “Harry?” He asked, feeling a pulse of energy through him that sped him up just enough to finally draw level with Liam. “You think it’s Harry?”

“I don’t know. It’s possible though, isn’t it?” Liam replied, frowning as he focused on the door at the end of the fields.

A few harsh stitches in Zayn’s side later, they were sliding to a stop at the door, Liam ripping the door open with his silver card, and then they were off again. Their footsteps echoed oddly through the hallway, breathing ragged and hearts pummeling.

Much like the last time they’d been gathered outside the inner doors of Holdon, the guards were gathered just on that side of the doorway, watching someone come inside the facility.

Liam and Zayn ran up behind them, peering over the tall shoulders, trying to catch a glimpse of what the world had spit into their hands.

Four guards came tramping in from the whiteness outside, carrying between them one body, limp and dressed in the clothes of a runner. Zayn felt his heart stop in his chest. He gripped onto Liam’s arm, “That’s him, that’s gotta be him.”

When he tried to push through the line, the guards pushed back. “Stay back,” they warned him.

“Please, please, that’s – I think that’s my friend. Please, let me through.” Zayn begged, one hand still squeezing Liam’s arm to the point that Liam was whining, trying to pry himself free.

“Green!” Someone shouted, “Green, get over there. We need to check the vitals!” Zayn watched over the guards shoulder as another guard broke away from the line and jogged over to where the runner lay on the floor now. Zayn watched as the guard pulled her gloves off, kneeling in the perfect position so that Zayn couldn’t make out any features of the runner as she pulled off their hood and snow goggles and everything.

It was silent there, Zayn’s heart and heavy breathing the only thing he could hear.

“There’s still a pulse,” the woman said, “It’s faint, but he’s still alive.” She looked back over her shoulder to the inner doors where Zayn and Liam were visible. “Might as well let them in.”

Finally, the guard in front of him stepped aside and Zayn pushed through, running over towards the body on the floor.

Tangled brown curls were fanned out behind his head, eyes closed, skin pale. Zayn had never seen Harry looking worse than he did right then. But it was him. It was Harry. And he was alive.

“We need to get him down to the infirmary,” Green told someone, her hand reaching over to touch against Harry’s forehead. “He’s freezing.”

Liam knelt down beside Zayn, watching as Zayn dropped his head onto Harry’s chest, ear to heart. “He’s safe. I told you he would be.” Liam combed through Zayn’s hair. “Niall’ll be fine too.”

“I fucking hope so.” Zayn sighed; the faint beating of a heart under his ear was like the most beautiful music in that moment.

/\/\

\/\/

Niall wasn’t allowed out of his bed, but he sure tried his damndest to be both in his bed and Harry’s despite the four feet between them. Harry was still unconscious; something the doctor had said was due to a combination of hypothermia, starvation, and dehydration.

Niall hadn’t stopped swearing and crying since they’d brought Harry into the room, except when the nurses gave him something to make him sleep. All the rest of the time he was reaching a hand over the space between them begging Zayn or Louis or Liam or a nurse to push his bed just close enough that he could touch Harry.

Four more days passed, filled with working and snogging and playing football after dinner with Louis and Liam. It was on that fourth night after dinner that Zayn and Liam visited the hospital room.

To their delighted surprise, Harry was sitting up in his bed, eyes open, cheeks pale, but well and truly awake. “You’re here!” Niall exclaimed, still confined to his bed. “He’s awake! You missed it; he did like in the old movies. Gasped awake and everything. Doctors and nurses came running, thinking he was having a heart attack or something.” He shook his arms. “They still won’t let me out of my bed though.”

“Probably for good reason, Nialler. They don’t want you smothering the lad.” Zayn laughed as he walked over to Harry’s bed, settling down on the edge of it, and gently pulling Harry in for a hug. “How’re you feeling, Harry?”

“I’ve felt better, to be honest.” His voice was raspy. “But I’m here, aren’t I? Can’t ask for much more.”

Liam sat down on the edge of Niall’s bed, facing Harry as he asked, “How did you survive out there?”

“Found shelter, didn’t I? Not like I was going to sit around out in the middle of one of the worst blizzards and get blown around.” He snorted. “The snow was blowing too thick for me to find the rest of the group, and we were in this rather large town, so I stumbled around in the white out until I found a building I could get into.

“When it started to ease up outside, I went for it. Headed home, I mean.” He looked over at Niall then. “I knew I had to get home no matter what. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it, though, because everything looked the same, and I wasn’t sure if my compass was working correctly, but then I saw Holdon, nearly blended in with the snow, and I pushed on.”

Niall cooed at Harry, “You lovely stupid boy. You nearly died coming back.”

“Coming back for you, though.” Harry sniffled and grinned. “But I would’ve died out there, too, Ni. At least I had you to look forward to.”

Zayn made a gagging sound, pulling the two out of their brief romantic tangent. “You were unconscious when they brought you through the doors, though. How’d they find you?”

Harry cleared his throat, sniffling again. “The last thing I remember before waking up here is the doors of Holdon opening and then flashlights were running towards me. Then I passed out.”

“Dramatic.” Liam intoned, “But other than that, you’re fine, right?”

Harry shrugged, “Doctor should be coming back soon to let me know. Hopefully I’ve still got all my toes and fingers... and nipples.” He winked lewdly over at Niall who burst into laughter. Zayn and Liam exchanged looks.

Just then a pretty woman knocked on the door and stepped inside, “I’ve got your result, Harry.”

All of the boys waited with bated breath. Were all of his toes, fingers, and nipples intact?

“Other than a nasty cold, it doesn’t look like Harry’s got any negative side effects,” she announced to the room. “I prescribe plenty of sleep, a box of tissues, and some of Barbara’s chicken noodle soup.”

Harry blew his nose and smiled over at Niall. “Told you I’m fine, babe.”

Niall poked his tongue out at his boyfriend. “Fuck off, I’m allowed to be worried about you being dead or missing pieces.”

The doctor laughed too, “Yes, you are, Niall. Now, I can take those wrist straps off, if you’d like me to.” His response was filled with vibrant language that really boiled down to an enthusiastic yes. “I’ll go get the key,” She laughed again.

“On that note, and with that positive prognosis,” Zayn said, “I’ll go get Louis.” He patted Harry’s foot through the blanket. “Back in a mo’. Coming, Liam?”

He made to follow the doctor out the doorway, but Liam’s answer brought him up short, “Uh, no. I’ll wait here. Someone’s got to stay and make sure Niall doesn’t come on too much for poor Harry to handle.”

Harry sneezed loudly, and scrambled to grab a tissue to wipe at his nose. “Hey.” he whined his protest, at the same time as Niall whined and wiggled his arms around in their bindings.

Before Zayn could take another step towards the door, Liam reached out and drew Zayn in closer. The kiss was brief and sweet, leaving the lingering taste of mint and chocolate on his lips. Zayn stumbled back for the door, dazed and grinning.

He left the room to the sound of Harry’s “when the hell did that happen?” followed by another harsh sneeze.

Zayn’s legs felt like jelly – the fact one simple kiss from the other man could make him feel like that was crazy. He leaned against the wall outside the room’s door, just able to see back inside the room.

“Blesshu,” Niall mumbled to Harry, rubbing his own nose. “Liam, hey, take care of Zayn, yeah? He’s not used to me being out of commission and I’m not still not back to me good ole self. So like, make sure you’re nice to him.” He glanced over to the other bed where his boyfriend was blowing his nose. “If I hear that you’ve been mean to him, Haz and I will kick your ass when we’re feeling better.”

Liam laughed, reaching over to pinch at Niall’s toes through the thin blanket. “No worries, Horan. I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”

“Good.” Niall shifted around. “I approve though. You’re both too beautiful to not belong with each other.” Liam exploded into laughter, the most beautiful sound Zayn could hear.  

Zayn ducked further out of sight of the room, covering his smile with the back of his hand. It wasn’t just Liam’s kiss that made his insides go all fuzzy; it was every last thing about him.

/\/\

\/\/

“I really was scared for Harry’s face,” Liam joked, nudging Zayn with his shoulder. “Niall looked like he was going to suck it off. Not like Harry would actually mind, though.” He shivered.

Louis snorted on Zayn’s other side. “Don’t be so modest, Payno. I’ve seen the two of you sucking face more than I’d have ever liked.” That set the two off into an argument where Liam reminded Louis it had been _once,_ and Louis retorted that all of the times he _knew_ that they were making out counted as well.

With an hour left until curfew kicked in, the three of them were climbing back up to the library where there was a party happening. Unlucky for Zayn, Louis and Liam argued the entire time, even when they ran into Liam’s friend Jordan on the stairs.

A light blast of pop music echoed down the stairs, not loud enough to disturb anyone who was in the dorms, just loud enough to tease what was happening upstairs. Zayn was grateful when the music drowned out the sound of the two boys arguing. He didn’t recognize any of the music, but for once he was fine with that.

The library had been transformed for the evening. For one: it was packed; there were more people in the room right then than there had ever been at any other time Zayn had seen. Another thing different was that all of the tables and chairs had been pushed off to the sides to accommodate the population, someone had set up speakers on Karen’s desk, and there were people dancing in the middle of the room.

“See you boys tomorrow!” Louis called as he tore away from them, leaving Liam behind mid-argument.

“Well, that was rude.” The younger man huffed, folding his arms across his chest.

Zayn hummed a non-answer, reaching over to pull Liam’s hand free, lacing their fingers together. “Forget about Louis. We’re at a party, Liam, let’s have some fun.” He brushed his words over Liam’s knuckles, distracting him away from thoughts of Louis and his argument.

There was a food and drink table set up at the side of the room, so Zayn dragged Liam over to it, filling him a cup of something from one of the alcohol bottles.

Earlier in the day Liam had explained to Zayn and Niall that the party was a celebration of turning another year in Holdon. It was an adults only party that began an hour before curfew and lasted until hours after midnight; filled with music, alcohol (the only time of year that alcohol was allowed to be drunk in the facility), and everyone 18 and older.

Zayn hadn’t had any real drink since back at the university when he and Niall and Harry had gotten drunk and smoked a bit. He poured himself a cup of something amber that reminded him of the color of Liam’s eyes.

“Here, babe,” He passed the cup to Liam, taking a long sip out of his own. It stung and burned all the way down, sending shivers along each of his bones. “God, that’s great.” He knocked his cup against Liam’s. “Cheers.”

Liam laughed, taking a gulp out of his own. “You know, I’m pretty sure you’re meant to do that before you take your first drink.”

Zayn shrugged, just savoring the flavor on his tongue.

A few moments later, Zayn found himself standing on the edge of the room, Liam curled around him. Neither of them seemed too inclined to move onto the dance floor; both perfectly content to stand with tangled limbs and exchanging lingering kisses.

For example, Zayn was standing pressed against one of the bookshelves, Liam’s fingers tangled in his hair, and their tongues exploring each other’s mouths. Liam’s thigh was pushed between Zayn’s, providing the perfect solution for Zayn to grind against as his pants grew tighter.

A whistle in the distance broke them apart; the shame of having been caught enough to cause Liam to back up a few steps.

Zayn grabbed the collar of Liam’s shirt, ready to pull him back in, but Liam shook his head. “I’ll go get us some more drinks. Be right back.” He grabbed their empty cups that had been abandoned on a nearby table, and walked off.

Several minutes passed by where the only thing to keep him from slipping into total boredom was the songs he’d not heard since he was a kid, and the sight of the older people slipping and stumbling, falling into each other with laughter. There was still no sign of Liam, though, so he went in search of him.

Liam wasn’t by the snack tables. He wasn’t by the music speakers, and he wasn’t with Louis when he blew by, chasing after a girl who had him by the hand. Zayn was just about to be worried.

At last he located Liam, half-hidden in shadow at the side of the room, talking to Fletch and someone else. Liam was smiling, nodding, punching Fletch’s arm. Zayn started over towards him.

Someone stepped in his way.

“Zayn!” It was Jade, her honey brown hair falling in waves over her shoulders, and her wide brown eyes were hazy from the alcohol in her hand. “Zayn, oh, it really is you! Come dance with me!” She snatched at his hand and began to pull him along.

Her perfume clouded around him, temporarily distracting him from his mission. Then he remembered. “Jade, sorry, but I –“

“I know you don’t like me, Zayn,” she told him, twirling around with her hand in his. “I know that you and Liam have a thing. Have had a thing since almost the day you got here.” She smiled up at him, and Zayn nodded, unable to hide the smile that rose to his lips as well. “Just treat him well; he’s one of my best friends.” Zayn let out a laugh at the way she’d warned him almost verbatim what Niall warned Liam earlier.

“I was just going to say that I don’t dance.” He laughed, watching as she spun around again with her skirt flaring out around her hips. “And I’m sorry, Jade. I should’ve told you that I wasn’t interested.”

She nodded, leaning in closer so he could hear her better. “It’s fine. I’ve found someone new to be interested in.” One quick peck to Zayn’s cheek, and then Jade was dancing away, vanishing into the crowd.

When a warm arm wrapped around Zayn’s shoulders a second later, pressing a hot chest against his back and a searing kiss to his temple, he was happy to discover that it was Liam again.

“Saw you talking with Jade; she wasn’t trying to steal you away from me, was she?” He whispered into Zayn’s ear, so close he may as well have been kissing him. “Because your _mine._ ” He nibbled Zayn’s ear.

A flush of heat wiped through Zayn’s system, clearing all other thoughts and desires away that weren’t Liam-based.

It didn’t help that Liam’s solid body was pressed against the length of Liam’s back, his hands slipping down to Zayn’s hips to grind them together. Zayn went lax, dropping his head back onto the taller man’s shoulder, and going with the flow of smooth movements Liam was leading them in. Soft lips burned over Zayn’s throat and he shut his eyes, soaking in the _feel._

“There you lads are!” Louis’s shout broke Zayn out of his heaven, “Liam, come dance with me!”

The heat of Liam was ripped away from his back, and he watched as Louis tugged the helpless boy into the heart of the crowd. Both of his hands were held prisoner as Louis swayed around in circles, lifting their arms above their heads and shaking them about. His pupils were wide, his mouth thrown open in laughter, and he was shouting out the lyrics to whatever song was playing.

Liam squirmed around, trying to break Louis’s hold on him. Zayn stood a few feet away, folding his arms across his chest and frowned at the two men. He and Liam had been having a moment, a moment almost too wonderful to be had in public.

“Oi Oi!” Louis shouted, spinning himself around and whipping Liam away at the same time. Liam, of course, had not been prepared for the dance move, so he tripped over his feet, pinwheeling his arms, and sprawling himself flat on his face at the feet of a dozen partiers.

Zayn rushed to his side, kneeling down and immediately reaching to cradle Liam’s head.

“Leeyum! Are you okay?” He shouted to be heard over the music. Liam blinked up at him, momentarily dazed not only by the fall and embarrassment, but from the sight of Zayn hovering over him like an angel, the lights of the party haloing around his face. Zayn dipped his hand over Liam’s knee, rubbing a soothing thumb over his leg.

“Fine, Zee. I’m dandy.” He pushed up onto his elbows and further to sit upright. “I think I’d like a proper lay down, though.”

Louis still stood a few feet away, doubled over in laughter, tears pouring down his cheeks. “Hey, Liam, man, I’m sorry. Really.”

Zayn helped Liam to his feet, keeping one arm curled securely around his lower back. With the other, he reached out to shove at Louis’s arm. “Fuck off. You could’ve seriously hurt him.”

“Oh, don’t leave. I said sorry!” Louis shouted after their retreating backs.

Zayn wasn’t listening, he was turning to Liam, tucking his head close enough to speak without shouting and still be heard. “You sure you’re alright, babe?”

“Fine. Just wanna go back to the dorm.”

Another moment passed as they weaved through the outer circle of he crowd. At the top of the stairs, Zayn looked over at Liam; his entire face was red, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“Made a fool outta myself, didn’t I?” Liam mumbled, quickly descending the stairs. “Fell flat on my arse.”

“Wasn’t that bad,” Zayn attempted to put his mind at ease, but Liam shook him off and walked even faster towards their room, clearly eager to just get out of sight.

By the time Zayn caught up to him, Liam was already inside the room, collapsed face down on Zayn’s bed, dressed only in his pants. The rest of his clothes were abandoned in a pile on the floor.

“Aw, Li.” Zayn quickly stepped out of his own clothes before slumping down onto his bed, and shifting to fit against Liam’s side. “Come on, babe, tell me what’s wrong.” He petted a hand over the back of Liam’s head.

“That wasn’t my kind of music,” Liam admitted, embarrassed as he tucked his head against Zayn’s shoulder. “That’s why I looked like such an idiot. I promise I’m a better dancer normally.”

“I’m not much of a dancer at all, honestly. What is your kind of music?” Zayn combed his fingers through the curly hair on top of Liam’s head, over the soft buzz of his undercut.

“I can show you.” Liam struggled out of Zayn’s hold, squirming off the bed and then across the room to his wardrobe. He rummaged inside for a moment before pulling a small metal box and a tangle of wires out of a cardboard box. “This.” Liam turned back to wiggle the objects at Zayn, a wide grin spreading across his face. “I hope the batteries still work; I haven’t listened to it in forever.”

Zayn took the things from him as he clambered back onto Zayn’s bed. “What is it?”

“A tape player.” Liam grabbed it back, plugging the wires – headphones – into an end. “I made it back when Mum’s mixtape maker worked. It’s all the songs I liked to listen to as a kid.” He slid down to lay flat on his back, the tape player resting between he and Zayn, and he put one earphone in, offering the other to Zayn. “Have a listen. Come on.”

Once the earphone was securely in his ear, Liam pushed down on the play button, and the slow sound of a song filtered in. It was different from the ones that had been playing up in the library – no tinny string instruments or booming bass. It was just the soft introduction of a drumset and horns.

The soft crooning of a voice, “Ooh child, things are gonna get easier...”

Liam’s voice joined in, humming faintly in Zayn’s ear. His foot tapped against Zayn’s where they lay together.

“Do you not like it?” Liam asked after a moment. Zayn still lay perfectly still, staring at the ceiling without any expression at all. “I can change it, if you want?”

Just as he reached out to change it, Zayn grabbed his wrist. “No, really, it’s fine. This is just a song my Mama and Baba used to sing around. Hit a sore spot.” He kept his grip on Liam’s wrist, thumbing against the soft skin over Liam’s pulse.

Liam sat up, “Tell me about them? I want to know something about the people that made you who you are.”

“Well, they’re my parents.” Zayn started, closing his eyes to focus on the music that was still playing faintly in the background. Liam rolled his eyes. “They were from two different worlds – my mum was just from England; dad was Pakistani – but when they fell in love and got married, they combined the two. Me older sister Doniya was born, then me soon after. I was always taught the traditions of my dad’s culture; I know a bit of Urdu, and we were practicing Muslims before this all happened.”

Zayn reopened his eyes, turning to catch Liam’s gaze. “Even afterwards, Mum still made us say our prayers, but we couldn’t really be picky about, like, the things that we ate or anything.”

Soft music filtered in, the diegetic music to his backstory. A smile curled around his lips. “They loved this song too. _Wise men say only fools rush in._ Mum was sweet and kind and cooked the best food until the spices ran out. Baba was that strong silent type; he was there when we needed him most, always the one to kiss scraped knees and wipe away the tears.

“I remember watching them together, dancing around the kitchen of one of the places we stayed. Mum was trying to cook and keep Doniya from crushing Safaa who was just a newborn. Waliyha and I were coloring on the back of paper plates. I just remember hearing mum fussing and then Baba was laughing and singing. Then I looked up and he was holding her and spinning her around the kitchen, just _– like a river flows surely to the sea –_ and Mum was laughing and singing back to him.”

Zayn rolled over onto his side, dragging Liam’s hand towards him, palm up.

“They sound lovely.” Liam’s voice mixed with the cadence of the song.

The lines of his fingers were easily traceable even in the dim lighting that buzzed overhead. Zayn sighed, a sad noise, “They were.” His face fell, eyes dark at the reminder that his parents, along with his whole family, were gone and he’d never be able to see them again until the day he died. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to keep Liam from seeing it shake.

Too late.

“Hey,” Liam tucked his fingers under the older boy’s chin. “I don’t want you to be sad. Not now, not ever.” He twisted their fingers together and used that to pull Zayn upright, and then he scooted himself backwards off the bed. “Can I have this dance?”

“What are you doing?” Zayn asked, suspicious.

“Asking the guy I like to dance with me to a very wonderful song.” Liam shook their intertwined hands. “So?”

Another heavy sigh sank from Zayn’s lips, but he pushed off the bed to stand in front of Liam. “Yeah, alright, Payno.” With one arm, he curled it around Liam’s shoulders, and dropped his forehead against the warm hollow of his shoulder.

Liam buried his pleased grin in Zayn’s hair. The tape player was left behind on the bed, the music just loud enough to be a whisper in the silence. He pressed a light hand to the dip of Zayn’s spine, and held out their tangled hands, leading Zayn in a foolish dance that definitely didn’t match the song choice.

Zayn’s bare skin tingled where Liam touched him, and his warm breath somehow spiked goosebumps on Liam’s chest. Beneath his cheek, he felt vibrations rolling as Liam began to quietly sing again.

“Come on, Zee.” Liam nudged him with his foot. “Don’t be so quiet. I know the voice you’ve got.”

Zayn pulled back from his hiding spot to stare Liam in his amber eyes. “What are you doing?” He repeated the same question as earlier.

“Trying to get you happy again. You were buzzing earlier, now you’re being a zombie.” Liam smiled, and twirled Zayn away from him before drawing him back in quickly to thud against his chest.

All Liam received for his work was a pout.

_Kiss him_ , a voice whispered in the back of his mind. And he had to agree with that voice. In that position, in that moment, with romantic music playing and Zayn held tight to him, looking up at him with that bottom lip pink and pouted out, Zayn was beautiful.

Liam ducked his head and took the leap.

Zayn didn’t hesitate in reciprocating the actions, pulling Liam impossibly closer with his hold on the back of his neck as the same was done to him. All the sadness, thoughts of his sisters and parents and cousins, were swept out of his mind and all that mattered was Liam. Was the kiss he was melting into, the taste of mint and chocolate a tangible thing in that eon he spent tangled and trembling against Liam Payne.

The touches grew hotter, burning and melting through the last layers of defense he’d hurriedly built around himself at first mention of his family. Zayn let his walls fall with Liam’s hand slotting between his thighs, pushing the two of them back down onto the bed for a different sort of dance than Liam’d intended.

Zayn sucked in a sharp breath as Liam laid kisses down the line of Zayn’s chest, along the trail of hair extending from his navel to beneath the band of his pants.

“Wanna suck you,” Liam murmured, his breaths hot against Zayn’s clothed shaft. “God, Zayn.” He dropped his head down to mouth at the head, one hand gripping Zayn’s thigh, massaging it.

“Leeyum,” Zayn whimpered, fisting the pillow, the bedsheets, Liam’s hair to keep from squirming. “Don’t you tease me.”

Through thick eyelashes, Liam peered up, his lips quirked dangerously over where Zayn needed him most. “Yeah? You want me to use my mouth? To suck you off until you’re close? Until you cum? What’ll you do if I don’t let you cum, Zayn?” He placed a kiss on Zayn’s hip, right over the black heart tattoo.

Zayn opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, Liam jerked his pants down, and took him into the warm heat of his mouth.

It was a whole different experience being on this end of a blowjob, Zayn found. More pleasure-filled, more noisy, less work. Zayn fisted a hand in the back of the other lad’s hair, helping Liam fit more of him into his throat, gagging around him and bringing the most delightful moan from Zayn’s lips.

“Li – Liam, stop, stop.” Zayn gasped a split second later, realizing his mistake.

Liam made the most obscene sound as he pulled off of Zayn’s cock. “What? What did I do wrong?” He frowned, wiping the back of his wrist across his mouth.

“You did nothing wrong, babe.” Zayn reached down, tipping fingers under his chin. “C’mere. Wanna kiss you again.”

Plush lips curled into a devilish grin, slick and swollen from being used. “Yeah?” He giggled and began to crawl back up the body under him, spotting kisses along the way. When they were face to face again – his arms resting on either side of Zayn’s head – he smirked, grinding his hips down against Zayn’s in the same movement where he crushed his lips to the other man’s.

Zayn arched up against him, desperate hands clinging to well-muscled arms and running over his back. “Leeyum,” he moaned, thrusting up against the hard line of Liam’s cock. Against Liam’s lips, he whispered, “Touch me.”

“Here?” Liam gasped, thumbing over the nub of Zayn’s nipple, and kissing the taste from his lips. “Or somewhere.... lower?” His hand snuck down to the tight space between their bodies, to the sensitive heart of Zayn’s desire.

He wrapped his hand around Zayn, loose enough to tease. “Fuck you,” Zayn gasped. “Fuck me.”

“What?” Liam froze, pulling back to get a clear look in Zayn’s eyes. “Are you serious? You want me to -?”

In one fluid motion, Zayn flipped Liam over onto his back. “Totally serious, babe. Need to feel you.”

Liam cupped a hand over Zayn’s cheek, thumbing over his bottom lip. “Have you ever done anything like this before?” Zayn grinded down against Liam’s lap, his cock dripping precome down onto Liam’s belly. His ‘ _No_ ’ was just a whisper caught in a moan, hand slipping down to stroke himself.

“Never met someone like you, Leeyum.” He licked his lips. “Never wanted this with anyone. Not anyone but you.”

The younger of the two reached a hand around, fitting it around Zayn’s hip, fingers spreading over his ass, brushing just ever so lightly over his hole. Liam watched, entranced by the sight of Zayn closing his eyes, mouth dropping open with a shiver at the intimate touch.

“Zayn, are you sure?” Liam pushed tentatively with his words; Zayn shuddered as Liam brushed his fingers over his again. “I don’t want you to regret it in the morning. I don’t want you to look back and think that you weren’t ready, or that you didn’t really want it.”

“I want _you,”_ Zayn slapped a hand down over Liam’s chest, eyes glued to his. “God, Liam. I’ve always wanted you. Since before I even knew you. Even when you were only a dream that made no sense at all.”

Liam pushed himself to sit up. Zayn still perched on his lap, cock hard and heavy between them, but eyes sad and honest. “What do you mean? What dreams?”

“I used to dream of you,” Zayn admitted. “Before we came here, even. They were just dreams of a boy with skin the same shade as yours, with a birthmark just like this,” He traced his fingers over the mark on Liam’s throat. “Dirty, hot dreams.” He pressed forward, lips just barely brushing Liam’s. “Imagine my shock when I woke up on that first day to find my dream come to life, tossing clothes at me.”

Smirking, Liam pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Zayn’s mouth. “Tell me about them. The dreams.” Liam slipped a hand down under Zayn, shimmying and jerking his pants down until he could kick them off quite awkwardly. He slapped up wetly against his belly beside Zayn’s cock, and he was quick to wrap a fist around both of them. “Tell me.”

Zayn’s mouth fell open under the pleasure of Liam’s palm. “The first one I remember was sitting in a room, people were around, and-“ his breath hitched on the upstroke. “There was a table, yeah, and – and all I could see was the arm that was half-hidden under the table wanking me off.

“Another was kinkier. Shortly before Harry showed up,” Zayn dropped his head onto Liam’s shoulder, breathing heavily against his throat. “Niall heard me sleeptalking about it and made fun of me for days. I called you daddy,” Liam’s fist squeezed around them, causing a gurgling moan to interject into the story.

“I was riding you, wanking meself and listening to you tell me how good I was, how pretty, how much you wanted to be called daddy.” Liam hummed a moan, low in his chest, picking up speed and thumbing over the leaking head of Zayn’s dick and his.

“There was one dream where I- I-“ he stuttered as Liam tightened the circle of his fingers around them, thrusting up and moaning, dropping his head back against the headboard. Zayn leaned down to nose against his throat; he latched his mouth onto the birthmark, nipping and sucking lightly. “One where we were snogging, and I rubbed one out against your thigh. Woke up hard as a rock even though I’d already cum in my pants. You did that to me.”

He brushed a kiss over Liam’s cheek, sighing out a moan as Liam quickened the pace; his breath coming out shaky and fast, teeth clenching his bottom lip.

“Are you close, Li?” Zayn curled a hand around the back of Liam’s neck. “You gonna cum for me? All over us?”

“Zayn,” Liam moaned his name, and it was a beautiful sound. Zayn twitched in Liam’s grip. “Zayn, keep talking.”

The pleasure was building hot and fast low in Zayn’s belly; he was so close as well. He leaned in to snake his tongue into Liam’s mouth, reveling in the flavor of him and the way his sounds tasted against his tongue.

“You want me to call you daddy? Just like the dream?” He breathed against Liam’s lips, kissing the desperate moan right form his mouth. “Yeah? You do?”

Liam thrusted up against Zayn, into the ever tighter circle of his fist. “I didn’t think I did, but – fuck! – yeah.”

Zayn’s breath hitched in his chest, and he licked his lips as he pushed into Liam’s grip. He started out with a soft whimper, “Daddy,” he felt Liam lurch and release a stream of precome. “Daddy, feels so good. D-d-daddy, oh.”

Just that easily, Zayn slipped over the edge of his orgasm. He shivered and trembled against Liam’s chest, pulsing in Liam’s hold, painting the other man’s hand white. “Liam,” he whimpered, dropping his head into that dip in Liam’s shoulder.

Zayn’s orgasm triggered Liam, whose grip grew almost unbearably tight as he muffled his groan in Zayn’s hair, and shot his semen up his and Zayn’s chests.

“Mmm, babe.” He mumbled, turning his head to find Zayn’s lips, perfectly pleased with just an easy snog now.

After a bit, Zayn squirmed away, hating the feel of cooling cum growing tacky on his belly and chest. He rolled off the bed and into the bathroom, in search of a towel to wipe both himself and Liam off with.

Liam was still flat on his back in the bed, gazing up at the ceiling with a blissful grin gracing his swollen lips. Zayn eased back onto the bed, carefully running the wet cloth over Liam’s belly, chest, and hand.

He dropped the towel back off the side of the bed and turned back around to the feel of Liam’s fingertips tracing the base of his spine.

Zayn lay his head down against Liam’s chest, tracing his fingers over warm skin and chest hair, over a heart beat and a – a tattoo?

He sat up.

“What’s this?” He leaned over the other man, shifting in hopes that the light would better reveal to him the small ink feather under the sharp line of Liam’s collarbone. How had he not noticed it before? “What’s it mean?”

“Does it have to mean anything?” Liam yawned, cupping his hand over Zayn’s, keeping him trapped over his heart. “Can’t it just be a pretty feather, Zayn?”

A chin joined his hand on his chest and Liam laughed, combing his fingers through Zayn’s inky hair. Hazel eyes caught against amber and they stayed like that for a few moments, trapped in stasis, two hearts beating, two breaths breathing, two boys enamored with each other

/\/\

\/\/

Harry got a job in the cafeteria. After that whole debacle, Niall wasn’t letting Harry out of Holdon again, and seeing as _he_ wasn’t allowed out as a runner, the Warden made some changes and set Harry up a job working under Barbara. Miraculously, it was a perfect fit for him. His only complaint was the hairnets he was forced to wear.

Zayn still argued that it was no better than his job. “At least I don’t finish the day smelling like garlic.” He teased the brunette boy one night at a particularly garlic-infused meal.

“At least I don’t go home to my boyfriend looking like a four year old’s coloring book.” Harry shot back, sticking out his tongue like he was actually a four year old.

Niall dragged Harry away, and Liam pulled Zayn’s attention back to him with a carefully placed hand on his upper thigh under the tablecloth with a wink.

He was promptly carried down to their dorm room and sucked off until he was slurring his words.

And the next day in art class if he did somehow get paint and markers all over his arms, then so be it. He loved the passion the students put into their work.

/\/\

\/\/

It was raining in the Holdon Fields. A light drizzle was all the more it could do. Niall and Harry were standing beside the grazing field filled with black and white spotted cows; both boys held an umbrella between them, shoulder to shoulder and laughing as a baby cow stumbled along in front of the fence.

Zayn could already tell that he’d be intruding on one of their weird versions of a date. He didn’t care.

“Don’t laugh at it, Harry, it’s more coordinated than you.” He shouted as he walked towards them.

The younger boy turned to face Zayn with a frown pulling at the corners of his lips and brows. “At least I don’t look like a wet cat that got dragged out of the bath.” Harry remarked on Zayn’s appearance.

It wasn’t his fault he didn’t have an umbrella.

“Oi, be nice to each other.” Niall chastised even as he laughed at both of them. He stepped out from under the mostly dry safety of the umbrella. “And live a little, Haz. Dance in the rain, sing in the rain!” Calloused hands grabbed Zayn’s and began spinning him around as he chanted, “Sing with me! Sing with me!”

Zayn indulged him to a certain point, belting out the words to a ditty that they’d written at the university about the cats and the dogs. Before long both of them were drenched, bottoms of their trousers were muddy, and Harry was rolling his eyes at them.

“Go find your own boyfriend, Malik. Leave mine alone.” Harry grumbled teasingly, dragging Niall back to his side when they’d finally come to a dizzy halt.

“You telling me you didn’t want that threesome?” Zayn joked, knowing perfectly well the reaction that would draw from his best mate. Niall choked and swore.

“Jesus, Zayn.”

He snorted, “Pick one or the other. I’m not both.”

The clowning went back and forth until they left the Fields and entered the Animal Care Center. Technically, Niall had been on duty whilst they’d been out there, as had Harry who was delivering the healthy dog treats from the kitchen (which easily could’ve been delivered via dumbwaiter, except he’d begged Barbara to do a hand-delivery instead).

As always, the dogs were everywhere. Playing tug of war, chasing in packs after balls thrown by employees, wrestling each other, or napping. While Harry and Niall stopped in to pet Frieda and Rufus, Zayn ducked through the doorway into the considerably quieter section of the building.

The cats didn’t make nearly as much noise. Neither did the hamsters, guinea pigs, bunny rabbits, or various other rodent-like creatures that occupied cages on the other side of the room. Most of them were sleeping or quietly playing with toys.

Tiger was tangling and untangling himself from a blanket; his claws were caught in the fabric and his hissed at the thing as he couldn’t get away from it. Zayn smiled as he knelt down to help the poor creature.

“Hey, Tiger.” He carefully handled his paws as he plucked him free, dragging him into his lap. Gentle scratches and strokes along the length of his back were all that the cat required of Zayn. His purrs were loud, his back arching under Zayn’s fingers.

Zayn was so lost in the feel of his cat’s silky fur under his touch, that it took him a while to realize that there was someone talking just out of his sight, beyond the next doorway that led to the food prep for not just the pets, but for all of the animals in Holdon.

“You told me it would be ready.” The voice was definitely a man’s, but the hissing speak of it made the voice sound like none Zayn had ever heard before. The speaker continued, “We were supposed to execute the plan later this week. Why the hell haven’t you done it?”

A smack was followed by a soft cry. Zayn stood up, Tiger curled to his chest, and he was prepared to go investigate.

Before he could, a smaller, softer feminine voice responded, “I’m sorry! I’ll fix it.”

“You’d better!” The hiss sent a shiver through Zayn’s bones. “I need it before tomorrow’s over!” Footsteps slapped over the flooring, and Zayn heard the distinct sound of a door opening and closing. The harassed girl began to cry.

Despite growing up surrounded by his mum, his sisters, and his girl cousins, Zayn was no good when it came to crying women. He knew that, so regrettably he let Tiger back down onto the floor, and he tip-toed away to the dog section of the Center.

Niall and Harry were both cooing over Frieda who was cradled in the Irishman’s arms like she was a baby. “I’m going to head back to the Library, lads.” Zayn called over to them, waving a hand in parting.

He stole Harry’s umbrella on the way out.

The rain was still pouring, the path growing muddier with each passing minute. He was distracted by thoughts of tracking mud all the way through Holdon, and therefore he didn’t see Liam until he was crashing straight into him.

“Liam!” Zayn jumped back, just barely managing to keep the umbrella over himself, “What are you doing out here?” Last he’d heard that morning, Liam was going to be stuck in that mysterious office of his all day.

“Duty called, I answered.” Liam grinned, ducking under the cover of Zayn’s umbrella.

Zayn shifted to accommodate Liam. “Yeah, okay, Batman. Well, where are you heading now? Maybe I could come with you?”

“I, uh,” Liam scratched at the back of his head. “I dunno about that. My job’s all confidential, right, so it probably isn’t best for you to come along.” He shrugged closer to Zayn, “I wish you could though; I wish you knew what I was doing.” His voice sank low as he looped an arm around Zayn’s waist to draw him in for a brief kiss.

“Oh, my mystery man.” Zayn leaned in for another kiss as soon as Liam had pulled back. That kiss lasted a few more moments, each of them lost in the heat and the taste of the other’s mouth.

Finally the umbrella began to slip from Zayn’s grasp, splattering them with rain. “Oops,” the older of the two laughed, “Guess I’d better let you run off and be a hero, then. Or something like that.”

“Something like that,” Liam replied, squeezing Zayn’s hand and kissing his cheek in farewell.

Seconds later he was out in the rain again, disappearing along the muddy pathway out of sight.

/\/\

\/\/

“Well, would you ever....”

It was well after dinnertime, still before curfew, and Zayn was sitting in between Liam’s legs on the floor of Niall and Harry’s dorm. The other two boys were tangled together on their bed, while Louis was stretched out on his belly on one of the beds, face screw up in concentration as he attempted to think of a would you rather question.

A bottle of stolen tequila from the party a few nights before sat between the five of them. Occasionally one of them would be forced to drink if they couldn’t decide on which they’d rather do.

“Oh! I know!” Louis’s face finally cleared, but quickly twisted into a despicable grin. “Liam, would you rather end the snowpocalypse or makeout with Zayn?”

Liam snorted. “That’s obvious, isn’t it?” Zayn tilted his head back to rest on Liam’s shoulder, both boys smirking. “I’d makeout with Zayn.”

Before Liam could meet Zayn’s lips, the other three lads shouted in protest. Liam froze, but Zayn pressed his lips up against his boys. As he tangled his fingers around the back of Liam’s neck, the boys began shouting even louder until the protests of Niall and Harry cut off abruptly.

“Gross.” Louis groaned. “I hate being the only single one.”

“You’re the one that started it, Tommo,” Liam replied, licking his lips. “If you didn’t want –“

A knock sounded on the door, breaking Niall and Harry’s kiss, and drawing all attention to the door. All five of them were in the room, who else could it be?

Once again, sharp knuckles rapped against the wood. Zayn was the first one to rise to his feet, the only one to move to open the door. He’d barely reached it, his fingers just brushing the knob, when whoever was on the outside opened it.

Outside of Niall and Harry’s tiny dorm room stood a whole group of assembled people. At the head of the small unit was the Warden, standing tall and pale with a wicked smile. “Zayn, lovely to see you. Is it safe to assume Liam’s in there with you?”

Zayn twitched, glancing back over his shoulder. Liam was just barely out of sight; one socked foot slowly withdrew even as Zayn looked. “Uhm, perhaps. Why?”

She smiled tightly, stepping inside and brushing past Zayn. The men and women amassed behind her were dressed in the solid black of guard uniforms, and as she entered the room, they followed. Zayn stood aside, quietly baffled by what was happening.

“Uh?” He stepped away from the door, following the small parade of people that had somehow just fit into the dorm room.

Liam was standing up on his feet, frowning at the Warden with the most adorably confused face. Niall, Harry, and Louis were all standing in the space between the two beds, watching with expressions matching Liam’s (without the same adorableness, though.)

Just as Zayn made to walk over towards Liam, several things happened.

First, the Warden stopped immediately in front of Liam, and his face drained of all color.

Second, the guard nearest to Zayn, grabbed hold of his arms, and pinned them behind his back. Out of the corner of his eye, Zayn saw that the same was being done to his friends.

And third, a guard hurried around behind Liam, seizing his arms and fastening a pair of handcuffs around his wrists.

“Liam Payne, you are hereby under arrest for suspicions of treasonous activities.” The Warden declared in a clear voice. “You will now be taken to the holding cell where you will await trial in two day’s time.”

Zayn jerked against the hold the guard had on him, just wanting to be by Liam, to stand with him, to hold his hand or brush a thumb over his cheek. “Liam!” he shouted, lurching forward to no avail. “Liam! No, let me talk to him! Liam!” The guard shifted, slightly letting up on his hold, but by the time Zayn realized that, it was too late.

Much like many months before, back at the beginning of all of this, Zayn felt a pinch in his neck and the world faded to black.

/\/\

\/\/

When he came to, it was two days later. His head spun, the walls were shaking, and Louis was there at his side and shoving a bowl under his head to catch the vomit. Again.

“Where’s Liam?” were the first words to croak out of his mouth. “What’s happened to Liam?”

Louis shushed him and handed him a glass of water. “Liam’s fine, Zee. I promise.”

Zayn gulped down the glass of water, relishing the cool feel of it down his dry throat. As soon as it was gone, he pushed it aside in favor of addressing Louis’s obvious lie. “Bullshit, Louis. Last I saw, he was getting arrested. Where the hell is my boyfriend?” The word leapt from his mouth, and it was only afterwards that he realized.

“Boyfriend?” Louis cocked an eyebrow. “When did that development occur?”

He felt his cheeks go hot, and he fought his blankets and the damn IV that bit into his arm. “Doesn’t matter. Where is he? When can I see him. Dammit!” He tore the needle from his arm, not paying any attention to the sting and the alarm bells ringing in his own head. He pushed to his feet, feeling the world wobble under him. “Where are my clothes?”

The thin paper gown covered almost nothing, leaving his bare skin exposed to chills. Louis pointed at one of the open seats beside the door, and Zayn stumbled and wove his way over to it, feeling like he was drunk.

“Zayn, Jesus, stop it.” Louis was suddenly at his side, slipping his arm around Zayn’s waist to help steady him. “Liam’s fine, I swear on me life. Scout’s honor!” He held up a few fingers for a second and then reached over to stop Zayn from grabbing the door handle. “Hey, at least get dressed in real clothes before you go out there. You might think you’ve got a cute ass, but let me tell you, it might just scar some of them.” He nodded out the window set in the door to where Lou’s little sisters were sitting against the wall.

“Fine. Will you at least tell me where he is?” Zayn pouted, sliding down into the chair beside his clothes.

Louis grabbed a pair of pants and tossed them over to Zayn. “He’s in the holding cell, like the Warden said. Today’s his trial, though, so he might not be in there at the moment.” He handed a tshirt over as well. Zayn struggled not to say something – it was Liam’s shirt, too stretched out around the shoulders to ever really belong to Zayn, and it smelled of that same minty air that always seemed to surround Liam.

“Trial? What kind of trial?”

Louis handed over a pair of jeans and socks, and then settled down in the freed chair. “The Warden and a few of the other officials gather and listen to Liam’s testimony, compare it to whatever bullshit evidence they’ve got, and then they come up with a verdict.” He shrugged. “I’m sure Liam’ll be fine, I mean, it’s _Liam.”_

Zayn stood up to squeeze into his jeans. “I’d like to see him.”

“You will.” Louis rose to his feet as well. “Once the trial’s over, Liam should be allowed back to the real world. It’s not like he committed murder or anything like that, so they’ve no real reason to leave him locked up in that cell.”

Zayn sighed and opened the door, almost wishing he hadn’t when he was immediately assaulted with the question’s of Louis’s sisters. He gave them the basest answers like “yes, I’m alright” and “I’ll probably just go back to my room now.”

He was grateful that Louis didn’t follow him to the dorm because as soon as he shut the door behind him, Zayn broke down. He was crying like a baby and tripping over his own feet to crawl into Liam’s bed, to press his face into the pillow and pretend like Liam was there. He cried himself into a dozy sleep, half in this world, and half in the dream one where Liam was laid beside him with miles of golden skin.

Hours later, Zayn woke up. His mouth was dry and his tongue felt thick. There was a warm hand combing through his hair, a leg draped over his, and a voice softly humming _Can’t Help Falling in Love._

“Morning, sunshine.” Liam whispered. “It’s not actually morning, though, in case you’re wondering.”

Zayn turned over, needing to see for himself that it was actually Liam who’d slipped into the bed with him. Indeed it was.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

Liam grinned crookedly down at him, eyes squinting from the force of it.

Zayn’s eyes fell to rest on Liam’s lips, the typical desire to kiss him flooded through his system, but before he could act on the impulse, something stepped in the way. “We should talk about it, right?” Liam cocked his head to the side. “You being arrested, your trial.”

The smile vanished. “Oh, that. I thought you were going to say we should talk about you calling me your boyfriend. Louis said you did, anyway.”

“We can talk about that too.” Zayn spoke quietly, inching forward to nudge his forehead against Liam’s. “But Liam –“

“Yeah, you want to know what happened.” Liam sighed, rolling over flat onto his back, breaking the contact with Zayn. “You want to know what exactly I was being accused of; if I was charged with it; why they thought I would do something like that?” Zayn nodded, clasping Liam’s hand in his. “I guess I should start at the beginning, probably.

“Let me first say that I didn’t – No, that’s not where I want to start.” Liam bit his lip and kept his amber gaze up on the ceiling. “I want to start with telling you that the Warden accused me of working with two other men in a plot to overthrow her as leader of Holdon. A sort of coup that probably was going to result in her death or something. I don’t know. All I know is that it started a long time ago, back before you were here, before Harry even left to go find you and Niall.

“It started when I got my job. Two or three years ago, then. In case you haven’t guessed, my job is pretty confidential, highly secretive; it’s not just me being that way.” He sighed and his fingers twitched. “I work for the most secret form of Holdon security: monitoring. There’re secret cameras and microphones located all over the place. Not in most of the rooms, not in any of the bathrooms, but they’re all over the halls, the caf, the library, and the E-level.

“My job was to monitor everyone, make sure that no one was committing secret crimes, that no one was doing anything bad at all really. It’s pretty boring most of the time; you learn things about people that you wouldn’t normally have known. Things like the pretty new boy really likes to draw in his notebook in the corner of the library.”

_So that’s how the Warden knew to pick me for the art job_ , Zayn thought. _Liam told her. Because he was watching me. Should I be creeped out?_

“Anyway, back before you or Niall or any of that, I was approached by this guy. He was about my parents age, a strong voice, and even stronger personality. To be entirely honest he frightened me when he first came up to me. He scares me even more now. He had an offer to make me, except in the end it was really more blackmail than anything.

“He wanted me to spy on the Warden, to watch her and report to him everything that she did, especially if it seemed even slightly... abnormal.” Liam sighed and turned his head towards Zayn, finally looking him in the eye. “I didn’t want to. I knew that it was a terrible idea. So I told him no. He left me alone.”

“So then why-?” Zayn began to ask. Liam cut him off.

“He came back a few weeks later with a new proposition. Do the spying for him, and anything else he needed me to do, and he’d leave my family alone.” Liam closed his eyes and shook his head. “I didn’t believe him. What kind of stupid bluff was that. No way that anyone would be able to hurt my family inside Holdon. I was right about one part of that. He didn’t do it inside.”

Liam sniffled, curled closer to Zayn, and then continued with his tale. “A few days after that blackmail attempt, Nicola went out for a run. She never came back, and, yeah, everyone said it was because of the storm and maybe that was a huge factor, but – but what he’d said was still fresh in my mind. I blamed myself. The next time I saw him, I took the deal. I’d spy for him, move the cameras, adjust sound clips, whatever he needed just as long as he left the rest of my family alone.”

The lights overhead dimmed, and Zayn was suddenly aware that it was evening, that up above them the rest of Holdon was settling in for a nice dinner in the caf. He didn’t want to be anywhere except for here, tangled with Liam and listening to this confession.

“It was right around the time that you and Niall showed up that I started getting cold feet again. Simon,” Zayn tucked that bit of knowledge away, knowing he’d heard that name somewhere before, but couldn’t pinpoint who it belonged to at the moment, “had brought in another guy to help him; well, I suspect there were a few other people, but he never told me who _they_ were. He only let me know his new co-conspirator so that he could boss me around too.” Liam paused for a second, “Can you guess who the other guy is?”

Zayn shrugged, just wanting to hear the story from Liam’s mouth.

“Dr. Robert Fletcher, of course. With one of the best and brightest scientists in Holdon on his side, Simon could convince a good portion of the population to turn against the Warden when the time came. Also Fletch was a good help in picking at my weak spots; he was closer to my age, closer to me in general; and he knew that I had fancied him when we were younger.

“Simon knew I was thinking of backing out of the deal, and that’s what Fletch was good for. Making sure I didn’t.” Liam suddenly squeezed tightly on Zayn’s hand. “Then you came along. Looking like a wild winter man until one day you didn’t. And cheesy as it may sound, the longer you stayed here in Holdon, the more the winter seemed to melt away between us until we got to where we are today.

“Fletch noticed this thing that was growing between us, probably before we even did.” He rubbed a thumb over the back of Zayn’s hand. “He reported it to Simon, and next thing I knew Simon was threatening to do something to you. At that point I was getting really lax on my reporting for him and Fletch; I didn’t turn my cameras away from their secret hallway meetings either, and once Simon figured that out he was pissed.

“I think they found out about our kiss somehow. It was right after that when Fletch threatened me with you, told me to get the spying reports done or else he’d do something dreadful to you. He never told me what, but you know, I was already kinda head over heels for you by that first kiss, so he could’ve told me he’d give you a papercut, and I would do whatever he asked.” Liam’s cheeks turned pink and Zayn giggled, thumbing over the blood rush.

“Anyway, I started working for Simon and Fletch again, working hard and making sure I didn’t screw up. I guess, I wasn’t careful enough. That’s how the Warden caught me. Well, Jon caught the mistake, but you know what I mean.” He shook his head. “Two and a half years of doing this stuff, and I got caught because I didn’t delete the audio and the video from one camera at the party.

“Jon was looking to see who stole the bottle of tequila, which was somehow missing from the video, but he heard me talking to Fletch and Simon. I didn’t want to talk to either of them that night, but they cornered me. And that’s the whole story. Up until now.”

Zayn nodded, “So what happened at the trial?”

“I told the Warden exactly that story. Well, a few parts I tweaked since I figured she doesn’t need to know all that much about you and me, but she knows all the important stuff.” Liam brought their intertwined hands over to his chest.

“And the verdict?” Zayn probed.

“Oh, that.” Liam laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, I’ve got three days left in Holdon. Then they’re throwing me out.”

The world dropped away, the only thing keeping Zayn from falling into the abyss was Liam’s hand tight in his. “What?” His own voice echoed in his ears. “Three... days? Why?”

“I spied on the Warden, Zayn.” Liam sighed, stroking his thumb over Zayn’s hand. “I was part of a plot to overthrow her. Why would they let me stay?”

“Well, what about Simon and Fletch?” Zayn asked, pulling himself up to sit with his back against the headboard. “I don’t really know who this Simon guy is, but Fletch is a pretty important scientist. Are they letting him go?”

Liam looked up at Zayn, his eyes soft and shallow like he was trying to hide something else from Zayn. He shook his head. “Simon’s that guy you’ve told me you saw at the library. Salt and pepper hair, wrinkles around his eyes. Warden said he’s already been thrown out. Don’t think he even got a trial or anything. Fletch is probably going to be allowed to stay. He’ll be kept under supervision, to make sure he doesn’t pull shit like that again.”

“But they’re throwing you out?” Zayn asked in a quiet voice. “That’s not fair.”

Liam dragged Zayn’s hand to his lips, pressing a kiss across his knuckles. “Lots of things aren’t fair.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to leave. You were doing what you needed to do; protecting your family shouldn’t mean that you get punished.” Zayn stared down at his hand pressed to Liam’s lips. “Protecting me shouldn’t mean that you leave me. And I don’t want you go out there. What will you do? You’ve never really lived outside in the snow, have you? Where will you go?”

“You’re right, Zayn, you could come with me.” Liam teased, clearly joking, but Zayn jumped on the thought. “If you come with me, it shouldn’t be too bad out there.” Liam smiled, a certain weakness hidden deep underneath that façade. Zayn slipped back to lay down flat, resting face to face with Liam.

“Yeah? You want to go out there?” Zayn cocked an eyebrow, anger seeping in under his voice. He wished he could make light about this situation, but considering that he was about to lose the best thing to ever happen to him, that wasn’t likely.

Liam nodded, sidling closer and slipping a hand under the back of Zayn’s shirt, pressing the two of them closer together. “Mhmm. We could use each other’s body heat to keep warm. Well, that and a few activities that’d be sure to work up a sweat.” He knocked a smile to Zayn’s cheek.

Such a simple gesture sent a burst of endorphins, relieving him of the anger, the sadness.

Zayn laughed. He brought the hand that wasn’t tangled with Liam’s up to pet over the back of Liam’s head. “Oh, well, then. Let’s go. What’re we waiting for?” Liam snorted and buried his head in the dip of Zayn’s shoulder, curling closer into him.

After a few moments of silence, Liam shivered against Zayn. In the quiet that had fallen between them, he whispered, “I never want to go out there, Zayn. Is it terrible?”

Honestly, Zayn had been underground in Holdon for so long that he could barely remember the bite of the cold air on his exposed skin, the touch of snow on his tongue, or the breath of unrecycled air. He could still remember the idea of the cold; bundling up in layers and layers, but still never feeling quite warm enough.

“Some parts are,” he admitted finally. “Not all of it. The world’s a beautiful place when you’re looking at it from a distance, Liam. You just have to remember that.”

Liam nodded, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Zayn’s mouth before he closed his eyes and rolled over in the bed.

“By the way,” Liam mumbled, still facing away. “I’m glad you called me your boyfriend.”

A moment later, his soft snores began, and it didn’t take long for them to lull Zayn to sleep as well.

/\/\

\/\/

The next morning, Zayn traveled with Liam up to Level One to have breakfast with the Payne’s. _A last breakfast, pretty much,_ he thought to himself as he marched beside Liam, their hands clasped between them. He pushed those morbid thoughts away, choosing instead to focus on the nerves growing in his belly because he’d never met Liam’s father or sister before.

“Relax, Zayn. There’s no reason that they won’t like you. My dad’s a giant softie, and Ruth might try to put on the tough big sister act, but she’s really not scary unless she’s armed with lipstick and a dress.” He shook his head and added, “Don’t let them show you any pictures of me.”

Zayn hid his smile against Liam’s shoulder.

Geoff Payne’s office-slash-home wasn’t too far away from the door down to the rest of the facility. In fact, there was a welcome sign on the front door that just held that touch of Karen’s, and made Zayn wonder why he’d never noticed it before on one of his multiple trips up there.

Liam knocked on the door, squeezed Zayn’s hand, and smiled widely as his father opened the door. Geoff looked very much like Zayn imagined – he was quite similar to Liam, with the same amber eyes and the same nose. He gestured for them to come inside, “This is a surprise, boys. Why didn’t you tell us you were coming? I’d have set two extra places.”

“Sorry, it was sort of a decision we just made.” Liam told him. “Where’s Mum?”

Geoff shook his head, a half smile on his face – so similar to the one Liam often sported – as he said, “She’s probably crying into the breakfast. Honestly, Li, only you would find a way to get arrested for being a good kid.” He thumped Liam on the shoulder.

Zayn noticed Liam’s smile go tight, and he squeezed his boyfriend’s hand. That’s when Geoff looked to him.

“You must be Zayn. I’ve heard lots about you.” He laughed, a round wonderful sound that made Zayn want to let go of his nerves and his carefully buried sense of impending doom that revolved around Liam. “You are the apple of Karen’s eye, my boy. And Liam’s too, of course. I’m Geoff, in case you didn’t know.” He extended a hand to Zayn, which he quickly accepted and shook firmly, hoping to make the best impression.

“Is Ruth here?” Liam asked suddenly, peering around his father, down the hallway that stretched down until it reached what looked like a sitting room. Several other rooms all branched off of it, but that room seemed to be the one where Liam was looking.

“She is.” Geoff released Zayn’s hand. “Why?”

Liam glanced over at Zayn. “Just want her to meet Zayn. For real, since she’s seen him around before, but never been properly introduced. Zee, coming?” He began to walk away before he’d finished asking the question, and with their hands tangled tight as they were, Zayn had to go along.

Where the hallway was a dull off-white, stepping into the sitting room was a burst of color. The walls were a pale tangerine color; the sofa on the wall to Zayn’s left was navy and cream plaid; the side tables that flanked either end of the sofa was a deep brown color that did not go well at all with the cherry wood coffee table. And then there was the matter of Liam’s sister sitting on the sofa in a black and white striped shirt with bright red jeans on.

It was a charming cluttering of colors and patterns, but honestly, it almost made Zayn’s eyes hurt.

“Liam! Is this your Zayn?” Ruth asked, placing the book she was reading down onto the cushion at her side.

Zayn’s heart skipped a beat at her words. “Your Zayn?” He teased, bumping his shoulder into Liam’s.

“Shut up.” The younger boy was blushing, glaring at his sister who laughed. “Oh, come on, Roo. You can come over and hug him. I know that’s what you want to do.”

She hopped up onto her feet and was throwing her arms around Zayn’s a split second later. For someone her size, she had a very strong hold. “Oh, I can’t believe I’m _finally_ meeting you, Zayn.” She grinned as she pulled back, “Liam talks about you all the time, I was wondering if I was ever going to get to meet the wonderfully handsome Zayn.”

“Ruth,” Liam groaned.

“No, no, continue.” Zayn chuckled. “I love hearing this stuff. Also, Ruth, Liam may have mentioned something about pictures of him in a dress and lipstick?” He cast a crooked grin sideways at Liam who swore quietly and mumbled an “I hate you. Both of you” as Ruth cackled and raced over to one of the bookshelves.

When Karen called out a few minutes later that breakfast was ready, Ruth and Zayn were poring over a photo album while Liam blushed and cursed at them quietly so as not to draw their parents attention. Ruth abandoned the album quickly, leaving Liam and Zayn behind to put it up before heading to the table.

“Hey,” Liam encircled Zayn’s wrist before he could put the album back. “I – I’m going to tell them about my sentence. You don’t have to be here for that bit if you don’t want. Mum’ll turn into a blubbery mess, Dad might too. Honestly I’ve no clue what Roo’ll do, but if it’s anything like when we lost Nic, it won’t be good. I just, don’t want you to have to see all of that.”

Something in the way Liam voiced that little speech told Zayn that what he was really saying was that he didn’t want him to be there. He wanted it to just be him and his family.

Zayn nodded. “Yeah, I’ll let you tell them alone. I don’t wanna intrude.” Liam opened his mouth as if to tell him it wouldn’t be intruding. “No, Liam. I get it. It’ll be a trying time for them; I’ll cover for your Mum at work. She can take the whole day off, if that’s what she needs.” Knowing Karen, she might just need the next forever off after hearing that Liam was being thrown out.

“Thanks.” Liam nodded, kissing Zayn quickly. “I’ll do it after we eat. I’m starving.”

/\/\

\/\/

Karen didn’t show up for work that day. Or the next. It was only on the third and final day of Liam’s remaining time in Holdon that she came down. As soon as she saw Zayn standing behind the librarian’s desk with shaded eyes and a cup of coffee, she was crying. Again, by the looks of it. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, her hands shook, and she ran to bury her face in Zayn’s shoulder, drawing the attention of the library’s patrons.

Zayn wanted to cry too. He’d barely seen Liam since the morning of the Payne breakfast. Karen and Geoff and Ruth had holed him up in the room and barely let him leave. As if they could keep the Warden verdict from happening.

And it was Liam’s final day. Just a few more hours, and then the last night. He’d be gone first thing in the morning and Zayn just wasn’t ready for that. He and Liam had just gotten to where they needed to be, and now it was all getting torn away from them.

Over her sobbing shoulder, Zayn saw a shadow come down the stairs, turning as if to go down to the dorms, but then he changed his mind. Liam came walking towards the end of the library. His hands were tucked in his pockets, head ducked to hide his face, and his shoulders sank inwards like he was trying to make himself smaller.

“Liam.” Zayn felt almost rude to untangle himself from Karen, but as he threw himself into Liam, he didn’t care. He pressed his face to Liam’s neck, squeezing his arms around his shoulders. He sighed when Liam reciprocated the clinging hug.

“You can go today, Zayn.” Karen sniffled behind him. “You can have your last day with him.”

_And do what?_ Zayn wanted to ask. _Do all of the things that we should have months, years to do? Say all of the things that we’ve been hiding?_ Instead, he said, “Thank you.”

A few moments later found Zayn curled up in an unexpected place. The cafeteria was empty due to it being after breakfasttime and before lunchtime, so it was only Liam and Zayn and a few caf workers moving around in the place.

“Here you go, babe.” Liam sat down in the chair beside Zayn, dropping off another coffee in front of him with a smile.

Zayn quietly wrapped his fingers around the cup, blinking over at Liam. He just wanted to stare at him, to soak in all of the tiny details like the exact shape of his birthmark, the patterns in his beard, the exact moment when his face would go from normal to crinkled in a smile. He wanted to know and remember every last thing, to have the man in front of him memorized. Because he’d never see him after today. Zayn didn’t want that, he wanted to curl Liam up in a tiny little ball and keep him in Zayn’s heart. It was nice and warm, with four rooms and a lot of love. A whole lot of love. All for Liam.

“I love you.” He blurted out, eyes flicking from Liam’s birthmark to his lips to his eyes in a fraction of a second. “Really, Liam, I’m in love with you.”

“I love you, too, Zayn.”

Zayn watched Liam’s face as he smiled (that moment of transformation to crinkly was impossible to pinpoint, Zayn noted.) Liam stretched a hand over the space between them to run a thumb over Zayn’s cheek, over his lips. Zayn pushed into Liam’s space and kissed him.

They didn’t break the kiss until one of the caf workers began whistling at them.

It was Harry of course, grinning like an idiot from the window that joined the caf to the kitchen. His hair was twisted into a bun, hidden under a hairnet; he was giving them two thumbs up, and Zayn gave him two middle fingers that sent him turning back to the kitchen laughing.

“You love me.” Liam repeats through a giggle, resting his head against the side of Zayn’s, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

“I do.” Zayn licked his lips and pulled the coffee up to take a sip of it, hoping it would soothe the croak he could feel growing in his throat. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Liam pulled away, only leaving his arm extended over the back of Zayn’s seat. “I have to leave. The Warden won’t change her mind.”

“I could come with you.” Zayn suggested. “Like you said the other night. We could both go out there, get stuck in a storm, use each other to stay warm. I’d go out there for you, Li.” Zayn leaned forward on his elbows, scrubbing his hands through his hair. “I’ve been out there. I know to survive, and I could help you. We could find somewhere and settle in, like Nialler and I did.”

“I can’t ask you to do that, Zayn.” Liam’s words were soft in tone, but there was a hardness beneath them. He didn’t want Zayn to come with him.

Zayn twisted to look at his boyfriend. “Then don’t ask. I’m telling you, I want to go out into the world with you.”

Liam shifted his hand from the back of the seat, to rubbing up and down Zayn’s spine. “There’s no stopping you, is there? No matter what I say, you’ll leave with me in the morning.”

The elder of the two nodded as best as he could.

“Okay.” Liam continued his motions on Zayn’s back, soothing him, relaxing his tightly wound muscles.

/\/\

\/\/

That night they lay in bed together. Neither moved, neither slept, they just stared at each other until they were all they could see. Until it was their whole world inside the other man. Their legs were tangled together under the blankets, hands knotted between them, and gazes held like ropes that anchored them to shore.

Occasionally one of them would break, push forward into the space between them and initiate a kiss that would last until one or the other tried to push it further.

Zayn wasn’t sure what time it was when his eyes finally shut, too heavy after so many nights without real sleep, without Liam by his side. But he finally slept, hands and arms and legs tangled with Liam’s. Even in sleep he clung tightly. Even in his dreams that night, all they did was lay with each other, observing the other.

And when Zayn woke up in the morning, Liam was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an epilogue. Or maybe a second story that I've already got partially planned out. Of course whether it's an epilogue or a Part II depends entirely on how these 4 chapters are received. Please give me some comments or kudos! I know my sex scenes are terrible, they're why I wasn't really sure about posting this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Part II: between the shadow and the soul**

\---

Zayn’s world was faded to black and white, his motions had become robotic, and the food in the cafeteria tasted like ash on his tongue.

The other boys could do nothing to change him. They coddled him and pulled him into their beds for cuddles when he shook like a leaf at the prospect of going back to the empty dorm room. But they could no more bring him out of his mechanized state than they could end the Ice Age outside.

Zayn slept. All the time. Even when he wasn’t actually sleeping. At the desk in the library, he sat like a statue, dreams running through his mind of Liam – a happy Liam, warm and happy and in Zayn’s arms. In the classroom, his students ran rampant unless Louis was in, then he kept them as organized as he could allow children under his care to be.

On the odd nights he didn’t spend tucked in the spare bed in Niall and Harry’s room or curled up with Louis (keeping his tears and whispered conversations quiet to not wake up the girls who were just a thin wall away), Zayn would wrap himself in the bedsheets that he still let himself believe smelled like Liam. He would sob until his lungs felt raw and his eyes felt like they’d been scooped out. He would jerk fitfully in and out of dreams – nightmares, really.

Those were the darkest nights.

His bed was haunted with the vague scent of mint, with the shadow of warmth on the pillow beside his. His dreams were centered on that morning. The first morning. The morning after the last night.

In the dreams, Zayn would wake up cheerful and hopeful for the new life in the cold world outside he’d be beginning. And then he reached over to the spot next to him, and found it cold and wet – It was snow and he was abandoned in a barren plain. All of the horizons blended into the sky and he was cold, so cold –

He would jerk half-awake then before tripping backwards into that dark pit again. The nightmare would resume at the point where Zayn realized that _he_ was gone. That all of his things were gone, and the other side of the room was vacant with no hint that anyone had ever been there.

That morning, Zayn had run out of the room without bothering to pull on a shirt or socks or anything other than his sweatpants. Other citizens of Holdon had thrown odd looks at him as he sprinted past them, up the flights of stairs to the caf.

Frantically, he’d searched around the room for the face he needed. An echo of his name sounded from the kitchen, accompanied by Harry’s face, a frown over top his confused forest-colored eyes.

More people turned to look at him as he fled the room, leaping down the stairs several at a time as he shot back down to the first level of the dorms. He passed Niall on the way, the boy nearly tripping over his own feet in his hurry to follow Zayn.

But Zayn didn’t stop until he reached what Niall had told him on the first day was the Warden’s office.

He didn’t hesitate to pound his fist on the door, calling out for the woman. That’s when Niall had caught up, panting and reaching for Zayn, asking him what was wrong.

That was the hardest part of that day. Of those first few days, actually.

Liam hadn’t told anyone but his family and Zayn about his sentence. Niall (and Harry and Louis and all of his other friends) had no clue about his “crime” or the subsequent punishment.

“Liam’s gone!” Zayn had shouted, choking on his own voice halfway through. He’d thumped his fist against the Warden’s door one last time before dropping his forehead against it too. “He’s gone because of _her_.”

That had confused Niall, “What?” He laughed. “What’re you on about, Zee? I just saw him this morning. He came down to our room and said he wanted us to come to your room after breakfast. He and Haz went up to the caf together and I stayed back to shower. Oh, man, I’ve got to tell you this thing Har-“

“Niall!” Zayn growled, feeling his eyes growing hot and wet. “Liam’s _gone!_ The Warden’s kicked him out of Holdon because of them bloody fucking stupid fucks Simon and Fletch! He was guilty, so she threw him out! And he left!”

In a quieter voice, Zayn addressed his feet, “Without me.”

The door his forehead still rested against swung open at that point, and he found himself face-to-face with the evil witch herself. The poisonous smile he’d pinpointed on his first day in Holdon ate across her face, “Zayn. Niall. Lovely to see both of you. How can I help you?”

As if she didn’t know. Even in his dreams Zayn was spitting at her, anger radiating through his pores because it was all. her. fault. that Liam had left him.

Zayn would always wake up shortly after that. The dream morphed into a black vacuum of nothingness, and he would jolt awake sweating and crying and clenching at the sheets beside him for the ghost of the boy he loved.

The rest of the night would be restless, spent dwelling on thoughts of that first week, of explaining to the other boys what had happened, of realizing for himself that it was real that Liam wasn’t coming back.

It was during that week that Niall and Harry and Louis and himself clung to each other, needing the others just to keep a hold on reality. Zayn’s hold wasn’t strong enough, though, and he quickly slipped into what the only psychologist in Holdon called “a grief disorder” or “depression.”

He could barely remember what had transpired between that day and the current one he was living, and once the day ended it would fade into obscurity, the same as all the others that had passed.

Zayn didn’t realize that time was passing him by. That his friends were getting worried for him, that Karen was wallowing in her own grief and still worried that Zayn was drowning in his. He didn’t notice, or didn’t care, that his friends were close to sending him to a semi-permanent stay in the tiny psych ward in the hospital.

Zayn was stuck in his stupor – his revolving door life of dead days and sleepless, nightmare-filled nights.

Until one night just over three months after the last night.

/\/\

\/\/

_The dream was a soft relief from the normal ones. It was almost like the ones that Zayn used to have – the ones where Liam was drenched in gold and stretched out for Zayn to devour whole._

_They were laying together, lips soft over cheeks and chins and mouths, and Liam’s fingers were tracing up and down Zayn’s spine, playing with the band of Zayn’s shorts every time that he reached them._

_“I love you,” Liam was whispering, his sun-hot skin glowing with the force of his words._

_“Love you too, Li.” Zayn murmured, kissing the other man and savoring the taste of his lips – it was different from what he was used to – more like a sweet fruit than the minty flavor. He cupped Liam’s jaw in one hand, slipping his tongue deeper into his boyfriend’s mouth, needing to be closer – to be closer – to be –_

/\/\

\/\/

Zayn sat at the desk in the library all day long. Slumped against the desk with his chin supported by his arm as he stared off into the past. The only times he broke out of his reverie was when a student came up and he paused long enough to stamp the card in the book and write down their card number in the library chart.

Karen was off somewhere. Maybe she was in her office. Maybe she was searching for a book for someone. Who knows. Ever since her son’s banishment, she’d taken to disappearing for periods of time, and coming back with red-ringed eyes and tissues spilling from her pockets.

The library was nearly empty. Most people avoided it now. (“It feels like a funeral,” Zayn had heard someone whisper as he passed by them.)

“So do you want to come see the play with me?” A voice was speaking.

Zayn blinked, eyes focusing on the pattern of carpets and the rows and rows of books. He blinked again. Louis came into focus where he was leaning against the edge of the desk, eyebrows raised at Zayn. “Are you even fucking listening to me, Malik?”

Zayn shook his head, dropping his chin and rubbing at his eyes. “Sorry. I was just –“

“No,” Louis cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I know this has all been hard for you. I get it. But it’s been three months, Zayn. I think you’ve overstayed your welcome in the depression stage of grief.”

Hazel eyes snagged against ocean blue.

“Fuck. Okay, Zayn, listen to me.” Suddenly Louis’s hands were squishing Zayn’s cheeks, turning his face so that they were staring at each other dead-on. “It’s been three months. We understand that you’re devastated that he’s gone, but you’re acting like a zombie, and that’s not normal. We’re all worried for you. We want you to get back to normal.”

Zayn’s jaw clenched under Louis’s palms. “He was my normal.”

“Well, Liam’s gone, Zayn! Stop –“

_Crack!_

Zayn slapped Louis across the face before the other man could even sense it was going to happen. “Don’t say his name.” Zayn growled, wrenching himself away. “Go away. I’m trying to work.”

He turned his back on Louis, shoulders slumping in. By the time he turned around, guilty thoughts plaguing his mind to the point that he was ready to apologize, Louis was already gone.

The few patrons in the library were still watching him with raised eyebrows and dropped jaws. He carefully held himself back from growling at them as well.

/\/\

\/\/

_“Come, Zayn,” Liam’s voice whispered in Zayn’s ear. He shivered against the heat of the sun god who’d found his way home. “Come.”_

_But they weren’t touching._

_Liam was a dozen feet away. A dozen miles. His voice echoed, whistling in the frigid wind. “Come, Zayn. Come.”_

/\/\

\/\/

Lumpy, grey oatmeal and toast was offered for breakfast. Zayn sat on his own side of the table, staring at the pool of sludge in the bowl. He ignored the tangle of Niall and Harry, he avoided seeing the vaguely hand-shaped bruise on Lou’s cheek. He tore his toast to bits, stirred the oatmeal clockwise, counterclockwise, and again.

The sound of the chair beside him scraping back finally drew his attention up from the tray of unappetizing food.

“How are you?” Jade was sitting beside him. Her cheeks were paler than the last time he’d seen her, and her lovely hair was dyed an odd shade of purple. She bit her lip as she waited for his answer.

“I’ve been better.” He drew the hand that had been wrapped around his spoon down into his lap. “How’re you?”

She offered him a tight smile. “I’ve been better.”

Her gaze flickered over to the other side of the table, and Zayn’s followed. The lads were watching the two of them as if they were a freakshow; eyes goggled at them, Niall’s mouth hung open.

“So, uh,” Jade turned back to face Zayn. “I know it’s been, like, quite a while since Liam’s gone, but it’s just been really difficult for me too, you know.” She sniffled, swiping a finger under her eyes. “He was my best friend in this place. I imagine it’s been awful for you, too, and I just, like, wanted to come and make sure that you’re getting on well?”

A small hand slipped into Zayn’s lap, clasping onto his hand and squeezing. She offered him a genuine, soft smile.

He nodded. “Yeah, I –“ A lump formed in his throat, but he pushed past it. “I miss him like half of me is gone. I’m... adapting, though.” Someone snorted a laugh on the other side of the table. “Slowly adapting.”

Jade squeezed his hand again. “I understand. Liam found his way into the tiny parts of your heart and expanded, so that when he left you felt like he took most of you with him.”

“Exactly,” Zayn’s voice came out sounding scratchy. Underneath the table he felt a foot nudge against his. Niall.

“Well, listen, Zayn,” Jade’s fingers threaded tighter through his. “If you ever want to talk or anything, come talk to me. Or, hey, come visit me up on level one.” She offered a small smile that Zayn did his best to return.

Jade left a minute later (after chastising him for not eating his food) and Louis followed, claiming that he had a question for her about getting Fizzy a job on level one.

Zayn felt Niall’s gaze burning into his skin. He ignored him, choosing to stir the oatmeal around a bit more, to tear the toast into smaller bits.

“I’m gonna go, babe,” Harry spoke up finally. “Gotta get started on the dishes if we want them clean by dinner.” There was the wet sound of a kiss and then Harry walked away as well.

Niall’s gaze didn’t let up, still burning into the top of Zayn’s head. And then he began tapping his fingers on the table.

“What, Niall?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing.” Niall’s tone was nonchalant.

Zayn looked up. Niall was leaned forward on the table, blue eyes shining like bright spotlights focused on Zayn. Zayn frowned.

“Do you think, maybe, Jade has the right idea?” Niall asked, cocking one eyebrow. “Maybe you should talk about him? If not with me or Harry or Louis, then definitely with her. With someone else who was close to him?”

Zayn appreciated that Niall didn’t use Liam’s name.

“Hell, you could even come up to the ACC sometime and just talk about it with his dog. Loki’s been starving for attention these past months. Rufus and Tiger, too. But you know, Loki’s always had someone to take care of him. He misses him too.”

People were moving all around their table, getting up to pass their trays through the window and head to their jobs. Zayn stayed rooted to his seat, his mind suddenly lost in a whirlpool of memories. A phantasmagoria.

Moments from before. Flashes of Liam crouched beside Loki. Liam laughing as his dog licked over his face. Liam sitting across from Zayn and Rufus with Loki sleeping in his lap. Liam laying in his bed, peeking over at Zayn from behind a comic book that had Loki illustrated on the page.

“Zee?” A warm hand covered Zayn’s, pulling him back out of his mind. “Where’d you go?”

Zayn shrugged. “Sorry.” He glanced around, finally taking notice of the empty tables all around them. “I should get down to the library. Karen’ll wonder where I am.” He scrambled to his feet, knocking over half of the dishes on the tray as he hurried to carry it over to the window.

Down in the library, it was silent. No one was there. There was no sound of rustling pages or gasps at plot twists. There was no hint at Karen shut away in her office, probably poring over the photo albums Zayn had seen her smuggling in there.

He took his seat behind the desk, and settled in for a long day of waiting for the end.

/\/\

\/\/

Karen let him off early. No one came to read books that day. At all. Even the children left immediately after their classes ended. The little ones didn’t hang around for Story Time.

Zayn descended to the E-Level, unsure what he was hoping to find.

He considered stopping in to get another tattoo, until he realized he didn’t know what he wanted or if he even wanted another tattoo. And then he remembered that Andy worked there and he’d rather not be reminded of Liam yet again that day.

In the end, someone else decided for him.

“Oh, dear, look at you!” Cried a voice behind him as he slowly climbed down the stairs.

Caroline, the stylist, was walking behind him, an empty bag in one hand. She had a look on her face that Zayn wasn’t too fond of: pity.

“Dear, you’ve got to come with me. Have you seen the state of your clothes lately? No offense, love, but they’re covered in paint and I don’t even know what that is.” She grabbed Zayn’s arm as she hurried past him, dragging him along down the rest of the stairs and over to her little shop.

The store was much brighter than Zayn felt like dealing with, and Caroline, along with her hair-cutting friend Lou, were much more cheerful than he liked either.

Both of the women moved around Zayn like sharks, looking him up and down, touching the sleeve of his jacket, the curl of his hair where it’d grown longer in the back. They both sighed at him and frowned and pouted.

Eventually Caroline walked off, disappearing into the clothing racks. Lou stood at his side, still appraising him with her arms crossed in front of her.

“You could use a trim, you know.” She reached out again to touch his hair but Zayn leaned away.

“I think you should keep your hands to yourself.” He couldn’t help the growl as he stomped off to see where Caroline had gone.

Lou’s words echoed around Zayn’s mind nevertheless, even long after he’d left the company of the two women.

/\/\

\/\/

“I had no clue that you could make so many meals out of left over grilled chicken.” Harry grinned as he dug into the meal of the night. “And Barbara sent me up to level one to pick these vegetables myself. Picked with love and care from yours truly. Enjoy.”

“In that case,” Louis grimaced and pushed his chicken potpie away. “Only Niall wants your gross love, Styles. He can keep it.”

Harry laughed and threw an arm over the back of Louis’s chair. “Aw, Louis, come here.” He puckered his lips and leaned in, going for the cheek, but Louis was having none of it. The elder boy raised his hands and pushed at Harry’s face, giggling like mad the whole time. Niall laughed with his mouth full of the food.

Zayn rolled his eyes and stabbed at the crust.

It’s not that he didn’t think the situation was funny, he just wasn’t ever in the mood to laugh anymore. And it wasn’t just that, but he wasn’t hungry for the food. No amount of Harry’s love could make him taste flavor in any food anymore.

“Hey,” Louis suddenly nudged Zayn with a sharp elbow in the side. “You coming to stay at mine tonight? Give the love birds their privacy?”

“Sure,” Zayn shrugged. “Could go back to mine though, couldn’t I?” Even as he said the words, his hand shook. Minutely. Just enough that it caught the older boy’s attention.

Louis shook his head. “Nah, mate, you’re staying with me tonight. ‘s been a while.” He drew an arm around the back of Zayn’s chair, scooting himself closer as he did.

Zayn glanced over at Louis, and found that those glacier eyes had melted to a Caribbean blue. “Yeah. ‘course, Lou.”

It didn’t take long after that for Niall and Harry to disappear from the table, their hands intertwined as they whispered and giggled their way down to bed.

Lou’s sisters were all sat at different tables with their friends, so the departure of the two boys left Zayn alone with Louis.

“Are you gonna eat, or just stare at that plate of food like you’ve just seen it come straight from a pig’s arse?” Louis asked him, raising his eyebrows when Zayn glanced his way again. “You need to eat. Don’t think we haven’t noticed how thin you’ve gotten ever since he left.”

Zayn shifted and Louis leaned away. Zayn froze.

He’d seen, there in Louis’s eyes, a flicker of fear, and it was then that Zayn realized that Louis had thought Zayn was about to slap him again.

“Lou-“

“Just eat, Zayn. Honestly, I know Harry’s love doesn’t sound like the most appetizing ingredient, but it is actually really delicious. And I will force feed you if that’s what it comes to.” A daring glint in his eyes gave Zayn no doubt that he would make good on that threat.

Zayn did as he was told, scooping forkful after forkful of chicken potpie into his mouth. When about half of his plate was emptied, Louis seemed satisfied.

They walked all the way down to Louis’s family’s room in companionable silence, which was all but shattered when Louis opened the door and led Zayn inside.

For one, the twins were bouncing around on Lottie’s bed, singing and shrieking and laughing. Lottie was lecturing them, trying to get them off of her bed without using force. Fizzy was sitting in a chair next to the boy Zayn assumed was her boyfriend, seeing as they were making googly eyes at each other (which felt like a punch in the stomach for him).

Louis quickly took control of the situation.

“Daisy, Pheebs! Get off the bed or else I’ll force you to come straight back here after school for the next two weeks!” His voice shifted immediately from Louis-Zayn’s-mate to Louis-in-charge. “Lottie, I’ve told you repeatedly, just threaten them instead of lecturing them.” She rolled her eyes, but Louis was already turning away. “Fizzy – no boys after dinner. You know that rule.” She opened her mouth to argue, but the boy was already out of his chair and heading for the door, clearly too scared of Louis to risk staying.

_Wise choice,_ Zayn thought. And then the boy turned around and pulled Fizzy in for a long kiss. The twins started shrieking again, Lottie turned away and caught Zayn’s gaze to roll her eyes. Louis grabbed the boy’s sleeve and hauled him out the door, leaving a grinning Felicite Tomlinson in his wake.

The door swung shut behind Louis.

“Well, that was interesting,” Lottie sighed, dropping down onto her bed. “How much do you think Lou’ll get mad when he comes back and actually realizes that I’ve dyed me hair?” She flipped her hair over her shoulder, and Zayn realized that it had a light pink sheen to it that was almost unnoticeable.

“Oooooh!” One of the twins laughed.

Zayn sat down in one of the free chairs. “Did Lou down in the shop do your hair like that?” He asked.

“No way.” She snorted and twisted the hair into one rope over her shoulder. “Did it myself, didn’t I? Lou trained me a bit earlier this year, and she let me borrow the dye to do it. Why?”

“No reason.” Zayn shrugged. And then, “Actually...”

Apparently Louis had walked Fizzy’s boyfriend back to his own door and warned his parents that their son was a dangerous boy who had just _kissed_ Louis’s sister after Louis had asked him to leave. That led to a difference in opinions in which Louis had to set them straight.

He didn’t get back to his room for another hour.

By that time, Lottie had already gone down to Lou’s shop, gotten some hair dye, come back up to the room, and got to work on Zayn’s hair, much to the amusement of the other Tomlinson girls.

Louis walked in just as Lottie was about to do the big reveal.

“What the hell, Zayn? Lottie, what have you done to him?” He walked quickly across the room to the seat Zayn sat in, a towel wrapped around his head.

“Relax, big brother.” She sighed, unraveling the towel.

“Yeah, Louis.” Zayn mumbled. “I wanted a new look, like she has.”

Louis swore then as he noticed the pink cast to his sister’s hair. But then the towel fell completely off of Zayn’s head and Louis went quiet.

“Oh.” Lottie took a step around in front of Zayn to stand next to her brother. Both of them cocked their heads to the side as they took in the sight of Zayn.

“What?” He felt a bubble of panic and regret forming in his belly. “What? Why’re you looking at me that way?”

Lottie opened her mouth and closed it. Then turned her head to the other side, “Well, it’s not exactly the shade we were going for.”

Zayn looked to Louis. The bastard was smiling and failing to hide it. He pushed out of his chair towards the bathroom, aiming straight for the mirror.

“Oh,” Zayn stared at his reflection. It definitely wasn’t what he’d been expecting. For one, it was orange. “Lottie, I thought you said you knew what you were doing?” He asked.

“I do! Well, I thought I did.” She appeared in the doorway behind him. “Sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, you still look really hot with that obnoxious orange color.”

“Except that your head looks like it’s on fire.” Louis laughed, squeezing in past Lottie to throw his arm over Zayn’s shoulder.

Zayn broke, the first grin his face had known in months curled up around the edges, stretching his cheeks. And he laughed, genuinely laughed for the first time since before Liam’s sentencing. He leaned against Louis, burying his face in the other man’s shoulder, shaking with laughter.

/\/\

\/\/

_Liam was sitting with him under a tree. Not their willow tree, but a different one that was taller and cast less of a shadow. Zayn had his back pressed to Liam’s chest, fingers tangled together on his thigh. Liam dropped kisses like fire along Zayn’s shoulder, the slope of his neck, his cheek._

_“You’re beautiful.” Liam whispered in between kisses. “You’re on fire.” He nuzzled into the dip between Zayn’s shoulder and neck. “You’re on fire. Your hair, Zee – “_

Zayn startled awake, hands reaching for his hair before he was even fully conscious. Dream-Liam’s words echoed in his mind and he was ready to put out the flames.

Louis snored next to him in the bed, curled around his pillow and hogging all of the blankets. Zayn remembered where he was, what he’d done the night before in dyeing his hair.

“Your hair’s on fire,” he snorted to himself, rolling over with his back to Louis. “Very funny, Liam.” His heavy eyes fell, and he succumbed to the spell of a dreamless sleep.

/\/\

\/\/

Niall guffawed. He actually guffawed as if he was the pure definition of it. “Your hair!” He doubled ever, slapping his knee, with Harry as his only support. Zayn was very tempted to push the chuckling Harry over as punishment for both of them.

“Aw, c’mon guys, give the lad a break.” Louis was smirking at Zayn’s side.

Half of the cafeteria was looking at him. _Again,_ a voice in the back of his head reminded him. He ducked his head, thankful that he didn’t visibly blush as he made his way over towards the line. He just wanted to eat; he was starving and Barbara had made fluffy waffles for breakfast.

His friends – maybe _ex-_ friends – filed into line behind him, still laughing at his expense. Self-consciously, he lifted a hand to run through his ridiculous orange locks.

“You joined the club!” Jade appeared suddenly at his elbow, squeezing into line in front of him. “I mean, that’s not a color I’d’ve chosen for you, but you’re making it look really good, Zayn.” She grinned and grabbed a tray.

“It was an accident. Meant to go blond.” He admitted, ignoring the hoot of laughter from Niall. “I let Louis’s sister do it, though, and that’s where I went wrong.”

Jade laughed quietly, “Well, if it makes you feel any better –“

“I still make it look hot?” Zayn interjected with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I was going to say that orange was Liam’s favorite color.” She shrugged and stepped forward in the line, handing her tray over to the worker. “He’d think that this whole situation was really funny; probably think that you did it to impress him or something.”

He hummed out a noise even though it felt like a fist had him by the heart, and it was squeezing tighter and tighter.

“Yeah, he would, wouldn’t he?” He said before he shut down, tuning out the rest of the world. The rest of breakfast had him slipping back down that slope he thought he’d climbed out of last night. It turns out he’d only just made it over the lip of his grief, but now it had hold of him again and was dragging him back inside the gaping black maw.

/\/\

\/\/

Once again the library was empty all day, even after school. The kids filed out of their classrooms and down to the dorms as if they were required to by law.

“Karen,” Zayn called once the last of them had disappeared down to the next level. “Karen, hey!”

The older woman peered out of her office, eyes squinty and reddish. “I’m sorry. Did you need something, Zayn?” She sniffled, and he immediately felt bad for calling her away from a session of grieving.

“I, uh, there’s no one here. Again.” Zayn gestured out over the emptiness. “Do you think maybe we should do something about that? Soon?”

Karen came the rest of the way out of her office. “Probably. We used to have days of no rest, didn’t we?” She smiled weakly. “Maybe we should, I don’t know, ask the Warden for permission to have a party or something.”

“Could we have a movie night for the kids or summat?” Zayn suggested, feeling a fist around his heart again at the memory of his first date with Liam.

“Actually,” Karen straightened up a bit. “I do have an old cinema’s movie projector and some films stored away down in the storage rooms.” She smiled at Zayn. “I’ll have to check what films they are, and see if any are appropriate for children to view, but that’s a wonderful idea, Zayn.”

“I’ve been known to have some of those,” he smiled, reaching over to pull her in for a hug. “It’s about time we bring some fun stuff back into our library, yeah?”

Karen sniffled into his shoulder, “Yes. I think you’re right, Zayn.”

She shuffled off towards the stairs down to the dorms, likely to ask the Warden for permission, and Zayn stayed at his station. Since no one would be coming into the library to ask him any librarian questions, Zayn pulled out a scrap of paper and a pencil.

As he doodled on the page, a few things began to take shape. One was a feather – tiny and light and too familiar – another was a random snake, coiled tightly around nothing. He went into detail, sketching scales and patterns –

“Zayn!” A voice called, snapping his attention away from his work. It was Louis, standing at a classroom door. “C’mon, you’ve got an art class to instruct.” He waved him over.

The kids seemed more rambunctious than usual, when he walked through the doorway. For one, the troublemaker Nathan was trying to climb up one of the art supply shelves at the back of the room, two other boys helping boost him up to the top.

“Nathan, get off of that before you break your neck.” Zayn walked across the room to sit on the surface of the teacher’s desk. “We’re going to be drawing animals today. Any animal you want. You can even make one up if you like, and before class is over, you should make up a story to go along with it.” He told them, watching as the eyes of a few of the kids lit up.

He left Louis to supervise while he went back out to the library to fetch a few of the animal books from the kids corner. Books on pandas and dragons and tigers and dogs.

All of the kids flocked towards him when he came back. Louis was standing behind the teacher’s desk, sketching on the chalk board.

“Mr. Malik,” one girl called, “Can I draw an abominable snowman? My mum read me a story about the abominable snowman last night. Is it true that there’s some of them out there?” Her eyes went wide and Zayn almost smiled.

“I’m sure there are. I never saw any when I was out there, but they’re probably just not in this area of the country.” He told her. “You can draw one. Do you know what they look like?”

She nodded. “Yes! They’re very tall and covered in white fur. And they’ve got claws! As big as your arms!” Her cheeks went pink as she grew more passionate about the topic, rambling off into the details of the story she’d been told the night before.

Zayn nodded along, listening to her telling him all about he very real Abominable Snowman. She was drawing as she talked, and after a bit, Zayn just drifted off to his favorite dream land.

It was Louis that eventually brought him out of it. “Mate, the class is almost over, did you want them to tell you their stories they’ve made up about their drawings?” He curled a hand over Zayn’s shoulder, squeezing.

“Yeah. Right.” Zayn cleared his throat and stood up, pacing towards the front of the classroom. “Each of you can come up to my desk and tell me your story as soon as you’ve finished.”

The kids scrambled up to the front, forming a line, eager to share their stories.

/\/\

\/\/

Zayn went down to see Lou the hairstylist in the break he had between class and dinner. The flames of hair on his head were something he was ready to get rid of as soon as possible – he was already tired of the weird looks.

She took one look at him and burst into laughter, as did Caroline who was standing nearby.

“Oh, dear, we’ll sort you out.” Lou laughed, wiping under her eyes as she gestured at a seat in front of the mirror. “Did Lottie do this to you? That girl. I told her that it’s difficult to bleach black hair to blond when she came down for the stuff.” She shook her head and reached for his hair.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Caroline settling down into the next chair, spinning around as she observed.

“I’ve got some good news and some bad news.” Lou said after a moment. “Which do you want first?”

“Bad,” Zayn grunted, folding his arms over his chest.

Lou spun his chair around so that he was facing her. “Right, so, bad news: I’m not going to bleach your hair any more today because I don’t want to ruin it. Good news, we can buzz it off. Lucky for you, Lottie didn’t really get it all the way down to your roots.”

Zayn sighed, turning around to look at his reflection. While he definitely hated the orange color of his hair, he didn’t know how he’d feel about basically having no hair. He couldn’t remember the last time his hair had been a buzzcut; out there he’d had as much hair as he needed to keep his head warm at all times.

_But you’re in Holdon now, you’re safe from the cold,_ a voice whispered. Zayn caught Lou’s eyes in the mirror. “Alright, buzz it off.”

/\/\

\/\/

Niall couldn’t keep his hands off of Zayn’s head. All throughout dinner, he kept one hand rubbing over the prickly short hairs, giggling and telling Zayn how he looked like a little fuzzy duck baby.

“It’s a compliment, I swear!” Niall laughed, not bothering to remove his hand from Zayn’s head even when Harry glared and fussed. “How many times are you going to change your hair this week? It’s already been twice today.” He grinned and ran his hand over the fuzz one last time before Zayn smacked his hand away.

“Not much else I can do with it now, is there?” He stared down at his plate, self-consciously running his own hand over his hair. “It’s weird having it this short though. Lou said that I can come back next week and she’ll fix up the spots that are a little browner than the rest.”

Louis snorted. “That’s what you get for letting me sister bleach your hair.” He rolled his eyes and dug his fork into the chicken parmesan on his plate. “You coming back to mine tonight?” He flicked his gaze up at Zayn briefly.

Zayn thought about it. He hated staying the night alone in the dorm. It felt too empty - not that he wanted anyone else to move in and fill in the other side of the room – and sometimes late at night when he stumbled out of sleep, he could still imagine the shape of Liam on the bed across the room. It was better if he didn’t go back there.

And yet...

“No, I think I should stay in my room.” He looked down at his plate, scooting the food around with his fork. “Like you’ve been saying, Louis, it’s been three months. I think it’s high time I start sleeping in my own bed again.” He bit his bottom lip. “I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”

A muffled sound from across the table made him look up. Harry was staring straight at him, “Are you sure, Zayn? You don’t have to stay by yourself.”

Zayn shook his head, “I’ll be fine.” As Harry opened his mouth again, Zayn hurried to tease, “We’ll have to reschedule the threesome for some other night.”

Louis let out a loud peal of laughter. Zayn grinned mischievously. Niall and Harry both stared at Zayn with wide eyes and dropped jaws, stricken speechless at the words that had just left his mouth.

“Zayn Malik!” Niall gasped, horrified, standing up to round the table and fall into Harry’s lap.

Louis bumped his fist against Zayn’s at the same time as Harry said, “He’s definitely feeling better. And never invited back to our room, Niall.”

/\/\

\/\/

_The dream weighed heavy on him, heavy but soft like a dense fog that slowly cleared away. It was morning. Zayn didn’t know how he knew that, but he did. Pale sunlight, soft gold filtered hazily through the fog that surrounded him, pressed in on him from all sides._

_“Zayn?” The voice echoed through the fog coming from all directions and no direction at the same time. “Zayn? Are you lost?”_

_There was a laugh to his right, a familiar laugh that made his dream heart leap in his chest with bruising strength. A hand, burning hot as the sun, closed around his and tugged. He felt like he should follow it, go along with the pull of his hand and his heart._

_“Zayn!”_

The lights were buzzing overhead already when Zayn jolted awake. He was curled up on his side, staring straight ahead at the vacant half of the room. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Liam had just been there, that the other man had just walked out the door of the dorm to begin his day.

Zayn shook himself, as if to get rid of the last dregs of that dream fog, and then he ducked into the bathroom for a quick shower.

As the steam swirled around in the bathroom, clouding over the mirror and moving around in thick whirls, Zayn thought back to the already faded dream. It was weird. He’d felt like he was actually there – wherever there was – wrapped in the fog with the haze of morning sunlight pouring in.

He dried off quickly and dressed in the first things his hands found. His stomach rumbled as he took the stairs two at a time up to the cafeteria.

It must’ve been early still, he realized as he walked in and found that there were only a handful of people sitting at the tables, and the caf workers were still moving around in the kitchen finishing last minute breakfasts.

Barbara was shouting at someone, waving a spatula around, and Zayn caught sight of Harry running around, weaving between several other workers, with a tray in his hands. He vanished behind a shelf.

“One coffee please,” Zayn told the tired woman who stood beside the coffee machine. She quickly filled a cup for him, accepting his payment in the next instant.

He sipped at the drink as he sat by himself, waiting for the meal to actually be served. Several more people filed into the room, chatting amongst themselves.

“Mind if I have a sip?” Jade appeared out of nowhere, plucking the coffee out of his hands and drinking out of it before he had the chance to answer. She grinned as she handed it back, “Tasty. Mind if I join you?”

“It’s a bit too late to ask that, isn’t it.” Zayn glanced down towards the seat she’d made herself at home in.

She shrugged. “Yeah, wasn’t really asking anyway.” Her big brown eyes suddenly were focused right on him, her pink bottom lip was tucked under her front teeth. He blinked at her, maintaining the eyecontact even as he pulled his coffee cup up to his mouth.

The coffee had grown cold, and the lip of the cup was tacky with Jade’s lipgloss. Zayn swallowed it down anyway. “Can I ask what you sat here for?”

“I want to talk about Liam.” She replied bluntly.

“What about him?”

Jade shrugged. “Dunno. Was hoping you’d have some ideas.” She fiddled with the hem of her shirt. “I just – There are so many thoughts and memories I have of him, worries too, and I just feel like I have to talk about them with someone or else I’ll combust.” She glanced down at her lap.

“I get that. Yeah, like, I dunno.” Zayn bit his lip, feeling like all of the words he wanted to say were jumbling up on his tongue. “I mean, like, obviously I have a lot of emotions about him, and memories and stuff probably play some role in the dreams I’ve been having because they sure aren’t fucking normal dreams.” He let out a humorless laugh and scratched his fingers over his buzzed hair.

“What kind of dreams?” Jade asked, then – “Wait, um, no, nevermind you don’t have to tell me.” Her cheeks went a pretty shade of pink and Zayn actually laughed.

He shook his head at her. “Not dirty dreams, Jade. Weird ones where there’s like snow or fog or, I dunno. Half of the time in the dreams I don’t even know he’s there; he’s just a disembodied voice or something.” Zayn shrugged again, spinning the coffee cup around on the table.

“Maybe those dreams just mean that you still feel close to him even though you don’t know where he is.” Jade suggested.

“Yeah, maybe.” Zayn bit his lip and fell silent.

A moment or two of silence passed between them; Jade kept brushing her hair over her shoulder, behind her ear, twisting it around.

Barbara’s shout of “Breakfast’s served!” is what ended the quiet. Jade hurried off to the line, Zayn lingered at the table, hoping for a few moments to put several people between him and the other girl. Her desire for conversation about Liam had touched a nerve that Zayn would rather leave dusty and forgotten in a corner.

Lucky for him, she seemed to vanish as soon as she received her meal, and he returned to his lonely table, lost in the ocean of memories she’d thrown him into.

/\/\

\/\/

He was back in Karen’s office for the first time since he and Liam’s date there.

She’d invited him into the room, gestured for him to take a seat on the sofa (which he did with a blush as he remembered the last time he’d been sat on it), and pointed at a stack of weird circular canisters on the floor.

“These are the only films I could find down in storage.” Karen was wringing her hands in front of her, a nervous smile twisting her lips. Zayn noticed that her eyes looked clearer than they’d been since before Liam’s arrest. This was a great distraction for her.

Zayn looked over the titles. _Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Men in Black, Anastasia, The Little Mermaid,_ and more names.

“What do you think?” Karen bounced in her spot, reminding Zayn so much of Liam that he had to pause, close his eyes, and take a breath before he could answer her.

“I think they’ve all got interesting titles. Don’t know much about any of them, though.”

“Oh, right!”

She set off into a long rambling summary of each of the movie’s for him, telling him the basic characters and plot, if the film was really suitable for kids of all ages, which she thought were the most interesting ones, and so on. By the time that she was done, Zayn was decided on which one he wanted to see most.

“Oh, good! That used to be one of Liam’s favorites.” She sniffled as she said her son’s name. Zayn’s heart lurched in his chest. “It was a popular one back before all of this. I’m sure there’ll be a turnout for it. This was a good plan.” Karen patted a hand on Zayn’s shoulder, squeezing comfortingly.

Whether it was comfort for him or her, Zayn couldn’t be sure.

/\/\

\/\/

It was that evening at dinner that Karen began to advertise the movie night. She’d told Zayn earlier in the day that The Warden had approved the idea for the end of the week, so there were four days to promote the event, to get Barbara to hopefully provide snacks, and to find someone to help move chairs or comfy sofas up to the library where the movie would be shown.

Zayn watched the older woman float around from table to table, telling everyone about the movie, about the plans.

He could only hope that the evening would be a success, that the citizens of Holdon would once again visit the library from time to time, if only to relieve him of the dreadful boredom their absence provided.

Karen drifted from one side of room to the other, Zayn watching the whole way. He didn’t even pay any attention to his friends or the plate of food in front of him. Not until a particularly rough nudge from Harry brought his attention to the curly-haired man.

Niall was hanging off Harry’s shoulder, eyes wide and mouth open in laughter at whatever thing Louis had just said. Harry’s eyes were stuck on Zayn though, a deep frown line had appeared between his brows and his lips were drawn.

For as much as they took the piss out of each other, Harry’s concern was a near constant since –

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Harry asked. “You’ve not even touched it.”

“I’m just not very hungry, Harry.” Zayn shrugged, looking down at the plate. Really, the pile of beef and noodles looked as appetizing as dog vomit, which is to say, not at all appetizing.

Their brief words had drawn the attention of the other two boys. “You really should eat something, Zee.” Niall reached across the table to brush his fingers across the very tips of Zayn’s. “You look really thin. If I didn’t know better I’d think that you’ve not eaten properly in weeks. Last time you looked like this was back before Holdon.”

Zayn shook his head. “I’m just not hungry for this. No offense, Harry, but this literally looks like shit.” He picked up his fork only to prod at the mass of brown noodles. “I promise, Ni,” He caught the gaze of the blonde. “If there was anything else on this plate, I’d be eating it.”

The other three boys gave him a look as if they didn’t really believe him. He dropped his gaze to the meal.

“To change the topic,” He sighed, hoping that his diversionary tactic would work. “Karen and I are putting on a movie night in the library on Friday night. We’re gonna try to get snacks and comfy chairs and a bunch of people there to watch an old movie that she found down in storage. You all want to come?”

The following chorus of “Yeah”s and “Of course”s were all Zayn needed to put his mind back at ease. The movie night wouldn’t be a failure as long as he had those three there.

/\/\

\/\/

Harry, with all of his lanky limbs, had somehow fit himself onto Niall’s lap, and was in the process of consuming Niall’s face whole when Zayn and Louis walked up to the back of the library where the movie screen was set up.

“Do you mind? This is a public area. Children walk through here.” Zayn slapped the back of Harry’s head lightly before dropping down into the seat beside the two snogging boys. Harry pulled away from Niall, a disgusting string of drool connecting their mouths.

He snarled at Zayn, “Do _you_ mind? We were actually enjoying ourselves.”

“A bit too much, maybe.” Louis commented, nodding at the boys’ laps.

Niall clenched his fists in the back of Harry’s shirt to keep his boyfriend from climbing off his lap. “Relax, Harry. They’re only teasing. Neither of them has anyone to get off with.” He stuck his tongue out at the two older boys before he pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s cheek.

Louis immediately shot another comment at them, one about himself being able to catch any one of the ladies in the facility.

Zayn left the three of them to it, choosing instead to get locked onto Niall’s careless words. It was true. He didn’t have anyone to get off with. Not anymore. He bit his lip and tangled his fingers in his lap, staring down at them until he noticed the room had fallen silent.

“Zee,” Niall reached over to pinch at Zayn’s nipple with a soft smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said.”

“You’re fine, Nialler. I know what you meant.” He offered a small smile, and shrugged the other’s hand off. “When’s everyone else going to show up?” He stood up from his seat and began to pace around in front of the screen.

“They’ll be here, mate. Sit down.” Louis grabbed onto the leg of Zayn’s jeans and tugged. He had no choice but to obey.

There were a few more people coming up from the dormitory stairs, a pile of snacks leaned against a bookshelf, and there were pillows and blankets and a few sofas in the back of the area. Zayn let himself relax, leaning back against Louis who was chattering away with Niall and Harry who were still tangled together and making disgustingly mushy heart-eyes at each other.

Karen appeared not even ten minutes later, out of breath and smiling. “I’ve got the film all set up. It’ll start in twenty minutes which should be plenty of time for other people to arrive.” She scanned over the crowd that had filled in behind where Zayn and the boys were sprawled.

“Of course, Karen. Tonight’ll be good,” He reassured her. “Go find a comfortable seat.” She squeezed Zayn’s hand putting on a tearful smile as she moved away to go find her daughter and her husband.

 

Blue letters filled up a black screen.

“A long time ago in a galaxy far away...”

The movie began and Zayn curled up on himself, resting his head against the soft cushion of Louis’s belly.

/\/\

\/\/

That night he dreamed of Liam as he lay across the spare bed in Niall and Harry’s bedroom.

_He dreamed that he was drifting through space in a ship a lot like the Millennium Falcon, and when he landed on a planet, he stepped out of the ship into a large grassy plain. The grass was tall and swayed around Zayn’s hips, tickling the palms of his hands._

_Liam appeared out of nowhere. One second Zayn had been alone in the massive field. Then Liam was beside him, sliding his fingers into the spaces between Zayn’s. He was warm and soft and felt so familiar, and he was laughing a melody that floated away on the breeze. Zayn’s heart lurched and clenched because even in this dream, he knew that this wouldn’t last that soon Liam would be gone from him, and he’d be alone in the vast grass again._

_“Don’t miss me, Zee.” Liam whispered as he kissed Zayn’s cheek. “Come find me.”_

_Zayn watched as Liam sunk down into the grass, crushing the blades, and leaving a trail behind as he made his way towards the southern horizon._

He woke up abruptly, energized by the urge to leap out of bed and escape into the cold world outside of Holdon’s safe walls. Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths, reminded himself that it had only been a dream, that he had no clue where Liam had gone, and it would be ridiculous to go out there and find him.

_But, what if?_ another voice whispered in his mind.

Zayn looked over at the other bed. Harry was laying half on top of Niall, snoring loudly, and completely naked. Zayn rolled back over and closed his eyes. It was far too early to be seeing Harry’s naked bottom.

One of the boys made a sound and Zayn chanced a glance over at them. Niall was shifting around, squirming underneath the weight of his boyfriend. Zayn watched as Niall reached up to pull the sheet back over Harry, and then he moved his hand up to Harry’s hair.

“Hey,” he whispered softly, tangling his fingers into the long locks. “Harry, baby.” He combed through his hair so tenderly. Zayn’s chest ached, the longing for Liam from moments ago flared up even stronger.

“Hmmm?” Harry didn’t move at all.

Niall laughed, “Harry, wake up.” There was the soft sound of a kiss followed by the oddly familiar sound of Harry’s soft whine. The lankier of the two boys moved his arm, reaching for Niall’s hand and entwining their fingers.

“Shh, Niall. Go back t’sleep.” Harry mumbled, resuming his obnoxious snoring almost instantly.

That’s when Niall looked over at Zayn’s bed and realized he was awake.

“Morning.”

“G’morning.” Zayn yawned and stretched his arms overhead.

Niall cocked an eyebrow at him, “You’ve really got to do something about your hair, Zee. It looks silly with those little orange splats.” He giggled and Zayn ran a hand over his buzzed head.

“Maybe I’ll go talk to the stylist about it later. I’m hoping I’ll be too busy at the library today to go anywhere else.” He crawled out of the bed, casting a wary eye at where Harry’s hairy leg was sticking out from under the sheets. “Can you not go one night without getting each other off while I’m in the room? Or at least ask me to join in.” He teased.

The other man grinned, “Maybe next time, babe.”

Zayn left the room a minute later, briefly returning to his own room to shower and dress in some new clothes before heading up to the cafeteria.

Again, Jade was in there, her hair tied up and glasses sitting low on her nose as she read a book and sipped at a coffee. Zayn sat down beside her and stole the cup, taking a quick gulp of the drink before handing it back with a grin.

“I had another dream about him last night,” He blurted to her before she could scowl at him for taking her coffee. “He told me not to miss him, to find him instead. Then he left me, and there was a trail behind him.”

Jade sat her book down. “I’m not a dream expert, Zayn.”

“I know.”

“That being said, I think you should do what you think is right. Whether that be that you think that a dream is just a dream and it’s just your subconscious telling you that you shouldn’t have let him go, or if you think that a dream is a message from the universe or something and it’s trying to get you back to him.” She shrugged.

He frowned, “That’s not very helpful.”

“That’s never what I said I’d be.” She smiled and twisted a strand of her hair around her finger. “I’m thinking of dyeing my hair again, what color do you think?”

That’s how, several hours later, Zayn and Jade found themselves side by side, leaning over Lou the stylist’s dye collection. It was a dwindling collection, and she complained about that as the two of them deliberated.

Now that Zayn was standing there in front of the variety, he didn’t think he wanted to dye his odd orange spots back to normal black; he kind of wanted to bleach the whole thing to blonde or platinum. Jade was in agreement.

“I can do that, but you’ll have to come in for touchups all the time otherwise your roots’ll be showing terribly.” Lou advised him even as she pushed him into a chair and got everything ready.

“I’m fine with that. I’m not going anywhere.” Zayn told her.

Jade decided on a normal shade of a caramel brown, and then took a seat beside Zayn, prepared to spend the next hour or two chatting with Lou and Zayn and Caroline, who had brought her daughter to work with her that day.

Time passed by quickly in the company of the three women, and before he knew it, Lou was revealing his new platinum hair to him.

It looked loads better than the orange had. He thanked her repeatedly and swore to her that he’d never let Lottie touch his hair again. Jade took his seat, and he watched as her purple hair became a gorgeous honey brown.

By the end of that, he was more than ready to drag himself to bed. The library had been just as busy as he and Karen had hoped, and then dinner had been a feast that he’d devoured as flavors burst on his tongue – flavors that he’d not tasted since the early days of the Ice Age when he mother still had an arsenal of spices. Jade babbled away beside Zayn as they climbed the stairs.

Curfew was minutes away, and Zayn was in a good, friendly mood, so he didn’t hesitate to stop the words that seemed to leap off his tongue when they reached the top dorm level. “D’you want to stay at mine tonight?”

He was only being considerate. Jade’s room was up on level one where most of the scientists lived, and she’d never make it there by curfew. He was only being considerate, he repeated to himself.

Jade looked as surprised as Zayn kind of felt. “I – Are you sure?” Her brown eyes grew wider, a sweet smile creeping across her lips. “I don’t want you to –“

“It’s a long walk up to Level One, Jade.” He turned halfway towards the dorms; she was half turned to go up the next flight of stairs. “I’m just trying to be your friend.”

She nodded and slowly moved away from the stairs, inching towards him. “If you’re sure you wouldn’t mind me staying the night.”

Zayn shook his head. “It’ll be fine. I just, you know, don’t think you should have to, like, climb all the way up there, and risk being out after curfew.”

He didn’t miss the blush that stained her cheeks as she walked beside him to the door of his dorm, or the heat of her arm as she brushed against him when she stepped inside.

There was something about the way that Jade’s dark skin looked as she carefully sat down on the edge of Liam’s empty bed, something about the way that the light caught her newly dyed hair. Zayn blinked and turned towards his side of the room.

“Do you want something to, like, change into?” He spoke into his wardrobe, blinking heavily because for a moment he’d seen Liam instead of Jade and that was wrong because Liam was gone and looked nothing really at all like Jade, but fucking hell –

“That’d be nice, yeah,” Jade was suddenly behind him, her warm voice and the soft smell of her perfume enveloped Zayn and he turned around, pushing a clean t-shirt and pair of sweatpants into her arms. “I’ll go change in the bathroom.” She drifted away and he felt like he could breathe again.

“What’s wrong with you?” He whispered, harshly, to himself. Pinching an arm and blinking again to get the haze out of his eyes, Zayn quickly undressed and pulled on another set of a shirt and sweatpants. He was in his bed before Jade could leave the bathroom.

He was curled on one side, his back to that half of the room. He listened as she quietly moved from the doorway to Liam’s bed, and she took her time peeling back the layers of the duvet and the bedsheets. Zayn closed his eyes and felt some part of his heart breaking at the soft creaking sound of the old bedframe as Jade settled into the bed. That was Liam’s bed, and she was the first person to sleep in it since him.

“Goodnight, Zayn.” Her voice was loud in the silence.

Zayn considered responding, giving the same sentiment, but he kept quiet there on his side, squeezing his eyes shut and pretending that the breathing he heard on the other side of the room belonged to a man with golden skin and honey eyes.

Perhaps that’s why he fell into the dream he did, one different from what he’d been having the past few weeks. This one was not so sweet or mystifying as those.

_Zayn fell right into the middle of the dream. He was flat on his back, a cloud underneath him; one fist was tangled in a pillow, the other in curls of dark honey hair. Liam’s body was fit between Zayn’s legs, his hands stroking Zayn’s thighs and hips and belly. Warm lips brushed over the most sensitive skin of Zayn’s dick, breath hot and teasing._

_“Liam!” Zayn cried, “Come on.”_

_The younger man knew he hated teasing, but in the moment Zayn felt like there was something more to the moment. Something more than Liam’s hands and mouth and body between his knees. Something shifted in the dream, though Zayn wasn’t entirely aware yet._

_It was as Liam engulfed Zayn’s cock in the heat of his mouth that the rest of that_ something _became apparent. A second head of honey brown hair appeared, brushing kisses over Zayn’s chest, down his abs, up his throat._

_“Zayn,” Jade murmured, brushing her lips over his chin, ghosting over his lips. “Touch me.”_

_His hand was suddenly releasing the pillow, sliding to cradle Jade’s soft thigh instead. She released a sigh against his lips and he moaned at the suction of Liam’s mouth. Jade’s slick pink lips slid over Zayn’s, pulling his bottom lip into her mouth._

_He whined when Liam pulled off and then Jade moved away, leaving him cold. It was when Jade crawled back over him, straddling his hips and taking his hard cock into her hand, that he felt the heat flood back into him. Liam positioned himself beside Zayn’s head, and the elder boy didn’t hesitate to take him into his mouth. Jade sank down on him and Zayn rolled his hips into her, groaning around his boyfriend’s shaft._

Something jerked Zayn out of the dream, and suddenly he was laying on his stomach in his lonely bed. He could feel his dick throbbing, pressing between his body and the bed. _Fuck,_ he rolled his hips down into the mattress to relieve a bit of the discomfort, but it was then that he remembered Jade sleeping in the other bed.

Quietly, he rolled over onto his back and glanced over.

He was relieved to find that the other bed was empty, Jade’s clothes were gone, and there was no one in the bathroom. He slipped a hand under the edge of his pants, fitting a hand around his throbbing dick. He bit his lip to muffle a groan as he began to stroke himself, thrusting up into the tight ring of his fingers.

He could still feel the shape of Jade on his body, the taste of Liam on his tongue, the heat of the two of them surrounding him.

Zayn came with a cry, laying there with his chest heaving and his hand covered in his stickiness. He waited a few minutes before jumping into the shower, and washing away the fantasy of the night.

/\/\

\/\/

Zayn avoided Jade. It wasn’t the most difficult thing to do. He just couldn’t go to the cafeteria early in the morning, or at the late end of dinner. He couldn’t really go to certain sections of level one, and every time he saw a flash of anything that could be mistaken as honey brown hair, Zayn turned the other way.

That’s why it was a terrible moment when Niall grabbed his arm one morning after breakfast. “Your beasties miss you; I requested a library book from Karen, so you can come deliver it to me and see them.” He grinned at Zayn as if it was a huge favor, but a pit grew in Zayn’s stomach.

He couldn’t say no, but he didn’t want to accidentally run into Jade.

“Alright.”

“No need to look so constipated about it, Malik.” Louis punched Zayn in the shoulder as Niall walked away. “Why don’t you want to go up there?”

Zayn shook his head and began to head down to the library, but then Louis grabbed his wrist, “Really, Zayn. You’ve been acting weird all week. First you dyed your hair this ridiculous color,” he gestured at the platinum fuzz growing out of Zayn’s head. “And then you aren’t eating hardly. And every time a girl comes near you, you flinch; don’t even think that I haven’t noticed that.”

“I just – something weird happened, okay. I don’t want to tell you any more.” Zayn scuffed the toe of his boot over the floor. “A few weird something’s actually.”

“Well, now you’ve got to tell me.” Louis grinned and dropped Zayn’s wrist in favor of throwing his arm over his shoulders. “I’m intrigued.”

Zayn ducked away. “Later, I’ve got to get to work.”

He heard Louis’s mocking voice all the way down the stairs. He would tell him about the dreams – all of them, maybe – eventually, but not right then. It wasn’t the right time.

There were a few people in the library when he reached the floor. People were browsing the shelves, reading at tables or in the comfier chairs. The door to Karen’s office was open and she was standing at the librarian’s desk with a cup of coffee and that warm motherly smile she’d shown Zayn the first time he met her. A man was checking out a book, talking with her.

As Zayn approached, she smiled at him. “Good morning, Zayn.” She greeted. “I’ve got a book for you to take up to Niall in the ACC.”

He nodded.

“It’s on my desk in the office.”

“I’ll get it.” Zayn walked straight into the office, heading for the desk where a pile of books were sitting. Only one had a note that read “Niall – ACC” and a badge permitting Zayn up to the top level of Holdon.

Just as he was turning to leave the room, the map on the wall caught his eye.

Zayn had noticed the map before. That night of his and Liam’s date, he’d seen it but the date and the other boy had been too distracting for him to get a closer look. Now, though, there was nothing stopping him from examining the world map.

Maybe at one point he’d known something about all of the lands that were shown on the map, but now after sixteen years in a world where all that mattered was the land you could reach in an hour or so, he’d forgotten about all of the rest. He only knew that the country he was from was the relatively small landmass off the bigger continent labeled Europe.

But that’s not what interested him about this map. No, the intriguing part was that this map had hand-labeled parts; they were in Karen’s handwriting.

Across the world, she’d drawn a shaky line above the Equator; it changed distance from the Equator depending on where in the world it was. There were towns marked with names or stars, some circled in red, some with big red X’s through them.

“Zayn?”

Karen was standing in the doorway, a confused frown on her face.

“What’s all this?” He asked, gesturing at the map.

“It’s the world, Zayn.” She came over to stand beside him, and he sighed. She smiled, “It’s some of Geoff’s research. I copied it from maps he keeps up in our living quarters. He used to tell Liam and the girls about all of this. He thinks that it’s not the whole world that’s frozen over, because that didn’t really happen with most of the previous Ice Ages in Earth’s history.

“He says that the ice stops somewhere around the Equator, maybe a bit above that. The Southern hemisphere isn’t as covered in ice as it is up here in the north, but it’s cold and probably overcrowded. He once told me that he thinks that a large percentage of the planet’s population was wiped out by the first string of this Ice Age. It came so suddenly, you know, and that part did cover most of the planet.”

She shrugged and Zayn looked back at the map. “So that line, is that where he thinks the bad snowstorms stop?” He reached out to trace a finger over the line. Karen nodded. “And what are the stars and stuff?” He tapped his finger against one of the labeled small cities in England: Wolverhampton.

“Well, that one is where Liam and his sister’s were born. The others I named are places I’ve lived. The stars are places I always wanted to visit, and those crossed out places are the ones Geoff says are probably entirely wiped out by the storms and everything. The red stars are places that he believes are viable to live in.” She pointed at a small red star across the ocean from England. “This is Holdon.”

Zayn frowned at that. They’d crossed an entire ocean to get to where they were? When had that happened? But that wasn’t the only thing that bothered him about what Karen had just said.

“If there are places out there that aren’t freezing and covered in snow, then why haven’t you lot left?” Zayn asked. “If you could’ve taken your husband and your kids –“ Liam, he really meant, “why wouldn’t you have gone to where you wouldn’t be forced to stay indoors all the time?”

A haze of emotions clouded over Karen’s eyes, and the smile on her lips curled in a sad way. “We serve the best purpose here. Geoff can use the tech here to study everything that’s going on, can run tests to see if there’s a way of reversing it. We’re safe here. Well, we thought all of us were.”

She sniffled.

“I’m sorry.” Zayn stepped closer to wrap the older woman in a hug. “I didn’t mean to, like, be rude.”

“No. It was a decent question. If I would’ve known what would happen to Liam and to Nicola, I would have told my husband that we couldn’t stay. I wish every day that none of my children had ever had to know the cold. The real cold.”

Zayn nodded. He knew the cold. The cold that bit into your bones and seared your skin like the hottest fire. The cold that stripped your family and friends and fears away until the only thing left was the cold and the constant memory of it.

“You should go, Zayn.” Her voice was muffled in his shoulder, and for a moment Zayn was lost in her meaning. _Go? Out there?_ but then he remembered the book in his hand, the one for Niall.

He extracted himself from the hug and climbed all the way up to the ACC, needing the warm comfort of his best friend and his pets to banish the cold that was seeping into him, infecting his blood like a disease.

/\/\

\/\/

He hadn’t seen Jade, but now he was faced with an inquisitive Louis. It was after dinner, and Zayn and the older boy were sitting in Niall and Harry’s room, waiting for the two of them to come down from Harry’s late dish duty.

“So you’re all jumpy and weird because you’re avoiding Jade because you had a sex dream about her?” Louis cocked an eyebrow at Zayn. “What’s the big deal, Malik? The girl fancies you even though she might not say it anymore, and if you think she’s attractive enough to have sexy dreams about her, then why not make a move?”

“It wasn’t just that, Lou.” Zayn sighed, casting a hopeful glance at the door. Maybe Louis would drop the topic when the other two came into the room. The door stayed shut; Zayn elaborated. “Liam was in the dream, too. It was the three of us.”

Louis’s mouth dropped open. “So those jokes you’re always making to annoy Harry about the threesome – that’s, like, a real thing for you, huh? Kinky boy.”

“No,” Zayn pushed at Louis until the elder boy fell over onto the bed. “I mean, something about her that night just seemed more like Liam, so I think that’s why I dreamed about her like that, but, I don’t know. I’ve had a lot of weird dreams about Liam-“

“Ew, I don’t-“

“Not like _that,_ Louis. They’re just weird and confusing but I’ve been talking to Jade about them a bit.” Zayn shook his head and ran his suddenly sweaty palms over his thighs.

Louis opened his mouth, but that’s when the door swung open and the lovebirds walked inside. Niall was frowning and Harry was laughing, his fingers tangled in the back of Niall’s shirt.

“Boys, will you kindly tell Harry to fuck off.” Niall spoke aloud, stepping away from his boyfriend sharply. “This fucker thinks that-“

Instead of listening to the Irishman, Louis cleared his throat, “Actually, young Niall, Zayn was about to tell me about his interesting weird Liam-dreams that he’s been having. Oh, and he had a sexy dream threesome with Liam and Jade, so please lads, sit down, shut up, and let’s all be entertained.”

Zayn frowned. Niall frowned. Harry shook his head, but settled down onto the foot of the bed where Louis had spread his limbs out.

“Fine, whatever. Harry’s just an arse. Go on, Zayn. Let’s hear it.” Niall waved his hands in the air and dramatically flopped backwards onto his and Harry’s otherwise empty bed.

“Well,” Zayn coughed lightly and shifted his weight, nervous about sharing his dreams to his three best friends while they all stared at him. “Well, it started a few weeks back. You know, I’d just been having bad dreams about that first week and stuff. Then, one night it was different and kind of just normal, like, they – the dreams – just started being Liam and I just chilling and stuff, and he’d talk to me. He told me stuff like, he loved me, and, like, ‘come’ but not in, like, the sexual sense.” Zayn rubbed a hand over the back of his head, feeling his face grow warm.

“Just last week I had one where we were in this field or whatever, and then Liam told me to follow him, and then he left me but there was a trail behind him. I dunno. Jade told me that my dreams probably mean something. Like, that I’m meant to go find him or some romantic shit like that.”

Louis sighed. “I would tell you that you should go look for him, since I know that you’re all miserable without him, but we’ve no clue where he is, or – don’t fucking punch me for this, but – if he’s even still alive. So who knows where to start.”

“I actually think I might know where to start,” Zayn mumbled as images of that map down in Karen’s office flashed through his mind. “There’s this map...”

Niall sat up, Harry leaned forward, Louis’s eyes glittered. As he told them about the map, about the things Karen had told him Geoff thought and what the spots on the map meant, Zayn truly began to believe what tale he was spinning.

Karen had said that Geoff used to tell Liam all about his theories. Zayn could easily imagine a younger Liam sitting beside his father, looking over the maps, eyes shimmering with hope of an eternal summer, of actual heat on his skin.

“I would bet anything that Liam knew that map well enough that when he left here, he could have made his way south to where there were places on that map that were without snow and actually warm.” Zayn finished talking, wringing his hands in front of him.

“There are a lot of places to the south, Zee.” Niall spoke up.

The other two boys nodded along in agreement.

“Why would you leave here, Zayn?” Harry asked, his voice low and soft as if he was scared of offending Zayn. “Holdon is safe; it’s warm and there’s food. You don’t realize how big the world is. If Liam’s still out there, there’s a lot of places he could be.”

Zayn shook his head. “I know that. I saw that map, alright, I realize that the planet is huge, but you don’t understand, Harry. Or you, Niall. Or Louis. I can’t stay here. Living a life inside a concrete and snow prison isn’t my idea of life. I want to see something out than ice; I want to know the heat in my bones, not just superficially on my skin. I want to leave and head south and find Liam and know that not everything in life is cold and pain and loss, okay?

“Holdon is all of that for me. The snow and ice is too. I’ve lost too much out there and in here for me to be content with remaining here forever.” Zayn felt his breath shake in his chest, and a shiver rolled down his spine.

Niall pushed out of the bed to wrap his arms around Zayn, to tuck his face into Zayn’s neck. Zayn rested his head down against Niall’s. “I get it, Zee. This place makes me feel claustrophobic too much of the time. The only reason I stay is because of Harry and you and the animals.”

(“Hey!” Louis shouted indignantly. Niall quietly laughed out a “you too, Louis.”)

“You don’t have a plan. You _can’t_ have a plan for heading out there.” Harry stood up as well, brushing his fingers over the back of Niall’s neck while staring into Zayn’s hazel eyes. “If you’re going out there, you have to plan somewhat. And you can’t go alone.”

Zayn’s head snapped up. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’ll go with you. I’ve been out there, made runs in every possible direction, and I’m pretty damn good at navigating. I mean, I did find my way back here in the middle of a snowstorm while I was half-frozen-to-death.” He grinned cockily. “You need me, Zayn. Niall needs you, and I need him, so I think we’re all in this together.”

Creaking and groaning alerted them to Louis leaping off the bed, scrambling into what was quickly becoming a group hug. “Don’t leave me behind. I’m begging you. I’ll go insane here without you lot to keep things interesting.”

“So it’s a plan.” Niall spoke, his voice muffled slightly from where his face was still buried in the heat of Zayn’s neck. “We’re the four amigos, going out into the icy wilderness.”

Zayn snorted, “You guys don’t –“

“We _want_ to.” Niall poked one of Zayn’s nipples, then the next, and then his belly button. “Don’t think you can get rid of us so easily.” He pressed a kiss to the base of Zayn’s throat.

“Alright, alright.” Harry pushed and pulled lightly at Niall, drawing his boyfriend away from the other man’s arms. “So when’re we gonna start planning this thing?”

“Not til morning at least.” Louis groaned. “I, for one, am exhausted and will not hear another word of escape plans until then. Goodnight!” He dragged each of the boys into a tight hug and a slobbery kiss on the cheek before he raced from the room. Zayn followed soon behind.

/\/\

\/\/

_The earth under his feet moved. The air was hot and dry and Zayn’s mouth ached for water. The sun shimmered hot over the sweat of the back in front of him, muscles shifted under burnt pink skin._

_“Zayn,” a voice groaned. “We can’t go on. It’s over. It’s all over.”_

_Zayn felt his bones aching, every cell in his body was screaming in thirst, but he pushed on. He was close he knew it. There was a ridge, and surely, just over that ridge would be...._

_More dry, arid land._

_A heavy hand landed on his shoulder, searingly hot even in this desert heat. “Don’t miss me. Follow me. Follow the stars.” The hand left his shoulder, reaching one finger towards the horizon where the blue sky had grown black and there were sparkles above the earth._

_“Follow the snake in the sky, Zayn.” The voice, so familiar, whispered against his ear. “The snake.”_

_He heard a hissing noise then, and that section of the starry night sky shifted, slithering from the sky down onto the sandy earth, moving like a black river over the hills and ridges towards Zayn._

_It took on the shape of an actual snake; its scales glittered and it loomed up above him, laying him down in its shadow. The wide, fanged mouth open and the snake hissed out his name, “Zayn. Zayn.” He was mesmerized by the movement of light on its scales, of its heavy body swaying back and forth. It hissed again, “Zayn!”_

_It dove towards him, and sunk its venomous fangs into his right shoulder. Digging in deep, deeper, deeper._

Zayn jolted awake.

His room was dark still, but not so dark that he couldn’t make out the shape of the Warden looming over him. Her hand was on his shoulder, gently shaking him.

As if that snake bit from his dream had been real, and as if he were some snake-y form of Spiderman, Zayn felt venom burning through his veins. This woman who stood over him was the reason that he spent his nights twisted up alone in his bedsheets; she was the reason that he hated this place.

He sat up, dislodging her hand from his shoulder. “How can I help you, Warden?” He tried to put as much contempt as possible into his voice, even as he casually reached for a shirt to pull on, and he ran a hand over his hair.

“I thought you just might like to know that we’ve accepted a new citizen into Holdon. He’ll be your new roommate as soon as he’s released from the typical examination at the hospital. Which should be any minute now.” She flicked her hair over her shoulder.

“Why this early?” Zayn gestured up at the ceiling where the lights were still on their lowest setting, just barely providing enough light to see by. “Couldn’t this have at least waited until actual morning?”

The Warden’s lips twisted into a wry smile. The lights buzzed to life, nearly blinding Zayn with their intensity. “No. Anyway, the young man will be here soon. I expect you to be as fully welcoming to him as you would be to anyone, or as anyone should expect you to be.” She began to ramble off into the basic information about him: name, age, the temperament she’d found him to have in their brief chat earlier, etc.

She left before the new boy could arrive. So did Zayn.

He didn’t want a new roommate. Obviously. He wanted to leave, and he didn’t plan to stick around long enough to become buddies with this “Jake” guy that would be moving in.

Zayn headed straight down to Niall and Harry’s room. He didn’t even bother knocking as he barged in and fell face first down onto the spare bed.

“Excuse you, Zayn.” Harry huffed out a breath.

Zayn lifted his head just enough to look over and see the two other men tangled together still. “Nothing I haven’t seen before.” He dropped his head back down to hide in the sheets, trying to ignore the sound of Niall and Harry separating and Harry running away into the bathroom.

“Did you need something, Zee?” Niall asked, and when Zayn looked up this time, the blonde Irishman was sitting cross-legged on his bed, all of the blankets gathered around his waist. “I’m assuming you did, otherwise you wouldn’t’ve come in here this early like that.”

“Warden says ‘m getting a new roommate.” He mumbled. “Can we get out of here as soon as possible, please?”

Niall hummed, “We can try. Harry and I were even talking about this last night after you and Lou left. He says that they’ve still got our ambulance here at Holdon, can you believe that?”

“What?” Zayn thought that the Warden or whoever had left that ambulance out there, but of course it would make more sense to bring it back here. They could scavenge parts or something for it if they needed. “Where?”

“Harry says there’s a garage up there. They’ve got like good snow vehicles. Way better than that ambulance. He thinks that if we be sneaky enough about it, we can smuggle some supplies up there to the garage – like coats and food and stuff – and then we can be on our way by, like, the start of next week.”

Harry popped his head out of the bathroom, the tips of his hair were dripping wet onto his bare chest. “Don’t forget that other thing we were talking about, babe.” The door closed again, and Zayn turned back to Niall with a curious gaze.

Niall sighed, “Harry says that if it’s gonna be me and you and him _and_ Louis, we won’t have as much room as before. We’ll probably have to leave our animals. Or at least some of them.” His bottom lip pouted out pinkly.

“That’s not gonna happen.” Maybe Zayn hadn’t been up to see Rufus or Tiger as much as he should’ve ever since Liam’s banishment, but he refused to leave his animals behind. They deserved to know summer just as much as he did. “I think we can manage enough room for Rufus and Tiger and Frieda and Loki, at least. I’m not leaving Liam’s dog here either.” He shook his head.

The other boy held up his hands. “You don’t have to convince me; I’d take all of the animals in the Center if I could.”

“We can talk it over later,” Harry said, popping out of the bathroom again. Only this time it was all of him, and he was fully nude as he walked across the room to pull his clothes out of his wardrobe. Zayn groaned loudly, cursing Harry who only laughed.

/\/\

\/\/

Somehow Zayn found the time to go down to the E-level in the middle of the day. There was a break in the flow of people through the library, and someone who worked down there had requested a book, so Karen sent Zayn down to deliver it.

As he passed the place where Andy sat, flipping idly through the pages of another outdated magazine, Zayn remembered his dream from the night before. While that snake had been a bizarre manifestation of the Warden, it had been absolutely sick, and it reminded him of the one that he’d been doodling on a scrap piece of paper a few weeks back. One that he coincidentally had tucked in his back pocket.

Zayn dropped the book off to the bored-looking field worker, and he walked back over to Andy’s little tattoo area.

“You’re not busy are you?” He asked, a bit facetiously.

Andy looked up, and when he saw it was Zayn he grinned. “No, not busy at all. Can I help you?”

He took a seat and rolled up the sleeve of his t-shirt, “I’m thinking I want a new tattoo. On my shoulder. Of a snake.”

“You want to sketch this one out for me? Or do you want to look through the design book?” Andy touched the spine of the tattoo design book.

Zayn grinned, “This one I’ve already got sketched out.” He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled it out, handing it over to Andy. “Can you do this?”

“Sure I can.”

And if Zayn was a few hours late getting back to work, Karen didn’t say a thing. She only eyes his bandaged shoulder and let a faint smile slip onto her lips.

The rest of Zayn’s afternoon was much less interesting. For example:

“Do you think it’s the right thing for me to do? To just leave?” Louis confided to Zayn as they sat at the front of the classroom, watching the kids painting watercolors. “I mean, my sisters are old enough to decide if they want to stay or come with us. I don’t want to put any of them at risk to the cold, though. So, I don’t know, maybe they should all stay here. But then what kind of older brother am I? Leaving them all behind to go off and find happiness without them? I’m terrible.”

“You’re not terrible, Louis.” Zayn wiped his thumb over the charcoal sketch he was working on. It was over a desert, probably the same one from his dream. “I think, leaving them here is the safest bet. We don’t know what’ll happen to us out there, so it’s better to not expose them to any of that.”

And then Louis spent the rest of the class time just like that, going back and forth between wanting his sisters to come with them, and wanting them to stay in Holdon.

Even after the class was over and Zayn returned to the librarian’s desk, Louis followed him. Only then he began to tell Zayn that he’d been talking to Harry earlier, and Harry had filled him in on the whole plan of filling the ambulance secretly by using the box that connected the kitchen to Level One.

“He says it’s bigger than a dumb-waiter, but smaller than an elevator, and that I’m probably the only one of us that can fit in it because I’m the smallest. He’s lucky I like Niall enough to not punch his boyfriend for insulting me. And then, Harry, told me that you and Niall think we’re bringing your pets along. Zee, do you even understand how much easier it would be if we didn’t?”

Zayn tuned him out after a bit because as much as Zayn wanted to leave Holdon, the actual planning portion of it wasn’t much of an interest to him. He just wanted to get out.

Interestingly, at dinner that night, it was Jade that had the same feelings about the place.

He and Louis had just sat down at the table with their trays. Niall was probably finishing up in the ACC, Harry was dishing out helpings of broccoli onto trays, and Zayn was really getting tired of listening to Louis babble endlessly about the “escape.”

That’s when Jade appeared, taking the seat beside Zayn.

“Is what Niall told me true?” She asked, not bothering a ‘hello’ or anything. “Is it true that the four of you are leaving Holdon? You’re going to find Liam?”

Her dark brown eyes were searching Zayn’s face and he wished that he could carefully tuck away the part of him that leapt at the sight of the eagerness in her eyes. It reminded him of Liam; _why does she keep reminding me of him? She’s not him!_ He took a bite of a bread roll instead of answering her.

“No!” Louis responded for Zayn. “Why would Niall tell you that, Jade. It’s such an obvious lie. Why do you care?”

“Because,” She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, “I would want to come with you. Liam’s my best friend, and without him here I have absolutely no reason to stay. I would’ve left a long time ago if I thought I could have even lasted a day out there.” She glanced at Zayn whose mouth was finally empty. “Can I come with you?”

Zayn shook his head, “Louis just told you, we’re not going anywhere.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Bullshit. Niall told me that you were, and neither one of you is good at lying. I want in. Let me know how I can help.”

Louis looked at Zayn. Zayn looked at Louis. Jade looked back and forth between both of them. Zayn sighed and turned back to the woman at his side. “Fine, on one condition.”

“Yeah?” She grinned, and her entire face lit up. Zayn didn’t think he’d ever seen her so happy.

“You’re a scientist, so find a way that the five of us, 3 dogs, 1 cat, and all of our supplies can fit into one ambulance.” Zayn took another bite of his dinner. Jade nodded, promising that she could do that.

Louis clapped his hands together. “Perfect. Welcome to the family, Jade.”

/\/\

\/\/

Zayn spent the majority of their last few days sitting down in Karen’s office, looking over the map, memorizing it to his best ability, and listening to Karen tell him stories about Liam. Ever since that movie night they’d hosted, Karen had seemed much better about the absence of her son; she had so many stories to share about Liam, and they made her laugh instead of cry.

While Zayn got to know more about the boyfriend he was going in search of, Jade and Harry and Louis teamed up to smuggle blankets and runner’s clothes and food up into the ambulance.

It wasn’t an easy job for them, and Louis complained about it every day at dinner. Well, he complained about being stuck inside a little elevator, and he also complained about Zayn’s new roommate.

Zayn had been trying his best to ignore the other boy – only coming into the room the minute before curfew and immediately falling asleep – but Louis wasn’t as fortunate. It was his job to help the new boy acclimate to Holdon, which meant that he had to be available all the time (when he wasn’t being lifted up to Level One in an elevator).

Now his nights were spent tossing and turning in bed, pretending that he was asleep so that he wouldn’t have to talk with Jake, and dreaming more weird dreams about Liam.

When the final night came, Zayn found Karen sitting down in the library, checking books out for a few last people.

“Karen, can I talk to you?” Zayn walked up to the desk, and folded his hands in front of him quietly.

She looked up at him, her crinkled eyes going softer when she saw it was him. “Of course, love. Give me a minute.” She turned back to the woman who was waiting at the desk and hurried to finish. A few more people got in the line; Karen smiled at them and told Zayn, “Go ahead into my office. I’ll be in in a minute.”

So Zayn followed her instructions and settled into her office to wait. He took his normal seat in front of the map, scanning over it again, picking up details like big cities below the line Karen had drawn, cities that weren’t X-ed out, cities by a coast because after the dream he’d had the other night –

_Inky black water pooled around his waist, moonlight streaking towards him over the water. Stars and moonlight and clouds floated overhead, but at his side there was a boy with blazing skin and lips soft as petals as they brushed over Zayn’s arms and shoulders and throat. “Come back to shore, Zee. Come back to me. Find me.” Liam kissed him, his mouth tasting sweet and citrusy. And then he was pulling away and swimming away and Zayn was set adrift in the ocean, unable to swim as he sunk into the black, sinking further and further from Liam –_

He awoke gasping for breath. Jake was sitting up with concern in the other bed, but Zayn waved him off as he stumbled into the shower, needing to wash the sweat and lingering fear down the drain.

That dream had left Zayn with an odd tingling feeling and an undeniable sense that Liam was by the coast, somewhere far to the south, somewhere that was as far away from Holdon as possible.

Therefore, while he sat waiting for Karen, he looked at the map, searching for a city that would – _Am I looking for a feeling? A tug in my belly or my heart to jump? God, I’m being ridiculous,_ he thought even as he bit his bottom lip and roved his eyes around.

“Zayn, what did you need?” Karen walked in through the doorway, sitting down on the sofa. “You really like that map, don’t you?”

“About that,” He averted his eyes from the map, finally taking in the sight of the older woman as he cleared his throat. “I’m leaving.”

She cocked her head to the side, frowning in confusion. “What?”

“I’m leaving Holdon in the morning. I can’t stand it here anymore, and I miss Liam like crazy, so I’m going to go looking for him.” He folded his hands in his lap, and looked up at her. “I’m not going alone, the boys are coming too, but I just – I thought you might like to know.”

“Zayn, love, I hate to say this, but,” Karen shifted around, “I don’t think Liam’s still out there. Obviously, I hope with all my heart that my son was strong enough and smart enough to survive out there, but I just don’t think he could have.” She raised a hand to her face, to wipe away tears, and Zayn stood up to go sit beside her.

He brushed a hand over her cheek. “He is, Karen. He’s got to be. And I know it sounds crazy, but I know he’s alive. The boys and Jade are coming with me, and we’re heading South like you said Geoff says it’s better down there. That’s where Liam would’ve gone; I know it.”

Karen shook her head. “Zayn, I won’t stop you if you really believe that this is what you want to do.” There were tears freely falling from her eyes now. She pushed off of the couch and walked quickly across the room to her desk.

“It’s – Yeah, it’s what I’m doing. Even if I wasn’t going for Liam, I just can’t stay here anymore.” Zayn watched as she pulled open a drawer and began to dig around inside of it. “What are you doing? If you don’t mind me asking.”

She pulled a small box from the desk, and then walked over to the map and began to unpin it.

“I want you to take the map.” She folded it up. “If I can’t stop you, I at least want you to have an idea of where you’re going. Take this compass,” She pressed the small box that she’d removed from the desk into his hand. “and if you find my son, let him know that we love him. Give him this, from me.” She pressed a warm kiss to Zayn’s cheek and engulfed him in a tight hug, tighter than Zayn would’ve expected she could give.

He squeezed back. “I’ll miss you, Karen. You remind me of him, and you remind me of my mum.” He hid his face in her hair and remembered the days when he’d been able to hide in his own mother’s arms.

/\/\

\/\/

It was early in the morning when they left.

Zayn hadn’t slept at all that night. He found a few cardboard box under his bed from all those months before, and after Jake fell asleep, Zayn filled the boxes with clothes and sketchbooks and his favorite books from the library that Karen had pushed into his arms before he could leave.

The boxes were small enough that he could carry the three of them at once, so as soon as they were all full and he knew it wasn’t too early, he left the room quietly.

He ran into Louis on the stairs, and the older boy had tears in his eyes and one bag in his hands. “I just told the girls,” he whispered. “Daisy and Pheebs almost wouldn’t let me out the door. Fizzy was just telling me not to go. Lottie told me she’d take care of all of them.”

“They’ll be fine, Tommo.” Zayn nudged the other man gently, and continued his climb up to the cafeteria with Louis by his side.

The cafeteria was blessedly empty and dark as they passed by it, heading for the door to the kitchens, which were also dark and empty. “I was a bit scared Barbara might be here this early,” Louis murmured as the two boys pushed inside and began to weave through the shelves and tables to the back corner where the service elevator was. “When are Niall and Harry going to be here?”

“As soon as they finish up packing and having shower sex one last time,” Zayn laughed softly, sitting down his boxes. “Look what Karen gave me last night.” He pulled the map and the compass out of his leather shoulder bag, the one that he’d stuffed with his sketchbook and charcoals. “Told me that she doesn’t want us to get lost out there.”

“Well, that’s nice.” Louis laughed, sitting down on the floor and shaking his head. “I can’t believe we’re doing this. Leaving. Going out into the cold.”

Zayn squatted down beside Louis, “Your sisters’ll be fine, Lou. Maybe someday we’ll come back and get them, take ‘em down to wherever Liam is. Where it’s warm.” He draped an arm around Louis’s shoulder, squeezing him closer.

They stayed like that until Niall and Harry tiptoed into the room, each carrying two boxes.

Harry typed in the code to open the elevator, and then Louis crawled in with his bag and two of Zayn’s boxes. “See you boys up there.” The doors closed on him and the elevator carried him up.

When it came back down, Zayn slipped inside, feeling cramped as he shoved his last box in between his knees. The elevator was a lot smaller than he’d imagined when Louis had been telling him about it before. Niall and Harry would come up after him, and he closed his eyes with the happy thought that soon he’d be on his way to Liam.

“Welcome to the topside,” Jade spoke as soon as the doors opened again, and Zayn spilled out, pulling his box with him. “Louis’s gone ahead to the ambulance, do you want to-?” Jade was standing there in front of him, brushing her hair nervously over her shoulder.

“Hey,” Zayn grabbed her hand. “You don’t have to come with us if that’s what you’re nervous about.”

She shook her head and offered a smile. “I’m coming with you, Zayn. I just get nervous before traveling. I always have.”

The elevator doors opened in front of them, and a pale Niall spilled out, gasping for breath and reaching for Zayn.

“Jesus fucking Christ, that was a tight space.” He buried his face in Zayn’s shoulder, “Can’t wait until there’s no walls around me.” He shook himself and yanked out of Zayn’s arms, still shaking slightly as he grabbed his boxes before the doors could close.

“I’ll take those, Niall.” Jade spoke up, reaching down to lift the boxes. “You should go get the animals; I’ll wait for Harry and then we can carry everything to the garage. Here’s my card,” she slid the slim silver rectangle into Niall’s palm. “Don’t forget to keep quiet.” She brushed her hand over Niall’s and then over Zayn’s.

Niall nodded and began to back away, heading for the nearest door into the Holdon Fields. Zayn quickly followed, slipping through the darkness towards the little red light that glowed beside the door. It changed to green as soon as Zayn reached it, and the door slid open.

The pale moonlight that poured in through the clear ceiling of the Fields, painting Niall silver as he crept along a path that led a dozen feet over to the ACC. He held a finger to his lips, telling Zayn to stay quiet as he pushed open the back door to the building.

All of the cats and other little animals were asleep in their cages, and it took Zayn no time to find Tiger, wrapped fully in a light blue blanket as if he’d fallen asleep mid-wrestle with it. Zayn quietly reached inside the cage and drew his cat out, pressed him to his chest as he softly mewled.

“Zee, c’mon.” Niall whispered from the next room where all of the dogs slept. Zayn followed his voice.

Niall stood off to the side, opening and closing cabinets, stuffing things into animal kennels. “Get the dogs, Zee.” He took Tiger and helped the cat into one of the carriers, and he pushed three leashes into Zayn’s free hands.

Rufus was easy to find. He was laying off by himself, a shadow on the floor. As soon as Zayn came over to him, the dog jolted awake, a soft whoof that luckily didn’t wake up any of the other dogs. Zayn quickly snapped the leash onto a hook on his dogs collar. “C’mon, Rufus, we’re getting out of here.”

The dog seemed to understand that because he scrambled to his feet and went along with the tug of his leash as Zayn went off in search of Frieda and Loki. Loki was easy enough to wake, but Frieda was a whiny baby who Zayn was forced to scoop into his arms since she wouldn’t get up.

Niall pushed her into a carrier as well, so each Niall and Zayn held one dog on a leash and one animal kennel as they sneaked back through the darkness to the garage.

Harry was sitting in the driver’s seat with Louis beside him, and the side door was open as Jade continued to carry boxes inside and stack them.

“Finally!” She cried, jumping out to grab one of the kennels from Zayn. “We’ve got to go soon. It’s nearly the change of the guards outside.” She ducked back into the ambulance and sat the kennel down on the floor, a soft bark sounded.

“You sound like we’re making a prison break.” Niall laughed, handing off the other kennel and letting Rufus jump up into the vehicle. “Well, come on then, we’ve got to get going.” He climbed into the front seat, clambering over Louis so that he was sitting beside Harry.

Zayn helped Loki into the ambulance, and climbed in after him, shutting the door.

It was strangely surreal being back in the ambulance after so long. It looked exactly the same, he realized as Jade sat down on the gurney that they’d decided against getting rid of. She crossed her legs and bit her lip, tangling her nervous hands in her lap.

“Everyone ready?” Harry asked from the front seat, his head popping briefly through the window that connected the two sections. “Which direction are we heading, Zayn?”

“South. And we’re ready as we’ll ever be, Harry.” Zayn replied, blinking his eyes that had suddenly grown heavy with the need for sleep. He was safe now, in a good place to sleep. But first he handed the compass and the map through the window, trusting the three men up there to be able to make sense of it. He settled down on the floor beside Rufus who lay his furry head in Zayn’s lap.

Jade lay down on the floor across from Zayn. Her eyes were closed before his, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it had been the right choice to bring her along with them. What if she grew to regret it? What if before they could get to wherever they were headed, Jade decided that she didn’t want to be stuck in a small vehicle with four boys and four more animals?

The voices of the others murmured around Zayn, but he was lost in his thoughts, and those devolved as he began to drift into dreams.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only part one to the second half of Even as a Dream. Please give me some feedback as I'm desperate to know what you think :)


	6. Chapter 6

**A month later.**

**\---**

The door slammed shut behind Zayn. He shivered even in the heat that wrapped around him like a warm glove. Jade and Harry were laying over each other beside the fire, Niall was bouncing a ball off of a wall for Rufus and Loki to chase after, and Louis was still outside.

It had been a month. A whole month since they left Holdon. The ambulance ran out of gasoline a week later, and they were forced to take the necessities only as they moved on foot the rest of the way.

Luckily, they’d stumbled into a vacated prison right before a large storm hit – one that had been easy enough to spot as the miles-high gray clouds billowed across the flat white expanse that they traveled across.

The prison was good enough shelter, they found. There was a building right in the interior of the complex that didn’t have any broken doors or windows, that had a janitor’s closet filled with heaters and generators and blankets and dusty old water bottles. That’s where they’d been ever since, waiting out the seemingly neverending blizzard outside.

“It’s never going to fucking end!” Louis stormed inside, slamming the door behind him as he kicked off his boots and began to peel off his layers, stomping over to sit himself only inches from the biggest heater.

His nose was bright red; the tips of his hair and eyelashes were frozen. Frieda made a beeline for him, huffing and puffing as she climbed into her new favorite human’s lap.

“If the blizzard doesn’t end within the next few days, I think we should brave it. We can’t just stay here. There’s no food, the generators are going to run out eventually, and we’ve barely made it anywhere.” Zayn nodded towards the map that they’d tacked up on a wall. He’d tracked their progress as best as he could, marking their path with a red marker.

As best as he could tell they were in a city called Marion, or at least that’s what the prison was called.

He still didn’t have any solid idea as to where Liam could be. The map Karen had given him showed just how much coastline there was, and Zayn was only guessing that Liam was at a coast because all of his dreams for the past weeks had consisted of Liam diving into water or sunbathing on sandy beaches.

There were a few coastal cities marked that Zayn though could be where Liam had gone, but he just didn’t really know at all.

“Hey, Zee.” Niall grazed his warm fingers over the side of Zayn’s face. “Where’d you go?”

Everyone was staring at him, and he felt his face go hot. He’d been doing that a lot lately: saying something and then going off in his mind to somewhere completely different. Zayn shrugged away from Niall. “I was thinking about the map. We still don’t have any clue where to go after the storm. I was just, you know, heading us south somewhere.”

He walked over to the map, reaching out a hand to run over the careful folds and indentations of stars and X’s and names.

There were several red stars scattered inland – One in Colorado, one in Indiana, one in Texas – and there were a few on the coasts of Florida, California, and Texas.

“I wish I knew where he was.” Zayn said under his breath, tracing his fingers down the Californian coast to rest on the two red stars that sat so close together.

“Don’t we all, buddy.” Niall curled his arms around Zayn’s shoulder and rested his head against it.

“Yeah, Zayn, like you’re the one who has dreams about him.” Jade spoke up. “If anyone should know where he is, it’s you.”

“Don’t you think I know that, Jade!” Zayn threw his hands up. “I’m just tired of waiting for this fucking storm to stop! I want to go out there and find Liam because – because every day I feel like we’re getting further away, like I’m forgetting parts of him and, shit, I can’t let that happen. I can’t forget about him.”

Silence echoed around the room, while wind whistled outside, trying to find its way in. Zayn turned his back on the map to face his friends again.

“Let’s leave. In the morning.”

Harry pushed up to his feet. “The morning? Zayn, I don’t think the storm will be cleared by then.”

“I don’t care. I’m leaving then. You lot can stay or come with.”

With that, no more words were spoken.

/\/\

\/\/

_Hot lips ran over sweaty skin, and Zayn shivered into Liam’s touch. The air smelled like salt and something sloshed nearby but Zayn couldn’t draw himself away from his boyfriend’s touch to investigate the sound._

_“I love you, Zayn,” Liam breathed over the bare skin of his shoulder. “You look so infinitely beautiful in the sunlight.”_

_Zayn’s fingers stuttered over the golden expanse of Liam’s shoulders. He wanted to say that the same was true for Liam but the words wouldn’t come out and his tongue was tied in a tight knot as Liam dipped his hand down the front of Zayn’s shorts._

_His head fell to the side and Zayn noticed the shape of the shadow that stopped just a few inches to his left. A bizarre leaf pattern that he only vaguely recognized. Something that was nothing like the pines and oaks that he’d seen in the journey south... the journey.. to look for Liam._

_Zayn opened his mouth, thinking to ask the man hovering over him where he was because if he asked, the dream might answer. “Liam –“_

_The sky overhead bubbled from bright blue to burnished orange, thunder crackled somewhere near the horizon, and goosebumps raced over Zayn’s exposed flesh. Liam was gone. Tall blades of black grass licked against his tender fingertips as he followed a path up a narrow cliff. Down at the base crimson waves lapped, reflecting the garish sunset dead ahead to the West._

_As Zayn stared the sun grew bigger and brighter, its sweltering light reaching out to grab him, pull him in, consume him. “I am in the summer, in the stars, alone. Come, Zayn. Come.” Liam’s voice echoed in his ears as the fire grew hotter and hotter._

/\/\

\/\/

They packed their things into a worn prison vehicle, stuffing the dogs and Tiger into the backseat between Jade and Louis, while Zayn and Niall sat beside Harry in the front.

Ever since waking up from his dream the night before – covered from head to toe in a layer of sweat as if he’d just broken a fever – Zayn had a better idea of where Liam could be, so he navigated as Harry drove and Niall chattered between them.

If Zayn was correct, then they were heading for California, using the map and the compass as their only signs that they were heading in the right direction. The storm was still blowing snow everywhere, so they could barely even see out the front window, something that could potentially become a problem.

And, of course, a few hours into the journey when everyone was bursting with the need to pee, it was a problem.

“How the bloody hell am I supposed to know if there’s anywhere to stop, Louis?” Harry growled as he hunched over the steering wheel, squinting out into the blur of whiteness. “Zayn, are you sure there’s not anywhere on the map.”

Zayn was staring down at the map. “This map doesn’t have marked toilet stops, Harry.” He sighed and pulled the map closer to his face. “I think we’re, like, a few miles outside of this one town, but honestly, we could be fifty miles north of it and I wouldn’t really know because of the damn blizzard.” He flung the map at the windshield.

“Hey, wait.” Jade spoke up, leaning forward to poke her head between Harry and Niall’s. “I think I saw something. Go to the left a bit, Styles.”

He begrudgingly followed her instructions, and when the nose of the vehicle was about a foot away from a tall brick wall, Harry slammed on the breaks, swearing violently and loudly enough to upset the animals in the backseat.

Niall was the first one out of the vehicle, vaulting over Zayn’s lap so that he could walk as quickly as possible towards the wall, shivering and searching for a doorway. “Found it!” He shouted over his shoulder, voice nearly getting lost in the wind.

The others were quick behind him, having taken only enough time to get leashes on the animals, and slip into coats for themselves.

“Woah, look at this place, would you.” Niall’s voice was filled with awe as the last of them entered the building.

It was amazing. A tall ceiling arched several dozen feet overhead, stained glass windows were still fully intact along the walls, and the floor was marble all the way to the front where a dark wooden altar rose from the floor. A massive pipe organ took up half of the wall behind the altar, although a few of the pipes were missing. It was incredibly intact.

Zayn took a deep breath.

There was a taste of something familiar on the air, but he didn’t have too long to think on it. Jade took off for a hallway to the right, exclaiming in delight that she’d found the bathrooms. Loki and Rufus ran off after her to see what she was shouting about. Niall and Harry took Frieda and Tiger with them to find the boys bathroom.

Louis was still stuck in the doorway, marveling at the cathedral they’d just walked into.

“Lou, you coming?” Zayn asked as he started down the hallway.

“Yeah, yeah. In a minute.” He replied, blue eyes wide as he looked up at the ceiling and the murals that had been painted there.

Zayn was just finishing up in the bathroom (There was still running water!) ignoring the sound of Harry and Niall’s giggles in one of the toilet stalls, when he heard a loud sound outside in the church. Something akin to a shout.

He frowned and washed his hands, thumping on the stall door with his foot. “Did you hear that sound?”

Niall peered out over the top of the door. “Hear what?” Tiger crawled out the bottom of the door, flicking his tail in Zayn’s direction.

“I thought I heard something out there.” He nodded towards the bathroom door with a shrug. “I guess I oughta see what Louis’s doing.” And give Niall and Harry a few moments of privacy – he knew what those giggles normally ended in. He left Tiger and Frieda inside with them.

Back out in the hallway, Jade was waiting, hidden half in shadow with both of the other dogs at her feet. “Did you hear that?” She whispered, eyes wide as she glanced towards the end of the hall.

Zayn nodded, gesturing for the dogs to stay where they were as he crept towards the open church again. He felt Jade close to his back; her hand sneakily tangled at the back of his coat.

That’s when he heard it.

A muffled sound followed by a muffled hit.

“Stay here, I’ll go take a look,” he whispered to Jade, stepping carefully out of her grasp so that he could peek around the corner.

Louis wasn’t where Zayn had left him. Now he was halfway up the aisle, both arms twisted behind his back by someone in a heavy coat with long dark hair; two more stood in front of him, one with their arms held out ready to punch.

“Where did your friends go?” One of them asked, and Zayn realized that it was a girl. “We saw you all come in here. Where are they?”

“I’m telling you –“ Louis started to say. The person punched him in the stomach.

The person holding his arms back twisted them tighter. “Where are they?” The girl asked again.

As soon as the question was out of her mouth, a bark sounded from behind Zayn. He jolted around just in time to see Loki staring at Tiger in Harry’s arms. The dog barked again, Tiger hissed, and then an eerie silence fell.

“Well, well, well.” A different girl’s voice sounded from the mouth of the hallway. “I found the rest of them, Jess.” She winked at them. “Why don’t you come take a seat out here with the rest of us.”

She flipped her hood back, revealing pale skin, icy blue eyes, and waves of dark blonde hair. Zayn followed, whistling for Rufus to come to him; the dog fell into step beside him.

The girl restraining Louis let him go as soon as the blonde reached them, and Louis stumbled a bit before regaining his balance against the edge of one of the pews.

Abruptly, Zayn realized what the familiar scent had been. Meat cooking over a fire. A part of his mind – the part he usually liked to not listen to – wondered what kind of meat they were cooking.

“What do you want from us?” Jade asked, stepping up beside Zayn to curl her fingers around his wrist. Her hand trembled.

All three of the girls seemed to ogle her.

“We want to know where you’re from. You lot seem well fed and everything.” The girl who spoke dropped her hood then. She was quite pretty, Zayn realized; her skin was a pretty brown, and her black hair had been tamed into rows of braids that only made her sharp features stand out even more. “Did you come from one of those shelter places?”

“Leigh, you know those places are just rumors.” The one that had been restraining Louis said, shrugging out of her coat. She had another on under that, and a warm-looked hat that covered her wavy hair. “I’m more interested in what you’re doing with a load of guys and four animals.” She addressed that last part to Jade.

Jade shrunk closer to Zayn’s side. “They’re my friends. And the dogs and the cat are our pets.”

The blonde girl wrinkled her nose first at Zayn and then down at Rufus. “And where are you going? Your car out there looked full of boxes. Where are you on the move to?” She flicked her gaze past Zayn to Harry and Niall.

“We’re looking for a friend.” Zayn told her. “We lost him a while back, and now we’re going to find him. Hopefully.” He bit his lip, shivering as the blonde turned her gaze to him.

Leigh, Zayn guessed, snorted, “Okay, but _where_ are you going?”

“South. California area, maybe.” He shrugged. “We don’t really know where he is.”

“America’s pretty fucking big, mate. You’ve got a lot of area to look for him.” She laughed and nudged the taller girl beside her, Jess probably. “And California’s a long way off.”

Louis shifted then, drawing attention to himself. “Why’s it matter to you where we’re going?”

“Maybe we want to come with you,” Jess smiled, a wicked gleam to rival Louis’ in her eyes.

“So will you let us leave?” Niall asked.

Leigh nodded. “Sure. Let us come with you, though. We’re tired of this town. We’ve been scavenging out of it for too long. California’ll be a breath of fresh air.”

Zayn couldn’t really protest to the women joining their journey. They seemed like good people. “Then I guess we should learn each other’s names, yeah?”

The blonde still stood in front of him, and she nodded as she held her hand towards him. “I’m Perrie, my intimidating friend is Jesy, this little one here is Leigh Anne.”

“Hey, we’re the same height, Perrie.” Leigh Anne pouted, folding her arms across her chest.

Zayn offered a timid smile, “I’m Zayn.”

Each of the other’s offered their names and then they were all buddy buddy happily ever after.

At least, that’s what Zayn wished was how it happened.

The girls didn’t seem to trust Zayn or Niall or Harry or Louis. All of their trust was put in Jade who acted as an ambassador between the two groups as they all settled into the church for the night’s stay.

In the morning, to Zayn’s absolute delight, the snow outside had settled, a wavering sun bleached the world a pale yellow. For the first time in nearly a month, Zayn could see far enough to throw a stone and see where it landed.

As he moved to climb back in the prison vehicle, Perrie stopped him with a gruff shout. “I think we should share cars.”

“You girls have a car too?” Harry asked, helping Rufus up into the vehicle.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I mean, like, we can’t drive it, but yes.” At the inquisitive looks from Zayn and the others, she explained, “We don’t know how to work it, okay? I just thought, you know, we won’t all fit in that, so you could use the other one too. And we should split up between the cars. Some of us with you in that, some of you in the other one with us.”

Louis caught Zayn’s wrist and attempted to communicate something through a series of blinks and light squeezes. Zayn thought it was something along the lines of, “They don’t actually trust us. I don’t trust them. What do we do?”

“Sure. Let’s split up.” Zayn decided. He climbed in the car with Rufus, just ready to get moving.

There was a good feeling in his bones, the first really good sense that they were on the right trail. He unfolded the map in his lap, and it was as if a divine light highlighted the path that they needed to take. One that ended in California, in the spot right between the two red stars.

/\/\

\/\/

A week later they passed into what the map showed to be California. Leigh Anne and Jade were stretched in the backseat together, an uncomfortable Louis had crammed himself against the window beside them. Zayn was driving, leading ahead of the other car that held Harry and Niall, the animals, and the other two women.

“So Zayn,” Leigh Anne cleared her throat. “Who exactly is this friend you’re looking for?” He caught her eye in the rearview mirror. “I’m only asking because we’ve seen a fair few people pass through wherever we are, so maybe we’ve seen him.” She shrugged and settled in deeper to the seat.

“He was my best friend.” Jade told her quietly. “His name’s Liam, and he’s really attractive. He and Zayn were together before –“

Zayn heard a thump and then Jade cried out in pain. “Louis!”

Zayn kept his eyes on the road, blinking as the path in front of them grew misty. “Lou, do you maybe want to drive. I’m getting tired.”

“Yeah, Zee. Sure.” Louis replied, clambering over the seat to take Zayn’s spot.

He curled up in the front passenger seat, resting his head against the cold window, staring at the horizon.

_Liam’s fingers were combing through his hair as Zayn’s head rested on his chest, listening to the heartbeat pounding beneath him. Sun poured into Zayn’s lap, flooding into the pit of his belly. Liam began humming and Zayn felt at peace; he felt like he was getting closer to his goal of real, honest happiness._

The daydream ended abruptly when the humming of the vehicle’s engine shut off.

“Zayn?” Jade’s fingers curled over his shoulder, gently shaking him. “Zayn, babe, we’ve got a problem.” Her breath floated over his cheek, and he startled fully awake. She was leaning over him, her honey brown hair tucked into the collar of her coat, a hat covering most of the rest.

“What’sa problem?” He sat up, blinking.

The sky outside had faded to slate gray, the ground was an absurdly pearly white, until the drop off just a few feet from the nose of the car.

A giant cliff face extended far past his sight to the left and the right. Zayn quickly donned a coat and hat and gloves before stepping out into the cold. Louis and Niall were already standing at the edge of the cliff, looking down.

“How far down does it go?” Zayn asked them, fitting himself into the space between the two men. Not that he’d tell them, but he was a bit wary of heights; he’d prefer not to have to look down at what was surely a dizzying height.

Louis whistled, “Pretty fucking far.”

“And we’re running out of gasoline.” Perrie said, coming up from behind them. “I think soon we’re going to have to abandon the transports and walk.” She extended a hand towards him for the map, knowing that he never drifted too far from it.

Zayn passed it over.

“It looks like we’ve reached a string of mountains. Somehow we got on one without really noticing.” She said as she scanned the map. “On the bright side, though, we’re one step closer to your beau.” She winked at Zayn and made to walk off.

“Hey!” He grabbed for her arm. “Give the map back.”

“Keep your hands off of me.” Perrie tore her wrist away. “And why should I give you back the map? Why can’t we all carry it for a bit. Maybe I want to choose where to go after you _don’t_ find this _Liam._ ” She sneered around his name.

A white hot rage bubbled in Zayn’s belly and it took all of his willpower (and a voice in his head that sounded a helluva lot like Liam) to not hit her. “It’s my fucking map, that’s why, Perrie. Now give it back!” He reached for it faster than she could react, snatching it right out of her hands and stowing it in his pocket. “And don’t say his name!” He practically hissed.

As he stomped back to the car like a three year old having a strop, he heard Louis’s voice telling Perrie, “You’d really be best off not mentioning Liam to him. Especially in that tone. He punched me for it once. Had a bruised face for a week.”

Zayn slammed the door shut and closed his eyes. His chest ached from his heart beating around like a piñata when Perrie had the baton.

/\/\

\/\/

The others had figured their way around the problem without him. Harry thought that he could see where the cliff tapered down to nothing, somewhere to the far south, so that’s where they went. Luckily the curly haired man had some sort of freakish hawk sight, and he was correct.

Unluckily, Perrie had been right about running out of gasoline. It was the vehicle that Zayn was driving that sputtered out first. The other didn’t last much longer.

They bundled up in as many layers as they could, stuffed everything else into boxes that fit on the sled that the girls had brought along, and Frieda and Tiger were held inside Niall and Zayn’s coats. Loki and Rufus walked alongside everyone.

That was how they struggled down the mountains in northern California. Shivering and stumbling and sucking in breaths of air so cold that it burned all the way down into the lungs.

Before they could reach the base of the mountains, night fell, and they found an abandoned ski resort to stay the night in.

A large stone fireplace occupied a good section of the lobby. Niall and Harry took no time at all to build up a blazing fire there; one that cast amber light over dusty floors and sofas. Everyone crept close enough to feel the heat pricking against their frozen cheeks. The animals curled up to sleep just outside of the flames reach.

One of the girls pulled out food to heat in the fire.

“Zee,” Jade prodded his side not too long later, after they’d both eaten their fill of the food and were just using the fire to soak in more heat. “Can we talk?” She shook her head towards the shadowed places on the edges of the lobby.

He nodded, stood up slowly, and offered a hand to help her up as well. She took it and didn’t let go.

“What’s up?” Zayn’s hand felt warmer than the fire as Jade’s soft palm pressed against his, the pads of her fingers drumming a beat against the back of his hand. She led him further, past the shadowed edges, down a hallway. “Jade?”

She held a finger up to her lips, drifting down the hallway, peering through doorways. He followed silently, curious and fractionally scared.

At last she drew to a halt outside a pair of double metal doors. “It’s a kitchen. I need to talk to you, but I figured we could use scouting for more food as an excuse if anyone asks.” She whispered. Her voice echoed in the hallway.

“What do you have to tell me that’s such a secret?” Zayn couldn’t help but copy her in keeping his voice down. He pushed through the swinging doors, holding one open for her to follow.

A single window on the opposite side of the room offered illumination. The moon was full outside, a burnished silver coin high in the sky. In it’s forgiving light, Jade looked like a porcelain doll, prettily hoisting herself up to sit on a countertop.

“I’m not going to go all the way with you guys.” She spoke quietly still, her eyes stuck down in her lap. “Neither are the other girls.”

Zayn cocked his head to the side, thinking maybe he’d not actually heard her right. “You’re not coming to find Liam with us?”

She shook her silky brown hair. “No. But let me explain.” Zayn held up his hands in a gesture that said that he wasn’t going to stand in her way. “I love Liam; he’s like my brother and my best friend all tied into one. And I love the boys just the same. And I know that you know that I love you in a way that’s slightly different because, you know, I fancied you back then. All that being said, Zayn, I don’t fancy being stuck with you lot for the rest of forever.

“I like to have some women around, you know. These girls – Jesy and Perrie and Leigh Anne – from the moment that we actually got to know them, I just felt a click. Like they’re where – _who_ I belong with.” She flicked her eyes up to meet Zayn’s. “You know?”

Zayn nodded. “Why’s this such a big secret that we had to come hide away?”

Jade ducked her head again, and this time Zayn stepped forward to tilt her chin back up, regaining eye contact. She sighed and bit her bottom lip. “I’ve heard the girls talking. They’re planning on leaving you boys high and dry, like, by taking off in the middle of the night with most of your food and stuff.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Obviously I don’t want that to happen.”

Zayn nodded. “But you’re still going to leave us to go with them?” Jade’s lips curled up into a half-smile. “What’ll we tell Liam? That we lost you along the way to a gang of girls that tried to steal our supplies?”

Jade laughed. “Liam will approve. He always told me I seemed like one of those tough girl characters from the movies he watched in Karen’s office.” Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight as she laughed. “It’s just a shame I never met one of those men in distress, so that I could save them and make them fall in love with me, or anything.”

“Don’t be so sure about that.” Zayn responded, his own lips twitching into a grin. “I’m sure you left a broken heart or two behind at Holdon when they realized you were gone. I know if I’d been stuck there, I would miss you.”

“Really?” She cocked an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I mean, you’re quite beautiful, Jade. And you’re smart and funny and all around wonderful.” He grinned now, noticing the way that her cheeks were growing faintly pink, and her eyes glowed with adoration.

She licked her lips. “You’re just this stuff because you feel bad for me.”

“No. I mean it.” Zayn nudged her knee with his hip. “You’re beautiful –“

Jade leaned forward, tipping her chin down so that her lips slotted perfectly with Zayn’s.

She was kissing him.

“Jade.” He stepped back, breaking the kiss.

“I’m sorry!” She squealed, covering her face with her hands. “I’m so sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking. Shit, I’m so embarrassed.”

He raised a hand to rub over the back of his head. “No, uh, you don’t have to, like, get embarrassed or anything.”

“Right, I know.” Her hands still muffled her voice.

Zayn let out a huff of laughter, and he pulled her wrists away from her face. “Hey, come on. I don’t blame you. I’m gorgeous, who wouldn’t want to kiss me.”

Jade snorted and rolled her eyes. “Oh, God. Now I’ve given you an ego. Let’s just go back to everyone.” She shook her head and shoved off of the surface, ducking back out the doors into the hallway before Zayn could say another word.

Back in the lobby, it seemed that no one had noticed that they’d gone. Niall and Harry were curled together on one sofa, already asleep. Louis was prodding at the fire with a metal poker. The three girls were spreading blankets and pillows out in a pad on the floor beside the fire.

Zayn fell onto one of the two remaining sofas, tugging the blanket off of the back of it to cover himself with. He closed his eyes, the orange of the fire burning through his eyelids until his brain began to close down and the dreams blurred out reality.

/\/\

\/\/

_For the first time in over a month, Zayn dreamt of Jade. Again, it began with Liam, beard bristling over Zayn’s thighs, warm breath teasing, but the longer Zayn paid attention to the feel of fingertips pressed into his thighs, the more he realized that the touch was too soft to be Liam. Finally he blinked and looked down and it was Jade who kneeled in front of him, her brown eyes eager and hungry. Liam sat at her side, eyes wide and hungry to consume Zayn._

_What was he thinking?_

/\/\

\/\/

The next morning, walking down the mountains wasn’t so difficult. For one, there was a clearly marked road leading down through the trees and rocky faces. Zayn stayed clear of Jade, jittery after the night’s events and the subsequent dream.

Instead, he stayed stuck to Niall.

“Did you need something, Zee?” Niall asked after half an hour of silence. “I don’t think you’ve been this clingy since right after...”

Zayn shook his head. “Can’t I want to spend some time with you, Nialler? You’re my best friend. I feel like we haven’t actually talked in a while. Like, tell me how you and Harry are doing?”

Niall raised both eyebrows. “You want to hear about Harry and me?” He threw a glance back over his shoulder towards where Harry was carrying on a conversation with Perrie. “I don’t think you’ve ever wanted to really know about our relationship. Not since that first time at the university when you walked in on us.” Zayn made a face, and Niall laughed again, but dropped his voice when he spoke next. “What do you really want to talk to me about?”

“Oh, nothing.” He threw his arm around the blond’s shoulders, and leaned in close. “Jade says that the girls are planning on robbing us. Not now, but soon probably.” He whispered, playing it off as a playful cheek kiss.

He frowned. “What?”

“Mhmm. And then Tiger ran away.” Niall’s frown deepened. “You know, that time when the cats took the toys from the dogs. And then Tiger ran away.” Zayn raised his eyebrows, trying to convey to Niall that he was trying to say what was happening without actually saying it. He could tell that Leigh Anne had a sharp ear tuned to their conversation.

“Oh!” Niall made the sudden realization and Zayn nodded at him. “Oh, right. Can’t believe I forgot about that. Silly cat.” He patted the bulge at Zayn’s belly where the cat was hiding inside Zayn’s warm coat. “Hey, Harry!” Niall stopped walking, waiting for his boyfriend to catch up. “I’ve got a funny story to tell you.”

Perrie seemed grateful to escape the conversation, and Niall gladly took her place, sending her to run forward to join Leigh Anne and Jade.

As the group descended the mountain, turning sharp curves in the road, new sights were revealed. Green forests spread far to the west, far off in the distance, Zayn caught the surprising blue glimmer of a lake. The further they walked, the warmer it grew.

At first Zayn thought that the growing heat was because of the exercise and the sunlight combined. When they took a brief break to eat a bit and give everyone (animals included) a chance to go off and do their business, Zayn realized that the temperature was actually getting warmer. The air no longer bit his skin.

“Thank fucking God!” Niall crowed when he got back to the road. “My dick doesn’t have frostbite, Harry!” He tumbled into the taller boy’s arms. “It’s getting warmer!”

The air was still definitely cold, but it was nowhere near as frigid as they were all used to. It was as if that had all been left on the other side of the mountains.

As everyone rejoiced at the warmth in the air (“A whole 40 degrees Fahrenheit, probably” according to Jesy), Zayn whispered to Louis what Jade had told him about leaving with the girls and that whole stealing the supplies bit.

“Well, we can’t let them, Zayn!” He turned quickly to glare at where the girls were laughing. “And I was just starting to like them.” He shook his head and returned his sky blue eyes to Zayn’s face. “Do you think if we told them we knew that might stop them?”

“No.” Zayn shook his head, looking past Louis’s shoulder to where Jade was peeling her heavy coat off. “I think they’d know that Jade told us, and they wouldn’t let her go with them. She’d be devastated.”

Louis mumbled something, but Zayn didn’t get the chance to ask for him to repeat. Rufus began barking and Loki followed, the two of them ran down the road, disappearing around a bend before any of the people could take off after them.

Louis and Harry ran ahead, both of them the fastest in the group, to get the dogs while everyone else gathered up the things and followed.

Both dogs were howling at the bottom of a tree still when everyone had caught up. Harry and Louis were sitting on the ground a few feet away.

“It’s a giant ugly rat thing.” Louis explained.

Zayn called the dogs off, reminding them both that they weren’t hunting dogs, and the group continued down the last stretch of the mountain.

/\/\

\/\/

Everywhere they went was abandoned like a ghost town. Broken windows and doors plagued every town that they wandered through.

Fresno was the first “big” city that they wandered their way to.

By that time, the temperature had risen to mid-fifty, judging by a thermometer that hung on the wall outside of the house that they chose to stay in. It was large and the door was off it’s hinges, so they walked right in and made themselves at home just before night fell.

A good part of the day had been spent looking around the streets of the city, hoping for a sight of any other human life. They’d faced a lot of disappointment on that front.

Only at one point, Niall had found a large wall covered in scribbled and painted messages. There were directional messages:

“Headed south!”

“Gone to Monterey Finn. – R”

And slightly more poetic and romantic ones, like “Will we last until the dawn?” “I’ll come back for you.”

That evening as the group made their home inside the house, Zayn wondered what had become of those people who left their messages on that wall. Had they all made it south, to their destinations? Had they been reunited with the people that they left the messages for?

“Zaaayn,” Niall whined flopping down onto the bed Zayn had claimed. He twisted and squirmed until he was laying half on top of Zayn, nosing against his throat. “Harry’s being mean to me.”

Across the room, there was another bed, which Harry was stretched out in. He was laying face down, spread eagle, and there wasn’t really any room for Niall. Zayn laughed, “It’s alright, babe, you can sleep with me tonight. We’ll cuddle to keep out the cold. We can get the dogs to sleep with Harry so he doesn’t freeze.”

“No you bloody won’t.” Harry’s voice was stifled by the pillow he’d shoved his face into. “You can sleep with your smelly dogs, Zayn. I saw them rolling around in the dirt and garbage earlier. Give my boyfriend back.”

“I’ll keep your smelly boyfriend.” Zayn curled his arms around Niall, placing a sloppy kiss on the giggling Irishman’s forehead. “Or you can come cuddle with us and just let the dogs have that bed for themselves. Give me that threesome you’ve been offering.” Niall burst into a loud peal of laughter, pressing his wet face into Zayn’s shoulder to quiet the sound.

Harry frowned but pushed out of his own bed finally, sneaking across the space between the two beds. “It’s you that keeps offering. Are you sure you’re not just trying to put in the early motions of a foursome for when we get to Liam?” He collapsed down on Zayn’s other side.

They hadn’t all three been this close since way back at the university when they’d been forced to all three tangle together on the one sofa. Zayn found his nose pressed into Harry’s tangles, the smell of roses and mint flooding his senses.

“Have you taken a shower?” Zayn mumbled, nearly drunk on the clean smell. “Does this place have running water?” He sat up halfway, jostling both of the boys.

Harry laughed, “No, but the house next door does. I borrowed it while everyone was picking their rooms here.” He pulled away from Zayn, “I’ll cover for you if you want to sneak over and get clean.”

The tall brunette boy was an angel sent from Heaven, Zayn thought as he slipped through the back door of the house and across the yard to the next house. The back door was open, the inside was dark, and he spent a minute or two fumbling around in the dark until he found the kitchen table and the matchbox that Harry had mentioned to him.

“Shit,” he moaned to himself when the first match he lit burned his fingertips. The next one caught and he didn’t burn himself. He grabbed a candle off the center of the table and held the match to it.

That was what he used to maneuver the rest of the way through the house, finding the bathroom only by the flickering candlelight.

It was eerie shutting the door behind himself and locking it, drawing the curtains over the window all the way closed, and stripping in the waxing and waning glow. The water that poured out of the showerhead was freezing cold, but it was clean and running, so Zayn quickly used an ancient bottle of shampoo that smelled just like roses and a bottle of body wash beside it that gave off the mint scent he’d noticed on Harry.

Just as the cold water was becoming unbearable, Zayn shut it off, the last of the suds washing down the drain. He stepped out into the open air, shivering as he opened the door of the linen closet just beside the toilet.

It was very nearly empty, just a roll of toilet paper, two towels, and another bottle of body wash sat on one shelf inside.

Zayn grabbed the first towel, running it over his body and then wrapping it tightly around his waist. He reached for the next towel, planning on taking it back to the other house with him to carry on the rest of their journey.

In a sudden flare of firelight, Zayn got a better look at the towel in his hands. A fuzzy purple towel. His mind was stricken with a sudden flashback.

_His first night in Holdon. Showering off in the glorious hot water for the first time that he could remember. Asking Liam for a towel as cold air sliced through the cracked door. Liam only giving him a towel after being bribed with comic books. Liam passing a fuzzy purple towel through the cracked door._

The logical part of Zayn knew that this couldn’t be Liam’s towel. There had been millions of people that lived in North America, it was probably a generic brand of towel, chances were fairly high that someone else had the same towel. And yet, the memory of that night haunted him.

Zayn quickly dressed and threw both towels over his shoulder, grabbing the candle and carrying it back through the house with him.

He didn’t know how much time had actually passed while he showered and stood like a fool in the bathroom, getting nostalgic all because of a silly purple towel, but when he crept back towards the house that the group was staying in, all the windows were dark and not a single sound escaped.

For a terrifying moment Zayn wondered if he’d managed to get lost. It was dark outside. Or maybe they’d left while he was gone. Packed up everything and gone on without him.

He shook the thoughts away and silently pushed the back door of the house open, being careful to not let it creak as he opened and closed it. The boxes were all still spread out across the living room, and he sighed a breath of silent relief. They’d not left him after all.

Just a few steps into the house, he saw a shadow shift, someone was opening one of the bedroom doors. He quickly ducked down in the corner of the room he was in, hidden halfway behind an empty chair.

“Shh.” It was one of the girls, tip-toeing in the lead out into the living room. Another shadowy shape came out behind her. He waited for his eyes to adjust fully to the darkness, and then he could make out the definite shape of Perrie and Jesy creeping towards the boxes. Leigh Anne was still standing in the mouth of the hallway, probably keeping watch for the boys.

He couldn’t believe he’d been gone for long enough that everyone else had fallen asleep, or at least been quiet enough that the girls hadn’t thought their sneaking would be caught.

Unlucky for them, then that Zayn had gotten melancholy.

Perrie and Jesy were opening the boxes, sifting quietly through the food, books, clothing, choosing what they wanted and leaving the rest. Zayn watched silently, half in disbelief, half in curiosity.

“Leigh,” Jesy whispered. “Go get Jade. We’re leaving as soon as we finish here.”

Zayn noticed Leigh Anne disappear down the hallway out of the corner of his eye.

It was then he knew that it was Now or Never. Bust them or let them run off with most of their supplies. He rose to his feet, both of the girls had their backs to him, too busy palming cans to notice him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked in a normal level voice. “We brought you this far with us, and now you’re trying to abandon us with nothing?”

“Zayn?” Perrie asked, her voice wavering as she spun around, searching for him in the dark corner.

“Yes.” He stepped out from behind the chair, dropping the towels down into it. “I mean, I never really trusted _you_ , but to think that all three of you have devised this plan is just awful. Why would you do this?”

Jesy moved in front of Perrie. “You think we want to keep traveling with you? Getting bossed around all the time? No thanks; we’re big girls, we can make our own decisions.”

Surely this wasn’t all about just wanting to not be bossed around. He didn’t think that he or any of the other boys really made the girls do anything.

“Of course you wouldn’t think that,” Jesy replied when he said that. “That’s the problem.”

“But do you have to take all of our supplies?” He repeated.

Leigh Anne flitted back into the room, Jade right behind her. “Zayn?” Jade froze in her tracks. “What are you doing out here?”

“He’s trying to stop us.” Perrie informed her, folding her arms across her chest and staring dead at Zayn. “It’s not going to work though.”

“I’m only trying to get you to not leave with everything that we need, Perrie. I’m not stopping you. I’m not telling you not to go and be independent women. I’m only asking that you don’t go with all the food and warm clothes.” He took a few more steps towards her.

She stiffened and took a step back.

“Look,” Zayn held his hands up, casting a look around at all four of the women. “Why don’t you stay with us just until we get to a more populated area, somewhere more habitable? We’ll probably end up in the same direction, anyway, so why not stick together. Strength in numbers, or whatever that saying is.”

Jade was nodding along to what he was saying, but the other three seemed unmoved.

After a long moment of silence, Jade made a sound. “He’s right. If we stay with them then we’ll definitely know we’re getting somewhere. We can leave as soon as we get a bit further south.”

Something in her voice seemed to convince them because they all relaxed. “Fine,” Leigh Anne sighed. “But we aren’t staying with you for as long as it takes to find your boyfriend, Zayn. I don’t need to get to know anymore unavailable men.” She turned on her heel and returned to the bedroom. Jesy and Perrie followed.

Zayn grabbed the towels and walked quickly over to where Jade still stood. “Will you make sure that they don’t change their minds tonight?” She nodded. “Thanks, Jade.”

“No problem.” She ducked through the door, and he listened to it click shut behind her. A weight lifted off his shoulders as he walked down the hallways to the room where Niall and Harry were piled on one bed, the dogs and Tiger on the other.

He crawled in beside Harry, tugging the blanket so that he had just enough to cover himself with.

Harry mumbled something when Zayn pressed against him, something that sounded a lot like “So clean now.”

/\/\

\/\/

According to the map, they were somewhere between Fresno and Bakersfield when they found the shop. It was abandoned as most places were, so when they chose to stop and stay in it, there was no one to tell them not to.

It was a beauty shop, and Jesy reassured them that it would probably have running water. She wasn’t wrong, but that wasn’t what Zayn was most pleased about.

There was an entire cabinet full of hair dyes, an entire section of the store was dedicated to clothing, and Perrie had once told him that her mum had taught her how to cut hair. Zayn knew he could use a trim, the tips of his hair were at his ears, and the platinum tips just looked ridiculous on his inky black hair.

While everyone else was off in the shop looking at new clothes to wear in this warmer weather, Zayn was sorting through the hair dyes, until he found a platinum bleach.

“You’re sure you want platinum?” Perrie asked apprehensively.

Zayn nodded, glancing at his reflection in one of the big mirrors. “And a trim.”

He was putting a lot of trust in someone who’d already tried to betray him, but he let Perrie do her thing. He only hoped that she was better than Lottie.

/\/\

\/\/

Somewhere between Bakersfield and the smaller town of Gorman, Zayn had such an intense dream of Liam dicking into him that he woke up gasping for breath and moaning Liam’s name, a wet spot soaking through his pants, his cock still hard. He wanted Liam there more than ever.

/\/\

\/\/

Somewhere between there and Santa Clarita, Zayn began to have doubts.

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?” Zayn whispered to Louis. “What if Liam’s moved on, accepted that he wasn’t going to see me or any of us ever again? Worse, Lou, what if I was wrong and he’s not anywhere around here? What if he’s in fucking Alabama or something?”

Louis shook his head and pulled Zayn’s hands away from where they were inching towards yanking out his newly cut and dyed platinum hair. “You know none of that’s true, Zee. I’ll be damned if Liam doesn’t piss himself at the sight of you. I saw the way the two of you were at Holdon; the man was head over heels for you in a way I’d never seen him act with any other guy.

“And as for him not being where you think he is, Zayn, I’ll follow you around the world to find him if that’s what it takes to make you really happy.” Louis pinched Zayn’s side, causing him to squeal and squirm away. “Now shut up, and try to get some sleep. Lord knows you won’t be getting any when we find Liam. That boy’s not gonna let you out of bed for three days.”

Zayn flushed at the implication in the other boy’s words.

/\/\

\/\/

They passed through a burned out Los Angeles. Skyscrapers grinned down at them with hundreds of broken glass teeth, empty streets echoed the sound of their footsteps, and they only saw a few dozen people as they passed through the entirety of what they could all tell had once been a popular city. No one said a word to them.

As the day passed on, shadows growing long and dark on the street, Zayn noticed the four girls grouping together, staying tight like a pack of wolves. He knew that look, recognized it as the same one from that night back in Fresno. Only this time they didn’t look like a ravenous pack, ready to rip and tear their way out with supplies, they looked like they might just leave.

He wondered if they’d be like so many others that vanished into the city, got lost in the star-studded streets (literally, Louis had been so excited when he found the sidewalk with celebrity stars embedded into it).

Zayn’s heart thudded, painfully in his chest everytime he lost sight of them. He didn’t want Jade to just disappear; he’d grown quite attached to her over the past few months. He wanted to tell her goodbye.

As twilight began to turn the buildings into flames of sunset, the temperature dropped again, causing them all to bring out the coats as they searched for a place to stay the night. A sleepy and aching Niall loudly complained that he would sleep anywhere at the moment, even the shitty theatre they were walking past.

Harry lifted Niall onto his back, piggy-backing his boyfriend like it was nothing.

“Can you do that for me, Zee?” Louis asked, attempting to hop up onto Zayn’s back.

Zayn wasn’t in the mood for it. There was a bite and sting in the air that had him on edge. The threat of the girls leaving was only part of it. “No, Louis. Niall, if you want to just stop anywhere, I’m fine with it. I just need to be – “ He rubbed at his forehead and the dull throb that was growing over his right eye.

Rufus nudged the back of his leg with his nose, tugging on his leash that was tied around Zayn’s wrist.

Zayn looked up in time to see Harry and Louis walking over to the theatre, Frieda and Loki on leashes with them, Tiger held in a comfort in the clothing box Louis was carrying. Zayn looked over at the four women who were still standing a short way off.

They were all staring at him. Jade opened her mouth.

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

She nodded. “Yeah. We’ve already stayed longer than we planned to.”

“Did you want to take some of our supplies? This time I’m offering.” He offered a crooked grin to Perrie who bit at her grin. “I promise I won’t get mad if you want some food or anything.”

Perrie walked over towards him. “Thanks for the offer, but I think we’ll make do. This is Los Angeles, it used to be one of the biggest cities in the country. I think there should be enough stuff here for us to figure out how to live properly.” She held her arms open, inviting Zayn in for a hug. “Thank you for bringing us this far. I know we were a bit of a pain back in Fresno, but really, thanks. We’d still be buried in snow if it weren’t for you lot.”

He stepped into the hug, feeling a strange familiarity in it. “No problem.”

Jade stepped closer as well, slipping in to hug him as soon as Perrie backed away. “Give Liam my love.” She whispered, pressing a swift kiss to the corner of Zayn’s mouth.

“I will.” He promised, squeezing her tighter. “I’ll give him all the love I can manage.”

She laughed and swatted at his shoulder, pulling out of the hug. “That’s not the kind of love I meant, you weirdo.” The smile slipped on her face a bit. “I’ll miss you, Zayn.”

He felt a worm of sorrow in his gut. “You too.”

A whine at his feet brought his attention down to Rufus. “Oh,” Jade laughed, crouching down in front of the mop dog. “I’ll miss you, too, Rufus.” She scratched behind his ears before rising to her feet and walking off to rejoin the other three women.

“Tell the other boys we said goodbye.” Jesy told Zayn. “Maybe we’ll all see each other again someday.” She winked and waved, grabbed Leigh Anne’s hand in hers, and began walking off down the street. Perrie followed, throwing one wave over her shoulder.

Jade straggled, following the girls slowly as though she still wasn’t entirely sold on the idea of leaving Zayn and Louis and Niall and Harry and Liam.

“Jade!” Perrie called, her voice echoing around the empty streets. “Catch up, lovely!”

The caramel-haired woman turned back to give Zayn one last look, one last wave, and then she twirled and ran to catch up with her new group.

Inside the building was dark; the only hint that the other boys had entered it at all was the obvious sound of Niall’s laughter echoing through the lobby and into one of the theatres. Rufus ran ahead of him, barking delightedly. Zayn followed, pushing aside the crooked door that separated the theatre and the lobby.

A hole in the ceiling sent a ray of quickly fading daylight down perfectly onto the stage, a natural spotlight. The other three boys were all up on stage with the dogs hopping around after them.

Louis and Niall had already peeled their coats off. Without the wind blowing, the air was actually a tolerable temperature. Harry still sat bundled up, forever cold after being lost outside of Holdon, and he held Tiger tightly in his lap.

Zayn shrugged off his coat, kicked off his boots, and walked down the aisle towards them. The theatre was homey, although musty, and he could imagine the seats being filled with hundreds of people, laughing and applauding as they watched whoever leap about onstage.

“Where’re the girls?” Louis asked, stopping his movements to address Zayn.

“They said goodbye.” Zayn dropped his coat and boots down beside where Harry sat. “They wanted to go their own way, this time without pillaging our supplies. I wasn’t about to tell them not to.” He knelt down and waved Rufus over to him so that he could bury his face in his dog’s warm fur.

Louis cleared his throat again. “They left? Just like that? Why wouldn’t that at least stay with us one more night?” He threw his hands up dramatically.

The younger of the two shrugged, “Sorry, Lou. I don’t think there’s anything I could’ve said that would’ve made them stay.”

On the stage, they laid pallets of blankets and no longer necessary layers of clothing, all close together even in the vast space of the theatre. Niall and Harry curled together and devolved into a whispering shadow when the last of the sunlight vanished from the ceiling’s hole. Louis pulled Frieda onto his pallet with him, and Zayn kicked both Loki and Rufus out of his bed, only barely tolerating the mewling Tiger who stretched himself over his stomach.

As silence fell and darkness reigned, Zayn wondered where Liam could be. He could be nearby, he could be a hundred miles away, or he could be dead, lost and frozen in the far north. Zayn shivered and pulled the blanket up tighter under his chin.

In the morning, Zayn decided, he would suggest to the other boys that they fan out and search the city, see if there were any signs of Liam. They could ask the other wanderers they’d passed by. Zayn rolled over onto his side, and squeezed his eyes shut. In the morning, he would work his way one step closer to finding Liam again.

/\/\

\/\/

_“You know you don’t have to, if you don’t want.” Liam’s fingers brushed over the soft buzz at the back of Zayn’s head. Zayn looked up from Liam’s lap, saw the warmth in the eyes of the younger man and the gentleness around his smile. “You don’t have to, Zayn.”_

_“I want to.” Zayn murmured, pressing a kiss to Liam’s knee, to his thigh, to the jut of his hipbone._

_Liam’s fingers curled gently over the back of Zayn’s neck. Zayn ducked his head forward and suddenly he was falling, falling, falling_

_Through black air that sent cool shivers over his skin, drawing it tight. Warm puffs of air met his skin until he was plunged into a bath of cool water, his toes curling under and his eyes opening. The sun was burning a bright oval overhead, fragile clouds drifted from the horizon and the water was turquoise all around Zayn._

_“Where am I?” He thought to ask, swimming around quickly in a circle, moving to keep himself afloat. To his surprise, there was a beach just a dozen feet away – golden sand ended in a tall brown cliff that was topped with glittering reflections of sunlight._

_He swam towards the shore, relieved when he was out of the cold sea and baking on the warm beach. He wandered up the sand, parallel to the cliff face. He walked until he found a wooden stairway built against the rocks, and he climbed it up into the sky._

/\/\

\/\/

No one had seen Liam.

Zayn spent the entire day walking around the abandoned streets of Los Angeles, looking for _something_ , anything that would give him a tingly Liam sense.

He’d called the attention of several other people, begging them to pause a minute and tell him if they’d seen a boy just a bit taller than himself, caramel hair, brown eyes, abso-fucking-lutely beautiful. The answer was always no, but a few of them did give the suggestion to look further south.

“It gets a lot warmer just a bit further south.” One man told Zayn, his eyes scraping up and down Zayn’s scrawny frame. “More folks live down there. Whole communities have regrouped and they’re running like this damn world’s back to normal.”

Zayn thanked him and walked off quickly, not liking that feeling of being stripped by the other man’s eyes.

When he’d regrouped with the others back at the theatre, they all had similar stories. No one had seen Liam or a boy fitting his description, but a few had pointed them further south.

“I really hope we find him soon,” Niall sighed, stirring a can of canned soup that had gone lumpy. “I’m getting really tired of walking. Me knee aches like a motherfucker.” He rubbed a hand over it.

“We’ll find him soon.” Zayn reassured. “We’ve got to.” He didn’t notice Niall and Louis exchanging glances, or the way that Harry jabbed Niall in the back. “I keep getting the feeling that we’re closer, so we must be. Right?”

The other three nodded and made sounds of agreement as if they weren’t all filled with doubt that Liam was anywhere along the Californian coast.

/\/\

\/\/

A few more days were spent in Los Angeles, scouring the streets and interrogating any faces they’d not seen before – unfortunately that meant Louis getting spat at by an old woman who’d already told Harry she had no clue about Liam, and getting a dog set after Zayn by a group of teens who just didn’t want to talk.

It was Niall who made a slight bit of headway. He dragged the middle-aged man with him back to the theatre and they waited outside until Zayn, Harry, and Louis had returned.

“Go on, tell ‘em what you told me.” Niall elbowed the guy in the side.

He sighed and ran a hand over his head. “It’s been a month probably, but there was this young guy, ‘bout your ages in Santa Monica. He looked pretty much like how your friend here described him. Went by Lee, though, not Liam. A few of my friends and I saw him wandering around near dark, looking starved and a bit disoriented, so we took him in, fed him, let him sleep at our place out by the bay. After two or three days he packed up the stuff he had and left. Figure he headed south.” The guy shrugged.

“So you saw him?” Zayn’s entire body shifted closer to the guy, his face lit up with hope. “Did he say anything about, like, himself or, or before he got here? Anything?”

“No?” The man scratched his chin. “Well, there was one thing. I have a few comic books stored on a shelf in the house. When Lee saw them, his eyes got huge, and he started telling me all about his love for superheroes. He said he used to have a friend that had a whole collection of comics. Even more than me. Does that help?”

Zayn nodded. “Yeah. Um, not really, but sort of.” He smiled and blinked, wiping at his eye to banish a few tears. He wasn’t going to cry in front of this stranger. _But it’s proof!_ The voice in the back of his mind shouted. _It’s proof that Liam’s been, here that were on the right track!_ “Thanks.” Zayn said instead of anything that was running through his mind.

“You’ve been ace, mate. Adios.” Niall slapped the guy on the back, shook his hand, and sent him quickly on his way.

“So what now?” Harry asked, gathering his long locks up into a ponytail which he then transformed into a bun.

Zayn bit his lip and squared his shoulders, feeling every bit like a dramatic hero as he said, “Let’s head south.”

/\/\

\/\/

The wanderers in LA had been right. A few miles south of the city, the temperature rose enough to make them all sweat and peel off coats and push up sleeves. The sun was beating down on them like a vengeful god, but the occasional breezes that drifted over the ever-narrowing amount of land between them and the ocean were a sweet relief.

The dogs were all happy to walk now, tongues lolling out of their mouths, tails wagging. Tiger still preferred to be carried, but Zayn figured that was because he was a pampered and lazy little cat.

Eventually the four of them reached a sandy curl of beach, which they followed as they continued south. Niall and Harry and Loki tended to walk on the edge of the sand, the waves of the ocean lapping at their feet. Frieda and Rufus and Louis stayed a bit more upshore, just barely out of the ocean’s reach.

Zayn, though, he was apprehensive about touching the water. As often as he’d dreamed about it, Zayn was a bit terrified of the deep dark ocean. He’d never been a swimmer before the apocalypse, and he’d not had the chance since them. Plus he didn’t know what lurked just below the surface. He stayed at least ten feet up the beach from where the water touched.

The day shaded past them, all the colors of the rainbow passing by overhead as they continued their walk. They passed by empty towns, stretches of cracked asphalt, forests that bloomed on the edge of the water.

At more than one point, they found cliffs jutting out into the water, cutting off the beach. Each time that happened, Zayn’s heart rate picked up, remembering his dream from a few nights before. The one with the ocean and the cliff and the stairway into the sky.

“Are we ever going to stop?” Louis groaned, stopping abruptly to just plop down in the sand. “I love you, man, but we’re going to reach Mexico soon.”

Zayn looked up from the map, which he’d folded just perfectly so that he was only looking at their square of Earth they were currently on. “What?”

“We’ve been walking for ages.” Louis said in a tone of pure displeasure. “And it’s going to be night soon. Let’s stop.”

Zayn’s heart pounded in his chest. “But –“

“Zee,” Niall came up behind Zayn, throwing an arm over his shoulders. His hands dripped saltwater down the front of Zayn’s shirt. “We should stop. We can’t walk all the way south in one day.”

For the first time in a while, Zayn looked at Niall. Really, really looked at him. His blue eyes were bright and lively, cracked at the corners when he smiled. Small freckles dotted his cheeks and nose, his skin a tanned and pink. He looked healthy, happy, and a bit worn out too.

“Alright.” Zayn grinned and pinched Niall’s side. “Let’s stop.” He glanced inland where a row of houses grinned out at the Pacific. “Pick one of them.”

Harry chose the smallest house in the row. It was a two bedroom, one bath, but there was a firepit outside which was what sold him. “Come on, we’ve got that can of sausages. We can roast them over the fire.”

So later that night, once they’d all settled and changed out of the heavy pants and shirts, slipping into tshirts and cut off pants, Harry started a fire. The ocean whispered against the sand, the stars sparkled in the dark, and the fire crackled and burned, sending heat over the four of them and the animals.

They ate and laughed and told stories. Louis found a few bottles of some unmarked booze and passed it around the fire.

It was late when Zayn’s insides felt truly fuzzy and nice, his fingers were tangled on his belly, Rufus settled between his legs. The three other guys were giggly; Niall was sitting in Harry’s lap and kissing him every now and then, Louis was teasing them and telling jokes.

In a sudden break in conversation, Zayn let the words flow out.

“I love you guys.” He wasn’t looking at them, too entranced by the sight of sparks flying up to join the stars. “Like, you’ve come all this way with me, and I love you because some people woulda given up by now, you know.” He licked his lips and rolled his head forward so he could see them again.

They were all staring. Zayn continued. “I know I’m not a great leader, and we’ve no clue where we’re going, and hell, I don’t even really know if we’re gonna find Liam, or if he’ll want to see any of us.” He hiccupped and stopped speaking.

Rufus shifted his head on Zayn’s thigh, wet nose nudging against Zayn’s hands.

“You guys are the best. Love you all so much.”

Niall giggled, “We love you too, Zayner.”

A few minutes later, Zayn fell asleep in the chair, a smile hanging on his face.

/\/\

\/\/

With a wicked hangover, the boys all set out the next morning, shading their eyes from the sun.

“We’ll find him today,” Zayn whispered to himself and Rufus and Loki. “I know it.”

It was a ridiculous thought, but he’d woken up with that thought it his head, with that knowledge in his heart. Maybe it was because of a dream he’d had the night before, one he couldn’t remember. But he was sure of it. They were closer to Liam than they’d ever been.

“What if he’s somewhere inland?” Harry asked about halfway through the morning. “We’re just walking along the beach. How will we find him if he’s inland?”

“He’s not.” Zayn shook his head, taking a swig from a water bottle they’d found in the house the night before. “In all of my dreams, we’ve been on a beach. I told you this.” And he had. Several times the other guys had asked Zayn to retell his dreams, giving specifics on things that might possibly be a hint where Liam was at. He’d mentioned the stairway, the beaches, the significant rock structures that appeared in the water or in the sand.

“But –“ Harry started again.

Zayn ignored him and walked on. The love he’d been feeling from the night before had lessened with the onset of the hangover. He didn’t have time for Harry’s shit. “We’ll stay on the beach until we find that house,” Zayn told the rest of them from over his shoulder. “Come on.”

He couldn’t ignore Harry’s comment to Niall. “What if that house isn’t real?”

The day passed on predominately in silence, the sun plunged through the sky as they trekked on. Eventually when the sun was just a red sliver over the horizon, Zayn gave in and stopped for the night.

The next morning he was even more eager to get moving. Harry and Niall seemed a bit eager to not move. “We’re close. I can feel it in my bones.”

“And yesterday you knew it in your heart and your mind.” Niall reminded him. “Zee, I hate to say it, but what if Liam’s not this far south? What if that guy in LA was just pulling our leg? He might not have known anything really.”

Zayn shook his head. “No. I know, Niall. He’s got to be here somewhere.”

Perhaps there was something a bit manic in Zayn’s eyes, or a hint of that darkness that had consumed him for the first three months of Liam’s absence from Holdon, but whatever it was, Niall drove forward and tackle-hugged Zayn.

“I’m sorry. We’re going. We’ll find him. I’m sorry.” He pressed a kiss to the corner of Zayn’s mouth, poked him in the chest and belly and then jumped back to his feet. “Sorry,” He grinned, shining like the sun as he held his hand down to Zayn. “Let’s go. What’re you laying around for?”

“Oh, right, I’m sorry. All my fault.” Zayn replied teasingly, grabbing Niall’s hand and giving it an experimental tug. The next was harder and Niall came tumbling back down beside him, both of them laughing loudly.

/\/\

\/\/

It was just before noon when they had to climb from the beach due to several large cliffs blocking the way. Zayn was in the lead, Louis right behind him with Frieda and Tiger, Niall and Harry further back with the other two dogs tugging on their leashes. They wove through the garden of a large house until they found the front gate and stepped out onto a driveway which lead almost directly onto a massive highway.

Although there had been more people living in houses and such as they headed south, this area was peculiarly abandoned. No one was walking on the highway, as people had been the last few times the four boys and their miniature zoo had surfaced from the beach. The houses were all empty as well, giving off the unlived-in vibe.

Zayn was antsy to get back down onto the shore, so they only walked a short distance before turning back to the ocean.

They cut through an empty hotel to get back down to the beach, carefully descending a long wooden stairway that shook and creaked as they moved.

Walking down the beach, Niall and Louis returned to their path at the edge of the water, Loki splashing around beside them, trying to catch the small fish. Harry kept to his path, Frieda and Tiger and Rufus sticking to him like he was the Pet Whisperer.

Zayn was scanning the houses that rose above them on a high cliff, not unlike what he’d been doing for the past day and a half. Harry had teased him that he hoped Zayn liked the sky because he’d be stuck looking at it for the rest of forever when his neck got stuck that way.

They’d walked maybe a quarter of a mile, and had just rounded a curve when Zayn saw it. Gleaming high up on the cliff, was a house. He didn’t know what it was about it specifically, but there was something to that house that caught Zayn’s eye.

“Lads,” He kept his eyes on the house. “That’s the one.”

“What?”

Harry stepped up to his side, hoisting Tiger up in his arms and holding on tighter to Frieda’s and Rufus’s leashes. Harry and Niall were quick behind with Loki. They all stared up at the house.

Zayn felt the edges of his vision going blurry, his heart was pounding in his chest, and suddenly he was scared, panicking even. This was the house from his dream, he was almost certain. There was a familiarity he felt standing there on the sand, staring out at that section of the ocean, like he’d been there before.

The bubble of panic inside of him burst. What if this was the house but Liam wasn’t here? What if there was someone else at the house? What if Liam was a hundred miles away? What if he didn’t want to see them?

A sharp hand connected with Zayn’s cheek.

Louis was standing in front of him, one hand raised, blue eyes glinting in the sunlight. “You looked like you needed that. Plus I owed you one.” He smirked and took a step back. “What’s the matter? You don’t look at all happy. You look like you’ll be sick.”

“I feel like it, too.” He dropped down into a crouch on the sand, burying his face in his hands. “I’m just worrying. About all that stuff I’ve been saying for the past week and a half, you know.”

“Zee, you said that you were sure he was here.” Harry said, crouching down beside him to rest a hand on his shoulder. “I believe you. If you think Liam’s in this house or was ever in that house, then it’s worth checking out at least. Right?” He looked up at Niall, and Zayn followed his gaze.

The blond Irishman nodded.

“Right then,” Harry stood up, brushing off his hands and tugging his hair up into a bun. “I say we find the way up there and go see if Liam’s home. What do you think, Loki?” The pup jumped and barked at Harry in answer, excited at being addressed. “There, let’s go.”

“There’re stairs right here.” Louis pointed. Sure enough, a long staircase extended up the cliff face, seemingly heading straight for the sky. Zayn choked on his tongue, stumbled to his feet, and raced for the stairs. The others were hot on his tail.

Zayn scaled the steps in almost record time, leaping over the gate at the top, and skipping searching the back of the house to find the front, figuring that would be a bit more polite and less alarming. He heard scrabbling footsteps and the shouts of his companions following him, but he could only focus on getting to the front door.

As soon as he did he pounded his fist against the thick wooden door, against the glass, he banged the old-fashioned knocker against the door. Zayn waited, leaning against the wall and sucking in breaths because he was out of shape, not used to running like that.

Niall and Harry caught up. Zayn knocked on the door again. Waited.

“Where’s Lou?”

Niall smiled, “Loki’s stuck on the back deck, sniffing and barking. His tail’s wagging like he’s going to take off in flight.” He laughed, “This has got to be Li’s place. Why else would Loki act like that?”

Zayn’s heart leapt in his chest. He knocked again although he really wanted to kick down the door and search the house until he found Liam.

“I don’t think he’s here.” Louis rounded the corner of the house. Loki was twitching and squirming in his arms, fighting to get back down to the ground. “I looked around while Loki was being stubborn. The whole back of the house is glass and I couldn’t see anyone.”

He must’ve seen Zayn’s face fall because he opened his mouth again. “There was stuff inside. Boxes and clothes and stuff. I have no doubt Liam’s living here, Zee. He’s just not home right now.”

“Well, I should go look for him then.” The words hurled out of his mouth before he even considered stopping them. “You three stay here in case he comes back. I’m – That way.” He pointed out to the road. “South. I’ll keep heading south on the highway.”

He walked off the front porch. The three of them stayed frozen where they were, watching him walk off.

Zayn took off at a light jog and picked up into a run, racing down the road the house was on until he reached the highway.

The sun beat down on him overhead, the asphalt baked him from underneath, but Zayn continued to run down the highway, sweating like he’d never done before.

After ten minutes he couldn’t run anymore. A stitch ached in his side and he collapsed onto the side of the road, in the shade of a short tree. He closed his eyes, gasping for breath.

“Are you alright?” A small hand touched his shoulder, a woman’s voice soft and concerned. Zayn blinked, squinting in the sunlight. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Zayn sat up, wiping at his forehead. “Um, can you tell me, um.” He shook his head. “Actually, do you have any water?”

The woman nodded and fished a water bottle out of the canvas bag she had slung over his shoulder. She handed it to Zayn.

As he swallowed the contents of the bottle in almost one long gulp, he looked past her. A bicycle was abandoned on the side of the road, one wheel still spinning slowly as if she’d jumped off of it to come to Zayn’s aid. A second canvas bag had spilled off of it, and a few apples had rolled out. One had stopped beside Zayn’s foot.

“Thank you, so much.” He picked the apple up and handed it to her. “Can I ask where you got these from?” An apple sounded absolutely wonderful after his diet of the past few weeks (consisting solely of nearly expired canned food).

“Yeah, the market. It’s about ten minutes down the road.” She pointed the way Zayn had been heading. “You can’t miss it. Are you sure you’re alright?” She took the empty water bottle from him and stuck it back inside the bag on her shoulder.

Zayn nodded. “I’m fine. Really. Thanks so much.”

“I’m Nina.” She held a hand out to him, and Zayn took it.

“I’m Zayn.” He got to his feet. Nina cocked her head slightly to the side, squinting at him oddly with a smile. “Thanks for the water. I – Ten minutes south, yeah?” She nodded.

He thanked her one last time, and then set off down the highway.

With each minute of progress he made, more and more people filled the roadside around him. There were old men with graying beards, kids with stained red lips and half-melted popsicles held tightly in their grasps. A young girl in a sundress was holding hands with a boy, laughing and leaning into him.

They all seemed so normal, like there had never been an Ice Age type apocalypse here. Or like they’d grown past it.

Where the people were thickest was where Zayn found the market.

In an old carpark, the tall trees cast shadows over tables and makeshift tents. Old stores had been opened up with the glass fronts all gone. People were milling about everywhere. Zayn was in awe of the world that had suddenly opened up in front of him.

He stepped into the crowd, and let himself be carried along down the rows. He passed tables of jewelry, crates of vegetables he’d never seen, an old storefront that was overflowing with hand made clothing.

Zayn stopped off there, after noticing the state of his clothes after passing by a booth that was selling repurposed mirrors and other home goods.

The shop was quiet on the inside, just a few people exploring it.

“Oh, dear,” An older woman was suddenly beside Zayn, looking him up and down. He only had split second to be offended before she was explaining, “You could do with a shower, couldn’t you? Not to be rude, but you’re covered in dust and sweat, dear.” She offered a kind smile. “I’ve a shower in the back if you’d like to use it. And you can choose any outfit you like. First one’s on me.” She smiled, waving over a girl and whispering something to her.

Zayn was a bit taken aback by the offer, so he let the woman propel him through the store, showing him different pieces of clothing that she thought he might like.

A few moments later, she sent him off into the back of the shop, a towel, and a fresh outfit in hand.

The shower was blessedly cool and refreshing. He was even more pleased that the shirt she’d shoved into his arms was sleeveless – a loose gray top that he was pairing with black shorts and a pair of sneakers too.

He felt like all he was saying that day was thank you as he walked out of the shop, repeatedly saying those two words to the woman. She laughed and waved him off, telling him that that was what she did.

Zayn let himself get sucked back into the crowd.

He quickly found that the further back in the carpark he moved, the less dense the crowd became, and the more food was being put on display. There were booths of fruits, tents of bread and cheese. One woman sat directly in the shade of one of the tall trees and offered Zayn a taste of wine that she and her girlfriend made themselves. He passed on that only because he saw something much more mouthwatering a few booths away.

Standing there in all the glory of the summer heat and the brilliant blue sky was a boy whose dripped gold and whose caramel eyes betrayed his sinfully pink lips.

Liam.

He was chatting with an elderly farmer. A canvas bag on one arm which he shifted to the next as he reached out to pat the man on the shoulder, laughing.

Zayn’s heart clenched painfully in his chest at the sound.

Months. It had been months since he’d heard that sound in naught but memory. Months since he’d felt that ripple under his skin at the sound because it was too good.

Zayn was frozen to the ground. The wine lady at his side had moved on from the “crazy boy” and was babbling to someone else. Zayn stared, unable to pull his eyes away, unable to move another step.

He didn’t have to.

Liam turned, waving goodbye to the farmer, stuffing a large orange fruit down into his bag. He was smiling when he looked up from that action, his eyes scanning the area as if he could sense Zayn’s laserbeam-like focus.

“Zayn?” He couldn’t hear his name; he could only see Liam’s eyes gone wide, lips forming the word. There they moved again.

The elder of the two swallowed the lump in his throat – his heart he quickly realized; the lump was his heart trying to go meet Liam. He bolted forward, not caring as he knock into someone, not caring that he dropped his bundle of old sweaty clothes.

“Zayn,” This time he heard the world just the second before he collided with Liam, pushing the beautiful wonderful man back into the wall of the old farmer’s booth. The air was knocked out of both of them.

He tucked his face into Liam’s shoulder, tangled his arms so tightly around him that he hoped he’d never be able to let go. “Liam.” He gasped once he was able to suck in a breath again. “Fuck, please tell me it’s really you. Please tell me this isn’t another dream.”

Liam’s hands burned fiery hot through the fabric of Zayn’s top, running invisible trails over his sides, his back, his shoulders. “It’s me. It’s me. Is it really you?” Liam laughed through a wet sob, wrapping his arms just as tightly around Zayn.

Zayn didn’t want to let go. He never wanted to pull away from Liam because as they were at that moment, they were pressed more tightly together than they’d ever been.

Zayn wanted to pull away, though, to just removed his face from the comfort of Liam’s shoulder. He wanted to see his face again. To taste his lips and feel his smile against his own. So he did.

There was no chance for Liam to initiate the kiss first (which he had definitely been intending to do) because Zayn was on him, pressing their mouths together, trying to catch a taste of Liam’s soul as proof that it really was the man that he’d just traveled all those thousands of miles to find.

“Oh my God,” Liam laughed when Zayn finally pulled back for a breath. “It really is you.” He loosed one hand from Zayn’s back to cup the side of Zayn’s face. “You look different.” His eyes wrinkled at the corners. “You look hot.”

“Well can you blame me, it’s a thousand fucking degrees.” Zayn grinned so wide it hurt, laughing himself. “You don’t look too bad, either. You’re so tan now.” He darted forward to press a kiss to Liam’s jaw where there was a layer of hair now. “And you’re growing a beard.”

Liam nodded, lips twitching as if they were trying to smile wider than their already impossible delight. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”

“Better believe it, babe. I brought the whole team with me.” Zayn sighed, reluctantly untying his knotted arms from around Liam. He took his hand instead. “Niall and Harry, Louis, they came with me. Brought the animals too. Rufus and Frieda and Tiger,” Zayn looked into Liam’s eyes, “And Loki.”

He exploded in happiness, sweeping Zayn up into a hug and spinning him around. “Where are they? How – Nevermind, I don’t care right now. But where are they?” He began to walk off.

“Lee! Don’t forget your bag!” The farmer called from the inside of the booth, peering out at the two of them with a wide grin. “I’m happy your boy found you. It’s about time.”

Liam blushed and grabbed the bag.

“I’m your boy?” Zayn asked as they were walking off, fingers tangled together between them.

“Shut up.” Liam laughed, bumping his hip against Zayn’s.

/\/\

\/\/

As Zayn and Liam walked the thirty minutes back to Liam’s house (“How did you find it? How did you find me?” “I’ll get there, Liam. Patience.”) they caught up. First, Zayn had Liam tell him all about leaving Holdon and what he’d done.

“At first I went to that university that you and Niall lived in. I remembered the three of you talking about it and you’d given enough specifics for me to be able to find it. Took me two full days to walk there and I was half dead by that time, but I found a building and managed to make a fire. All I had to eat was what they’d banished me with, so I had to make what little it was work.

“After a while more I remembered what my dad used to teach us, so I headed south. I got turned around a few times, and ran into a few groups of people that I definitely should’ve steered clear of, but eventually I ended up in California and I came even further south until it was warm.” Liam stared ahead as he talked, his fingers flexing around Zayn’s hand every now and then as though he need the reminder that Zayn was there, Zayn was a tangible, real human standing beside him.

Back at the house, the boys were all lounging, half asleep in the shade of the front porch. As soon as Zayn and Liam started up the driveway, Loki launched to his feet, jerking his leash free of Louis’s unexpecting hand.

He shot like a rocket at Liam, barking and whining and tail wagging so hard that it set him a bit off course. He jumped up into Liam’s arms, licking at his face and wiggling around and barking and shaking with excitement.

Niall was surprisingly the first to come barreling towards them, wrapping Liam in a tight hug, pressing kisses to his cheeks. “You idiot! We’ve been looking for you for ages! Jesus Christ, Zee, I can’t believe you actually found him!”

Louis was next hurtling himself at Liam, pressing a solid punch to the larger man’s bicep. “Missed you, you arse. Zayn was properly pining after you and shit.” He let himself be cuddled briefly, and then Harry was shoving him out of the way so that he could gather Liam into a hug.

“I can’t believe all of you are actually here,” Liam laughed, not bothering to hide the tears brimming in his eyes. “Christ, come inside. The door was open, you could’ve gone inside at any time.” He turned the knob and walked right inside.

“Well, Jesus, Liam. It’s not bloody polite to do that.” Louis retorted, stepping in right behind him. “Oh, wow, this is nice.”

Zayn stepped in next, gravitating to Liam’s side again, fitting their palms together.

The miniature zoo was corralled inside and released, and they went scattering to explore the home. Niall and Harry closed the door.

“We’d probably go stop them before they find my new pets.” Liam commented, looking after the hallway the dogs had disappeared down.

Zayn cocked an eyebrow. “You’ve got new pets?”

“Wait til you see my snake.” He grinned.

The other three chorused their disgust. “No sexual innuendos, Liam, please.” Harry pleaded.

“It wasn’t! I’ve got a pet snake. I swear.” He led Zayn away by the hand and the others followed by habit if not curiosity.

Liam led them down the hallway, up a flight of stairs at the end of it, and along a landing that overlooked a room below. Loki and Rufus were standing outside a door, sniffing at it, tails wagging.

“Hey, out of the way.” Liam told them, drag Loki away by his collar. “I’ll open the door if you move, Rufus.” Zayn tugged on his dog’s collar.

When Liam pushed open the door, Zayn wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting behind it, but it had definitely not been a room with a large tank and a six foot long snake inside of it. Or a large Great Dane sleeping on the floor, a rope toy beside his head.

“Watson, wake up.” Liam called, “Watson, I’ve got friends for you.”

The dog slowly opened his eyes, blinking at Liam and then focusing on Zayn and the other two dogs that were still wagging their tails as they stared at the new dog from between Zayn’s legs.

Watson, a great monster Zayn realized, slowly got to his feet, and walked over to sniff at Zayn.

“You’re lucky he’s still half asleep. He’d’ve bowled you over.” Liam laughed, rubbing over the back of his dog’s head. Loki bolted between Liam’s legs and sniffed at Watson. Rufus quickly followed.

Liam led Zayn over to the tank. “This is Reggie.” The snake slowly slithered over the bottom of the environment. “Do you three want to see?” Louis, Niall, and Harry were all still standing in the doorway, different expressions on their faces as they took in Watson and Reggie.

“I think I’ll stay out here.” Louis stepped to the side. Niall agreed with him, as did Harry.

The five of them, plus the three dogs moved back downstairs a minute later. Liam invited them all to go pick a room. Louis went in search of Frieda, Niall and Harry followed Liam’s advice, and Zayn dragged Liam off to find Tiger.

“We need to talk,” Zayn told him as he searched under tables and chairs. “About how we both got here. About – About you leaving.” Zayn stuttered over that, wishing that he could forget about Liam’s abrupt departure (without him).

“Ok. We will. Later.”

Zayn looked up from where he was laying on the floor, one arm stretched under the sofa.

Liam was grinning, his eyes gone dark. He licked his lips, and suddenly Zayn couldn’t care less where Tiger was, all he knew was that he’d been away from Liam for going on five and a half months. In all that time he’d only had himself to get off with, and now the man he loved was standing in front of him again. They were alone. He planned to take advantage of that opportunity.

“Where’s your room?” Zayn asked, standing up and pressing against Liam, placing kissed over his jaw and throat.

Liam groaned, dragging Zayn behind him up two flights of stairs, and slammed and locked the door behind them.

Zayn was on his back on the bed before he could even get a proper look at the room. Liam fell over top of him, all hands and skin and lips. Zayn felt Liam’s dick hard, pressing against his belly; he couldn’t help the grind of his hips up into the other man.

“Zayn,” Liam gasped, breaking the kiss and shivering down Zayn’s body so that his face hovered just over the waistband of his shorts. “I’ve dreamed about this for so long. So many times since...” He shook his head, but didn’t break his gaze with Zayn.

He brushed the tips of his fingers over Liam’s cheek, thumb dragging over Liam’s bottom lip. “Dreamed about you all the time, Li. So many different ways.” He licked his lips, gasping when Liam sucked the Zayn’s thumb into his mouth. “Can I – I mean, do you want to –“

Liam cut Zayn’s words off when he unbuttoned Zayn’s shorts, and fingered the zipper, smiling up innocently. “I want you to tell me about those dreams. Later. For now, babe, I want to make you mine again.”

“I was never anyone else’s.” Zayn whispered, chest tight as his heart pounded. Liam’s fingers dipped inside the shorts, ghosting over Zayn’s hardened prick. “Always yours, Liam.”

Zayn sighed when Liam pulled his prick free of his boxer shorts, licking a stripe from base to tip. Liam moaned around the tip, sucking lightly as Zayn gushed precome.

“Liam,” the darker boy whined, fingers scrabbling over the back of his boyfriend’s head. “F-fuck – fuck me. Please, Li, I’ve been dreaming of it.” He slipped a hand to grasp Liam’s shoulder, squeezing it tightly, a loud moan spilling from his lips when Liam jerked Zayn’s shorts all the way off.

“You should see yourself from this angle.” Liam gasped, sucking in a few breaths as he stroked Zayn’s cock. “Your hair looks like a halo. God, Zee, you’re gorgeous.” With his free hand, Liam brushed a finger over Zayn’s hole. “You want me to -?”

Zayn nodded.

Soft kisses peppered his thighs; caramel eyes stared up at him through thick lashes. “Here,” Liam’s fingers touched Zayn’s lips, “I don’t have any lube or anything, so you should get ‘em really wet, babe.”

He did as he was told, lasciviously sucking the younger man’s fingers into his mouth, whining around them when Liam took Zayn back into his mouth, all the way to the root so that Zayn’s tip was bumping against the back of Liam’s throat.

Liam pulled off, “I’ll go slow, you’ve never done this before, have you?” He removed his fingers from Zayn’s mouth and brought them back down to his hole.

“Kiss me,” Zayn whimpered, tugging Liam up to his head. “Kiss me.” Liam’s mouth closed over his, just barely muffling a groan of slight discomfort when Liam pushed his first finger in.

“You’re good, babe. You’re so good.” Liam murmured, brushing kisses over his cheeks and nose and back to his lips.

“I love you,” Zayn gasped, tangling his fingers around the back of Liam’s neck, dragging their mouths together, as Liam’s fingers worked him open. A long keening moan left his mouth when Liam hit his prostate. “Fuck! Love you so much.” Tears pricked his eyes.

Liam ducked his head, biting into the skin of Zayn’s shoulder, muffling his own groan briefly. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.” Zayn slipped a hand down the front of Liam’s shorts, fitting his hand around the boy. “Now why don’t you show me just how much I do to you? Fuck me, Liam.” He whispered the last part against Liam’s lips, gently biting on the bottom one before dropping his head back onto the pillow.

After a couple more moments, Zayn was a whimpering and writhing mess on the bed, grasping at pillows, sheets, and Liam. “Leeyum!” He cried, louder than necessary. “I’m ready. Just do it. Shit!” He whined as Liam took a step backwards off the bed.

He watched with eager eyes as Liam yanked his shirt over his head, shucked his shorts and boxers down his legs, and crawled back onto the bed. “Take this off.” Liam demanded from Zayn, tugging at the top that was clinging to his sweaty chest. Zayn quickly complied.

Liam crushed his lips onto Zayn’s, pressing him back into the mountain of pillows at the head of the bed. “You’re sure?” He pressed their foreheads together, breaths mingling between them. Zayn nodded. “Let me know if you want me to stop.” He left a lingering kiss on Zayn’s lips.

A long lewd moan sung from Zayn’s lips as Liam snubbed the head of his cock against Zayn’s hole and pushed in. It was different than anything Zayn had ever experienced before. He felt fuller and sore and so fucking _pleased_ all at once.

“You okay?” Liam asked, careful not to move.

“Fine. I’m fine, just – _fuck –_ move!” Zayn’s hands fluttered over Liam’s skin, burning hot under his touch as if the man had been laying under the sun all day. “Liam!” He whimpered; Liam pushed in further, sliding all the way in until he was completely inside Zayn.

“You feel so good, babe.” Liam smoothed a hand over Zayn’s forehead, brushing a lock of hair back. “And you’re so beautiful.”

Zayn made a sound and shifted underneath him. The way Liam was touching him, so innocently like he was fragile yet simultaneously so sinful where they were joined. “I’m not going to break, Li. I’m not going to tell you to stop. Touch me, fuck me, get on with it.”

The grin he pushed forward was goading, and Liam laughed. “Want to enjoy this.”

“You will enjoy it. I’ll enjoy it, too.” Zayn mirrored Liam in tracing his cheeks, his lips. “We’ve got forever to savor it. I’m not leaving you.”

Liam groaned, a low sound deep in his chest. Zayn’s prick twitched against his belly at the sound. He gripped Zayn’s thigh and lifted it up towards his chest, pushing in somehow deeper as he did.

And then Liam hit his prostate and the pleasured wail that left Zayn probably carried all the way back to that sweet little market in town. Liam laughed and leaned down to kiss Zayn, then covered his mouth with his hand.

“Shh, love.”

It was difficult to keep quiet when Liam kept working his hips in just the right angle to keep directly prodding Zayn’s pleasure center. Something in his eyes must’ve said that as he stared up at the man over him.

“Here. Compromise.” Liam removed his hand from Zayn’s mouth, and, sliding it down his body (pausing briefly to tweak a nipple just to see what reaction it would illicit – another loud moan and burst of precome onto his belly) he wrapped it around Zayn’s cock. “Keep quiet, though. Or else I’ll have to punish you.”

“Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.” Zayn sat up, practically growling as he twisted an arm around the back of Liam’s neck and dragged his boyfriend’s mouth down onto his.

They maintained the kiss, although it was somewhat sloppy and mostly panting into each other’s mouths, until Zayn was whining again, rolling his hips up to meet each of Liam’s thrusts, his cock growing wetter and impossibly harder in Liam’s grasp.

“Li, I’m –“ Zayn came all over Liam’s hand, their belly’s, and his own chest. His vision went white and his mouth dropped open, unable to restrain the sounds anymore.

When he opened his eyes again, Liam was still hovering over him. His chocolate eyes had darkened until the difference between his iris and his pupil was nearly imperceptible. He’d pulled out of Zayn, and now his still hard cock hung heavy between his legs.

“Want me to take care of that?” Zayn asked, swallowing as the desire to have the heavy weight and sweet taste on his tongue.

Liam flipped over onto his back, and Zayn quickly moved to rest on his belly between Liam’s thighs, wasting no time in taking him into his mouth. Where his mouth didn’t reach, he used his hand, stroking and massaging the bared flesh.

On either side of him, Liam’s thighs were shaking.

“You’re not holding back, are you, Leeyum?” He pulled away briefly, licking his lips as obscenely as possible. “I won’t hold back if you don’t.”

Zayn was true to his word and he sunk down as far as he could, gagging and swallowing to try to take Liam deeper. Liam was moaning softly, whispering Zayn’s name and stroking his cheek gently.

“Give me more. I need –“ Zayn didn’t stop sucking on Liam even when his hand was pulled away from where it rested on the younger man’s thigh. He didn’t stop or even look up when he felt Liam suck Zayn’s fingers into his mouth. He blinked up at Liam when his fingers were pulled back out of his mouth. “Give me more.” Liam demanded.

He only hoped he was right in guessing what “more” was.

Zayn pulled back up Liam’s length until he could breath in a mouthful of air. Liam was watching him with desperate eyes.

Zayn moved his hand down between Liam’s legs, wiggled his wet finger, and pressed it against Liam’s hole at the same time as he sucked on the head of his cock. Liam bucked his hips up, releasing yet another one of those deep-chested groans.

“Maybe next time,” Liam panted, his hands scrambling to find purchase on the sheets, in Zayn’s hair. “Maybe next time, I’ll let you fuck me. Would you like that?”

Zayn hummed and pressed his finger inside, drawing out a gasp from the younger man. As soon as he found Liam’s prostate, putting the perfect amount of pressure on it seemed a good idea. It certainly was.

“Good. Good. Fucking hell, Zee.” Liam jerked Zayn’s hair, pushing him further down on his cock, shooting off. Zayn looked up at his boyfriend’s face, witnessing a miracle as Liam bit down on his sinfully pink bottom lip.

Something akin to Zayn’s name slipped out between moans.

Zayn swallowed down every bit of what Liam gave him before he let his softening dick slip from his mouth.

“Was that good? Alright?” Zayn asked, trying to ignore the rasp of his voice and the soreness and stickiness between his thighs as he crawled up to the head of the bed. He settled down beside Liam, pressed shoulder to shoulder with him.

Liam hummed a sound and rolled up onto his elbows, peering down at the man under him. “Amazing. That’s the word for everything that just happened.” He grinned, “I love you. I don’t think I told you that earlier. You distracted me by sliding your hand down my shorts.”

Zayn cocked an eyebrow at him. “Any other critiques in my style?”

“You’re loud.” Liam laughed, kissing Zayn in the center of his chest. “Louder than I expected anyway. Not really a bad thing, of course.”

“Shut up,” Zayn replied, scratching his fingers over Liam’s scalp. “like you were quiet at all.”

Liam hummed again. “Quieter than you, love.” He dipped down into a kiss, licking into Zayn’s mouth, drawing out the taste of him and savoring it as best as he could.

“Your kisses taste different, you know.” Zayn commented, licking his lips. “Sweeter, fruity. Used to taste like minty chocolate.” He traced a thumb over Liam’s cheek.

He left the bed, sheets falling from around his waist; Liam was left standing there in all his naked glory, framed in sunlight that spilled through the glass wall. “It’s all the grapefruit. Speaking of -”

A loud rumble echoed from Liam’s belly.

“Feeling hungry?” Zayn sat up, grinning as he reached for Liam’s waist. All he really wanted was to pull Liam back down onto the mattress with him. They were together again; they could spend the rest of their lives in the sheets if that’s what they desired.

“You have no idea.” Liam reached for Zayn’s sides, pulling him out of the bed and to his feet. “C’mon, love. Let’s go shower off and go see what I’ve got to eat. And what the other lads are up to. Hopefully they’ve not destroyed my home yet.”

Zayn grappled with Liam’s hand, following his footsteps to a bathroom that was hidden behind a panel of the wall. “It’s a really nice home, Li.”

“Yeah, it uses solar power, so there’s electricity and running water and everything. Don’t know why the original owners abandoned it in the first place.” He pressed Zayn through the glass doors of the shower, up against the cold tile wall. “Should thank them, really. If not for them I wouldn’t be able to do this.”

Zayn found out that shower sex was very nice, fairly dangerous, and a bit of a mess if you got shampoo in your eye.

/\/\

\/\/

“You’re alive!” Niall sprinted towards Zayn, wrapping the boy in a tight hug. “I thought you were dead!”

“Niall, what the fuck?” Zayn squirmed out of Niall’s hold.

Louis and Harry were watching from the sofa, grins on both of their faces. Zayn looked back at the blond in front of him. He was grinning wickedly, “The sounds you were making. Sure sounded like Liam was murdering you.”

“Oh,” Zayn turned around, right into Liam’s chest. “I hate them. Can we throw them into the ocean?”

Liam laughed, “Later, Zee. Is anyone hungry?”

The other boys made a joke, saying that they were sure that Zayn and Liam had worked up quite an appetite, to which Zayn flipped them all his middle finger and told them to starve.

He followed Liam to the kitchen and watched his boyfriend move around through the cabinets and the refrigerator, pulling out plates and bowls and cups, large orange fruits and a loaf of brown bread and a pitcher of something.

The other three gathered around the long white countertop, grabbing at the food, and smirking at the way that Zayn and Liam leaned into each other, almost magnetically.

“Cute.” Niall laughed, wrinkling his nose at his best friend.

Zayn ignored him, choosing to taste the fruit that gave Liam that taste.

“Are we going to talk about how we all got here?” Louis asked after a few moments of silence as they all ate. “It’s quite a mystery, Liam, how you got all the way here. We had a map and compass, but how’d you navigate all the way here?”

So Liam told them all what he’d told Zayn, elaborating a bit more on some of the people he’d met, the places he’d been. “And when I got into the town here, everyone welcomed me and it didn’t take long to find out that this far away from there was mostly unpopulated, so I picked a house and here I’ve been ever since. How did you lot get here?”

“Yeah, Zee, tell him how we got here.” Louis prompted, stuffing a chunk of bread into his mouth.

“Dreams.” Zayn said. Liam raised his eyebrows, curling his arm around Zayn’s waist tighter, fingers gripping his hip. “It started about three months after you left. I had dreams about you that were weird – not the sexual kind, Li (well, okay, sometimes) – but they seemed to have a meaning. You were always telling me to come find you, and it took a while, but then I had a dream where you told me to follow you and you left a trail.

“We left a little over a week later. I told your mum where we were going and she cried.” Liam nodded, a sad smile twisting his lips. “We sneaked out of Holdon, stole our ambulance back from the garage, and left: the four of us, the dogs and Tiger, and Jade.”

Liam frowned, “Jade? Jade came with you? Where is she?” His amber eyes flickered from Zayn’s face to Louis’s, to Harry’s, to Niall’s. “And why did she come with you?”

“Niall blabbed to her that we were leaving to find you.” Zayn turned to look at Niall. “She begged us to take her with us, said she missed you and hated being in Holdon. We got held up in somewhere called Marion because of a huge blizzard, and when we left we ended up in another town where we met a group of girls.

“They joined us and they were with us until a few days ago, in Los Angeles. They decided to go their own way, and Jade wanted to go with them. She told me to give you her love.”

He shook his head, “I can’t believe she did it. She used to tell me she wanted to leave and find somewhere else happier.”

Liam asked more about their trip, about what troublesome things had happened. He asked about what he’d missed at Holdon, how his family was.

Each of the boys filled him in on their versions of events. As the day dragged on, they were all buzzing on reaching their destination, on joining together again, and the stories were just another cause of the good mood. Until Louis abruptly changed topic to a somewhat darker story.

“Zayn was pretty fucked up after you left.”

The house fell silent. Not even the animals across the room in the living area made a noise.

Zayn immediately noticed the space that had grown between he and Liam. He slunk closer, sank into Liam’s warm side. “Lou.” His tone was warning, but the older boy waved him off.

“No, Zee. He should know.” His blue eyes were razor sharp, cutting from Zayn’s eyes to Liam’s. “He should know that his leaving at the crack of dawn that more destroyed you. He should know that you were like bloody Humpty Dumpty, and the three of us honestly didn’t think that we could piece you back together at all.

“Have you told him that for the first three months you could barely spend any time in your dorm, that you spent nearly every night in my room or in Harry and Niall’s? Have you told him that those nights that you did sleep alone you had brutal nightmares of being abandoned?” Louis folded his arms over his chest.

Harry frowned and reached for Louis, “Stop it. You’re ruining –“

“Liam ruined everything, Harry. Not me. You know it, too! You saw how Zayn was! He was worse than a zombie, Liam, because at least zombies have some purpose. All Zayn did was drift through his days with no aim. He stopped eating and talking. We were a few days away from sending him into the hospital when he finally started to be, like, normal.”

Liam was staring down at his hands on the countertop, his brows knotted together. Not that the others could tell, but his heart was pounding in his chest, and his body was minutely trembling.

“Shut up, Louis.” Zayn said, twisting fully towards Liam, smoothing a hand over his back in an effort to stop the trembles. “That was then. This is now. Leave all that in the past because I couldn’t give a shit about it anymore.”

In a softer voice he spoke to Liam, tilting his chin up so that their eyes met. “Hey.”

Liam’s eyes went wide and a smile sweetened his lips. “Hi.”

“Listen to me, Louis’s right –“

“That’s not something you’ll hear everyday, Lou.” Niall laughed, tossing a piece of bread at the older boy.

“- I was an absolute disaster after you left. But it’s not your fault. You were being forced to leave anyway, so it’s no one’s fault but the Warden’s. You leaving Holdon is exactly what we needed. Me and Jade and Niall and Harry and kind of Louis. We needed out of there and finding you was the perfect incentive to get us to do that. Don’t give me that look like you’re so sorry. You don’t need to be.

“I’m fine. I’m whole. My normal has been restored.” Zayn stretched up on his tiptoes to come eye-to-eye with Liam. “I love you, Liam Payne. I don’t blame you for any of that dark time in my past.”

Someone cleared their throat behind them, and Zayn looked over to find Niall smirking. “You two are disgustingly in love, and if you’re going to shag again, we’d prefer you do it quietly and out of our sight.”

Zayn flipped him off. Liam smiled, diving in to kiss Zayn, long and deep with added sound effects.

/\/\

\/\/

The next day was much like that one. Sort of. Liam took the other three boys to the market in town while Zayn slept in. He woke up a few hours later to the smell of cooking food in the kitchen, and he stumbled out of bed and halfway downstairs before he realized he was half-naked, and then he realized that he was at Liam’s house, it was warm, and he didn’t need to cover up all of his skin.

Niall was playing with the dogs in the living area of the open-concept first floor of the house, Harry was watching with a ridiculous grin, and Louis and Liam were standing in the kitchen at the stove.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Liam met Zayn for a kiss. “You’re hair is a mess, love.” He ran his hand quickly through Zayn’s nest of platinum blond hair.

Zayn shrugged and plastered himself to Liam’s back, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Don’t care. What’s for breakfast?”

“It’s lunch, actually.” Louis told him, poking a spatula at his naked ribs.

“Question still stands.” Zayn nosed against his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Liam laughed and turned in his arms. “Pizza.”

After their lunch (Zayn’s brunch), everyone went out to the beach, all the boys, all the dogs, even Tiger went out as far as the top of the long stairs before bolting back inside the house.

Liam managed to draw Zayn out into the water, maintaining a tight hold on his hand the entire time. “Promise I won’t let you drown.” He pressed a kiss to the back of Zayn’s hand, and that was enough to convince Zayn to go out into the water up to his waist.

When Louis swam up behind them, silently underwater, and grabbed Zayn’s ankle, though, that was the end of Zayn being in the ocean at the same time as Louis. The only bonus of that situation was that Louis ended up with a bloody nose for ten minutes.

Zayn stayed on the sand, throwing a ball for the dogs, or building a sandcastle with Niall until Watson ran straight through it and destroyed the entire thing. When Liam left the water and it streamed down his body like liquid gold, Zayn abandoned everything else and chose to spend the rest of the day sunbathing beside him.

“Your hair’s going to get even blonder in the sunlight.” Liam told him teasingly. “Won’t be able to tell you and Niall apart.”

“Maybe I should dye it back to black. Do they have that in the market?” Zayn squinted over at Liam through the sunlight.

Liam shrugged. “Probably. Maybe you should dye it a different color. Could see you going blue maybe.” He teased with a smile; Zayn grinned back with his tongue tucked behind his front teeth, nose wrinkling adorably.

“Accidentally dyed my hair orange for a bit back at Holdon. I looked like my whole head was on fire.” Zayn whispered, kissing up Liam’s stomach. “Everyone took the piss out of me, ‘cept for Jade. She told me it was your favorite color and that you’d think it was funny.”

Liam cracked a grin. “She was right. It is my favorite color, but I definitely would’ve taken the piss out of you too. You probably looked ridiculous. Platinum suits you much better.” His fingers dug into the mess on top of Zayn’s head, tugging lightly. Zayn moaned. “Love that sound. I missed you.”

“Missed you too.”

“Stop being disgusting!” Harry shouted from the surf, Rufus and Watson and Loki bounding around in the water as they waited for Harry to throw the ball. “You’re in public!”

“It’s a private beach!” Liam called back, laughing as Zayn pretended to drop his head in Liam’s lap and blow him.

The afternoon dragged on, everyone splashing around in the water, playing with the sand. For dinner Liam made them all hamburgers.

“Fresh beef from the farmer’s market.” He informed them as Harry assisted in pressing the meat into patties. “Fresh veggies and buns, as well.”

He grilled the meal out on his deck, dressed in an apron and Zayn (who hovered so close to him the whole time, that he might as well have been a piece of clothing on Liam’s body). As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting an array of pinks and purples and blues into the sky, they sat down to eat and watch the stars come out.

As Zayn fed small chunks of his burger to Rufus and Loki, Louis snuck vegetables to Frieda in his lap. Watson, the magnificent monster, had an entire burger made especially for him.

“If I didn’t make him one, he would eat everyone’s without any problem.” Liam had told them as he sat the heavy burger down in front of the Great Dane. “You don’t want to know what it’s like to have food stolen almost right out of your mouth, literally, by him.”

When the sky had fallen past the shades of blue into black, Zayn was able to pick out the stars. It was Harry and Niall’s turn to do dishes, so Zayn didn’t hesitate to take Liam’s hand and lead him away down the long flight of stairs to the beach.

The light of the house rose up on the cliff high above them, all but invisible as they looked out over the Pacific and all of the stars above them. Zayn marveled at the sky.

Liam walked him towards the water’s edge where the waves only barely ghosted over their toes, sometimes splashing up to their ankles. “Do you see that belt of stars, the lighter part of the sky?” He whispered against Zayn’s ear.

“Yeah,” and Zayn wondered if it was possible to miss. A band of light, stars streaming across the sky towards the south. A sudden realization hit him, an echo from a dream. _Follow the snake in the sky,_ Liam had once whispered to him in one dream. “It looks kinda like a snake. Just a little bit.”

“It does.” Liam wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Come sit down.” He pulled him backwards a few feet, just out of the dropping tide’s reach.

Zayn settled between Liam’s legs, relaxing back against his chest, and breathed in the smell of the salty air. “Hey, Liam.”

“Mhmm?”

“Tell me a story.”

Liam started into a story about a boy who almost drowned and a king who lost his crown, something completely made up and full of twists and turns that made Zayn laugh as Liam went on, painting a bigger picture, until at last the boy and the ex-King fell in love.

By the end of the story, night was thick around them. The lights in the house had all gone out, and the moon was a tiny silver crescent hovering high above the horizon.

“Now it’s your turn.” Liam told Zayn, pinching his side to make sure he was still awake. “Will you tell me a story?”

“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...”

Liam laughed, jostling Zayn slightly. “I’ve heard that one before. Something original, babe.”

Zayn laughed and twisted around in Liam’s arm to drop a quick kiss to his lips. “You’re picky. Here, I think you’ve probably not heard this one.”

The story he told was one of a band of spies and thieves; five boys that roamed the planet, stealing expensive jewelry and artwork, collecting intelligence on foreign governments. Along the way two of the spies fell in love with each other. “The daring Z, and the chivalrous W.”

“W?” Liam asked, a half-smile quirking his lips.

“Mhmm. He chose a letter that didn’t correlate with his real name. He didn’t want anyone to discover his true identity. Now, shush, Leeyum. I’m telling you the story.”

On one particularly challenging mission, Z and W were told to pose as Princes visiting from two different tiny, rich countries while the other three in their group were to use Z and W’s intelligence to break into the palace and steal a 100 million dollar painting.

“They were given the most luxurious extravagances that their host country could provide, and living the lavish life put both spies into a relaxed state. Someone high up in the host country’s government realized that they were spies through a slip-up in hushed conversation at a party, and soon the two men were arrested.”

“Were they thrown into a kinky sex dungeon?” Liam asked, his fingers tickling up Zayn’s thighs, lips pressed to his jaw.

Zayn squirmed around. “Hey, no, they weren’t. It was a normal, drab dungeon. With armed guards outside. Not exactly the perfect setting to get it on. Unless you’re into that kind of thing.” Liam mumbled out a no, hidden amongst laughter.

As Zayn’s story wore on, Liam interrupted more and more, silly comments and criticisms at sudden contradictions, like when agent W suddenly became agent L. “He’d told Z his real name. It was a slip-up.” Zayn shrugged it off. Liam also grew more handsy, tucking a hand under the front of Zayn’s shirt, mouthing at his exposed throat.

The story abruptly ended, jumping from the spies attempting to devise an escape plan to “and then the other three agents broke in with guns blazing, sick ass martial arts skills, and they were free, and caught the first flight home. The end. Epilogue, though, agents Z and L ended up going right back to Z’s apartment and didn’t leave for another week.”

Zayn turned around in Liam’s arms, pressed his mouth hotly to his boyfriend’s, licking into his mouth and grinding his crotch down against Liam’s.

They kissed and rolled their hips together, cumming in their pants and then starting all over again. They were like two horny teenagers that couldn’t get enough of each other until the sky began to lighten.

Liam sat up in the sand, dragging Zayn to join him between his legs like he’d been earlier in the night. “Look it’s almost sunrise.” He tangled their hands together, resting them against Zayn’s belly.

Zayn’s eyes drooped, the sleepless night and several orgasms he’d had over the past few hours had taken a lot out of him. He shivered back against Liam’s warm body.

“There’s one big thing to look forward to.” Liam curled more around Zayn, draping over him, tucking his chin over his shoulder.

“What’s that?” Zayn yawned. His sleepy eyes were on the orange horizon, the amber waves, the rising dawn. The bare sliver of the sun that was above the horizon sent heat tingling over the bottoms of their feet, over their cheeks, and intertwined hands. He was only half-listening to his boyfriend. Sleep was beckoning him, and he was falling into its arms, but even then he heard Liam whisper

_“The world’s getting warm again.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the END (ps. there's going to be a brief epilogue too) Once again, please let me know what you've thought about it. All criticism, good and bad is welcomed :) Thank you so so so much for reading this and supporting it!


	7. Chapter 7

**EPILOGUE**

\---

Zayn was perfectly content. The sun was warm on his skin, the sea cool on his toes, and Liam was beside him. He loved him, he loved their friends who had all three moved into the house next door after noise complaints, he loved their zoo of animals that was growing by the day – a snake, six dogs, three cats, and a tiny hedgehog that Zayn had named Louis.

He was very happy with his life here in sunny California after the end of the world.

He enjoyed their daily trips into the town to visit the market or go visit some of Liam’s friends. Zayn was especially pleased with a surprise one day a few weeks after his reunion with Liam.

They’d gone in to the market. It was early in the morning, the sun still low in the sky as they set out with Zayn’s puppy Rhino and Watson trotting along beside them. Liam was holding Zayn’s hand, fingers tracing absentmindedly over the pattern of a mandala Zayn had recently inked into his hand.

Breakfast was served under the shade of a palm tree from a tent where the crepes were fresh and the berries burst with flavor. They grabbed fresh coffee from a table on another row and continued their search through the market.

“Are we looking for anything in particular?” Zayn asked, winding Rhino’s leash tighter around his free hand, not wanting the pup to wander off.

Liam shrugged. “Maybe. I was just thinking we could go find this one spice shop I found once. The family who works it said that they found a farm not too far away that had most of the stuff growing. I remember you telling me that your mum used a lot of spices, so I figured we could give it a try.”

“Cause you’re such a professional chef now?” Zayn laughed. Just the night before Liam had nearly burned the kitchen down while trying to make scrambled eggs.

“Of course.” Liam nodded, completely serious. “I’m getting better. You should’ve seen the shit I cooked when I first left Holdon. It was barely edible.”

The passed down row after row, stopping every now and then to sample foods or take a look at the crafts that were being sold. Before they knew it, the sun was at its height, beaming down on them and causing sweat to roll down spines.

“I think we should find a nice shady spot and wait a bit, Li. It’s boiling.” Zayn tilted his head towards a towering tree a row away. “Could let the dogs have a break.” Poor Rhino was panting and clearly growing tired. Watson wasn’t much better.

“Alright.” Liam agreed and they squeezed between two booths to cut over to the next row, aiming straight for the palm tree’s meager shade.

Zayn sighed as he leaned back against the solid base of the tree, not even complaining when his pup climbed into his lap to lick at his face. Watson laid down on one side of him, nosing at Liam’s ankles where the man still stood over them. “I’m gonna go look around some more. See if I can find some water for them.”

“And us.” Zayn looked down at Rhino, scratching behind his ears. “Hurry back.”

Liam nodded and bent over to kiss Zayn before he turned and walked away, disappearing behind a small group of people. Zayn dropped his head back against the rough surface of the tree, closed his eyes, and used his other senses to stay in touch with the world around him.

He could smell the cooking meat a few spots down the row, he could hear the laughter and loud conversations between sellers, he could feel the sun softly caressing his cheeks and the heartbeat of Rhino in his lap.

“Are you alright?” Someone was crouched down in front of him.

Zayn opened his eyes. A vaguely familiar sight assaulted him. A young woman was sitting in front of him, her brows knit together, one hand extended towards him. She repeated her question, and added, “I’ve helped you before, haven’t I?”

That was right, Zayn realized. This was the same girl who had offered him water that first day when he went looking for Liam. Her pale blonde hair was tied up in a knot on her head, green eyes shining out at him even though her face was shadowed. He nodded.

“I thought so. What was your name again?”

“Zayn. And I’m fine this time. I promise.” He offered a smile.

She frowned, an unexpected reaction. “That’s a nice name. Not very common, is it?” She settled down onto the ground, offering an upturned hand for Watson to sniff curiously.

“Not really. What’s yours? I –“

“Zayn!” Liam was jogging towards them, two bottles of water and a handmade bowl in his hands. “Who’s your friend?”

The girl smiled up at him, extending her hand (unfortunately covered in Watson slobber, but that was something Liam was used to) for Liam to shake. “I’m Anna. Sadly it’s all too common of a name,” She said back over her shoulder to Zayn. “I was just asking if he was alright. Last time I saw him he looked about ready to die of dehydration.”

Liam looked to Zayn for a bit more explanation. “I met her that first day, Liam. She pointed me here.” He reached for the items in Liam’s hands, popping a cap off one of the bottles to pour into the pour, which he then offered to Rhino.

“I guess I owe you, then.” Liam told her. “Without you Zayn probably wouldn’t have found me too easily. He’d been looking for me for months.”

Zayn poured the second bottle into the bowl and moved it over to Watson who plunged his face into it like it was a swimming pool.

“I’m glad I could help.” Anna stood up suddenly, brushing off the seat of her pants while simultaneously drying her slobbery hand. “It was great meeting you, Liam, Zayn. I’ve got to go; I was supposed to meet some friends. See you around sometime.” She waved and was off.

“She seems nice.” Liam sat down, pulling a third bottle of water out of the pocket of his shorts. “I found the spice shop, if you want to come with me.”

They waited there in the shade for another moment or two as Watson drank every drop of water from the bowl, and then Liam helped Zayn back to his feet, grabbed Watson’s leash, and the four of them walked back the way that Liam had come from.

The spice shop was tiny, only half of a bigger store in the abandoned shopping center. There were shelves and crates full of spices that made Zayn’s mouth water at the simple memory of their taste. Liam stayed close to his side, going starry-eyed every time that Zayn babbled off a story about a time his mum had used whichever spice he was talking about.

“Pick however many you want,” Liam told him.

He’d explained to Zayn that the people here in the community didn’t pay for stuff with money, they bartered. For example, Liam normally paid with offering work (“I’m really good with my hands.” “Oh, Leeyum, don’t I know it.”) and he was really good at it.

Zayn decided on only a few spices, to which Liam scoffed and told them that if he was going to work for them, he might as well get a few more. Zayn complied happily.

The family that was working in the back of the shop looked up excited as Liam and Zayn approached, one girl shoving the other, blatantly obvious that she was pointing out Liam.

“Hello, girls.” Liam winked, likely unconsciously flirting with them as he leaned against the surface and gestured for Zayn to place down the spices. “I’d like these today.”

“Of course,” One girl bit her lip and flipped her hair over her shoulder, “And how will you be paying for these?”

Zayn laid a hand low on Liam’s back and leaned in as well, breaking the girl’s eye contact with Liam. “Li, you said physical labor, right? Like construction or summat?” The girl blinked at Zayn, the faintest of frown lines appearing as she looked him up and down, took in the placement of his hand.

The girl shook her head, “Can you sing?”

Liam barked out a laugh, “Yeah. Why?”

“A friend of mine is having a birthday party later. It’d be cool if you came and sang to her. Or just stood there and looked handsome.” She grinned and rested her chin on her hand. “You can bring your boyfriend too.” Her eyes moved over to Zayn.

Liam agreed to it, got all the details of the party, and then promised he’d be there. She promised she’d pay him with the spices if he actually did show up.

“Not a very good payment system.” Zayn commented when they were back outside the shop, untying Rhino and Watson from where they’d leashed them. “You don’t actually get what you want unless you do something else. Like, what if she’d taken your handyman talents as payment, and then you didn’t show up later when she needed you to help with something?”

“You just have to trust that people here are good.” Liam shrugged. “We’ve all been through the same thing, Zee. It makes us want to help each other, I guess.”

And that was that.

They walked all the way back home, and by that time it was time to get ready for the party that they were committed to. It was on the other side of the town, an hour’s walk away. Luckily, Liam had the solution to that problem.

“You’ve got a motorcycle?” Harry gasped, wide eyed as he stared at it. Niall was peering at it from over his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Liam stood beside the metal monster that had been hidden under a tarp in the garage. “Yeah, it’s wonderful. Plus, if I’m right, the party’s just about ten minutes away if we drive.” He handed a helmet to Zayn and squeezed one over his own perfectly styled hair.

His voice was muffled through it, “We’ll be back later. Don’t let the animals destroy the house.”

It was different, exhilarating as Liam started the motorcycle and Zayn felt it rumble to life underneath them. When they shot out of the garage, leaving the two boys behind in a cloud of exhaust fumes, Zayn held tight to Liam’s middle.

He was tempted to close his eyes and tuck his helmet-covered face into his back, but something kept his eyes wide open, glimpsing everything flashing by as they moved down the empty highway.

Liam pulled up in front of the party’s house just six minutes later. A tangle of flowers had been tied to the mailbox and a banner was stretched across the garage door, spelling out in large pink letters “Happy 17th Birthday!” A gaggle of girls was standing outside, ogling them as Liam and Zayn climbed off the motorcycle and removed their helmets.

One of them was the girl that had hired them as entertainment.

“You’re here!” She ran over towards them, instantly reaching for their hands. “Come on, you’ve got to meet everyone. She’s going to be _so_ happy when I see I’ve found her two English men.” She laughed. “She’s always saying she wants one of her own people. Honestly how did so many of you British people get over here to America?”

They followed her back to her friends where they were quickly introduced and fawned over. And to Zayn’s utter surprise, one of them was the blonde girl – Anna – from earlier that day as well.

“We should get inside.” Anna mentioned, nodding towards the front door. “Show her who you meant when you said you’d found two fit entertainers.”

Zayn felt his face flush at so many young girls lusting over him and Liam. Liam took his hand, squeezing it as if he knew what he was thinking.

“What’re your names again?” The girl from the shop asked them.

“I’m Liam. This is Zayn.” Liam cleared his throat and went along when the group began to move towards the door. “So about those spices...?”

She handed them over then.

The inside of the house was far more crowded. Men and women of all ages – small children to the elderly – were moving around, chatting, laughing. The biggest gathering of people was in the kitchen where singing could be heard.

Zayn’s heart lifted at the sound of the song. It was one he was familiar with having heard it many times in his childhood as it was a normal Pakistani song. He smiled and leaned into Liam, whispering the words of it to him.

“You know it?” Liam whispered back.

“Too well.” Zayn stuck close, both of them tracking the girl from the shop and Anna through the crowd as they maneuvered towards the kitchen where the birthday girl was.

Zayn was too caught up in singing the song quietly to Liam that he didn’t notice when they’d passed into the kitchen, or even when the crowd parted around them.

“Babe, look what I brought!” The shop girl shrieked, running forward to wrap her arms around the birthday girl. “Two fine fellas.”

Anna cleared her throat, and that’s when Zayn looked up from the crook of Liam’s neck.

The shop girl continued to talk. “I managed to get them to come to sing for you. They’re not bad to look at either, you know. This is Liam, and the other one is –“

“Zayn?”

The birthday girl pushed her friend away, stepping out from behind her so that she could get a real look at the two boys.

Zayn’s heart froze in his chest. He recognized that voice, that face. He looked around the room at the girl’s assembled family. They were familiar as well. He looked back to his little sister.

“Oh my –“ She ran forward - practically flew – to Zayn. Her arms and legs wrapped around him in a hug and she hid her face in his neck.

“Waly?” Zayn’s tongue tangled around the nickname for his sister. “What the fuck?” He hugged her back, numbly. Disbelief.

She trembled in his arms, crying.

Liam’s hand had slipped from his, so Zayn didn’t notice when suddenly Liam wasn’t there and instead he was being wrapped in a whole group of very, very familiar people. His whole family. His mum, his dad, Doniya, Safaa, his cousins and aunts and uncles.

For a good dozen minutes, no one moved from the mass hug. No sound was made other than sniffles and “Zayn?” It seemed that everyone that wasn’t family had vacated the room. Everyone except Liam who Zayn caught a brief glimpse of still standing on the outskirts of the sea of family.

When the tide finally broke and Zayn wasn’t being hugged by a dozen relatives, he sighed and wiped at his teary eyes. “Am I dead?” He asked, eyes roving over the faces he knew and thought he’d lost.

There was his mother, her eyes streaming and lips trembling; one hand was holding his, the other was holding Yaser’s. Zayn’s father was staring as if he couldn’t believe his eyes either.

“I thought – I thought all of you were dead.” The words were careful, softly spoken. “I left and when I came back the building was collapsed, no one was there.”

“We thought you were dead.” Doniya stepped forward, hugging him again. “We heard the ceiling start to crack, so we all got out of there. Some of us just barely in time. It was after that that we realized you weren’t there.”

Yaser’s hand came down on Zayn’s shoulder, and he thought his knees would give out. This was real. This was his family, all alive like he’d never imagined they could be.

“We dug for as long as we could.” He said, “Until our hands were numb. There was no choice but to assume that you’d been crushed.” His father’s eyes were sad as he looked over his son’s face, “I’m very, very glad that we were wrong.”

It was a lot like his reunion with Liam, only times ten. The birthday party was forgotten, the gifts Waliyha’s friends had brought were forgotten, the cake lay uneaten on the kitchen table. Zayn and his family gathered in the living room and talked over one another in telling stories about the past year in which they’d all thought him dead, and he had thought they were dead.

The other guests stuck around, enchanted by the day’s miracle. Liam hung in the back of the room, always in Zayn’s line of sight when he looked up, always with a reassuring and ecstatic smile.

As the hours passed, the guests began to leave, wishing Waly a happy birthday, and saying that they were so happy that Zayn had been found. Anna claimed that she’d thought all along (since she met him) that this was the missing brother Zayn she’d heard her friend talk about.

When the sky began to grow dark, Zayn looked to the last remaining guest that wasn’t a member of the family. Liam still hung in the back of the room, trying to remain out of sight or something ridiculous.

Zayn wouldn’t have any of that.

“Li, come here.” He gestured for Liam, holding his hand out to him.

Every eye turned to him and Zayn grinned as he saw the blush painting Liam’s cheeks pink. He stepped carefully through the spaces between Zayn’s family on the floor, until he was able to take Zayn’s hand again. Zayn tugged him forward so that he tumbled down onto his lap.

“This is Liam. My boyfriend. He helped me a lot to get here.”

“I hope you’re good to my boy.” Zayn’s mum laughed, reaching over to pat Liam’s knee. “He deserves the best.”

“Liam’s better than the best. He’s the love of my life.” Zayn tangled their fingers in Liam’s lap, feeling everything inside of himself settle at the whole feeling of completeness.

Zayn had everything he wanted, everything he needed. His family. His Liam. His home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The final end. I love you with all my heart if you've read this far, especially if you enjoyed it! Thank you so much!! Once again, please leave a comment or a kudos because they feed my starving writer's soul.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me some feedback! I'd love to hear what people think of this because I'm not even sure what I think of it.


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